Lunch with a Friend

  “The food here’s amazing, isn’t it Kai-kun?” asked Kazuma with a mouth full of mosswalker fish sashimi.

  “I know, right?!” replied the teen as he took a bite of a juicy stratosphere turkey cheeseburger fitted with all the works; lettuce, onions, pickles, and apparently ketchup.

  Their hour-long gym session concluded shortly after the little treadmill snafu, and the two agreed to get lunch together to cement their newfound friendship. Well, to start building upon what could become a fruitful friendship, at least.

  “Especially all of the fantasy fish!” continued the Japanese man. “It doesn’t always beat what can be found on Earth, but it adds some really good variety. You should really try the Apex Unagi char. You know, the grilled eel?”

  “I’ll try it out for dinner,” nodded the younger man. “So Kazuma, what was your life like before you got summoned? I don’t think I’ve really asked anyone that question before, being too focused on living vicariously through their adventures.”

  “You too?” asked Kazuma. “I stopped trying to do that a long time ago, since it’s always some variation of the same two backstories.”

  “I know, right?!” exclaimed Kai with a laugh. “Either they beat up some Dark Lord with their fists or indirectly.”

  “Yeah! And I don’t get asked about my time on Earth much often either,” he replied. “Though… it’s not something I’m too keen on discussing.”

  “Why’s that? I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

  “It’s the same reason I don’t like talking about my ‘adventures’ after I got summoned.”

  “Oh,” whispered Kai in understanding. “It’s because you didn’t do much back then.”

  “Pretty much,” Kazuma shrugged. “I was a NEET, with no job and mooching off my parents.”

  “Hey man, if your parents are willing to help you get on your feet, there’s nothing to be ashamed of if you don’t take advantage of them. I wish I had parents like that.”

  “But I was taking advantage of them,” he replied with a sigh. “School was hard. Too hard, with all of the tests and subsequent college entrance exams. I was studying nonstop and stayed up all night several times to cram for them! After I graduated and saw that I’d be living a similar lifestyle in the workforce… I gave up.”

  “I think I read about that,” replied Kai with a sympathetic look. “16 hour work days, followed by going out for drinks with your co-workers, and getting something like 4 hours of sleep once you get back home only to repeat the cycle.”

  “That’s it exactly. That wasn’t something I wanted to experience, so I quit. No college, no job, I wanted to be happy. And I thought I was for the next year, before I got summoned.”

  “Well, I don’t entirely blame you, Kazuma,” said the sympathetic teen. “So that would make you 19 when that happened? And what, 21 now?”

  “On the dot,” nodded the Japanese man. “What I felt back on Earth was an empty sort of happiness, still better than the life that was waiting for me otherwise if I had ‘applied myself’. Thankfully, I was saved from even that by how every other isekai protagonist starts their journey.”

  “How’s that? Oh wait, you mean truck-kun?” chuckled Kai.

  “Huh?” asked Kazuma.

  “You know, being hit by a truck and reincarnated into a fantasy world? It’s such a common trope that people began to say that any time it happens in a story, it’s always the same truck, and they even gave it a name!”

  “No, I understood that, it was just the epithet you added to the phrase. Truck boy?”

  “What are you talking about? I just used the Japanese honorific. You know, ‘kun’? Since it’s a pretty Japanese trope.”

  “Must be the translation magic, then,” shrugged Kazuma. “Looks like it goes both ways when it comes to how badly it mangles honorifics.”

  “Yeah. And I guess you just stopped adding them? I haven’t heard you call me Kai-kun for a bit.”

  The Japanese man nodded once more.

  “Well alright then, so what was it like getting hit by a truck?” asked Kai with utter sincerity. “Did it hurt?”

  Kazuma simply stared at the teen with a blank expression. He eventually responded with a single blink before slowly opening his mouth. “At first it did, I think. But when I closed my eyes, everything was normal again. Please Kai, I’d rather not talk about how I was hit by a truck.”

  “Oh, sorry.”

  The two remained silent for a long while, taking several bites of their luxurious meals in an attempt to push back the creeping awkwardness. It helped, and Kai worked up the courage to change the subject to something hopefully more fun.

“So Kazuma… is it like the Kazuma from that one show-”

  “Konosuba?”

  “Yeah, that’s the one!”

  “I didn’t realize you were also a fan of anime!” exclaimed the Japanese man with a comfortable smile, pleased by the fact that he’d found one of his own in the wild. “I’m especially a big fan of Konosuba, and even idolize its Kazuma!”

  “Where I’m from, being a weeaboo is the kind of thing you don’t advertise unless you want people to think you’re a weirdo. And how the hell can you idolize him? You know he’s supposed to be an asshole, right?” asked Kai, bewildered. “Like, he mistreats everyone around him, who as a result hate his guts, and most of his victories are because of dumb luck.”

  “His victories are because of his luck stat,” corrected the Kazuma sitting beside the teen. “Along with his quick wit. And despite being what he is, he’s still able to do what nobody else in the show can, in taking out the Demon King’s generals!”

  “I guess, but why idolize him? He just seems like a guy who just happens to be at the right place at the right time, and has just what’s needed. Doesn’t feel particularly special to me.”

