The bell rang, indicating the end of the school day. I quickly grabbed my books and stuffed them in my bag. I wanted to get out quickly, so I shuffled across the classroom with my head down. I was first out of the door, per usual for me. I shuffled down the hallway and out of the school building. My effort to leave quickly was stifled.
Immediately outside the school building, they were there. They must have skipped class; it was the only way they would be able to get there before me. There were four of them. Two seniors of mine and their waifus. They sneered at me.
"Hey, look he thought he could get away!" one of the guys scoffed. The other grabbed me by my shirt and lifted me in the air. I can't say it was comfortable, but there was nothing I could do but let my feet limply dangle as their F tier waifus giggled and goaded them on.
"You know the deal, trash like you without a waifu needs to pay up." The one lifting my shirt claimed. I looked away and produced some cash from my pocket. The second guy chuckled and pulled it from my hand, and I was promptly thrown on the ground. They quickly flipped through the bills.
"Is this all? You can't even pay up correctly?" They spat at me and walked away.
I got off the ground and brushed myself off. There were some people outside at this point watching the scene. I turned away from the crowd and brushed my shirt off. I had to get to work and couldn't let myself be bothered by the actions of a couple of my seniors that I didn't even know the names of. I walked off the school grounds.
I suppose I should explain that exchange as I get ready for work. In this world, the "waifu" became a reality. Supposedly some lonely, mad scientist brought them to life one day. That is the story at least, it was too long ago for anyone alive to know for sure. I really didn't care all that much, so it didn't matter to me.
The result of the creation of the waifu led to a shift in culture. People began to claim waifus as their own. The waifus would partner with someone and act as sort of a maid or adopted child for their families. Not too long after people began claiming waifus, people began classifying the waifus into different tiers.
They were broken up into three categories at first. Initial Popularity, Staying Power, and Memeability. Those three categories were given letter ranks S, A, B, C, D, E, and F. When combined they would give a waifu's overall tier. In a short time after the classifications were created, the waifu's tier became synonymous with status in society. Those that claimed a waifu benefited from this new system. People, of course, were quick to complain about this, so two new tiers were added to the overall ranks, The Wars Combat and War's Non-combat tiers. And so, the Waifu Wars was created as a sort of sports competition for waifus to move up in the ranks.
I guess I should also mention that husbandos were created as well.
That whole explanation actually took up my getting ready for work and my whole shift. It wasn't a glamorous job, just a shift at the convenience store. Frankly, I just needed to make the money to pay for my apartment's rent. I had to cover payments on my own, and I didn't get any special waifu discounts as I lacked a waifu of my own.
My parents did originally have a waifu. She was a D tier at the time and was quickly rising in the ranks to become a sound C or even B tier. Unfortunately, that was where things were to go wrong. One day, a man with an S tier waifu came by. I don't know much of the details, but a few months later my mother and our waifu left to go with him. The sudden loss of our waifu plunged our status as low as it could go. We were forced to move to a dingy apartment among many other problems.
Our dad didn't give up, or so he claimed to us. One day in the middle of the night I caught him heading out in a suit. He told me he was going to find a new waifu and would be back before I knew it. That was about 4 years ago. After he left, I decided I wanted nothing to do with waifus anymore. I would survive on my own!
I sighed as I walked out of the back door of the convenience store. I did not like having to reminisce all this, it only made the work shift worse. I pulled a bag of trash with me. My last duty of the day was to take out the trash with me and throw it in the dumpster as I left. Today was no different, and I tossed the bag in the dumpster as I walked by without slowing down. I stopped today, however, since an audible "Ow" came from inside the dumpster.
I stood there for a moment. Do I walk over and look into it? Couldn't it just be a cat? No, cats don't say 'Ow'.
I slowly turned around. A head popped up from within the dumpster. It was a girl. No, a waifu. No, a girl? I couldn't tell from where I stood. She rubbed her head as she looked around the area before looking directly at me.
