Chapter 24: A Danger…

Remembering Fenris’s touch made me feel like the cold water that washed over me was nothing.

Will I lose control when he comes through those doors? Or will I do something else? Something has to change. I love him. I want him to be mine. Yet he’ll never be mine.

I had to face the fact that was real if I desired to control this. Layla popped into my mind once again. She was so nice. A much better fit than I ever would be for Fenris. Envy slowly gripped me again as I pushed it down.

Fenris could do whatever he wanted to me, but in the end, Layla would be the one to be with him. It was how Lycan culture worked. I was foolish to think otherwise. When I tried to profess my feelings to him, I was delirious by his fake affection.

If I accepted that, then I could watch him be happy with someone else. That would have to be enough for me. No, it was enough. I had to go back to the days when I pushed everything inside and let it happen.

Happiness was never meant for me. He wasn’t meant for me. I was right when I said he was destined for brighter things. I… needed to understand that. And I would because a burden wasn’t something I wanted to be.

Control it… hold it… don’t let it consume you, Lilith. For him… do everything in your power to keep it in.

When the door was forced open, Fenris’s expression of desperation to find me was so present on his face that it touched my heart. It was almost as if it washed away everything. Yet I…

Ah... Don’t look at me like that or I’ll misunderstand.

Part of me wanted him to stay away from me, but he wasted little time closing the gap, cupping my face in his hands. A second later, he kissed me so deeply that I felt like I could drown in his arms. There was no way I could reject him.

Accept it as it is and nothing more.

Shade went into a corner of the tub when Fenris climbed into it with me. He grabbed onto my hand, only to realize the bracelet supposed to keep my emotions in check was damaged. The realization hit, that I caused the mayhem.

There was only one way out of this. And I wouldn’t lie to him.

“I got into an altercation with two witches, and it ripped then I...” I whispered, not wanting to finish.

He shook his head, not wanting to know the details.

“It doesn’t matter. I know you. You wouldn’t do anything to hurt anyone willingly. I trust you.” Fenris assured, voice shaking.

He trembled a bit before kissing me once again. His tongue caressed mine when he took off my bloodied clothes. Grabbing onto his hand, I stopped him. It triggered him to glance at me. Those eyes of his were full of worry.

But for who? Me? Her? It doesn’t matter, Lilith. You’re his charge. He can’t leave you.

“I’m scared of myself. If—” I started only for him to kiss me again.

Unlike before, I felt all the fear that the bracelet was holding back, but I wasn’t losing control. No, while I was in his arms. I...

“Don’t be. I’ll always be on your side. Never will I fail at protecting you again.” He reassured me, taking off his shirt and stripping me too.

After we were rid of our clothes, he turned the nob to make the water warmer. My body would shiver at the simplest touch he gave me. A chuckle rose from his lips, eyeing me down.

“What is it?” I mumbled, thinking Fenris was laughing at my body.

By this time, all the chaos that came from me halted, but the alarm still flared outside. I was focused on him alone. That was all I had to do. Focus on him and forget the world.

“You’re cuter when you’re nervous.” He purred into my ear, picking me up, placing my back against the wall.

Again... This had to be a dream. I didn’t disgust him, even though he had such a pretty fiancée.

Why does he want to hold me?

The only reason I could think of was that he either loved me or wanted to control me. Loving me would be too much to ask.

Yet I want to hear that from you. Selfish… I know.

Grabbing onto his face, I tugged him into a deep kiss. He held me up with one hand, unbuckling his pants with the other. Separating from me, Fenris smirked playfully enjoying this me.

“I won’t take it easy on you right now,” he warned, eyes full of desire.

I giggled, tracing my fingertips on his lips. All I needed to do was focus on him alone. Nothing else mattered.

Fenris… do you know? I would’ve fallen for you no matter who you were.

“You were taking it easy before?” I teased, letting myself be in the moment.

He smirked, pushing himself inside with ease. The motion caused me to yelp a bit at his sudden touch.

“I’ll show you,” Fenris murmured, triggering a mewl to escape my lips, quickly covering them with his.

My hands tenderly held onto his neck while he made love to me in the bathroom. In the same place, he found me in distress. Every thrust made me tremble, feeling him reach deeper than ever before. His hands clung to my bum, allowing his movements to become rougher with each passing moment.

It didn’t scare him to hurt me this time. Grabbing tightly onto him, my body reached its release, trembling in his arms. Sensing me clamping down on him, he licked my cheek. Enjoying the feeling of my body twitching in ecstasy in his arms, leaned over to my ear.

“Did you...?” Fenris trailed off, leaving behind a tingly sensation where his breath hit me.

I nodded, feeling embarrassed. He chuckled, thrusting himself into me one more time. A moan left him when I felt him release within me. Kissing me one last time, he helped me get clean of any traces of blood before taking me out of the shower.

Once we were dried, he went outside first, making sure no one else was in the room. Before allowing me out, too. At that moment, the power came back into the building. Before I knew it, I fell onto my bed with Fenris on me.

The only thing separating us, towels. Pulling myself up, I kissed him lightly on his lips. He responded by grabbing onto the back of my head to give me a more serious and passionate one. His tongue left me breathless before he peeled the towels from us.

Even though we had just done it, he seemed ready for more. I remembered what a girl, weeks before, in the hallway gossiped to one of her friends when I was headed to Tania.

