Obligatory Beach Episode

  Artyom stared at his own two hands, trying to comprehend the metaphysical fustercluck he was witnessing play out in front of him. Apparently, he’d just read a book that didn’t exist. At least one that didn’t exist according to Neitra. Not that its material was factually incorrect or the work wasn’t officially recognized, but the actual book didn’t seem to physically exist.

  Artyom’s several attempts at showing it to Neitra all failed, from having her try to look at the book, to feeling its pages, or even reacting to the gusts of wind coming from waving it at her like a fan.

  “Ok, last test. Can you hold out your hands, as if you’re about to catch something?” requested Artyom, lifting up the book.

  “Alright, but this joke really isn’t funny anymore,” replied Neitra, frustratedly humoring his request.

  Artyom brought the massive tome above her hands and dropped it onto her outstretched palms. It struck her arms, which immediately fell from its weight, dropping the grimoire onto the table with a massive thud that reverberated across the entire library. Artyom could’ve sworn he heard some of the other books shake on their shelves from the force. Unlike them, the nearby librarian didn’t even flinch. Neitra’s arms lifted back up as soon as the book landed, raising to their original position.

  “Are you going to do something?” she asked, starting to sound concerned.

  Artyom could wrap his head around the concept of an invisibility spell, or something that could hide an object from the various senses, but this was something entirely new. The book was undetectable to each and every one of Neitra’s senses, and she couldn’t even detect the secondary changes that the book produced, such as the gusts of air from its movement or the strain it put on her muscles when she “tried” to hold it.

  “You know what? Nevermind,” replied Artyom in defeat. “I think I might’ve been working too hard and I’m starting to lose it. Let’s check out these books and head to the beach party. We should have enough time to pick up those drinks and some sides first.”

  Neitra considered him for a second, her careful gaze trying to identify some kind of joke in his previous attempts at experimentation. She sighed, having found nothing, and simply nodded instead of pushing further. “Alright, let’s go.”

  The duo rose from their tables and made their way to the librarian’s counter with the three books they were interested in. Well, two books if you asked Neitra. After a quick look, the librarian turned to them with concern.

  “I’m so sorry, these are all reference books! We can’t check them out. And this book doesn’t seem to have any labels on it either,” she said, pointing to the Prophecy of The Goddess carried by Neitra. “But by the looks of it, it’s a reference book as well. Sorry again, you two.”

  “Oh, that’s alright,” replied Artyom. “Can we copy some info from them and take that with us instead?”

  “Of course!” exclaimed Bea.

  “And also, what about this book?” asked Artyom, pointing to the Introspections of the Divines that flew under Neitra’s radar.

  “I’m sorry, what book?” she replied, carefully trying to spot the undetectable tome.

  “Uh, nevermind.”

  The two walked back to the table and copied the location of where to take the Goddess’ Key for their quest using some paper and charcoal sticks provided by the library, before making their way to leave.

  Obviously, Artyom wasn’t about to leave the supposedly non-existent book there, and smuggled it out in plain sight by hiding it completely exposed on his side. Artyom considered that if he was going to commit the heinous crime of stealing a book from the library, he’d might as well steal two of them, and took the History of the Goddess along hidden behind the first one.

  “Thanks again for stopping by, and please come back soon!” said Bea, completely unaware of the criminal mastermind in her presence.

  Once outside, the duo headed straight for the hotel room at Artyom’s insistence, saying he wanted to change into his swimwear first and definitely not because of the stolen library books weighing on his arms and conscience. Of course, it wasn’t until they were halfway there that they realized neither of them actually owned any swimwear, and changed course. The massive tome in Artyom’s hands was beginning to wear him down enough that he needed to cast Strength of the Olympian to keep his arms from turning into jelly. He felt that the pain he was suffering was a result of some well-deserved karma for stealing a library book. And honestly? He felt he totally deserved it.

  They stopped at a boutique specializing in swimwear, where Artyom purchased a generic pair of blue and white patterned swimming trunks, and Neitra got a sky-blue one piece swimsuit and a short, thin, yellow sundress to go over it. Artyom had to appreciate her eye for style.

  Their swimwear shopping finally done, the two finally headed for the hotel room. That is, until they walked by a series of restaurants and Neitra just had to insist they order the drinks and sides for the barbecue then and there. Artyom swore he was going to strangle whoever gave her the idea to bring sides along to the barbecue, before putting a hand to his own throat to scratch an itch.

  The place they decided to purchase from was completely filled, so they had to stand. Easy for Neitra who was just carrying the light swimwear in a convenient bag, while Artyom struggled to carry the invisible book. By the time the food was ready, Artyom had to recast his strengthening spell, but he was glad the outing was almost over.

  The duo stood over their ordered food. Artyom looked at Neitra expectantly, who responded with a pouting face.

  “What?” asked Artyom.

