Practicaler Education

  “Alright, listen up ya kids!” shouted a middle-aged, balding man dressed in green camo military fatigues.

  Despite his apparent lack of youth and hair, his body was wound with densely coiled muscle from a lifetime of physical activity, and managed to show under the baggy uniform. He regarded the young group before him with wide eyes, his reddened face making a strained expression as saliva flew from his open mouth. “You probably expected another classroom like with Ms. Neal, but this is boot camp! I’m Sergeant McPike, and I’m there to train you how to survive out there.”

  Kai’s eyes blinked instinctively to prevent errant drops of spit from entering them. He didn’t dare guard his face from it, lest he invite the sergeant’s wrath any further. He’d read up enough about army boot camps to know that their goal was to strip away individuality, and replace it with the ability to follow orders quickly and efficiently.

  Since this was just “survival training,” he didn’t know if that was still the goal here, but he didn’t want to find out. Thus he resigned himself to standing stock still like the others around him.

  The teen found himself in a large white room whose walls were covered with the kind of foam padding that could be expected in gymnasiums and high school wrestling rooms. He recognized that they’d absorb the impact of a full-body collision enough to prevent any harm, but it’d still hurt. A lot.

  Around him stood the three kids from Ms. Neal’s class, as well as another young man Kai hadn’t met before. He looked to be close to Kai’s age, at least in comparison to the others. He appeared to be in his early 20s and of Japanese descent. Despite being overweight, he carried himself with an air of confidence that teetered dangerously towards cockiness. He gave Kai a subtle sympathetic sideways glance.

  “The multiverse isn’t all rainbows and unicorns like Sheila’s stationery,” continued their drill sergeant. “It can be a terribly dangerous place. So my job is to drill the fear of god into you five, among other spooks.”

  “Hold on, by ‘other spooks’, do you mean that god is only one of the fears you’re going to teach us about?” asked the other young man while trying to suppress a chuckle.

  “That is correct, Mr. Narahiko,” replied Sergeant McPike in utter sincerity. “Gods aren’t even the most dangerous threats out there, not by a longshot. Even if they can kill you in the most brutal ways imaginable with just a thought.”

  Everyone else in the room gulped.

  “But as long as you don’t go out of your way to piss them off, they’ll leave you well enough alone. Though sometimes your very existence alone can be considered apostate to some of the more bastardly ones. If you want to know what it’s like to be hunted by a god and their followers, just ask Claire in medical. She’ll probably give you some good tips on how not to get yourself killed.”

  The students responded by beginning to sweat, despite the ample air conditioning keeping the room at a chilly temperature. Kai was honestly expecting to run laps, or something equally boring and physical, not to be read the riot act about how they were already dead. Judging by how one of the other kids was beginning to blow air out of his mouth as some kind of stress tic, they probably weren’t either.

  The sergeant sighed and looked over his wards with sympathy. “We’ll be starting with something simple today, how about that?” he asked, the sudden softness of his voice betraying the underlying cold in his eyes. “Each of you pick up one of those training swords over there and get in a combat stance.”

  “Sweet, sword fighting!” exclaimed one of the younger children, rushing over to grab himself the most impressive looking blade.

  “Hey, don’t take the best one for yourself!” shouted another while running right behind him.

  “I’m a wizard, so I really don’t care what you give me,” said the third, taking his time to walk over to the pile.

  Kai and the other young man took their time to get to the mound of arms as well, ambling over to the collection of silver-painted wood in silence. While the teen took a simple shortsword with nothing more than a shrug, the Japanese man let loose a wicked grin as he armed himself with a weapon that heavily resembled a katana. He even gave it a few practice swings before walking back into place.

  “Excuse me, Mr. McPike,” began Kai.

  “That’s Sergeant McPike to you, Mr. Freeman.”

  “Oh, sorry Sergeant McPike… sir,” he hesitated before continuing. “I’ve never actually wielded a sword before. What should I do?”

  “For the sake of this exercise, just hold it however you feel comfortable.”

  “Alright,” said the teen after a second of consideration. Rather than mimicking the others around him, he held the weapon in both arms by his side with bent knees, as if wielding a baseball bat.

  “What kind of stance is that?” chuckled the Japanese man. “This isn’t a sports game, we’re fighting the forces of darkness! You look ridiculous compared to us.”

  “Says the guy who thinks he’s some kind of samurai,” retorted Kai. “I didn’t exactly get the chance to take any fencing classes back home.”

  “That’s ‘sword saint’ to you, Freeman-kun,” he shot back. “And you don’t need any fencing or kendo classes to know how to hold a sword! Anime is more than enough…” he lifted his own wooden katana with a smirk.

  “Fucking weeb,” whispered Kai under his breath.

  “It’s otaku, you gaijin” he whispered back.