"Ah, you!" she yelled.
In what, I expect, was a single leap, she flew out of the dumpster. She soared above the convenience store and did several flips in the air before landing in a kneeled position in front of me with her arms up. She jumped up and embraced me with a hug.
"Ah, who are you?" I pushed her off and took a step back.
How to describe this girl? She looked like a waifu, but I don't know any waifus that hang out in dumpsters. Her clothing... it was something else. She wore a single piece, short dress. The bottom half, from below her chest, appeared to be made out of many different wrappers that had been stitched together to look like what one would expect from a frilly dress. The wrapper's colors were arranged so that the bottom half had different layers of colors going down in white, green, and red. The top half looked like it was made from black garbage bags cut into a large open neck style. The sleeves were short and only covered her shoulders. A green recycle symbol was the only other color on the top, placed on the left side of her chest. On her legs, she wore what looked like white trash bags as long thigh-high socks and her shoes looked like they were made from red plastic containers that had been cut and glued into the shape of sneakers. She had long green hair that was tied into a ponytail on the right side of her head. It was held in place by what appeared to be an overly large, white bread clip.
She looked at me with large, creamy-green eyes that had irises which looked like trashcans and tilted her head to one side. Despite coming from the dumpster, she looked very clean, and I didn't smell anything vile. In fact, her hair shined with a look like it had just been cleaned. I took a deep breath to get my composure. She gave me a wide smile.
"Ah, good to meet you!" she said in a happy voice. The pitch of her voice was something I only would expect to hear from a waifu.
"Who are you?" I repeated. She crossed her arms and smiled. She gave a small chuckle before responding.
"I'm your new waifu! You may call me Trash-Chan!" she loudly declared while putting her hands on her hips.
Great, a waifu with a few screws loose. I looked around to make sure no one was watching this whole display. There was no one around. That was a relief.
"Okay, nice to meet you." I waved and began to walk away.
"Wait, Main-Kun, don't go," she suddenly yelled. She grabbed one of my arms and pulled me back. I stopped and turned around.
"What did you call me?" I asked in a confused voice. She chuckled.
"Main-Kun, because you're the main character," Trash-Chan declared confidently. I sighed. This girl thought I was some kind of important person by the sound of it.
"Look, I'm just a normal guy. You'd be better off partnering with someone else."
I really had no interest in a waifu. This one especially seemed like nothing but trouble. I turned to walk away again.
"Wait!" she cried out to me. I didn't answer and kept walking. Before I could get that far away, she suddenly came sliding in front of me. I stopped and jumped back. She was quick, at least.
"I have no interest in a waifu," I told her firmly.
"Even if having a waifu would make your life easier?"
"I don't need an easy life. I'm going to thrive by my hard work and not by the aid of some waifu!" I proudly declared.
"Hmm. You seem like you could do it, Main-Kun, but I'm still your new waifu," she said with a smile.
"Look, I can introduce you to some other guys without waifus if you really want to be someone's waifu." She didn't seem to want to give up.
"Arg, your stubborn!" she suddenly yelled. She folded her arms and closed her eyes. Her brow furrowed as if she was thinking deeply. I probably should just leave while she was deep in thought. "Don't you think about leaving," she said before I could move. Was she some kind of mind reader? Some waifus could do that, so it wasn't outside the realm of possibility.
After an awkward moment of silence, she sighed. She opened her eyes and walked really close to me, looking directly into my own eyes. She was shorter than me, so she had to glare up at me. I averted my gaze from her intense stare.
"Look... I...," I started to say.
"Alright, I wasn't supposed to tell you until the time was right. You leave me no choice but to tell you now. Your father sent me to be your waifu."
"My...," I tried to talk, but couldn't. I hadn't heard from my father in the last 4 years.
"Yes," she said in a serious tone. I broke out in a laugh and stepped back. I laughed for about a minute before taking a couple of deep breaths to stop.
