Chapter 18: He said… What?!

If everything was up to me, Fenris and I would only say good morning and good night every day. Usually, he would pass out from exhaustion thanks to his training when he came back at night. Whenever this happened, I would cover him with his blanket, fearing he would catch a cold or worse.

Of course, when I woke him up because of a nightmare, he was always there. Whenever I needed anyone, he was the first one there. Because of this, I had grown accustomed to him holding my hand every night.

Fenris did this even though my emotions were controlled by the crystals. There was no risk of an apocalyptic event, even when I jolted awake. He would hold my hand until I fell asleep. It was why I was waking up to him asleep next to me.

All because I never let go of his hand. They theorized the weird sickness that presented itself with an uncontrollable fever and weakness was because the nether realm was in me. A human was never supposed to contain the power I possessed.

And even though the inhibitors were in place, that power still lived within me. It placed a strain on my body. It bothered me that every time I needed anyone, Fenris was there for me. I was his burden to bear. Something I did not want to be.

This day, though, Fenris came back to our room we shared in a foul mood. Shade, who still wore the collar given to me that day by Fenris, laid in her bed. He got her a cat tower, which she adored. Though he always avoided touching her.

The prior night, Fenris argued with Ben outside of the room. Shade had tried to overhear them being a curious little creature she loved to be, but I grabbed her before she could. I didn’t want to know what they fought over.

Especially if it was over me. It always was, though. It was only a year until Fenris took over as my guardian. Throwing his bag onto his bed, he glanced over at me, only to look more troubled than when he came in.

Instead of speaking to me, he went into the bathroom to shower. Unable to feel too distressed over his reaction, I sat on my bed for a couple of minutes, staring at where he disappeared. Before continuing to write the assignment that was given to me by Tania.

It was a simple puzzle test. But it helped keep my negative thoughts at bay. However, when Fenris emerged from the bathroom, his mood was the same as when he entered the room. Much to the detriment of my heart, this time he neglected to place a shirt on.

Every upper body feature he had was on display. This was unusual. I swiftly diverted my gaze back to my work. He paced all over the room. Something bothered him, but I kept to myself. Deep down I wanted to ask what was wrong, though.

But I didn’t want to bother him any further than I already had. Shade, though, had other plans, as his pacing seemed to annoy her. She launched at his pants from the tower. Luckily, they were baggy pants.

Her claws dug into the cloth instead of the skin.

"Shade, what the hell?" Fenris huffed.

I replied to what she complained about without gazing up at him, unable to bear seeing him like that. That wasn’t meant for me. My feelings for the wolf were undeniable, though. Feelings of admiration no longer confused me.

No, I was deeply in love with him. But I could never act on those emotions. He was meant for brighter things.

"Your pacing is annoying," I answered for her.

He turned towards me. My eyes, though, were glued to the papers that lay in front of me. I wasn’t about to look up, either. It wasn’t good for my heart. It was already racing from a simple glance.

"Lilith, control your cat," he complained.

Shade climbed up his pants in a bid of revenge for waking her up ever so rudely. She had forgiven him for throwing his bag and slamming the door, but not for the continuous pacing. No, that drove her over the edge.

"She isn’t a cat. She’s a familiar," I corrected, sounding somewhat snarky, which wasn’t my intention.

Fenris seemed to get more annoyed, but before he could get a word out, Shade made her move.

"Ouch! Lilith!" he whined loudly, startling me.

Shade bit into the base of his tail when he tried to shake her off. I refused to look up, though. Sadly, it wasn’t long before I gave in, feeling his fiery eyes on me. He wouldn’t surrender until I took Shade off.

It was winter so everything was so cold too. Grabbing my rugs, I hesitantly got up. It was easy to pick up the cat, who had chomped down on his tail. The small brat was wagging hers. Luckily, she hadn’t bitten through the skin.

His tail still was pure silver. Trying to avoid looking at his exposed skin, I turned around, disappointed at Shade.

How could you get me into this?!

Hehe… I just went for it, Lily! She snickered, leaving me on the spot.

Before I could take a step away, though, Fenris grabbed onto my waist, pulling me into an embrace. Shade fell onto the ground upright, walking off towards her bed once again. Laying his head on my shoulder, I felt the water from his wet hair drip onto my dress.

This was new…

"Lilith... Do you want to try it?" he whispered.

Try it? Try what?

In an instant, he left me bewildered by what he meant.

"I don’t know what you mean. Do you need help with some work?" I mumbled, feeling flustered by his actions.

My heart was in the marathon of its life. It was going almost fast enough to trigger the inhibitor, but not quite. It only responded to negative emotions. And this was far from it. Fenris growled, holding me even tighter to him.

There was little to no space between my back and his chest.

"You silly girl... don’t make me say it." He mumbled, holding me tightly slightly shaking his head.

Something wasn’t right. Grabbing onto his hand that held my shoulder, I became scared I might have hurt him.

"Fenris... Did I do something wrong? If I did, I’m so sorry. I didn't—" I began, only to be interrupted by him gently nibbling onto the slightly exposed skin on my neck.

Instantly, I yelped, surprised in response. He licked where he pressed his lips, chuckling at my reaction. He rarely did things like this. But he always got annoyed whenever I tried to apologize for anything.

Yet he teased me sometimes to see my reaction. There was no doubt in my mind he knew how I felt about him. Not that I would tell him about it, though.

"How many times do I need to tell you? I never want to hear you say sorry," Fenris murmured into my ear.

There was a tone of sadness in his voice that I couldn’t shake off. Pushing me onto my bed, I quickly turned to him, only from him to cage me under him. His cheeks were bright pink.

"Fenris...?" I called, blushing madly.

He would tease me, but never like this. Seeing his shirtless torso made me want to touch him, too. Something I could never do. His muscles were so well defined from all his training that I couldn’t help myself when my eyes examined them.

He was lean and fit, too. Even though all I ever desired was to be with him by his side, with no need for romance. Even though being next to him was all that would satisfy me, part of me wished for more.

Something that was just a distant dream. Had to be...

"I want to have sex with you," Fenris announced, shocking me to my core.

He had said the impossible.

I misheard him. He must’ve said something else. Like he wants to... To... have me cook for him. No, I don’t know how to. Maybe he wants to go somewhere with me. I must have totally misheard him. A misunderstanding for sure. Surely, I’m utterly wrong. My ears must've missed a tune.

"Y-you w-want... w-what...? Sorry, I... m-must’ve m-misheard you." I stuttered, perplexed by what had left his mouth.

He couldn’t have worded what I heard because he would never look at me that way. It must have been a huge misinterpretation. It had to be. My heart couldn’t bear it. It was about to fall out of my chest.

It was the first time I felt this way.

Hopeful? No... I can’t be hopeful!