June 8

Beep-beep! Beep-beep!

“Hmmmm…” I mumbled sleepily.

Beep-beep! Beep-beep!

I turned over on my stomach and looked at my alarm clock. It read six o’clock. The sun spilled through the window and onto me.

Beep-beep! Beep-beep!

“Just stop already!” I slammed my alarm clock as hard as I could to turn it off and slowly crawled out of bed. As I did so, I let out a huge yawn. Maybe I shouldn’t have stayed up until 12 A.M. binging my favorite anime series.

Outside the window, the sun was already blindingly bright. Birds sang as they flew by my window. The bustling sound of cars crept through my window, which wasn’t too uncommon this early in the morning around this area.

Just to wake my brain up, I looked out the window to try to spot anything interesting. My neighbor next door, who has a really early shift, waved at me as she saw me looking at her. I waved back and then headed back in.

Now, I faced the mess that is my bedroom. There were things all over the place: clothes, books, anime posters, and some other things I don’t even remember having. (When did I ever get a mug with this anime I’ve never watched on it? And why is it here?) Everything else was pretty normal for a girl’s bedroom. I dug through my mountain of belongings to reach my closet and found a change of clothes. As I changed my clothes, I yawned again.

Finally, I headed to the dining room, which for whatever reason is 100 times cleaner than my bedroom. Initially, I wanted to get some coffee, so I went to my handy coffee maker, only to realize that I had run out of coffee. I even wrote myself a sticky note to remind myself to “BUY MORE COFFEE!!!” Sighing, I went to my fridge to take a look at what I still had. I ended up just pouring myself some milk and looking out the window.

A lot has changed since that traffic accident. I mean, I’m still me, and I didn’t end up losing any body parts or anything, but my life’s still changed a lot. Almost all my memories from the days I was in school were lost. Thankfully, since then, I’ve been able to remember most of those memories.

There’s just one thing that’s bugging me, though…

There’s someone that I remember… but I don’t.

It’s very confusing, isn’t it?

I can remember hanging out with them, having fun, but when I try to recall what they were like, their face just fades away.

It always happens.

It’s like the hole in a donut.

You can’t isolate the hole, so you can never prove it was there at all.

I snapped back to reality from my thoughts. I checked my watch to find that it was already 6:15. If I rush a bit, I could still make it to work on time.

So, I washed out my mug, brushed my teeth, grabbed my handbag, and headed out the door to start my day.

Well, actually, before that, I had to navigate my apartment floor for a minute or two because it was a literal maze. After successfully finding the elevator, I rode down to the first floor and started running toward the metro station.

Luckily, when I arrived at the station, I just caught the current subway. As I stumbled into the car, the doors closed behind me. Just in time, I thought to myself.

The transit to work wasn’t that interesting, as it often is. Actually, always is the word I’m looking for. Transiting from home to work is never very interesting.

Just as I was about to doze off, I got a notification on my phone. I took my phone out of my bag and wondered what could possibly be going on. As it turns out, my apartment building is going to be closed out briefly tonight for maintenance.

That’s nice.

I sighed as I put my phone back into my bag. The train should be arriving at the destination any moment now.

A few minutes later, the train stopped and an announcement came on telling us the station. Right as the doors opened, I shuffled outside the train and started my mini-jog to the office. My watch told me that it was now 6:30. I should still be able to make it on time if I keep up my pace. I’m so jealous of coworkers who have their own cars and can drive to work instead of running a marathon every morning. Though, now that I think about it, me in the morning probably shouldn’t be driving. I looked around for something to think about.

The scenery here is much different than where I live. The place I live is all cramped and filled with cars and people all the time. Here, however, was a completely different story. The entire place is much less cramped, and I actually feel like I have space to breathe.

Eventually, I reached the garden around the company I work at, and I stopped running, partly because I’d already arrived, and partly because I really needed to catch my breath.

As I walked towards the front door, my colleague who sat next to me, Yoka, passed by me.

“Hey, Haruka,” she greeted me.

“Hey,” I greeted back. “What’re you doing?”

“Oh, I just wanted to get some fresh air before work starts.”

“Wise choice.”

“Wanna join in?”

“Nah, I’ve got plenty on the way here.”

“I see. Well, see you later, I guess?”

“See you later.”

I quickly got to my desk in my department and settled down. By the way, have I ever mentioned my profession before?

If I never did, I’m a software engineer. It’s a fun job that involves lots of problem-solving, though the only downside is that you have to sit down all day long. Though, to be honest, I would much rather be spending the entire day in bed, but being a software engineer is fine too.

I glanced at the clock on my computer. Even though her shift is about to start, I still see no signs of Yoka around.

Well, no use worrying about Yoka. Better get some of my own work done.

