Diiagonal - "Number#"

Parody summary:

*insert edgelord Shakespeare rambling about numbers*

Coal a hopeless and cucked boi, is forced into the real world (Bruh what is the world then fake? lol) after his family got 360noscoped by some wannabe serial killers called numbers. Although being a pussy, having max beta vibes, Coal knows his purpose and understand what he must do. Every conflict and event impels Coal to search for math numbers created in his brain after he sniffed some crack, to not only avenge the family that never loved him, but all of those numbers that have buttfecked people for their own gain.

Spade, a 2006 edgy emo, is a waste of existence type of boi, is forced into the real world after his family abandoned his ugly ass because they wanted a new child that is not a degenerate, the same also for his college degree and work. Although shitting his pants every time somebody says "future", Spade is given hope in the form of a mission propelling him to sell his booty online *cough* on adventure to survive.

Will Coal and Spade not be fecking losers for once?

Read "Number #Cringe #UWU #BOYXBOY" to find out!

chap 1

What are numbers, well they are weird ass stripes that somehow hold value BOOM BISH EINSTEIN IS NOTHING COMPARED TO MEH!!

Bro this boy is sniffing crack, how the hell can people wear numbers, unless its a cheap dollar store T-shirt with a number slapped on it. Like why are they trying to hit numbers, is it illegal to have brain cells in this society or something lmao.

blah blah family memories bla bla, WE DON'T CARE!!!!!!! GIVE ME WAIFUS!!!

OH MAH GAWD THIS FAMILY IS FECKING STRAIGHT UP RETARDED, WHO LETS A DAMN STRANGER IN THEIR HOUSE. IT IS LEGIT RULE 2 "How not to get buttfecked 101: Thriller Edition." LIKE DO YOU HAVE A DEATH WISH YOU DAMN DONKEYS!!!

SEE THIS MAN IS ALREADY THROWING A TOP 10 ANIME ROCKROLLES!!

BRUH THE FATHER IS DUMBASS GIVE THE DUDE HIS FOOD, SO THAT WE LEAVES AFTER GAWD WHY ARE BRAIN CELLS SO RARE NOWADAYS!

#1 HOW THE FECK IS THE WOMAN SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT YOU'RE ALLERGIC TO FECKIN CARROTS, LIKE THIS AIN'T NO MY HERO SHIT THAT YOU CAN JUST PULL UP WITH THAT MIND READING QUIRK YOU DUMBASS!!!

OMG KILL THIS FECKING DUDE RIGHT NOW!!!!! GET CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES ON THIS SADISTIC ASS VIRGIN NUMBER BISH!!!

chap 2

Oh my gawd now #1 sadists on the planet is going for the damn kids this sht is the beginning of demon slayer, but on a whole different level, just fucking leave those people along man.

Ew that man is moaning in pleasure now from killing the MC parents, bro no wonder this man never had a gf and is probably also the cause why he is frustrated virgin taking it out on others by mindlessly killing them to cope with his inferiority complex.

what the fuck, he just proposed to eat together with the mc only to kill him after, DUDE IS OFF HIS FUCKING MEDS WHAT THE HELL?!! BOI EVEN SATAN DOESN'T WANNA ASSOCIATE WITH THIS DUDE! THAT IS HOW FUCKED UP HE IS IN THE HEAD.

Wait..... I think #1 has DID because he suddenly changed in personality and seems not to know what happened even blaming the mc for killing everyone.

Alright numbers are hunted, but the people hunting them have probably also been off their meds for like a year so......

chap 3

(Oh lord give the patients

"Oh! My bad, kid so I was the one who killed all these peasants."

Bro when he said that I was lost in words like dayum boi. As if saying sorry after you pimpsmacked an entire happy family to death is going to help the mc XD.

Okay the mysterious man is a bounty hunter names Arsenal, because of the many weapons under his coat, talk about an inspired name lmao.

