That's Just Nerves. Right?

Okay, now I’ve gotten over my initial resistance to the idea – trips outside aren’t all that bad.

For the most part.

Actually.

I lied.

I still hate these things, like, what the hell?

My brain feels as if it is running a marathon every time I am even close to another human being that isn’t Bell. I can feel their gaze pierce through me like a stake to the heart.

With every look, my brain and my heart go into overdrive, and I can’t even think about anything anymore.

This is a perfect example.

Where even am I right now? What am I doing?

I have no fucking clue.

And it goes on and on and over and over.

Do they know I used to kill people? Do they know what I am? Those stares could mean any combination of things. I don’t know how they could know all that information and what’s going on in my head, but I still feel as if they can.

I mean, I am easier to read than most people – but maybe that much information gathered from just looking at someone is unrealistic.

“They’re not looking at you, ya know?”

Bell brings me back to the moment.

That’s right, we are walking through the streets of Tokyo on one of our regular assignments.

What could that regular assignment be, I hear you ask?

Well, food of course!

We figured this would be a good way for me to get a grip on the landscape and interacting with others – with a delicious reward at the end.

It’s a win, win.

Food, oh my god! I haven’t even talked about food. How could I forget such a vital and crucial part of my existence?

I shall warn you though, this will be another time where I make comparisons between my old life and this one, saying something about my age.

Here we go.

I’ve been alive for thousands of years and only ever fed on blood. Sure, it was delicious and there was a range in flavour between different types of people and how well they looked after their bodies. But nothing could have ever prepared me for the smorgasbord of delights and treats that is now available.

Anyways, ranting about food aside – Bell was just saying…

“They only care about what is going on in their lives. Look at all the people around us, you think everyone has the time to think about every single person they see on the street? These people have lives of their own to worry about, take comfort in the fact everyone is a self-centred asshole.”

You’re coming off a little harsh there, Bell, but I get your point.

I am standing here worried about what everyone else is thinking of me, while not actually paying any attention to them. Those people are not thinking of me at all because, similarly, they are dealing with their own things.

When did Bell start spouting off such good advice? Maybe this doesn’t even count as advice. More like cynical thinking or something?

It’s probably not healthy to have such an outlook on the regular person, but it helps in this situation.

Actually, is that really the question I should be asking here? How did Bell even kno-

“You read like a book, you know that? Now let’s get going – that Takoyaki won’t eat itself!”

Well to that I shouldn’t be surprised, they say those that care about you the most can tell if you’re distressed.

After all, I did just admit that I am easy to read – why did it feel so abrupt when someone else attested to one of my flaws?

Like hey, buddy! I can say that about myself, but you can’t go around saying that.

Something like that.

Maybe it isn’t a flaw though, maybe I’m just honest now? Yeah, let’s go with that – sounds much better.

Now while I am being honest, I must say; I know that everyone is too absorbed in their own lives to be looking at me…

That doesn’t help with the strong, lingering feeling I have that I am being watched.

That’s just nerves.

Right?