Who Am I: Part 1

Lacia was jolted awake by a sharp, stabbing pain in her side. Drenched in cold sweat, she pushed her bangs out of her face, soaked with sweat as she shivered in the frigid icebox-like room. Despite the pitch darkness, the familiar faint, orange glow from beneath the door told her she’d been returned to the boat.

Her heart pounded against her ribs; her entire body shook like an earthquake. A mixture of fear and anxiety coursed through her veins, but the newfound rush of adrenaline had masked the pain—for now. She knew it was there, and that the adrenaline high would only last so long, but her apprehension was just as addictive as the rush her body brimmed with. Even so, her curiosity had a will of its own. She moved a hand to her side, unsure of what had just happened.

She struggled to hold the silky fabric of her nightgown up, eventually pinning it in the waistband of her leggings to keep it from slipping. With her side exposed to the open air, she took a deep breath; an abnormal cold greeted her hand as she pressed it to her side, fingers curling around her ribs. She imagined her fingers wrapping around her abdomen, feeling around in the darkness. Curious, she wiggled her toes in the light from the door, hardly enough to illuminate the polish on her nails; it wouldn’t be enough to illuminate her entire abdomen.

An unsettling wet, warmth soon overtook her hand as she spread her fingers, trying to zero-in on the afflicted area. Her heart rate returned to normal as she steadied her breathing. Unfortunately, this meant an unwelcome return to the pain masked by the adrenaline rush.

Her hand slid around to her back before coming to a stop as it rubbed against drier skin. From what she could gather, she’d been hit somewhere between the ribs on her lower right side and the midsection of her back—definitely some kind of abdominal wound, but the pain radiated from her side, rippling across her abdomen.

She deduced the warm liquid was blood and that her hand was covered in it, but how much was there? Was she actively bleeding, or had the blood already clotted and her fingers had just smeared it across her side—not something indicative of a larger problem?

If the light from under the door was enough to illuminate her toes, surely it would be enough to see what was on her hand, she figured. She gave herself to the count of three; at three, she would get off the bed and, hopefully, determine the severity of the wound. Ignorance was bliss, but after crossing over into some strange other world, and the subsequent attempts on her life… If she really was bleeding, it wasn’t from something she’d done in her time on the boat.

One thing was for sure: she had been hit, and now she was in the same room she’d started in, aboard the same boat she’d found herself trapped on. Only one question remained: how could the same wound she’d received after she’d been struck transfer between the supposed two worlds? Did that confirm everything she’d just experienced was real, though? One question seemed to lead to another.

“Enough overthinking,” she thought, quietly initiating a countdown. “Three, two, one…”

A loud smack reverberated through the room as her bare feet hit the tile floor. The plan had been to use the light from under the door to illuminate her hand. Instead, she found herself falling to the floor in excruciating pain, and her legs were still unable to support her weight—she’d completely forgotten about her attempt to jump overboard.

Using what strength she could muster, she pushed herself closer to the door. She would ram her shoulder into the metal frame—painful, but it was the only thing she could think to use that might break her fall.

Success! Or… that’s what she would have liked to believe had she not fallen onto something else entirely; a movable cart of medical equipment had been left in the middle of the floor. While she had been able to slow her descent, it wasn’t the most ideal, or painless, method ever. The cart clattered to the floor, scattering various medical tools across the dark floor.

Footsteps clamored down the hall, their frantic nature in-sync with her heartrate. A key entered the lock in the door, swinging it open with a rush of wind. Orange light spilled in through the open doorway, bathing everything from a stethoscope to even a cold plate of food in artificial light. Like Lacia, it also lay in disarray, strewn across the floor.

Dead silence took hold as an unfamiliar woman examined the disorderly state of the room. A steady drip resonated from the edge of the bed, breaking the stillness of silence. Drip… Drop… Lacia cringed as the woman made a dissatisfied tsk with her mouth before half-taunting her with a tinge of her own curiosity.

“Oh, goodness… But, gosh… You’re incredibly lucky Cherri was moved to another wing of the ship, you know?” The woman let out a small sigh, taking in the full perspective of the room as she moved to pull the blood-soaked sheets from the bed.

