Chapter 2

I let the ship’s computer handle the radio traffic and departure vectors as Rusty’s core came to life, filling the hull with a low vibration that reverberated through the cockpit. Vivy sat in the copilot seat to my right, curiously watching the flashing consoles flicker to life, fed by the current generated by the ship’s core. Even if it was years since I’d flown with someone, her presence felt as natural as any other part of the ship, and I had to remind myself that we’d only just met.

Did we really only meet today?

I didn’t have time to dwell on the question. Did it even matter…? I released the docking clamps that held us to the station and let Rusty drift to a safe distance before pushing the throttle forward into takeoff position, bringing the massive Evett-Packard twin-engine to full capacity and pushing our ship into the pre-programmed trajectory.

I turned on the autopilot and leaned back into my seat. Nowadays, most of the flying was automatic, and even my outdated UT didn’t require much of my attention. Even long before the war, the main role of the pilot had been reduced to serving as a backup in case of some critical failure of the ship’s computers or to take manual control in those rare circumstances when the ship couldn’t handle some unexpected situation.

“You see, it’s not that difficult.”

I turned to her and smiled, seeing her dreamstone resting on her chest, an emerald gem against the bright orange background of her jumpsuit. It matched the colour of her eyes.

I wondered what mine would look like. Would it match the soft blue colour of my eyes, as hers did?

“Why did you become a pilot? It must be lonely out there,” she asked, watching out of the opaque window at the endless void of space stretching out before us.

“A job like any…”

I tried to shrug off her question. I’d flown Rusty for so long I almost couldn’t remember doing anything else, but why…?

Why did I become a pilot…..? I couldn’t remember….

She seemed unbothered by my dismissive answer and only smiled, swirling her dream stone in her hand as I gave the flickering instruments one last glance and unbuckled my harness, letting my body sink into the hard, worn-out seat.

I squeezed myself into the tiny shower compartment in my cabin, fiddling with the door before I finally managed to shut it close. Water was precious in space, and the old door tended to leak no matter how many times I’d tried to fix it or replace the seal. The pastel blue dreamstone rested on my chest. It was heavy, just as I remembered it to be, but it gave me a strange sense of comfort, quenching the longing I’d felt for such a long time, even if I’d only realised it when Vivy put the silver chain around my neck, telling me it was mine and she’d only safekept it until we met again.

I’d had no reason to refuse her gift. Maybe it was her way to thank me for the jumpsuit I’d given her. Some people hated being in debt, even if the gift was well-meant. Maybe it was some strange custom that came from the core worlds, and she would give one to anyone she met? No, it somehow didn’t feel right… I turned on the tap and let the warm water fall over my long black hair. Since when had it grown so long? I was sure I had cut it recently, always trying to keep it short to save water and avoid the hassle of stuffing it into the helmet whenever I needed to put on my EVA suit.

Once I had long hair, just like this… But when...?

A strange feeling that didn’t belong to any place or time I could place it suddenly filled my mind, and I leaned my forehead against the cold wall of the shower compartment, letting my dreamstone dangle on the smooth silver chain around my neck as warm water kept pouring over my back from the small outlet in the ceiling.

Why couldn't I remember it…?

I only opened my eyes when the automatic timer cut off the water, and the loud buzz of the dryer blowing warm air into the compartment filled my ears. I blinked. How long had I stayed here? I turned to the vent on the wall and dried my wet hair as warm air slowly filled the compartment, evaporating the droplets from my bare skin. I opened the door and stepped into a puddle that was slowly making its way between the boxes littering the floor of my cabin, and I sighed. It was leaking again. I glanced at the door, wondering where the problem was. The seal still looked new, so it couldn’t have caused the issue. I reached for the control panel above my bed and turned the aircon to full capacity, letting it deal with the wet floor, then dressed, pulling my bright orange jumpsuit directly over my undergarments. I was used to its rough texture against my bare skin and found it strangely comforting ever since I got Rusty and started flying alone.

But how did I get her…? And how did I become a pilot…?

I couldn’t remember, but part of me seemed unable to let go of the question. My dreamstone still rested on my chest, and I wondered whether to zip my suit over it, letting it touch my bare skin as Vivy did, or to let it rest over it so I could admire the bright sparkles of light dancing on its smooth, blue surface. I smiled at the thought as I gently dangled it, curious if it would catch more light hanging freely from my hand.