  “But isn’t that how the summoning ritual that brought us here is supposed to work? Find the right person for the task at hand?”

  “I wouldn’t know, this is the first I’m hearing about how the ritual works.”

  “I guess Ms. Neal hasn’t covered it yet. Or maybe you’ll learn it when you talk to one of the researchers? Anyway, Kazuma is just like me! He was also a NEET before he got brought over… but he’s actually successful,” concluded the Japanese man with a drooping frown.

  Kai nodded in response. “Yeah, I can see what you’re saying. About what makes him so interesting, that is.” He just hoped the Kazuma sitting next to him wasn’t also a raging asshole.

  “Right, so why’d you join survival training?” asked the teen, deciding to continue steering the conversation in whatever direction sounded the most interesting. “You’ve already been to another World, so I don’t see why you need it. Unless you’re looking to get dropped off somewhere mean, like a Noblebright world.”

  “No, they’re making me attend it if I want to settle down outside of TOAL,” replied the Japanese man with a sigh.

  “Wait, do they make everyone take it? You’d figure there’d be more people in our class, then. And would someone who’d survived in a Gilded World or worse even need something like that?”

  “It’s just me,” replied a crestfallen Kazuma. “Apparently, getting fired as the chosen hero gave the people here a pretty bad opinion of what I’m capable of.”

  “Can’t say I blame ‘em,” shot back Kai.

  The Japanese man raised his head to deliver an offended glare, but quickly lowered it again with another sigh. “Yeah, you’re right.”

  Kai hesitated as the feeling of guilt washed over him, making him reconsider his words.

  “But more likely, they know that I’m going to be looking for trouble, and since they can’t stop me, they can at least make sure I’m ready to take it on.”

  The remorse began to dry up as the teen took in his conversation partner’s confident words. “What makes you say that? Seems like a bit of a stretch.”

  “Well, they told me that themselves. The psychologist they assigned me picked it out pretty quickly that an adventure is what I’m looking for, and she’s the one who set the condition of me needing to take survival training first before I could be sent anywhere alone.”

  “Oh,” replied Kai matter-of-factly. “Hold on, they have psychologists here?” Memories of the boy’s first day resurfaced, specifically a throwaway line from Artyom. He’d said that Kai needed therapy above all else, especially an adventure.

  “Of course there are!” exclaimed Kazuma. “They’re the reason I’m actually trying to get my adventure in the first place, rather than remaining a NEET! And believe me, doing that would be incredibly easy.”

  “Huh, I wonder why I haven’t seen one yet, let alone even heard of them, even though I’ve been here for three days so far.”

  “You haven’t?” asked Kazuma, bewildered. “They usually have everyone stop by on their first day. I know I did.”

  “Huh, maybe my memories from then haven’t fully recovered yet?”

  “Yeah, it took me a full week before they came back,” shrugged the Japanese man. “Which happened to be when my second visit was too. So maybe you just need to wait a little bit longer?”

  “Well, alright. Honestly though, with someone like me, you’d figure they’d schedule them a little more often.”

  The two let out a laugh.

  “I think it’s your turn to talk about yourself now,” said the older man. “What was your life back home, if you’re also comfortable talking about it? If you need counseling without having spent much time in your Gilded World, then it probably wasn’t much better than my old life.”

  “Well, there’s not much to say that I haven’t already,” replied the teen. “I lived in a pretty poor neighborhood, and dealt with everything that came with that. The teachers at school didn’t really give a shit what you did, as long as you didn’t risk bringing the school a lawsuit.”

  “That would just mean less competition for your college admission exams, that doesn’t sound so bad.”

  “College?” asked Kai with a chuckle. “As if any of us could afford that. And what the hell would I even major in? I don’t know what I can handle that’ll let me pay off my loans and live a better life. Nah, I was going to join the military once I graduated. I considered the NEET lifestyle, but that wouldn’t really work in my situation.”

  “You know, I considered joining the military too for a bit after watching GATE. It’s about a portal to a fantasy world opening up in the middle of Japan, and how the Japanese Self Defense Force fought to defeat the dumb and evil races on the other side! I changed my mind about the whole thing when I realized that I wouldn’t actually get my own harem of hot elf girls if I joined up.”

  “Oh yeah, I watched that show too, but it was pretty trash. I mean, it devolved into overbearing nationalistic propaganda after 2 episodes, with just a little harem shit sprinkled in to keep people like you still interested in it, no offense.”

  “None taken, but the Transmorphers movies from America are the exact same, filled with propaganda for the US army and how amazing they are. They even come with a hot girl to keep people like you coming back!”

  “Haha, fair!” chuckled Kai. “Michael Bay isn’t even subtle about it, but the more recent of those movies feel like propaganda for China rather than the US, with how they keep trying to appeal to the country’s censor boards.”

  Both of the young men let out a laugh before calming down enough to take another bite of their lunches.

  “Hold on,” said Kai, catching an incongruity in his dining partner’s previous response. “Did you say Transmorphers? Don’t you mean Transformers?”