  “I’m already carrying the clothes. It’s your turn to carry these. Besides, don’t you have a spell to make you stronger?”

  “I… uh… ok,” sighed Artyom, accepting his fate. Well, as they say, karma’s a bitch. At least to those who are also one.

  The two finally returned to the hotel, relieving Artyom of the weight he had to carry. The worst part was carrying it all in a way that didn’t give away the presence of the normal book he stole while balancing everything else. He’d somehow managed and was finally free of the pain. Once in his room, he hid the stolen library books in the back of the only cabinet that could fit them, and stuffed a bedsheet inside to follow it along. He debated pulling some of the floorboards and hiding the book in there, but didn’t want to risk getting caught after they left and inadvertently pissing Tommy off by garnering the party ill will. Besides, the malicious actors he’d encountered so far only wanted his head, not his stuff.

  By the time they’d changed and started for the beach, it was nearing 5 pm. The walk there was uneventful, neither of them sharing any meaningful dialogue besides exchanges of pleasantries. When they arrived at the spot Tommy told them to meet at, they were greeted by a small gathering.

  “There you two are!” exclaimed Tommy upon noticing the duo. “I was beginning to worry you wouldn’t make it in time!”

  “The library’s fun and all, but we wouldn’t want to miss a barbecue. And we brought some Sparkle and sides!”

  The hero ran over to the cases of food they’d brought along and opened them up. “Salad, no. Coleslaw! I didn’t think anyone here knew how to throw a proper B-B-Q!” he said, accentuating each individual letter. “Some of the other people here are playing some volleyball against the rest of the team. We’re winning pretty badly, so maybe you two would like to help the others out? I’m taking a break, and besides, I think my girls were letting me win when I was playing against them.”

  Neitra decided to join in, happy to take the opportunity to really stretch her muscles after a day at the library. Artyom decided to stick around with the Great Hero, glad to finally have the opportunity to talk to him alone for the first time.

  Far away from the rest of the town, the beachfront wasn’t subject to the hustle and bustle of the streets. Here, only the sound of waves and the beachgoers could be heard. With the sun beginning its descent towards the horizon, illuminating the sky the slightest tint of purple with its prismatic rays, the serene, picturesque atmosphere was complete.

  “So, nice job with the puzzle back in the last dungeon,” began Artyom. “How did you know how to solve it?”

  “Thanks,” replied Tommy. “I told you, it was from a show on TV.”

  “Oh right, I forgot,” lied Artyom, using the response as a segue. “You know, I don’t really know what TV is. It’s something from this ‘California’, right? How do you know so much about it?”

  “I was born there!” replied the hero, excitedly. “Anyway, the TV was this box with a screen that showed all sorts of entertainment. People made things and shared them through it for others to watch and it was really great!”

  Artyom nodded along with the terrible explanation. “What was it like back home?” He finally breached the ever-important question.

  “Well, there’s not much to say. My parents were really nice to me, they let me play video games on weekends, and I had to go to school. That’s not to say my parents here were bad or anything, they’re amazing too! I guess I kind of miss them, even if it’s been 19 years. I wonder if they miss me, or still eat pizza with olives and anchovies? That was my favorite back home.” He wistfully looked towards the sunset as his voice trailed off.

  Artyom nodded along. He definitely sounded like a kid from back on Earth, albeit just that; a kid. He warmly placed an arm around Tommy’s shoulder in comfort. “I’m sure they do.”

  The hero visibly relaxed at the show of camaraderie. Now to get the answers he was really looking for.

  “How did you end up here then of all places?” asked Artyom. “How’d you end up reincarnating, of all things?”

  “Well, when I was about 10, I ran across the street without looking both ways and got hit by a truck. The next thing I knew, I was floating in space without a body, and then I was born to my new parents.”

  “Jesus fuck!” shouted Artyom, wide-eyed and failing to choke back his shock at how casually Tommy described his brutal death as a child. “I mean, that’s terrible! Do you remember anything else? About the floating in space part, I mean. Not the dying.”

  “Well, for some reason, I remember hearing the words ‘He will do’ before waking up as a baby again.”

  “And nothing about why or how you were reincarnated?” asked Artyom again.

  “No, sorry. But I’m sure you’d know plenty about it yourself already. For the same reason you could’ve solved the puzzle back at the dungeon yourself.”

  “Huh, what do you mean?” asked Artyom.

  “I mean, I know you’re from Earth too.”

  Artyom’s eyes widened again. “Uh… I don’t know what you’re talking about! I’ve never been to Earth or… ok, what gave it away?” he said finally, exasperated in the face of defeat. Tommy knew, and Artyom figured there was no reason to keep the details secret anymore.

  “It was your reaction to my story. I remember Jesus being someone really important back home, like the Goddess here, but nobody’s ever mentioned anyone other than the Goddess like that,” responded Tommy. “So what was it like for you? How did you end up reincarnated here?”