Even so, I still kept an eye out for Yoka.

Much to my relief, she came in just before the shift started, and sat down beside me.

“Man, time just flies when you’re outside, doesn’t it?” she asked.

“Mm-hmm,” I replied subconsciously, trying to focus on my work instead of chatting with Yoka. Yoka caught on to what I was doing and started being a bit mischievous.

“So, Haruka,” she started, “I’ve heard you’ve been gaining a bit of weight recently…?”

“Mm-hmm,” I said again, completely unaware of what was going on.

Yoka chuckled quietly.

“Have you gotten a boyfriend yet?”

“Mm-hmm,” I replied, still having absolutely no idea what was going on.

“Haruka.”

“Yes?”

“Do you have any idea what you just said?”

I swiveled my chair around so I was now facing Yoka. “No…? What did I say?”

Yoka first started giggling, and then quietly laughing, and then she just completely lost it and burst out laughing.

“You… you said that…”

“I said what???”

“That… that you had…”

“I what???”

“You had a boyfriend…”

Yoka was now laughing so hard that she crawled up in a ball and laughed into her knees, if that makes sense. It does look kind of ridiculous, to be honest.

I just stared blankly at Yoka, my mouth open, not believing what I just heard. Did I really say that?

Yoka now pointed at me and said (while laughing, of course), “Oh my god… Haruka, your face…”

Now that she mentions it, so much blood has rushed to my face it probably looks as red as a cherry. The thought of it makes me so embarrassed that I curled into a little ball myself. I’m not that social anyways, though I do happen to make a lot of friends…

That aside, I was extremely lucky that I found a hoodie inside my bag (wait, why?), and so I put it on me for the rest of the day. Thankfully, the scene didn’t quite impede my productivity, other than a flashback or two every so often.

Finally, it was time for a lunch break. “Good work, everyone!” I told my coworkers.

“Good work!” they replied back. It felt good to be replied back. Or maybe it just felt really bad to not be replied back.

I started to dig around in my bag to look for the lunch that I packed for myself, but then I realized that I hadn’t packed lunch because I was in such a hurry in the morning.

“Ugh!” I laid back as much as I could in my chair but then got my soul scared out of me when I found Yoka standing right behind me. And since I laid back as much as I could in my chair, that practically meant her face was right in front of mine.

“Whatcha doing?” Yoka asked me. She took a bite out of the onigiri she had for lunch. Then she saw that 1. there were no signs of any lunch in my bag and 2. I was not holding any lunch, correctly inferring that I had forgotten to pack lunch.

“So… are you just going to sit here for the rest of lunch?” she asked as she took another bite of her onigiri.

“Pretty much, yeah,” I said in a tone that sounded like a dying cat.

“Want me to stay here with you?”

“I’m fine. I’ll just browse social media or something to pass time. You can eat lunch by yourself.”

“Alright then. If you need anything, just call me, okay?”

“Okay.”

With that, Yoka walked back to the dining room, while I sat in a ball at my seat. I started to pick up my phone, but then I didn’t really feel like it. I looked around me for any people, but no one was in sight, probably because they were all at lunch.

So, I closed my eyes and napped a bit. Just for a little while.

Except, I never actually napped. Because I was distracted by something else.

Who was this person I couldn’t remember?

Will I ever be able to remember them?

Why do I need to remember them in the first place?

It’s all part of the recovery process from the traffic accident, isn’t it? Right, it must be.

No… don’t think about that. But I can’t stop myself from remembering.

I remember it was a beautiful night. I was walking along the sidewalk with some friends. We laughed and joked together.

And everything was fine, until a car suddenly came around the corner.

At that point, my memory was blank.

“Haruka!”

Why does it have to be me who experiences all this?

“HARUKA!”

I snap back from my thoughts and find myself facing Yoka. Her face seemed worried and concerned.

“Haruka! Are you okay? You were sobbing here for ten minutes!”

“Ten minutes…?” I looked at the clock nearby. I had been crying for ten minutes. I wiped away some tears and hugged Yoka as hard as I could.

“Aah!” she shouted as I hugged her so suddenly. Then, she smiled. “It’ll be fine, okay? Don’t overthink everything.”

I nodded in understanding.

“Right, lunchtime’s going to be over soon. You wanna go outside for a bit?” Yoka asked me. “C’mon, let’s go!” She grabbed me by the arm and pulled me all the way outside.

“Ah, some fresh air at last!” Yoka exclaimed when she got out.

It was really nice being outside. The nature all around me made me feel calmer, and within a few minutes, I was ready to go back to work again.

Yoka checked her watch, which was not something she usually does. “Oh, wow, we’re gonna be late if we don’t go back soon. Hurry up!” Then, she ran back inside, leaving just me still outside. I just walked back to my desk calmly.