BRUH SIT THERE AND WATCH, MC GET THE HELL OUTTA THERE FAM!!!!!!!

Dayum #1 just roasted mc dead mother ouch that must hurt lmao.

After that Arsenal (Bootleg Cloud from FF7) and #1 had a fight longer than the frickin bible, only after 3 years was I able to finish this.

(btw your action scene writing is on point let me tell you that!)

Okay MC is now a 21 year old edgy virgin that wants REVENGE!!!!!!!

chap 4

Lmao I was about to say that Spade's (mc) degree was useless, but he said it himself saves me the trouble XD.

BRUH what do you mean you didn't know "advertising" was a useless study all you are doing is spamming annoying ass Genshin ads filled with cringe voice acting during the vids I am watching youtube, you fukin donkey!!! And now you working at a grocery store ha serves you right, you beta cuck 1 brain cell ass virgin!!!!!

Well at least Spade roasted a fat ass you flexed her 1.1 brain cell, way to go dude!

This Warren guy (basically male Karen) flipped at Spade for protecting himself and got fired as he was searching for another job already, I mean I would leave my job any day if my Manager was a Karen.

"Hello Habibi, do you have rent!"

That shit killed me ngl XD I like Mr. Pappagul already. Omg his speech XD XD XD be glad this ain't twitter else you would get canceled XD XD XD. Everybody on about that real world dump, bruh I guess taking a shit is "real world" stuff too man lmao.

Bro, Spade its all your fault for studying a useless degree tbh, and this bitch ass wanna become a bounty hunter, yo this man is SOOOOOOOOOO gonna die lol.

I deadass think selling drugs would be a better option, because this man is skinner then a homeless man that hasn't eating for 2 months, heck even haunted skeleton get scared when they see Spade walking on the streets, and this man must become a bounty hunter LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL CRACKHEAD 9000 CONFIRMED!!

chap 5

DUDE you are fucking skinner then a damn herornine addict and you want to build muscle at the gym? I just lost 20% of my last brain cell reading this shit, boi EAT AND DRINK PROTEIN SHAKES before you are working out DUMBASS this sht is legit written in "How Not To Be A Dumbass 101: Workout Edition" man doesn't even read books, and this same guy is collogue graduate don't make me question my humanity fam XD.

OH MAH GAWD stop yo I'm gonna swiggety swoothy come for that Coal booty delusion, dude you are going to get yo asscheeks CLAPPED SO HARD THAT YOU TURN GAY!!!

Well getting out of the house at 18 is pretty normal (at least in Europe) you have no idea, how my 20 year old ass want to leave the hell called "Living with Boomer ass, bitch ass parents lmao"

WOAH WOAH MISTER EDGE!! Refrase that, there is no love in your world because you are a beta loser with half a braincell left, of course nobody would love a guy who studied "advertising" Bro I bet he is so stupid, that he can't even create virus filled porn ads for illegal sites lmfao, like gfto XD XD XD XD.

OKAY SPADE JUST TURNED INTO ONE PUNCH MAN GREAT!!!!!!!!!

Final review:

Bro this story is legit trying to be edgy so bad, that everyone just magically gets a paper cut from reading this. The story is legit created by an author who has been avoiding his prescribed meds for 6 months lmao. If you want to turn into emo cringe kid and stay virgin forever, I recommend this 100%!

-edge/10 not even cutting myself would let me read this again!

JK JK JK JK JK JK JK

Yo this story is pretty interesting for real, the number remind me of Gangsta were they had a dog tag system but instead its just #Cringe #Numbers #Eatmyass ya know XD XD XD. I would recommend this to people who like the grim dark and kinda realistic story telling plus godly action scenes. Keep it up dude!

P.S: If you want to enter too, please apply at the form!

P.S.S: (Be sure to take ya meds lol jk jk jk XD)

Now see ya at the next reactionary/roast chapter!

Author link: https://www.honeyfeed.fm/u/9129

Btw thx to yall for reading my garbage we have reached 2k views now!