  “Bro, we’re not even in Japan! We’re all gaijins!” shouted Kai.

  “That’s enough out of you two!” shouted the sergeant, sharply waving his left hand downwards in a show of cutting the argument short. “I’d rather have Mr. Freeman here swing in a way he’s comfortable with for now, he will have ample opportunity to learn how to properly wield a weapon in the future.”

  The supposed ‘sword saint’ let out a grumble, but returned his focus to his commanding officer.

  “Perfect,” nodded the sergeant as he regarded his young wards with a predatory grin. “I’d like to gauge your response to various threats. Let’s start with something like a giant rat, about a foot long. How would you respond?”

  “We fight it!” exclaimed one of the kids. “We’ve beaten some for our first quest, before we even had any levels! We can take it on.”

  Sergeant McPike regarded his other students, who each nodded in agreement, before continuing.

  “Fair, fair. Now, what would you do if you were confronted with a more powerful foe?”

  “We’d still fight!” said the other young man in an excited shout. Putting on a chivalrous air, he continued. “True heroes never stand down against the forces of evil, even when all seems lost! Now when we have-”

  “I swear to God, you’d better not say the ‘power of friendship’,” thought Kai to himself.

  “-the power of friendship.”

  “This guy’s really got to get himself some better taste in anime.”

  “Rich,” deadpanned the sergeant. “But what if that enemy came at you with…”

  Kai’s eyes widened as he saw McPike reach for a holster on his back and pull out an orange-tipped pistol.

  “A gun!” shouted the drill sergeant with a malicious grin, as he waved around the firearm and pointed it right between Kai’s eyes.

  Immediately, the teen’s muscles contracted and pupils dilated. Carefully honed instinct took over his body, and he let out a shout as he threw the short sword with all of his might at the sergeant while diving to the ground behind a sturdy table.

  “Shit,” whispered the sergeant as the piece of wood came flying at him. He expertly swatted it out of his path as he sidestepped the projectile, recovering from the surprise in a combat stance of his own.

  “To arms, men! We won’t stand down!” shouted the Japanese man as he lifted his katana towards his instructor, but not before taking a moment to sneer at the now-prone Kai. The kids beside him laughed and raised their swords all the same, readying themselves to charge.

  “So that’s your response?” asked Sergeant McPike, calming down and raising his weapon towards the remaining four. “In that case, bang, bang, bang, bang. You’re all fuckin’ dead, kiddos.”

  “What do you mean we’re dead?!” shouted the katana-wielding man indignantly. “If I were a Sword Saint, I would easily deflect your bullets!”

  “Well, are you a Sword Saint?” asked the sergeant matter-of-factly.

  “I mean, not now exactly…” began Mr. Narahiko. “But I will be after a little training!”

  “Well alright then,” replied McPike. Silence reigned down on the training room for several seconds, before he continued. “Alright, training montage over. An enemy with a gun shows up. Now deflect this.” He quickly pulled the trigger, sending a plastic pellet flying towards the young man at high speeds, striking him in the stomach.

  “Aah!” he shouted, falling to the ground, clenching the point of impact as the miniscule bead fell to the floor and began rolling away. “What did you do that for?!”

  “To prove your theory,” replied the sergeant with a sarcastic grin. “If you get ambushed by a stronger enemy, this is what’s going to happen if you decide to stay and fight. Mr. Freeman here had the right idea, despite showing it with a bit too much enthusiasm than was required. But that’s lesson number one. There is no shame in running away if it means the difference between life and death. This isn’t anime, a friendship speech won’t keep a bullet out of your skull.”

  “Damn it,” began the young Japanese man on the ground. “Why did I even sign up for this? I just want to go on an adventure.”

  From his own spot on the floor, Kai’s ears perked as he slowly lifted his head back up. He could sympathize with that one line, but still, he couldn’t help but feel schadenfreude at Narahiko’s suffering.

  “You signed up for this so you could get that adventure,” replied Sergeant McPike. “Do you know how many kids in Gilded Worlds I’ve seen rush into a battle and end up dead because they thought it was all just a game? More than enough for a lifetime. So that’s TOAL’s policy; if you want an adventure, you prove that you can handle it.”

  “I swear, you won’t be sounding so high and mighty once I get strong enough to beat you up,” whimpered the young man as he used his wooden katana to prop himself back up.

  “I’d like to see that,” said the sergeant. “Martial arts will also be part of your lessons, and I’ll expect each of you to be able to do at least that before you get my seal of approval.”

  “You… want me to beat you up?”

  “I want to see you capable of kicking my ass. That way, I know you’ll be safe out there,” said McPike with a friendly smile. This time, its warmth reached his eyes. “Now put your swords back where you got them. You’ll be finishing up the rest of your session at the gym. You’ll need a capable body to accompany a keen mind if you really want to stay alive.”