The rest of the day went by quite quickly, with no real distractions. For once, Yoka actually worked on something productive and wasn’t looking for a chance to be messing around every ten minutes. At last, the clock ticked to the leaving time. Almost in an instant, everyone got up and started packing up their things.

“Hey,” Yoka patted me on the shoulder, “good work today.”

I just smiled in response. It was enough to get Yoka to smile back.

“See you tomorrow!” I said to Yoka before I left.

“See you!” Since Yoka had her own car, she headed the other way, towards the parking lot.

The commute back home was pretty much the exact same as the commute to work, so nothing interesting ever happened, as usual. At this point, I was already starting to yawn. Life is so tiring.

I walked up to my apartment building and pulled on the door.

Nothing happened.

Maybe I forgot to turn the handle? I occasionally have dumb moments like this. I tried again.

Still nothing.

Is it stuck? I tried kicking the door a couple of times, but it still refused to open.

I pulled out my phone to call the manager, but then I saw the notification from earlier today.

“OH!” I slapped my head in realization. That same moment, my stomach growled extremely loudly.

I stood stuck to the floor for a few seconds before deciding what to do next.

Right, I heard there’s a ramen restaurant nearby that’s really good. Why not try it? I didn’t even have anything planned for dinner anyways.

So, after a bit of walking, I was standing in front of the restaurant.

It didn’t look very fancy on the outside, but it was the inside that made all the difference. Right as you enter the restaurant, you’re met with the delicious aroma of ramen. All the waiters are the friendliest I’ve met in any restaurant, and the place just gives me a sense of welcome and comfort. And the food! It’s a thousand times better than any ramen I could make myself, though, to be fair, the only ramen I make is cup ramen. I might invite a few friends over if I have time on my hands.

After eating for some time, my mind starts to wander into thinking about my memories again. It’s so weird…

I can clearly remember the time I spent with them. The memories are so crisp, it was as if I saw them in real life. Yet, when I actually try to remember who it was in my memories, nothing comes to mind.

If I can’t remember them, it’s as if I’m missing a piece of my life. Frustration overflows my head.

What if I never remember you?

Will I still be the same me as before?

“Um, miss, are you okay?” a waitress asks me. I picked up my head from the table and I realized that the waitress was actually concerned about me. See, what did I say about the waitresses being friendly?

“Yes, I’m fine,” I whispered in a weak tone, trying not to get the attention of the others.

“If you ever need assistance, feel free to call any of us, okay?”

“Okay. Thanks!”

“No problem.” The waitress took a deep breath as she walked away to take care of a customer that had somehow spilled his ramen.

I quickly finished my own ramen and left the restaurant. The first thing I did was stretch a bit, and then I headed into the crowd of people. The apartment buildings should be open just around now…

Out of the corner of my eye, I spot something. I quickly turn around and tried to find what I saw. It was like something just clicked in my head. For a few seconds, I couldn’t find what I was looking for.

But then I found it. Him, actually.

There was someone I recognized, but I couldn’t remember him from memory. Could this be…?

The figure was heading in the opposite direction that I was going in, so I had to spend a little time going against the crowd. I started looking around for him again. I spotted them just in time for them to turn around a corner. I ran towards him, whoever he was, bumping into a few people on the way.

I continued to look around for him. Every turn that he took, there seemed to be less and less of a crowd. I kept chasing his tail, determined to catch him.

Eventually, we reached a small road with no one but him and me. The sun was just setting, making everything around us intensely orange-yellow.

“Hey!” I called out to him.

He turned his face around to look at me.

Once I got a good look at his face, all the memories came flooding back into my brain like a tsunami.

I remember how lonely I was when I first started high school. It was him who came up to me and offered to hang out together.

How could I have forgotten him?

I remember when we would walk together in the park and talk about our days. We would have so much fun together! And that time when we went to the karaoke together, too. He was the one who carried me on his back and took me back home. And whenever it rained, we would share an umbrella together when we headed home. Ah, those were wonderful, wonderful times. I almost wished I could stay like that forever.

But then, all good things must come to an end. I remember the scene that day very vividly, when he told everyone that he would be moving to another school. I couldn’t say anything. I was too shocked to say anything. The time was almost the exact same as this moment, with the sunset shining vibrantly into the classroom. I remember walking home that afternoon with him, the only words coming out of my mouth being “why, why, why?” but all he did was tell me to calm down and that we would undoubtedly meet again someday. Ever since then, we never communicated with each other. Both of us had moved on, but I still couldn’t ever forget him.

So, here we are.

The moment I was waiting for.

The hole in my life has finally been filled in.

I said the only thing that was on my mind:

“I’ve missed you, Shinichi.”