“Dating a Lycan can be so tiresome! I just can’t keep up with their libido!” She complained to her friend, who complained of not being able to hang onto anyone instead.

The day before, I stayed awake through it all. I wanted to memorize everything about Fenris. Every nook and cranny he offered. Even if my body felt numb after a while, I would willingly accept all his affection.

No matter what the cause of them was. If it was lust, love, or control, it didn’t matter as long as he touched me. After being exposed to it. I couldn’t live without it. Even so, I wished he would only be mine. One I would push down as much as I could.

After another round of Fenris, I felt exhausted, not just because of the physical activity, but the emotional one. It was the first time I could feel all the awful feelings I didn’t want to experience ever again.

Fear, jealousy, anger, and greed... they’re so ugly.

The bracelet was failing to hold them back. I didn’t know what to do with these emotions that were swelling within me. If Fenris was around, I wouldn’t lose myself to them. He was my light and my peace.

But what if he wasn’t here? What if...

I destroyed his world once again because of these feelings. Closing my eyes, I tried to not think, lying beside Fenris, who softly caressed my hair. His touch was so warm it comforted me in ways I never knew he would.

The way he looked at me could have been confused with love. But I… It couldn’t be. Before I knew it, I drifted off, only to be awakened by Fenris answering his phone.

“Shit! What now?” Fenris cursed, reaching for the device.

“Hello?”

“Yes, sir, she’s here with me.”

Fenris clicked his tongue.

“She’s in control right now.”

“Yes, it worked. But sir—”

“Well, sir maybe if—”

“Yes... sir but—”

“No... that’s unnecessary. I’m sure—” the conversation suddenly finished, leaving Fenris angered, cursing under his breath.

Taking a deep breath to contain the anger that swelled within him, he turned to me. I pretended to be asleep. To wake me up, he gently blew into my ear, sending shivers down my spine. It was a technique he loved to do since I usually was such a heavy sleeper.

But everything had me on edge. Grabbing onto my ear, I turned to face him. There I saw his smile that caused my heart to race again. He quickly informed me to get dressed. Others were coming here to see me.

The moment Ryker entered the room, Fenris’s expression soured. The elf carried one of those bracelets made from luxorite. A special crystal only found in elven lands. An argument broke between them soon after he arrived.

Fenris was determined to keep that crystal away from me. Ryker argued otherwise. It wasn’t long until Ben arrived only to fight the elf, too.

Ben...

Even though I took so much from him, he defended me with such fury. They replaced his arm with an artificial one. Unfortunately, he still needed to walk with a cane. All thanks to the injury he endured during the fall.

Their efforts to keep Ryker away made me feel happy, but the elf was right. I was a monster that needed restraints. There wasn’t an ounce in me to trust. Not like Fenris said he did. Though it made me happy to hear him say that.

However, if he wasn’t here, I could’ve already leveled the building unwillingly. I didn’t have the confidence to keep myself in control. That was where my fault lay. Standing up from the bed, everyone went silent, watching me.

There is no other way. I can’t be free. Not while I can hurt everyone around me.

I walked over to them, offering my hand to Ryker. Fenris grabbed it instead of telling me not to do it. To him, today was proof I could do it without them, but it was the exact opposite. I had killed two people who didn’t need to die.

What kept me in control was the unbearable thought of harming Fenris. Something I couldn’t live with. Because if this world would lose him, I would destroy it without a second thought.

Ah... I became like Stella, obsessed. Hazardous. My obsession will end this world. Fenris…

There was no way for me to be without the inhibitor. Not as I was. Weak, brittle, and easily swayed. No, I couldn’t bear it. These emotions were too much for my heart to contain. Perhaps in a couple of years, I could try.

But at this moment, I couldn’t. No, I wouldn’t place my light in danger. These two brothers would be the end of me, though.

“Stand aside, both of you!” Ryker ordered, having had enough insubordination from the two wolves.

Fenris had enough of the elf, too.

“I won’t. She doesn’t deserve this!” Fenris stood his ground, pulling my hand away from Ryker.

The elf turned to him.

“You know very well what will happen if you don’t stand aside. Both of you know! Don’t make my job any harder!” he threatened, clenching his hands into fists.

It triggered both Ben and Fenris finally to stand down, knowing full well that any more would lead to me being locked up for life. However, something inside of my beloved wolf was breaking. Something I hadn’t noticed when Ryker grabbed my arm from under him.

Replacing the inhibitor that would make me hollow once again if my emotions went out of control, he sighed. When the elf stepped away from me, Fenris pulled me into his embrace. He wasn’t happy about how everything turned out.

After Ben and Ryker left the room, Fenris stripped me of all clothing and made love to me repeatedly until I lost myself within him. It frustrated him at the little power he had over the decisions that affected me.

I didn’t know that then, though. All I knew was that in this room, I could be his. And that had to be enough. I couldn’t hope for anything else, as it could risk destroying this world. Something I refused to do.

The next day, they cleaned up the mess and wrote it off as an accident. The camera had caught until the point where the power went out. However, the guard had been talking to his wife rather than paying attention to his job.

He was swiftly let go and made responsible for what happened. But with the device, they saw how the witches pushed me until I lost it. Because of that evidence, they wrote it off as an enchantment gone wrong.

Since it was a provoked event, I received no further reprimanding. However, after that day, Fenris changed once again. This was the final push to make him determined to free me from this chain of command.

The only way to do that was to go up the ranks. No matter the cost.