The woman continued. “You were found lying on the deck, completely passed out. I don’t know who left you there and why, but I imagine you probably attempted to jump overboard,” she surmised. “Whatever Cherri gave you seems to have disabled the use of your leg muscles, but she never logged what she gave you. Unfortunately, I can’t just give you something to neutralize the effects of the first drug.”

“I—”

The woman cut her off. “Look, Lacia. I really don’t care what you have to say right now. I mean, just look at you. You can’t even get off the floor.” Her face was full of pity.

“You’re so kind,” Lacia said through sarcasm and gritted teeth.

She soon found herself losing body heat faster than she could generate it as the floor sucked any semblance of warmth from her like a vacuum. Despite her best efforts, she continued to flounder on the floor, muscles too weak to support her weight. Amidst the stabbing pain in her side and the immobility of her legs, she repeatedly fell back onto the floor, achieving the same floundering results each time.

The woman dropped the bloodied bedding into a hamper in the wall before seating herself on the bare mattress. She seemed both amused and fascinated by Lacia’s repeated struggle. Her face showed little measure of emotion, but her eyes followed Lacia’s every move as if they were programmed to record her.

“You’re quite the show, you know? This is the most entertaining thing to happen on this ship in some time.”

Lacia glared at her through matted hair—she did not appreciate the snarky comments. “What a bitch,” she thought. “Here I am, lying on this floor, in pain, bleeding, and all she can do is watch me struggle.” Her legs remained outstretched behind her, useless and immobile—she could barely feel them.

“Alright,” the woman sighed. “I suppose this is enough fun for one night,” she said in an airy voice.

As if on cue, Lacia slipped in the new crimson puddle that had begun to spread out from under her. Her face contorted in pain as she fell back onto the floor again; this time, she decided to stay down—she just didn’t have the strength to keep trying.

“If you’re going to come over here to poke more fun at me, I’d rather you just leave me,” she said through shallow breaths. “Clearly, I can’t do anything since I’m so useless. I’d rather just die here than be humiliated like this.” Tears formed in the corners of her eyes as she looked away, embarrassed.

“You’re an interesting girl, you know that?” the woman said. She crouched down, level with Lacia. She dug her elbows into her knees as she placed her hands on her cheeks. “I don’t think we’ve ever had someone quite like you before.”

“Look,” Lacia said hurriedly, “Since you’ve yet to introduce yourself and you know me, I’m going to call you Miss Masochist, okay?” The blood loss was making her woozy. “Either you do your job and get me to someone who can help me or—I don’t know. I’m— I’m in too much pain, and I think I’ve lost too much blood… So, do something and we can have a lovely conversation over tea tomorrow, ok?” she half-smiled.

“Hmm… tea isn’t really my thing though…”

“I wasn’t being lit—” Lacia cut herself off. A huge wave of nausea overcame her. She felt like she could vomit at any moment.

“I’m going to let you in on a little secret,” the woman whispered in her ear. It felt uncomfortably warm and ticklish. “I’m actually the same age as you.”

Lacia’s eyes felt like deadweights; it took everything she had to keep them open. What did it even matter they were the same age? A faint buzzing resonated through her head as she began to lose sense of reality. She felt someone lift her head off the floor and lay her on another bed; the lights on the ceiling began to move as she was wheeled down the hallway towards another mysterious room.

“See?” The woman said. “I wasn’t just going to let you bleed out. You’re far too interesting, Lacia. For example,” she lifted Lacia’s gown, “how did you get a puncture wound like this—especially this clean?” The flesh around the wound had grown red and swollen, oozing fresh blood. “Oh, and before we put you under, let me introduce myself,” she said, dancing around the bed.

“My name is Aria, and I am your new caregiver!” Lacia’s eyes widened as Aria giggled. “I look forward to working with you! The Doctor and I will be patching you up tonight, so rest well. We have a lot to discuss when you wake again,” she said endearingly.

“More complexities to confuse me,” she thought. The anesthesia gripped her; her vision began to swim, and, seconds later, she was asleep. Whatever the connection Aria had to everything, she’d have to unravel later.