"I- I haven't heard from my deadbeat old man in years, and now you're telling me he sent you to be my waifu!"
"Hey, don't laugh! I was told to wait until the right time to tell you that!" she yelled at me.
"Okay. Okay. So, did he give you any kind of message?" I said after stopping my laughter. She bit her lower lip before responding.
"I really was only supposed to tell you this when the time was right. Your father left me this message," she cleared her throat and started to speak in a deeper voice that must have been an imitation of my fathers, "Son, I have traveled into the depths of waifus, and I have made an unfortunate discovery. I'm afraid I won't be able to get back to you two any time soon. I'm sending you Trash-Chan to help you. You must use her to get to the top of the Waifu Wars, only then will we be able to meet again. Or something like that, tee-hee." Trash-Chan dropped her imitation voice for the last sentence.
"Or something like that? Don't you have any more information?"
"Well, I think he said more, but I don't have the best memory." She stuck her tongue out, winked, and lightly tapped her head with her fist.
"I can't believe this, he hasn't contacted me for years and the best he can do is send some forgettable waifu," I grumbled out loud.
"So now you see, you can try to get rid of me, but I'll just follow you home anyway," Trash-Chan happily declared.
I sighed. If this girl was really sent by my father, I technically shouldn't just try to get rid of her. Even if he hadn't spoken to me in years, he left suddenly with no concern for us, and the best he could do to make amends was to send some forgettable trash waifu to me.... I at least could let her stay at the apartment until I found her somewhere else to stay. I had no desire to compete in the Waifu Wars, however.
"I guess, "I didn't get a chance to finish. Trash-Chan swiped my phone from my pocket and held it like she was taking a photo of herself. She held up a peace sign with her free hand and smiled. I snatched the phone from her and looked at the screen. She had pulled up the waifu app and scanned herself.
"There are all my stats!" she said with a thumbs up.
I sighed and looked down at the stats. 'Trash-Chan' it said in large letters with the large letter 'T' under her ranking.
"T-tier?" I had never seen such a tier, as far as I knew, the lowest tier was F. Did this mean she was worse than F tier?
"Yep, T for Trash tier," she said with a smile while putting her hands confidently on her hips. I put the phone away and began to walk.
"Let's just go," was all I muttered.
"Hey, wait! Aren't you going to look at the rest of my stats?" she yelled as she chased after me.
The walk home was something else. I had gone down these streets many times, but this was the first time I got so many looks on my trip. Trash-Chan happily skipped next to me as we went along. She was the one drawing the attention, but she was completely oblivious to it.
I was happy when we finally reached my apartment. We ascended the steps, and I opened the door.
"I'm home," I yelled.
"Welcome back!" a shout came from the apartment.
I suppose I haven't mentioned it yet, but I have a younger sister. She was a sometimes-sweet girl that was in her final years of junior high.
She turned around from the stove to look at me. Our apartment was only a small single room with a wall that functioned somewhat like a kitchen that was opposite the doorway. My sister was holding a ladle but immediately dropped it upon seeing us. Or rather, she dropped it upon seeing Trash-Chan.
"Big brother! You finally brought home a waifu!" Tears ran down her eyes as she ran over to us. She gave Trash-Chan a big hug. "I was starting to think you were a lost cause!" she cried while hugging Trash-Chan. Did she really think like that? It felt like a sword stabbed me in my back.
"Oh, you must be Sister-Sama, it's a pleasure to meet you!" Trash-Chan said happily.
"Oh, thank you. I know my brother can be difficult, and a little grumpy, and generally in a foul mood, but I hope you will stay his waifu for a long time!" my sister said through joyful tears.
I think a couple more swords stabbed me, or at least it felt like it. I shook the feeling off. I had something else I needed to address.
"Why is it you address me with kun, but my sister with sama?"
"Oh, it just feels right that way," she said with a smile."
"But, if your..."
