Murasaki Misa

This had to be some twisted joke. This creepy mummy that looks like it wants to rip out my flesh and soul can't possibly be Misa.

"Um, sorry, was that your hallucinogenic powder we took? You can have it back please don't-"

"Rarrrgh..."

"EEEEP!"

Vrrr!

I pulled out my phone again.

"'I can't speak properly because of this cursed state. However, I'm fully sane and in control, just... ugly'... Ngh, so you really are Misa?" I trembled.

"YES!" she replied via text.

"Wait! You were trapped and needed to be saved! Oh, did everyone save you!?"

Misa stared silently at me before tapping away on her phone. "What are you talking about?"

"You know, Olga and Tilda-"

"RARRRRGH!"

"EEP! WHAT'S WRONG!?"

"'Olga and Tilda are the ones that abandoned me... back in South America'... HUH!?"

I quickly spun around, and much to my horror, Tilda was sporting an unsettling grin while Olga... Eh, she always looks pissed off...

"Well damn, girl. You really did crawl out of a crypt. Sucks you look and sound so hideous. Hotness is gone. But hey, your cute twin here provided some nice squeals for my fantasies," Tilda snickered.

Vrrr!

I trembled as I read Misa's latest message. "'Why did you have Miho dress as me'?"

"Simple, to plummet your reputation so you lose all credibility and we can get to all the artifacts with no resistance."

"Um, Misa, what's going on?" I nervously smiled.

"They're bad actors," Misa typed.

... ... Hmm, they did kidnap me at the start, tie me up and gag me, torture me, trick me, oh yeah, those suits were also getting feisty with me... ...

"I'm gonna go home, fellas."

"I'm afraid not," Olga glared as she pulled out a gun.

"Oi, Miss strict n' scary, are you seriously telling me you were fine with having me pose as Misa just to drive you nuts by somehow not failing completely?" I groaned.

"Our orders were to track you down and eliminate you, but Tilda here cooked up the idea to make you roleplay as Misa because... BECAUSE OF HER DAMN LIBIDO!"

"Hey, she did a great job arousing me. Besides, she's Misa's twin, so even if we announced Misa got offed, anyone that's seen her would think we're covering shit up, and then we're under the microscope. But if we exposed Misa as one of those "looks perfect, but actually an idiot failing upward" types, the academics do all the hard work in tearing apart Misa for us and ensuring she's stuck living a NEET life like Miho," Tilda snickered.

Oh, I'm the training dummy for this, huh!?

"Rarrrgh," Misa groaned as she held up her phone screen.

"Ngh... Olga, can you read that shit?" Tilda scowled as she squinted as hard as she could.

"Go up and read it," Olga glared.

"Um, she might take me hostage?"

"And?"

"You'd blast us both?"

Olga clicked her tongue and slowly inched closer and closer to Misa while keeping her gun pointed at her.

"So what's it say?" Tilda growled.

"It says... 'Got your wig'? ...!?"

Olga instantly spun around, but as she did, Misa reached for her hair and yanked it off revealing... a bald head. Olga's eyes bulged as she immediately froze in place.

"Nice thinking. Still got that sharp mind that makes me horny," Tilda whistled.

"Um, what's happening-"

"OOOOOOOWOOOOOOOOOOO!"

I recoiled in cringe and shock as Olga let out an uncharacteristic squeal.

"Dommy queen, Oothie's here to cuddies!" Olga cheered as she pounced on Tilda, pinning her to the ground.

"Ah, don't dominate me- Mmph," Tilda grinned as Olga shut her up with a kiss to the lips.

"Rarrgh," Misa growled as she grabbed me by the wrist and began running.

I decided to just wait until we stopped running to ask her what the heck was going on. Last thing I want to do is drop my phone as we try to escape.

...

Misa stared silently at the state of my place.

"Uh, I got kidnapped, so I couldn't clean," I chuckled.

"I hate to say it, but right now, I'm in a far filthier state than your pigsty of an abode," Misa typed.

Yeah, it really is her.

"So, what exactly happened?" I asked.

Misa slowly held up a gold pendant. "This is the Pendant of Fog, the artifact I was chasing down. Upon grabbing it, I found myself being strangled by a mummy and then wrapped up bandages until I myself was suddenly a decayed horror show," Misa typed. "As for Tilda and Olga, they were the ones that first informed me of this treasure, but deliberately left out the side effects of touching it. Now, until I can find the artifact that reverses the curse, I'm stuck like this."

"How'd you get back from South America?"

"Cargo hold... At least this body doesn't feel discomfort aside from, you know, my throat's decayed so I can't talk and I feel so horrible I can't focus on other types of pain... Since I'm typing this out, I'll say this in non-incriminating legal terms; Olga and Tilda are going to pay for doing this to me, DEARLY!"

My knees began to wobble, even though it was just words on a screen. When Misa gets mad, she gets mad!

"Who exactly are they?" I asked.

"Tilda's an infamous underworld dealer in all sorts of things. Drugs, art, people, even weapons if she manages to get her hands on some. She's also madly in love with me, but naturally, it's one-sided," Misa typed.

"Are you into girls?"

"No."

"Just thought I'd ask... Ahem, continue."

"Olga's one of her henchwomen, however, I didn't realize the fact due to her flawless disguise."

"The wig?"

"Yes, Olga's bald and normally a submissive loon, but I guess Tilda was successful in granting her a split personality. It was in her serious state that Olga approached me and escorted me to the ruins. I only realized it all after the trap had been sprung and I was left to crawl out of the hole by myself with no rope."

"That's rare. You're perfect."

"It goes to show how great Tilda's play was. I hate the woman with every fiber of my being, but that doesn't deny the fact she did notch a win against me. Now, inform me of what you did while posing as me."

I gulped and recounted everything.

"I see... Passable... However, you'll need to imitate me better," Misa typed.

"Huh?"

"Um, I'm a mummy? If we want to turn me back to normal, we'll need to find a certain artifact. And thanks to Tilda's plan, you're stuck posing as me until that happens."

I began to tremble. "Can't I just relax-"

"No. Miho, I want my life back, so don't you dare mess it up for me. But now, at least you'll have me assisting you to ensure you don't read Dean Hagemama's speech again."

"Wait, his name is seriously "Hagemama"?"

"Don't mock it, EVER!"

"Y- Yes ma'am."

And so, I'm now Murasaki Misa, girlsuccess, except I'm a girlfailure with no IQ and nerves of pudding. Ugh, that stupid treasure better be close, because I hate having to pose as Misa.

[End]