Quiet Compassion

The nurse, dressed in a pretty stark white dress with a matching hat placed a tray of food above my legs and sat on the left side of the bed; there was a small chair for visitors, but she had the task of making sure I finished my meal. Before me was a small covered lacquered bowl with miso soup, spicy tofu in a white bowl, around its edges delicate black flowers seemed to hang out and almost spill from the top. There were two metal dishes with salads and in between both plates, a brown plastic tumbler full of barley tea. For dessert I was given a small container of red, probably cherry flavored, gelatin. It was overwhelming too look at all that food, it would be impossible for me to finish everything on this plate. I slowly looked up at the nurse who was sitting quite poised upon the chair, looking not at me which something I was grateful for, her consideration allowed me to conceal my embarrassment, but at the entrance door which was white like the walls of my room. 
     As the doctor walked in she moved the tray aside to a small table that stood by the head of my bed. She bowed to him, he thanked her and she quietly made her way around my bed and walked out. I didn't even hear as she slid the doors behind, but just stared at the doctor as he skimmed through his clipboard, I could tell he was looking for my page with my personal information on it. He apologized and told me could not speak English, but I responded in Japanese by telling him that it was fine, I had not trouble understanding him at all. 
     I had a nutrient deficiency and had chronic fatigue and due to this I fainted. He asked me what was the reason for me not eating or resting properly, and all I could do was stare at him in silence. He held my eyes with his firm ones and in response I averted my gaze to the side, I felt my face warming and the heat was spreading from the tips of my ears to the bottom of my neck. He sat down on the chair, in the same position as the nurse, he placed a hand on the edge of the bed and with a gentle voice urged me to talk, he said he was worried for my health. In that moment, I felt warm tears silently slide down my cheeks and one after the other they dripped of my chin. Without looking up at him I told him how lonely I was here. I loved being in Japan, the temples, the beautiful parks and the shops, how I was happy to wake up everyday in with such glorious sights. But I couldn't connect with anyone, there was no one to share any these moments with, and every time I ate I couldn't help but imagine my mother next to me. And because it was too painful for me overcome these feelings, I just avoided eating as much as possible. Before I came to Japan, my mother and I were inseparable, each morning we had breakfast together and once a week we would go out to eat at different restaurants.  She was very old, she had me in her early 40s, and so I never wanted to leave her alone. She was the one who urged me to accept the offer and come to Japan, and not until I was overseas did she tell me was sick. She wasn't dying yet, but the distance  created a hole in my chest, I was too far away to see her and I was under contract. Not until 3 years would I be able to leave Japan, but where is the calmness in that? What if I lost her before then? 
He put his hand upon mine, and I couldn't help but feel shocked at the kind, but forward gesture. It isn't too common, these open gestures of affection, and yet here was this doctor consoling me. In his warm hand I felt his understanding and sympathy. As I wiped my tears with the backs of my hands, he reached for the tray and said he would stay with me as I ate. I was only able to half, I left the gelatin unwrapped, but he urged me no more. The doctor got up, thanked me and said I would remain hospitalized for a week to make sure I was in a healthy state before being discharged. That night a kind of peace enveloped my body as a blanket and I was able to sleep, I felt I was back home in my tiny room, dreaming of my high school days.   The next morning the pretty nurse from yesterday told me I had visitor, she asked for my permission to which I consented for I was curious as to who was coming. She went out and a couple of minutes later he came in. In his arms was bouquet of roses, which I hated, but how could he know, after all I didn't even know his name. And yet I felt comfort within my heart at the kind stranger.