"Brother. You finally got a waifu. You mustn't complain. You really have to take what you can get," my dear sister said firmly while pointing in my direction. I sighed.
"Look, sister, I don't think you quite understand. She's not-"
"So, will you be competing in the Waifu Wars?" my sister cut me off."
"Of course, I'll be getting to the very top in no time!" Trash-Chan declared.
"Oh wow." My sister went right along with Trash-Chan. I sighed.
"Big brother, I wish you the best in winning the wars." My sister gave me a determined look. It was mixed with a smile that showed how happy she was. I looked around the apartment. It was a small box of a room. There was one door to the bathroom if you could call it that, and another small door for a closet. We had no window, and the walls were beginning to peel. I looked back at my determined, proud sister.
I would be going along with whatever plan my Dad had come up with and I would be going against my own wishes to get by in life without a waifu, but I couldn't say no to that face. She had worn a frown for the last four years since my deadbeat father left us. This was the first time in a long time I had seen such a look from her.
"We... we are only competing in one war as a trial...," I said while looking at the floor."
"I can't wait," my sister happily skipped back over to the stove and resumed cooking.
And so, the day of the war came upon us. My sister and I, dressed in our school uniforms, strolled into the stadium with Trash-Chan, dressed in the same getup I had met her in.
We took Trash-Chan to the sign-in desk. They gave her a small microphone and listening piece, which she put into her ear. I was also handed a similar device and event tablet. With that, Trash-Chan happily waved goodbye and walked to the waiting room. My sister and I went to our pod.
Stadiums for the Waifu Wars were built in a similar manner to Roman Colosseums. There was a central area for the wars to take place in, which was surrounded by a ring of open seats. Above the seats was what was referred to as the pods, small rooms that overlooked the arena. They had a tv inside that showed the action up close and several seats. The pods were given to people who had competing waifus. The comfort level of the pod was determined by the rank of the competing waifu. Since Trash-Chan was T-tier, there was a considerable amount of confusion. Apparently, the event coordinators had never seen that tier as well. They settled on giving us an F-tier pod.
We entered the pod and sat down. The pod was hardly a pod at all, it was more of a small balcony that overlooked the arena with a small box tv sitting on a rickety table. Two fold-up chairs had been set out for us to sit in. I sat down in the chair closest to the tv and a large dial for the picture to come on. The image came in, but it was staticky. I smacked the box a couple of times on its side until the image cleared up. The tv was an old black and white variety. I imagine S tier waifu pods had HD televisions.
There was already a battle taking place in the arena. A cooking battle between two waifus from the same source. One with long blonde hair and the other with short white hair. I turned away from the event and switched on my event tablet. It automatically logged into my account. Trash-Chan's profile appeared on it. Popularity was T-tier. Staying Power was T-tier. Memeability was T-tier. Wars Combat and Non-combat were both T-tier. I suspected as much, but it didn't help my confidence seeing it right in front of me.
The previous event ended and the waifus left the arena. The cooking area on the stage dropped down into the floor. The event was starting for Trash-Chan. I had planned on signing her up for a non-combat event, but she insisted that she was able to fight. So, I gave up and signed her up for a combat event. The event was a simple fight. The waifus would compete until there was a knockout or one declared they lost. It was a random pool, so we could be up against any tier of waifu. I was hoping we would get lucky and be up against an F tier. They were the most common type of waifu, after all.
The event started with the announcer's booming voice.
"And for our next event, we have a simple one on one battle, standard rules. Our participants are coming into the field now. On one side we have a newcomer, Trash-Chan!" The crowd didn't cheer when Trash-Chan walked onto the field. They only muttered to themselves in confusion.
"Trash-Chan, can you hear me?" I asked over the microphone.
"Roger, I hear you, over" she answered. I thought about making a comment, but I just let it slide.