“So, Brendan, tell me why we’re here again?” Mana wasn’t exactly thrilled about trying to shuffle through large crowds of refugees, especially as the sun was beginning to set, but browsing antique shops was also pretty low on her list of things-to-do.

“I just need to check on something really quick then we can go eat. I promise.”

He was browsing the rustic wares of a lonely antique shop. Everything from cheaply-made plastic seashells to centuries-old geographic maps lined the shelves. The orange rays from the setting sun threw a rustic glow on the dusty floorboards and wooden shelving. Aside from its contents, it was a regular antique shop filled to the brim with gadgets and trinkets of all kinds—not just plastic replicas or poorly-understood maps created by early explorers.

Dust particles floated in the sunbeams, drifting in the still air as they gathered on the ground, embracing their inevitable fate—they would be swept away one day, off to start anew somewhere else. It was almost ironic—the particulates shimmered with the luster of diamonds, forged into perfection by trial, yet the dust was allowed to just… float there, shimmering like their gemstone counterparts—as if something so foul ever reserved the right to mimic such perfection.

Brendan shifted his weight to one foot as he leaned against the wall, tired. He was hungry, too, as was indicated by the rumbling of his stomach, but for some reason, he’d felt drawn to the little shop, like he’d been there before. He’d tried to explain his reasoning to Mana, but she just sighed and threw up her arms.

“Look. You know how everything is made of matter, right?” he started. “Just like everything has its own unique material form, it also has a unique mana signature. If whatever I’m feeling in here leads us to Lacia, it would be worth it, wouldn’t it?”

“We’ve been in here for thirty minutes and you’ve touched almost everything, though. I’m hungry,” she whined, “Can’t we go eat first and then come back? I’m just as concerned as you are, but we can’t do this on an empty stomach. Right, Licht? …Licht?”

She looked everywhere, but their new companion was nowhere to be seen. “Until I find Licht, you can keep looking,” she told Brendan. “After that, I will drag both of you out of here so we can eat something if it’s the last thing I do.”

“Deal,” Brendan said, scurrying off to another room somewhere in the back of the shop.

“Boys.” Mana rolled her eyes. “Now, where in the world did Licht go? He was supposed to be my way out of this place…” She turned the corner, surprised to find him in deep conversation with the shopkeeper.

“It’s called a what now? Did I hear you right?” he asked, surprised. “Those aren’t even supposed to exist here.”

An elderly woman’s voice replied. “Yes, you heard me correctly. The stone you speak of is called neriolite. Not much is known about it, however.” It was the shopkeeper.

“Can you think of why it would appear here, on Earth, of all places?” Licht shook his head. “No… Forget Earth—it doesn’t belong in this universe. This literally makes zero sense.”

“It may not mean much, but I have noticed a disturbance in the universal plane as of late. Something has become unbalanced. Perhaps this is what might be disrupting the current order. I’m sure you’ve noticed the cracks in the sky, yes?”

“Yeah, and it’s almost as if our world is colliding with another, yet the energy I’m feeling is… different. I’m not sure how exactly to describe it. Maybe like…” He gasped. “Are we colliding with a decaying world? Something on the brink of destruction?”

“I’ve felt the same energy you have, though I cannot answer your questions as I do not know.” The shopkeeper retrieved a book from below the counter, but Mana was too far back to make out the cover or what it said.

“This,” the woman said, planting a large, dust-caked, book on the counter, “may help answer some of your questions. I’ve been holding onto it for some time, hoping to pass it onto someone who might find better use out of it than I. It is yours now. Take good care of it, and it should serve you well.”

“Thank you for your generosity,” Licht said, surprised. “I know this seems strange, but a friend of, uhh, my friends, is missing. All we really know right now is that she’s mixed up in some crazy stuff.” He scratched his nose. “Once this is all over, I’ll thank you properly for both your help and this book.”

The shopkeeper chuckled. “I appreciate the sentiment. Now, go. It looks like a certain someone has been anxiously looking for you.”

“Shoot… So, she knew I was here the whole time?” Mana cursed.

“Thank you again, ma’am. You’ve been a great help,” Licht said before turning around to give Mana a big smile. Embarrassed by her own eavesdropping, she turned her head away. “Have you been waiting long?” he asked.