“Be careful what you wish to dream…”

Vivy smiled, watching me through the open door. I looked at her, surprised. How long had she been standing there? It somehow made me smile, even though part of me wanted to be annoyed by the intrusion. I quickly let go of my dreamstone and zipped up my suit over it before walking over to her.

“Do you need something?” I asked, wondering why she’d come.

She shook her head and leaned against the door frame, her emerald eyes staring at my chest.

“I’m happy you reconnected with it so quickly.”

She smiled and laid her hand on my chest. I stepped back and looked at her, confused.

“Don’t you remember?” she asked, and her voice reignited the strange longing spreading through my chest.

“I don’t…”

I looked away, trying to hide my flushed face as the soft tingling emanating from my dreamstone spread through my body.

“It will take time to reconnect with the Dream,” she tried to reassure me, and I found strange comfort in her words even if they didn’t make any sense.

"What...does it mean?” I whispered.

Her face looked so familiar. I must have seen it before… But when?

“Try not to think about it too much.”

She smiled and took my hand before I could object, and I felt a strange calmness and familiarity as our hands clasped.

“Show me how this ship works,” she said, and I somehow knew she did it just for me. She always hated all of this technical stuff that had fascinated me for as long as I could remember.

Was that why I became a pilot…?

The familiarity of the cockpit put my mind at ease, and I was happy to go through the motions once again as I explained to Vivy how to read the basic instruments. She sat on the armrest of my seat and pretended to follow my words, but I knew that she neither cared about nor understood what I said. She had always been like that… It somehow didn't matter, and her company made me happy, so I tried to push away the nagging voice reminding me that it was my responsibility to teach her well enough to pass her N-2. N-2… I snapped out and looked at her, and the pendant she’d been swivelling in her hand as she listened to me stopped.

“Relax, it’s okay…”

She smiled, putting her hand on my shoulder. Even through the insulation of my suit, her hand felt warm and comforting.

“Who are you…?” I whispered without looking at her, preferring to take solace in the flashing consoles that lined my seat.

“You still don’t remember?”

“No…”

I shook my head as strange images of places I couldn’t fit into any space or time flashed in my mind.

“Somehow… we used to be together… somewhere… a long time ago…” I said without thinking, trying to make sense of the fragments of shattered visions that floated before my eyes.

She leaned into me and kissed my hair just like in those images that flooded my mind, filling my heart with a strange longing I didn’t have a name for.

“What happened…?” I asked.

“You lost your dream.”

“My dream?” I asked, watching her emerald eyes, and she nodded.

“It took me a long time to find you. I’m sorry,” she said, and a wave of sadness swept across her face.

I wanted to ask her what she meant, but the alarm flashed on the main console, announcing that we were reaching our designated entry point. The light dimmed for a second before completely fading, leaving the cockpit illuminated only by the LED lights and the holographic display of the FTL console as the ship’s systems pulled all the available power into the Hawking drive that slowly woke from its slumber, filling the ship with a low hum of spinning turbines.

“Entry minus 5 minutes, core stable, all systems green, power output 87%,” I said without thinking, carefully scanning the instruments, a habit that had stayed with me for as long as I could remember, even if there was no one through all those years that would hear my words, and the ship's computer didn’t care about it at all. But if anything went wrong during a flight, it was always during entry into FTL, and part of me believed that those simple words would somehow protect me on my voyage.

“Take us home,” Vivy said softly and pressed her hand against my chest before taking her seat and strapping on, just as I’d shown her. Her touch stayed with me, reigniting the tingling sensation emanating from my dreamstone resting against my chest.

With a sudden jolt, Rusty entered FTL, pulled into the bubble lying beyond space and time by the powerful turbines of the Hawking drive, and the colourful visions that always came with an undampened jump flashed before my eyes. Normally, they lasted just a few seconds, so not many independent pilots bothered to install the fuel-hungry dampeners that nullified the effect, and I wasn't an exception. They may last only a few seconds according to the ship’s computer, but when they flooded your senses, things such as time lost all their relevance.

“Do you remember now?”

Vivy’s voice echoed through the kaleidoscope of fractals filling my vision, shifting their colour and brightness with every syllable she spoke. Her words stirred something in me, and I instinctively reached for my dreamstone gently pulsating on my chest. Its warm, soft surface felt strangely comforting in my palm.

“I… I do..." I managed to whisper as the memories of who I once was filled my mind, making me complete once more. “I do remember.”

I watched her deep emerald eyes and reached out to her.

“I missed you.”

“I missed you too,” she whispered and took my hand.