"And on the next side, we have... uh... I'm sorry folks but I don't know who that is..." The announcer continued to introduce the combatants but was unable to introduce the second waifu. His voice trailed off at the end as he must have really been confused. I turned to look at the waifu that had just entered. She was a blue-haired waifu with what appeared to be a red maid outfit on. She happily smiled and waved to the crowd. Something was not right. We should be able to know who we were up against.
I pulled up our opponent on my tablet. Sure enough, there was her picture. But her name was replaced with three question marks, her tier was question marks, everything on her profile was question marks. What was this? A waifu's profile was considered to be public for any competition. It was the job for me to read through her profile and aid my waifu as she fought. Yet, this waifu had nothing but question marks.
"Trash-Chan, I'm not sure who that is, and I only see question marks. Try to stall for time while I figure something out."
"Roger, I'll hold my ground," she responded. Why does she keep saying roger?
The bell for the battle sounded with a loud clang. In an instant, the blue-haired waifu charged at Trash-Chan with two flails in each hand. She spun them and smashed them into the ground where Trash-Chan had just stood. The trash-tier waifu barely managed to avoid the attack. Trash-Chan continued to leap out of the way from the other waifu's attacks.
I frantically went through the blue-haired waifu's profile. She had nothing. Just question mark after question mark. Who was this? I couldn't give any direction to Trash-Chan at this rate. What was going on?
"Big Brother, is something wrong?" my sister asked.
"This waifu's profile is a mystery, I can't get any information," I said while going through the profile.
"Hey, Main-Kun, Dodging may be nice, but I can't keep this up forever," Trash-Chan said over the microphone.
"I know, try going on the offensive, if you can." I kept swiping through the profile.
On the field, Trash-Chan produced a long ribbon that appeared to be a bunch of wrappers sewn together. She spun it around in the air over her head. The blue waifu swung her flail at Trash-Chan. The flail was caught in Trash-Chan's ribbon before it could make contact with her. She tugged on the ribbon and pulled the flail out of the waifu's hand. It flew across the field behind her and made a loud crash as it contacted the ground.
"Wow, it was that heavy, I'm glad I didn't let it hit me," Trash-Chan commented. The blue waifu swung her second flail at Trash-Chan. She dodged it by jumping back.
I clicked on the Memeability tab in the waifu's profile. It was filled with question marks like the rest, save for two words. 'Who's this?' was written on one line.
"That's what I would like to know!" I shouted and threw the tablet down.
It was clear that there were memes about this waifu that focused on not knowing who she was. That had translated into the wars as hiding her stats and name from everyone else. I had no idea about her combat prowess or anything else for that matter. I guess this was what I got, for not keeping up with the waifu memes. I could hardly help Trash-Chan at this rate.
"Big Brother?" my sister said with a concerned voice.
"Trash-Chan, can you hear me?" I said loudly.
"Loud and clear, you don't need to shout."
"This waifu has some meme that is protecting her identity. I'll just relay my observations and you'll have to work with that."
"Roger, that will be good enough." I stood up and stood by the edge of the balcony. The blue hair waifu swung her flail at Trash-Chan again. Trash-Chan dodged it. The swing was not as far from the waifu's body and not as aggressive as it had been before.
"I think she's being cautious now that you pulled one flail away from her. She won't let you take the second so easily. No matter what, don't let her get close to the one on the ground.
Trash-Chan avoided another blow. This time after she dodged, she immediately closed into the blue hair waifu and delivered a punch to her stomach. The waifu winced and backed up.
"That blow did some damage. She's physically strong but you should be able to take her down with a clean blow," I relayed. I picked up the tablet again and pulled up Trash-Chan's stats. My little sister watched the fight intensely.