  “No?” replied Kazuma with a confused look. “I mean Transmorphers, which started as an American TV show based on a pair of Japanese toy lines in the 80s.”

  “Yeah, that’s Transformers,” said Kai. “Wait, I heard that there’s something like infinite Earths with their own minor differences. Maybe this is one of them? Transformers vs Transmorphers.”

  “Could be,” shrugged the Japanese man.

  “Ok, enough serious topics,” interjected Kai with a chuckle. “What do you usually do for fun around here? I’ve seen the arcade, and I’m visiting the library for the first time later today, but that can’t be everything in a place like this, can it?”

“Don’t worry, there’s plenty more to do,” replied Kazuma with a comforting smile. “I mean, I usually spend most of my time at the library because of the massive anime collection they have there. Like, they have all of the classics and even a bunch of new shows that came out after I was summoned!”

  “Alright, like what? I mean about the things to do, not the library’s anime collection. Anything specific?” asked Kai with crossed brows, successful only in keeping the frustration out of his voice.

  “There’s a board game group,” continued Kazuma, heedless of the expression on his conversation partner. “They usually meet up every night during universal free time, but I don’t really know what kind of games they play. Maybe something like magical chess with pieces that move where you tell them to?”

  “They probably have a bit more than that,” replied Kai. “Besides, magical chess sounds like a pain compared to regular chess. I mean, you can just move the piece in the time it takes to figure out the name of the square you want it to walk to and say it out loud.”

  “I’m not really fond of spending time with others, so I don’t really know what they do there,” hesitated Kazuma. “Same thing applies to the other activities they have here.”

  “I think I’m beginning to sense a pattern here,” whispered Kai to himself.

  “Oh yeah! Sports are really popular too! I’ve passed by the basketball and tennis courts, and I can’t tell you how many times they’ve asked me to join their pickup games. If they think I could be helpful, then someone like you would be more than welcome!”

  “What do you mean by someone ‘like me’? Is it because I’m black?”

  Kazuma froze once again, dropping the sashimi piece he had from his chopsticks as he held out his hands defensively.

  “I’m just fucking with you again!” exclaimed Kai as he let out a mischievous laugh. “Sorry, I couldn’t help it.”

  The Japanese man simply leered at the teen as he fished his morsel back up from his plate without breaking eye contact, angrily chewing on the piece of fish and rice without so much as blinking. “Do you think you can keep getting away with that because I’m Japanese and you’re American? Weren’t the two atom bombs enough?!”

  Kai himself froze for a solid second. As he fought off the shock, the teen slowly inhaled, and gave a simple reply. “Nope.”

  The teen let out a cackling laugh as his conversation partner joined in, the two of them sharing in the mirth of the moment.

  “You’re not the only one who can play that card!” chuckled Kazuma, calming himself down.

  “I guess not!” replied Kai with a large smile. “So what else is there to do?”

  “The last thing I can think of are field trips. No matter how many activities there are around here, everyone still says that we need to go outside so we don’t go crazy. But I’ve been stuck inside for the past two years, and I feel perfectly fine!” The Japanese man’s face fell in lamentation. “Besides, they remind me of what I missed out on.”

  “Damn, I take it that there isn’t exactly much excitement ‘outside’ in that case?”

  “No, it’s mostly just walking around or playing sports on a grassy field to get some fresh air, or visiting some town or another in a Heroic or Fairytale World. Still, those places can be magical enough to make you want to run free and find yourself an adventure!”

  “Hmm, I’ve been on one of those field trips, I guess. It was just a delivery, but I just wanted that adventure so badly, I got lost and managed to accidentally pick a fight with a dwarf.”

  “And get knocked out in one punch,” Kazuma completed the story.

  Kai nodded sheepishly. “Yeah, but I did do something, at least. Hey, I know!”

  “What is it?”

  “Why don’t you come along with me on my next field trip? Or at least when our schedules align, I’ll ask Sheila about it. I mean, even if it’s going to be boring, we can at least give each other company. Who knows, it might even be fun with both of us just shooting the breeze and talking smack about how we’re probably not missing out on anything?”

  “I… think I know what you’re talking about. Just finding satisfaction in each others’ company. I’ll think about it.”

  “Yeah, you do that.”

  “So Kai, do you have any plans for tonight? I was thinking of going to the arcade to practice DDR so I can beat the brothers who replaced me in the next tournament! Having a partner would really help.”

  “I’d love to,” hesitated the teen. “But I think I’ve had enough of that place after the ghost. I’d honestly rather spend my free time visiting a priest or something like that. But I bet a place like this doesn’t really have one, or probably only ones for weird fantasy religions nobody’s ever heard of before.”

  “Actually, TOAL does have a priest! His name’s Obadiah, I think, and he’s apparently a secular one.”

  “Wait, secular? How the hell does that work?”

  “He covers multiple religions rather than just one, at least from what I’ve heard. I’ve gone to him before to ask about Buddhism after my therapist recommended I look into it to find meaning in my life, and he really sounded like he knew his stuff.”

  “I still really don’t see how that works, but I don’t think I care at this point. I’ll take literally any kind of priest if it means I don’t have to deal with that asshole ghost again.”