“Not really,” she pouted. “More to the point, can you help me convince Brendan to let us go eat? We can come back later. It’s just that we’ve been here… almost an hour now,” she said, checking the time on her phone, surprised to find it still had a charge.

“I’ll do my best,” he laughed.

Suddenly, Brendan’s shouts echoed from the back of the shop. “Mana, Licht— Come here for a minute. I think I’ve got something.”

Mana was thrilled he might have a lead, but she also dreaded the thought of spending another minute without food. Although, if it was enough to convince him to leave after he explained his findings, she wasn’t opposed to seeing what he had to say.

“Well, then… Shall we go humor him?” Licht asked.

“If it means getting a plate of food in front of me that much faster, I’m totally down,” she said in response.

The back of the shop was filled with even more unique items than the front: murky glass jars, petrified driftwood, life preservers, and everything from theoretical literature to modern-day craft technology. A dim lightbulb transformed the stagnant dust into shimmering balls of light as they meandered about the room.

Brendan opened a book he'd pulled from a nearby shelf; the pages smelled like a freshly printed novel, though it had seen better days. Water stains lined the edge, and the binding looked as if it could fall apart at any moment, damaged by years of sun and saltwater.

“What did you find, Brendan? Is it about Lacia?” Mana asked, pushing through a curtain of string beads.

“Yes and no,” he replied. “Remember how I could trace her mana earlier? Well, it turns out that when I examined her hair ribbon further, I discovered another, strange mana. That same feeling led me here to the back of the shop—specifically, to this book.” He held the water-stained pages and cracked leather binding up:

“How Humanity is Incomplete: A Series of Essays”

Borrowing the book from Brendan, Mana studied the front cover, scouring every inch for an author, but the ink had run at some point, smearing the words, and the first page was missing. Still, for a compilation of essays, it was surprisingly light. She thumbed through several pages before handing it back, concluding its contents were light years ahead of her comprehension level.

The binding crackled as Brendan opened the essays to a dog-eared page. “Yeah, I can barely understand this thing myself. While I can’t quite explain how Lacia and these essays are connected, it’s probably safe to assume it has something to do with what’s in this thing. There’s a passage in here I want to read to you and Licht. I’ll try to explain as much as I—”

The shopkeeper fumbled her way through the string-bead-entry, interrupting Brendan mid-sentence. “Ah. You’re still here. Excellent!” She shuffled over to Mana. “Please, open your hand. I have something I want to give you.”

Curiosity got the better of her. She extended her arm and uncurled her fingers. The shopkeeper nestled a small necklace in the palm of her hand, neck chain curling into a silvery heap in the center. She hooked the necklace together, holding it up in the light. It was, arguably, the most beautiful piece of jewelry she’d ever laid eyes on. The neck chain shimmered silver and bronze depending upon how the light hit it.

A yellow, crescent-like charm seemed to sway to the beat of her heart as it dangled in front of her. On each end were two round beads, pale pink and blue. Upon further inspection, she realized they’d been affixed around a thin, wire frame—slightly offset from each other. She gave the beads a small tug, but they didn’t budge.

“This is a very special necklace, young lady. Always keep it on you,” the shopkeeper explained. “It will serve you well.”

Mana thanked the elderly woman, but she still had questions. “Thank you very much for the concern but, umm… What is this for? I mean, I’ll be the first to admit that life has been anything but normal lately, so I guess this is about par,” she laughed. “Still though, why give this to me?”

“That necklace,” the shopkeeper started, “wards off evil, but it also leads you in the direction your heart desires. Tell me, young lady, what do you desire most right now?”

Mana paused for a few seconds. Secretly, she wished things would just go back to normal, though she understood the unreasonable nature of something so broad. Just having Lacia back would suffice, but there had to be a method to the madness. Lacia’s abduction, the weird weather, voices in her head…

“I… want to find Lacia and get things back to the way they were before all of this… weirdness. Like, she’s pretty much my whole life, and I can’t imagine a life without her. I have to find her,” Mana exclaimed, placing her hand on her chest. “She’s depending on all of us.”

“Then, close your hand around that necklace and funnel your desires into it,” the shopkeeper said.

