Letter 11

This is a letter written by Tacitus in 323 YBCE, detailing certain days he experienced in the Month of Julia, 334 YBCE / 420 EY; then called the Month of Blossoming, due to it being the beginning of Spring. In it, Tacitus recalls much: paperwork he reviewed, disputes he managed, requests and concerns from senators and citizens, showing just how much his job as Tribune was when there was no wartime. At the same time, he details meetings and combat training he held with his friends, still eager to keep in shape in spite of their position as high-ranking officers. It also, notably, recounts a meeting he had with Julia at lakeside, which was a firsthand confirmation of many of the legends associated with Julia’s past. The further details of that meeting, I will leave for Tacitus to elaborate.

- E. Celestina

By the time the Month of Blossoming came, I was swamped with managerial tasks so high I am certain it obscured the view of the rest of my office. I held the second-highest official position, and as such received much of the reports that had to be curated before presentation to the Princeps. While the officers below me did their part, considering Exetia’s size, there were still dozens of letters, requests, concerns, bills, and words from subordinate kingdoms and cities to read on a daily basis. Such cumulative, disorienting work should not have been granted to a sixteen-year-old, so I recall simply not doing it at all. I had hired trusted Thebians to read many papers I had been given and to summarize them accurately, one of which included Perseus. If those reading harbor reservations about corruption, there may very well be a point. Despite this, I recall the months after Augusta’s return being prosperous. After one year, I had become well-accustomed to reading them on my own.

At this time, the regulations that Augusta put into place to recompense the families of lost soldiers were finally fully executed. While it did place a higher taxation on the elites, which we no doubt heard an earful during Senatorial hearings and in private letters, this provided families with a pension equivalent to fifty percent of the soldier’s would-be career salary, as well as reduced education costs, exemption from certain taxation, and increased access to Lifeblood clinicians that were normally only available to upper-classmen. This, at least somewhat, calmed the grievances of bereaved families; helped only by the fact that the Princeps they blamed was also carrying the loss of her own loved one.

Aside from reviewing and issuing documentation, there were the weekly Senatorial hearings, where they reviewed the work of the high offices and advised them, though both I at the time and myself now believed this to be no more than bitter old men belittling our young minds. Though, with Augusta’s decree of sex equality, I had begun to see one or two, perhaps up to five women in the Senatorial council; though separated not from official segregation practices, but simply communal differences. This, Augusta was internally furious about; yet she also knew that raising her voice at those old crows would do nothing for their biases.

I recall growing tired of the bureaucracy and sought out Cassian and Marcus, delegated our positions to trusted junior officers for one week, and we left the imperial villas to make sure our bodies had not atrophied from months of sitting or shuffling in togas. We all drew weighted, blunt wood swords, and decided that our teachings at the Pedagogue Gardens had not exactly ended yet. Two of us would duel, while one would mediate. Though I fail to recall every step of our duels, I recall getting the better of Cassian six times out of ten, Marcus eight times out of ten, and Cassian and Marcus breaking even. If I were to ask Cassian now, however, he would certainly say that he had not given a single inch to either of us. This would repeat every day during our week break in the Blossoming Month, accompanied by ordinary drinking in the local taverns, and messing about with the sportings(1) that young men and women our age were partaking in the commons. While I do recall the fun, I also recount my regret.

The fifteenth day was Augusta’s birthday, to which all of Exeter was entitled to a city-wide celebration in honor of the Princeps. I remember her being embarrassed of the entire city indulging for the sake of her, but she nonetheless emerged at midday in ornate gowns, more elegant than the imperial stola of before, crowned in her golden laurels, and did not speak; only raised her glass as the crowds cheered. Perhaps she knew that the crowds needed not her words, only her actions and presence. The feasts were plentiful, with exotic foods as faraway as northern Hibernia. In the imperial house that evening, I recall taking a forkful of an animal called “elk”, which I had only ever seen the meat of during occasions such as this, and savoring its delicious flavor before offering it to Augusta. The face she had made after the bite belonged much more to Julia’s.

The evening after, when all of the dishes and the banquets were set away, I received a letter ordering me to meet the Princeps at Lake Augustin. Scathach(2) was full that evening, so traversing the night was no difficulty, and I found Augusta standing by the shores of Augustin. I could not tell, and still cannot tell, which part of that night was more breathtaking. Augusta ordered me to walk with her and to not speak, and she recounted the tales of her life. She first told me of a story when she could barely walk or babble, and how she had snatched life from a serpent before it could bite her. She then told me to look across the water, and to imagine a father and daughter attempting to fish upon the waters, and the daughter, precocious as she was, caught a fish without a spear and accidentally caused her father to fall into the lake. Then, she pointed my eyes upward, and we caught the sight of a cliffside overlooking the water. It was then that she said that her mother and she were arguing lately, for reasons that she did not extrapolate on, yet it urged her to come to this lake and look upon the cliffside. She had said that, a year before Augusta was born, Lady Alexandria once stood upon that cliff and nearly jumped, and only remained in this world because she thought that the end of suffering should come tomorrow, and not today.

I asked her why she had told me these events, and I recall the both of us at this point sitting rather than walking paces. Augusta admitted that she did not fully know, but that, if I was the voice that she chose to listen to, then perhaps the inverse was also true. I affirmed her. Afterwards, we simply watched the stars. At some point, we were lying down.

“I want to live, Tacitus,” she had told me. “My brothers never had the chance to live. My father could not live to the end with my mother, and my mother has suffered for far too long. Even if it seems as if I want to jump into hell every battle, it is not because I seek death in combat. I fight so that the fight may end on my terms. So that I may bring tomorrow, and keep living.”

When I turned my head to face her, I could only recall her face being just as beautiful as the words she had just spoken. In those fleeting seconds, I felt as if I really, honestly and fully knew her, for the first time in years.

“Then let us keep living, Julia.”

“Let’s. Like these stars, may we always shine.”

I wish that is where this day had ended. But, unfortunately, only moments after her sweet, empowering words, I had pushed things further than necessary. Even as I write this down, I cannot bear to admit what it was, though I promise it was nothing worthy of treason or capital punishment. Yet, it pushed Augusta away. I still know what she said as well as the tone of her voice with clarity. This, I will admit without censor.

“I cannot, Tacitus. I am so, so sorry. But where I am, and what I bear, it cannot be now. Perhaps if you wait, but waiting with you next to me must hurt, am I correct?”

After that day, we gradually spoke less and less. At the end of the Month of Blossoming, I received my coat at the door, and a notice that I was laterally transferred to the position of High Praetor, and reassigned to a city called Londinium as its overseer. My mind understood her decision, and commanded myself to take my leave. The burning of my chest understands none of it.

Footnotes:

1. "messing about with the sportings that young men and women our age were partaking in the commons...": Some Exetian sports included a proto-version of football, wrestling, and chariot racing, the latter of which children liked to emulate by riding around on pigs.

2. Scathach: The name of the Goddess of Shadow. Sometimes the name they used for the Moon, or Isle of Skye; connecting the goddess to the land that SHE personally resides.