Trash-Chan had several abilities according to her stats. I probably should have taken the time to look at all this before the fight but did not have the chance with how fast things went. It looked like she had three main abilities. The 'Trash Whip' that she currently was using. It had unlimited use and had a single second for the cool down if it got damaged. As a tradeoff, it was incredibly weak. The fact it hadn't broken in the battle already was a testament to Trash-Chan's skill. The second was 'Combustible Trash'. If she used this, she would throw trash that was on fire at her opponent, which would explode like an incendiary grenade. She could only use two of these per battle, but they could be used at any time without a cooldown between them. Her last ability was the "Trash Wave'. This attack would create a tidal wave of garbage that would flood the whole combat field. Unlike her first two abilities, this one had a condition to be used and a five-minute cooldown after use. To activate the Trash Wave, her opponent had to leave litter on the battlefield for a minute and a half. The wave was already in countdown with 30 seconds left.
I looked around the field. I had not seen where the blue hair waifu had littered. My attention focused on the flail. I guess that was considered litter in this case. I would take it.
"Trash-Chan, you have 30 seconds and counting until the Trash Wave can be used."
The blue hair waifu and Trash-Chan were now circling each other from a safe distance. It seemed that Trash-Chan's blow had caused the waifu to become more cautious.
"I can use the Trash Wave, but I'm not sure it would take her down," Trash-Chan relayed to me.
"We will just have to let her get close before you use it and hope for the best."
"Alright, I'll do my best."
Trash-Chan produced a Combustible Trash and threw it at the other waifu. She dodged the trash but not the explosion that went off behind her. The blue-haired waifu stumbled a step forward then glared at Trash-Chan.
"I think that just made her mad," my sister said in a worried voice. She was literally sitting on the edge of her seat watching the match.
The blue hair waifu suddenly roared. From the top of her head, two horns sprouted, or maybe just one horn. It was hard to tell from up here and I paid no attention to the tv as I leaned on the edge of the balcony, gripping the railing tightly. The blue hair waifu charged at Trash-Chan.
"Dodge it first, then hit her on the second charge!" I yelled to Trash-Chan. She easily dodged the other waifu, who appeared stronger and faster at this moment. I looked down at the count. The Trash Wave was ready for use. We would have to rely on it being the final blow. The blue-haired waifu spun around on her heel and charged at Trash-Chan. She was planning to end this as well.
Trash-Chan leapt forward at the blue hair waifu. The waifu suddenly tried to stop, most likely surprised by Trash-Chan's sudden charge. She wasn't able to do anything. In an instant, a pool of trash appeared around Trash-Chan. It spun around her like a disk as the trash-tier waifu got close to her opponent. The blue-haired waifu was helpless as the trashed suddenly surged at her like a tsunami. She was completely lost in the Trash Wave as it smashed up against the wall of the arena field. The trash continued to flow around like water until the whole arena ground was covered in it. Trash-Chan was the only one that could be seen, standing on the pile of garbage that must have been at least a meter high.
"That... That's it!" The announcer yelled. "Trash-Chan has emerged victorious over whoever that other waifu was!" The crowd looked confused for a moment then went along cheering for the fight. Trash-Chan had a smug look as she crossed her arms and nodded. She snapped, and in an instant, all the trash disappeared from the stage. The only thing left was her opponent, and the flail she held, laying on the ground with swirls in her eyes. Noticeably, the flail that had been used for litter had disappeared with the rest of the Trash Wave.
"Big Brother, we did it!" My sister exclaimed. From in the field, Trash-Chan waved to the audience for a moment. Then she leapt in the air to our pod. She gracefully landed in the pod several stories high and pulled me in for a hug.
"We did it Main-Kun!" she happily declared. My sister joined in the hug and I took a sigh of relief.
"So, when's the next battle?" my sister asked gleefully.
"I... uh...." I had only planned on competing once. Did this victory mean we would have to keep competing? Did I just cause a lot of trouble for myself? It didn't matter, with this victory I was sure I could get someone to take Trash-Chan as their waifu. I would just have to wait until then. "Let's just go home for now," I said.
We walked out of the arena victoriously that day. At the time, it was an enjoyable moment. I had no idea how much trouble it would bring me in the future.