Again, she did as instructed. Her hand began to warm; rays of light emanated from between her fingers, temporarily outshining even the streetlight that now filtered in through the dust-caked windows. She opened her hand to find the necklace fully illuminated, bathing the entirety of the room in a calming luminescence. Stars danced before her eyes, filling the air with miniature orbs of white, yellow, and fiery blue. The crescent began to expand in size as the beads arced around the circumference of the wireframe; they seemed eager to outrace each other. However, just as soon as the cosmic display began, it came to an end.

“Very good. Your heart’s desires are pure and full of determination. Don’t forget what brought you this far, and you will face the trials ahead of you with ease,” the shopkeeper finished. She turned to Brendan, leaving Mana and Licht at a total loss for words. “Now, about that passage you were going to read…”

“Oh… Uh, yeah. Thank you for reminding me,” Brendan said, also in-awe. “Would you, um, like to hear it as well, ma’am?”

“If you wouldn’t mind, yes. That book is a unique one, but I’ve never opened it myself,” she said, finding a nearby bench to sit on. “It was brought to me by a couple nearly fifty years ago. They were never able to open it, however, and as such, it has remained on that shelf ever since.”

“And I was just the first to ever open it… No pressure, right?” he asked, rhetorically. “We seem to find one mystery after another.” He gave a defeated sigh. “Okay. Here goes.”

“The human spirit is a fascinating one, I’ve come to discover. Mom and dad could never understand that my fascination with the human psyche as a child wasn’t just a phase; I suppose that’s why they were never able to find true salvation. As humans, we have long been fascinated with the idea of something greater than ourselves… This is an inherently flawed idea. As humans, we are weak-spirited, frail, and want to believe our failures are not just that—failures.”

Brendan looked up from the page, expecting to receive looks of confusion or disregard. However, everyone seemed engaged, eager to hear more. Mana had posted up against the wall, arms folded, and Licht had joined the shopkeeper on the bench.

“Not quite what I was expecting, but okay,” he chuckled. “Continuing on…”

“Our lives are filled with the constant idea of perfection and failure, but it’s these very ideals that create such a weak and useless human spirit—this must not be allowed to cultivate further. I have proposed multiple hypotheses as a means of explanation for this weak human spirit: the innate desire to achieve something greater than ourselves, an afterlife, and an incomplete evolutionary trait that never fully developed and instead created a regression of the human spirit.”

Brendan looked up again, but no one had moved. Licht’s eyes were closed, listening intently; the shopkeeper smiled at him. “I’ve, uh, read ahead a bit already, so fair warning: this next bit might be a little difficult to understand.”

“This is certainly fascinating though, wouldn’t you say? Who would have guessed such thought existed?” The shopkeeper said with distinct curiosity. “Please, continue.”

“However,” Brendan read, introducing the next passage, “my research into dark matter and time-space have led me to the potential discovery of a lifetime. We are living in an ever-expanding, infinite, universe. The way dark matter behaves when you introduce it to the concept of time briefly creates an entirely new, miniscule universe filled with many worlds like our own. Or maybe it would be easier to define these new universes not as universes at all, but as a part of the current universe we reside in already.”

“Yes, these are entirely new dimensions. The idea of taking a metaphorical step into one of these other worlds has been the subject of my research for years, and now that I have happened upon a unique stone, that I am dubbing ‘neriolite’, I feel I am closer than ever to restructuring this useless world.”

“Stop,” Mana said. “Where is this going?”

“You’ve stopped him at a good point, actually,” Licht piped up. “The neriolite mentioned in that passage, Brendan… Do you think it might have some kind of connection to Lacia’s disappearance and the crazy weather?”

“I do,” he said. “Lest we forget about those cracks in the sky, too…”

At this point, Mana was thoroughly confounded. “We’ll explain later,” Licht promised.

“We should let the young man continue. This is really quite fascinating,” the shopkeeper remarked as Brendan returned his attention to the final paragraphs of the page.