  Artyom took a seat on the warm sand and took a deep breath. “Well, I didn’t actually reincarnate here. I came via portal.”

  Tommy’s eyebrows shot up at the statement. “You didn’t die then?”

  “Nope, only metaphorically. When I was a teenager, I got summoned by a different Kingdom to save them in a great war against six other Kingdoms. I was also named the chosen one and wielded great power like you. Their greatest mages and soldiers taught me everything I know about fighting, and I used that power to lead armies against their enemies.”

  Tommy nodded along, enraptured by Artyom’s story.

  “But then one day, I encountered someone else from Earth on the battlefield. She was a rogue, kind of like Neitra, and she was systematically taking out all of my officers before I tried to stop her. All it took was a few snippy pop culture references between us before we realized what was going on. We secretly stayed in contact, and eventually found other Earthers among the other Kingdoms taking part in the free-for-all. Turns out every single one of those Kingdoms had summoned someone from Earth and told them that they were the chosen one destined to defeat the others.”

  “What did you all do?” asked Tommy, the fingernail of his thumb stuck in his mouth, probably as a nervous reaction.

  “Well, we were able to all get into contact with each other and came to the conclusion that we needed to get the hell out of there. We were all able to meet and join hands, and paid a visit to each of the kingdoms that summoned us to destroy all traces of the rituals used to bring us there, so they wouldn’t be able to do it again. We’ve been keeping an eye on them since, so we’ll know if they try to pull that shit again with a new generation and can intervene.”

  Tommy took a seat in the sand next to him. He was speechless at the story for some time before finding his voice. “And what are you doing here now, especially with helping me out?”

  “Well,” began Artyom. “We’ve since made it our job to make sure other Worlds don’t do the same and abuse the people of Earth like they did with us.”

  “But then what are you doing here? My adventure is going great, and the Dark Lord really is evil! I’m not being abused, or anything like that!”

  Artyom leaned over and began talking in a whisper, while making sure that nobody was around. Too little too late, but it emphasized his motivation for secrecy. “Truth be told, the reason I’m here is because we’ve never seen reincarnation like this before where someone from Earth has kept all of their memories. Not once, even across the hundreds of Worlds we’ve been to, so I was sent to investigate. But that’s all I’m here to do, investigate, not to make a scene.”

  “Have you found anything yet?” asked Tommy.

  “Well, nothing concrete yet,” lied Artyom. “But what I’ve found is really concerning. You’re safe for now, but I’m worried there’s something going on, and the people behind it are not friendly. Can I ask you for a favor?”

  “Sure, what is it?”

  “Can you keep what I’m doing here a secret? I don’t think the other party members would react well if they found out I’m also from Earth. And I’m worried they might know more about what’s going on than they let on.”

  “Uh, sure. I think I can do that,” replied Tommy, averting his gaze.

  “I’m serious. Anytime someone has found out that I’m not supposed to be here, it didn’t go well. Crystal Kobold Crossing was a deathtrap when I went through the place, and it made the last dungeon look like a walk in the park in comparison to that meat grinder. I don’t want to bring any more danger to the people around me, especially you and the others. Please.”

  The hero nodded solemnly in response. “Ok. I’ll keep your secret.”

  Artyom smiled. “Thanks.” It felt nice to trust someone else with the truth, despite not having much of a choice after it was discovered. He just hoped this wouldn’t all come back to bite him, even though he already knew the most probable result.

  The two of them sat silently for some time as the sun continued to set. It was almost time to eat, and the barbecue smoke from the grill was beginning to die down. Artyom stood up to corral the rest of the party for dinner and walked over to the volleyball court. The game between the four sirens against Neitra and the other beachgoers was nearing its own end as well. According to the referee standing on the sidelines, the score was dead even after the hour-long match. The goals that the four scored with the hero evened out against the free points they gave when Tommy switched sides and after Neitra joined.

  The final serve was delivered by Tommy’s sirens, Xerica serving the ball towards the others and being caught by one of the other beach goers. He was able to deflect it back, but was quickly returned by Ecole with a nonchalant hit. Another tourist was able to rebound the ball back, but the four ladies were ready to finish things. As the ball was about to land on the other side, Lensa ran up to it and smacked the ball upwards, but not across the net just yet. Daisy jumped with her powerful legs and met the ball head-on as it reached the apex of its flight. Before she could hit it however, Neitra suddenly appeared right in front of her on the other side of the net, and hit the ball as hard as she could, spiking it straight down onto the sand.

  “Point goes to Neitra and the others! They win!” shouted the referee. Neitra’s team went wild, as they cheered for her amazing play before scattering to go get dinner. The party members stayed behind to talk, however. Judging from the tone of voice being used, it wasn’t a very sportsmanly conversation.

