Floppy

“-yeah, I’m just walking back from the store now. I’ll be home in like thirty minutes.”

My hair was soaked, bangs sticking to my forehead and cheeks. The jacket wasn’t exactly helping either, since my dumb ass didn’t decide to wear a hoodie or even bring an umbrella. Whatever, not like I had anywhere to go tomorrow.

“You went out in this rain?” Irisu said over the phone, worry in her voice.

I sighed. “Look, I needed to.”

“Vape juice again? How many bottles do you go through in a week?!” Irisu replied in a baffled tone, almost shouting.

I scoffed. Who did she think I was?

“Um… one? I was just totally out.”

“Fine… but don’t ditch me, okay? I’m looking forward to playing with you. I just want us to chill and talk about some stuff,” she replied.

“Mm,” I nodded. “I won’t just cancel on you like that.”

“I’ll drive over in thirty. S-see you, Mina.” Irisu’s voice trailed off.

I didn’t know why, but I began to feel a lump in my throat. Being tipsy always made me a little more sensitive than normal, but something in Irisu’s voice told me I had to be there for her, like she was struggling with something too. If it meant anything, at least I wasn’t going to be crying alone for long tonight.

Yet, I couldn’t help but shake the feeling that Irisu was planning to tell me something horrible. All the worst case scenarios were running through my head.

I don’t want to be your friend anymore.
You’re just too much.
I’m sick of dealing with you.
You’re a burden.
Just die, Mina.

Just die.
Just die.
Just die.
Just die.

I bit my lip in disgust at myself. I hated it even more that these thoughts felt logical. Whenever we’d meet up, I’d only ever talk about my streaming and the newest argument I’d have with Mom. I couldn’t tell you what was going on in Irisu’s life, because I’d only registered myself.

I’m such a horrible friend.

I took a deep breath and resolved that no matter what Irisu was going to tell me, I would apologize to her and try to make up for being so worthless. Had it not been so late, I’d have bought her an expensive gift, like a Switch 2 with Pokopia. Or maybe some gothic lolita shoes or sashes - I knew she liked all that stuff. Maybe some prestige jewelry. Maybe that unopened Nyx eyeshadow set I had somewhere in my drawer. Anything that’d convince her to keep me for just a little longer.

Throwing my wet phone into my tote bag, I decided to take shelter under the roof next to the entrance to my apartment building. Since I had filled the vape pod up at the store, I wagered it was probably ready to be used by now.

I inhaled the vapor, keeping it in my lungs for maybe two seconds before exhaling it in a sparse sweet-smelling cloud. Lychee ice flavor… my favorite.

I took my phone out, intending to text Irisu that I still had some snacks and alcohol, but I put it back. In small part because the screen was too wet for me to unlock it, but also because I really didn’t want to bother her while she was driving.

I inhaled and exhaled a few more clouds, staring at the road next to my building. Despite it being close to midnight, the city was still humming and glowing. At any time, people still had something to do. Between the orange street lights and the bright white fluorescents lighting up the entire parking lot, I felt like I was in a scene from some drama series. For some reason, it made me feel a little better at the moment.

…

…shit.

My room was still a mess.

Alright. No panic, no sweat. I’ll just tidy it up and throw whatever crap I have lying around into a bag and into my closet. Can’t have Irisu of all people thinking I’ve let myself go.

I continued to vape for a few more moments, staring at the cars passing by, listening in to some conversation my first-floor neighbors were having. Something about sports. Just background noise.

…

…

…I need to go.

I really need to go and clean my room, like right now.

A gust of wind howled in a large wave, blowing frigid raindrops my way. It got really, really cold. Felt like it was coming from under my clothes, though.

“...haaaa…choo!”

Bleh. I was going to catch a cold at this rate.

Right, enough.

I pocketed my vape and slowly turned toward the door to the stairwell, tapping my key fob as it beeped and the lock clicked open. I definitely still had enough time to make my place look acceptable. Maybe I’d even be able to decorate a bit before she’d arrive.

The heavy door shut behind me a little too loud, echoing throughout all the twelve floors. The motion-activated entrance light didn’t turn on, making the place almost pitch black, save for a sliver of dark blue coming in through the narrow door window.

The white noise of the rain and cars was barely audible anymore. I couldn’t even hear my neighbors talking. It was so quiet I could hear my heartbeat.

I turned my phone screen on to be able to see where I was going. The steep stairs were all wet and glistening, so I held onto the railing as I slowly made my way up as my entire vision was a dark, barely-comprehensible purple-orange field in front of me.

…

…

…

My breaths became shaky.

Calm down.

Take it slow.

I was still a bit drunk, and on top of that I was dizzy. Walking straight was a challenge, let alone thinking straight.

But…

I could have sworn someone was there with me.

I couldn’t see or hear them, though. Cliché as it may have been to think so, I could sense someone’s presence in the stairwell.

For some reason, I couldn’t explain it away.

All the neighbors were inside, none of them would let their pets out, and I definitely knew nobody had followed me in - I wasn’t even five meters away from the door yet.

Yet…

…it felt like that someone was right behind me.

I gave a slight turn, but all I saw were stairs and that same heavy door.

I gripped the handrail harder, attempting to climb quicker.

…but I heard it.

I heard whatever it was. I heard it move, or breathe, or shuffle.

I felt something brush up against the nape of my neck, even going through my hair.

Something warm.

Soft.

…

I heard something else. A fainter sound.

“...just gifted fifty subs! Everyone give a big thanks to…”

My voice. A clip from one of my streams.

In shock, I whipped my head behind myself to-

...

The handrail slipped from my hand.

Orange and purple flashed across the walls.

Wet concrete got closer and closer until-

Something hit me in the jaw, rattling my entire skull.

…

“eugh- ughhh…”
I coughed.
I spat out something salty.

“...fuck.” I muttered.

I fell.
I just fell.
It’s okay. It’s okay.
I’m alive. I’m okay.
It’s just a fall.
Just a stupid little fall.
Like that time I twisted my ankle in those stupid ice skates.
I’m alive. I’m okay.
Don’t cry.
I don’t wanna cry. I’m not going to cry.

I’m going to have to clean myself up, change, shower, and then get my room ready.

Trying to get up, I planted my palm onto the floor, but-

“Ah- fuck- ahhhhhh!”

I couldn’t control my voice.

I screamed as pain violently ripped through my entire arm.

But why? I could still move my fingers, yet-

…yet raising my right arm felt impossible.

Phone. Phone. Phone.

I crawled forward, pushing myself with my left hand.

Picking the phone up, I actually turned the flashlight on this time instead of using the screen as a light.

I pointed it at my right arm.

Bent. Bent the wrong way.
Twisted. Floppy.

Hurts. Hurts. Hurts hurts hurts hurts hurts hurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurstshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurstshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurstshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurtshurstshurts

“Ghh… fuck- oh shit- oh shit-”

I gasped, dropping the phone back down.

Don’t cry.
Don’t cry.
It’s ok-
It’s not okay.
It’s not.
This is awful.

I began to sob like a child.

“...thanks for the follow, pookie♡…”

What the fuck was I…

“...don’t forget to….”

What was I…

“...don’t forget to say hi to my friend Mina ♡”

What the fuck was I going to tell Irisu?