“Unfortunately, I have no way of determining whether these other worlds, apart from our own, are just as pitiful and incomplete. There remains a challenge to my research as it seems it will take more than this strange stone to open the metaphorical gates—also where I presume these neriolite reside, but how it came to be in our world remains a mystery. However, there seems to be a connection between an unusually-high state of consciousness and elevated emotional states. More tests will have to be run—some kind of human trials perhaps.”

“Truthfully, the sense of spirit makes me sick, and it’s a waste to try and fix something so incomplete. Therefore, using these findings, I will reshape this world if no others are determined to be viable.”

“There’s no way to be sure if there’s a connection to anything we’re experiencing,” Brendan said, closing the book, “or if Lacia is, in fact, involved. What we do know is that this is as good a lead as any we’ve had since her disappearance.”

“Brendan…” Mana broke in. “I know what you’re thinking.”

“I know you do,” he said, one hand still on the book, “but as coincidental as it sounds, we can’t just run around the world looking for her. Look… As long as I can still detect her mana, she’s okay, and this weird book proves that. Whatever is happening, she’s needed by more than just us for whatever reason.”

“Brendan’s right, Mana,” Licht said. “In the meantime, as we figure things out and plan our next move, why don’t we get something to eat and find a place to stay for the night?”

She sighed. There was no use in arguing and she was definitely hungry—the gurgling of her stomach told her as much. Stealing a glance at Licht, he gave her an awkward, semi-embarrassed smile.

“Well, that’s that then. I’m famished and we can’t do this on an empty stomach,” she shrugged.

The shopkeeper spoke up once more. “The world is a big place—be careful out there. Come back and see when you’ve found your friend. She sounds just as lovely as all of you, and don’t get into any trouble, you hear me?”

Everyone laughed, sidelining the unsettling tension Brendan’s read-aloud had created. There was a lot they still didn’t know about Lacia, or the world, even, but the grandmotherly-like tone and insistence from the shopkeeper was a welcome reprieve from the anxiety that hung in the air like a wet blanket.

“Go. You persistent young people never know when to start, but when you finally do, you never stop,” she half-joked.

“One last thing, if you wouldn’t mind,” Brendan piped. “How do we address you? You’ve done so much for us in such simple ways. The least we can do is address you properly.”

Silence filled the room, disturbed only by the sound of the clattering beads from the entryway. Unnervingly, the shopkeeper stared at him as if she were peering into his soul before finally answering his question.

“You may call me Madame Lucero—that is my name. Now, off you go,” she said, herding the group back to the front of the shop.

Peering through the windows, Mana realized dusk had already fallen on the town. “So much for doing anything with what little daylight we had to begin with,” she thought.

“If you find yourselves around these parts again someday, perhaps you will still find me here,” Madame Lucero said in parting as she opened the front door. “The best advice I can give you, well, you already know. You’re a smart bunch,” she chuckled.

Mana, Licht, and Brendan watched the elderly woman hobble back into the shop, another dimension in its own right—an experience they’d almost certainly look back on someday. For now, they couldn’t help but feel as if they’d made an important first step in determining Lacia’s potential whereabouts and just what, exactly, they were walking into.

Was the “neriolite” mentioned in the text what Lacia had encountered back at the gas station, and what was the ominous mention of restructuring the world? Was such a feat even possible?

“Whatever happens next, I hope we’re ready for it,” Mana said to herself. “Wherever you are, Lacia, hold on just a little longer. We’re getting closer by the day.” She turned to look at the dusk-lit sky. “Just a little longer…”

Mana reached into her back pocket having forgotten she chose to wear a skirt that day, the last of her clean clothes, but she failed to remember she also had no pockets. With an exasperated sigh she reached into her bag, slung across her chest.

“I’m so hungry and tired that I can’t even remember half the things I’ve done today,” she complained.

With a couple tiny taps, she was relieved to find her phone still had a charge as the screen sprang to life. While the display of zero new notifications was a little disheartening, the phone at least still kept time; 8:21pm scrolled across the top of the screen.

The night air was cool and damp as it began to settle across the town, dew forming on any solid surface it could cling to. Thankfully, the onset of dusk had forced many of the crowds from earlier in the day to thin; the only sign anyone had been there at all were the occasional shoeprints in the dirt.

“Let’s go eat,” Mana said.