  “Really? Using your [Rogue] Skills to win a match?” jeered Daisy. “Obviously it was the only way you could’ve hit the ball without me noticing.”

  “I just used my Rogue Class abilities, not any Skills. Besides, you were all doing the same,” replied Neitra. “You all still played a great game.”

  “That’s not the point,” added Xerica, with her hands on her hips and a piercing gaze. “You being sneaky isn’t good for this team.”

  “You do realize I’m a Rogue, right? It’s my job to be sneaky.”

  “But to be sneaky around Tommy and the rest of us?” asked Ecole, rhetorically.

  “We’re supposed to be working together,” said Lensa, looking at the sand with a saddened face.

  Artyom was tempted to join in and defend Neitra, but the sheer absurdity of their arguments was keeping him at bay. He could only describe it as watching a pileup in motion featuring a clown car colliding with a bus full of nuns.

  “You know, I bet that’s why you’re wearing that,” said Daisy. “What, too sneaky to even show some skin?”

  “Wait, what?” sputtered Neitra.

  “That’s right, we’re at the beach! Do you think you’re too good for Tommy or the rest of us to be wearing so much?” added Xerica.

  It finally occurred to Artyom that he in fact hated clowns. “Alright, that’s enough out of you!” he shouted over their bickering as he made his way between them. “I can get being upset over losing a game, but really? Taking your rage out on Neitra by what? Reverse slut-shaming? Is that even a thing?”

  “Why don’t you mind your own business, Mr. Knight in Shining Armor,” said Xerica, as she walked up to Artyom with a glare. “You’re one to talk,” she stated before bending her torso over to be at eye-level with Artyom.

  It was a movement straight out of a cartoon. Artyom had enough encounters with femme fatales more competent at weilding their sexuality to know the manoeuver Xerica was attempting. With the bikini top she was wearing and the force of her tilt, it created a sight straight out of an anime’s beach episode. The metaphor was especially fitting, seeing where they were. Too bad for Xerica, the only thing rock-hard about Artyom at that moment was his will. The bouncing bear trap she got off might’ve caught the Great Hero, but the loathing and suspicion he felt for her made it easy to keep his eyes on hers.

  Artyom had a hunch that the assassin attack from two days ago occurred because the ladies wanted to dispose of him. Both assassins went for him instead of Neitra, who was asleep and defenseless, so it could be concluded that they were going for him specifically. There was no attack last night because they needed him and Neitra to find out where to go next. Now that their part was finished, he was going to give them a reason to try again.

  “Since I’m a member of the team, this is my business,” said Artyom. “If anything, it sounds like you’re just jealous of her being the one who does all of the hard work! You can’t stand her being one of the biggest assets to the team, more responsible and physically capable than any of you!”

  “We work really hard too!” squeaked Lensa, her face red with affront. “And we appreciate Tommy and his sword skills, in more ways than Neitra’s willing to.”

  Artyom forced himself not to shake his head in bewilderment. The conversation was filled with way too many double entendres to be considered sane anymore, even if some of them were his fault. It was time to wrap this up and squeeze out the sweet cream from the climax of this verbal beating. Seriously, what the hell was going on?

  “Honestly, I’m surprised the Goddess didn’t choose her to be the Hero’s chosen companion instead of you four,” he said, referencing the full prophecy in the library book and possibly putting the final nail in his own coffin.

  The four sirens froze in place, their fists clenched and teeth straining against each other.

  “How dare you…” began Xerica, her eyes seething with a baleful fire.

  Artyom simply kept staring ahead, his renegade gaze daring her to do something about the grave insult. “Just try and kill me now,” they said. “Fucking do it, you coward!”

  “Hey, hey!” shouted the hero as he ran towards the group. “Knock it off, everyone! You all work hard to help me out and I love all of you!”

  Everyone glared at the intruder, stopping him in his steps. Artyom wondered where he was up until this point?

  “Uh, everyone’s probably really hungry after that great game, so let’s all get dinner. Ok?” he requested sheepishly.

  Eventually, the other ladies relaxed and followed him off the court.

  “Thanks again, Artyom,” said Neitra, walking up to him after everyone else had left.

  “No problem. But what was that?” asked Artyom in reply.

  “I honestly don’t know. I was more weirded out by their insults than upset.”

  “Yeah, same here. Let’s just get dinner, I’m too hungry to really think about this anymore.”

  Neitra nodded in response, and they both went to the barbecue. Everyone ate their fill, especially Artyom who ended up eating double his normal appetite because of all of his spellcasting from earlier that day. Thankfully, nobody noticed and he didn’t have to explain himself or the cause of his overactive metabolism. Once the sun set, the team retired to their hotel rooms. After setting up a much more comprehensive net of wards in and around his room, Artyom went to bed with Gus’ package right next to him. Faint radio silence carried him off to a rough sleep, where he dreamed of what was to come.