[Aika Crisis] Day 19: Today, My Ex-Girlfriend Committed Suicide

"Do you want to die, Aika?"

Aika awoke early in the morning that sudden question from Yoko. The rain was beating against the windows, but the black blinds shut out any light from the outside. Their backs were turned to each other in bed.

"Yoko?" Aika asked, surprised she was even awake.

"I asked you if wanted to die."

"Come on. What time is it?"

"Just...answer me. You can go back to sleep after you answer me."

"I don't know what you want me to say like this..." Aika whimpered.

"The truth."

Aika closed her eyes and prepared to lie. "No. I'm happy enough to continue living."

"I see. Sorry for bothering you." Yoko said, with a tone that seemed much too calm and accepting.

"It's fine. Really.” Aika assured.

Yoko silently cried next to Aika. Feeling the convulsions of her back, the crying was no secret to Aika. But still, she did nothing to console her. Aika wondered, however, what could cause Yoko to cry? Could it have been happiness? Perhaps anger? 

Whatever it was, it was no shallow, simple strain of emotions. It was deeper. So deep, it hid among the clouds that rained down on the city that morning.

An hour later, Aika woke up again, but Yoko was still sleeping. It was the first time Aika got up before Yoko, an odd and rare occurrence indeed. She took her first steps outside, her head lightened by a peculiar feeling, as if her soul wasn't even in her body. 

It was like she was a spectating spirit piloting a thoughtless, empty corpse. She took those light, dreamy steps downstairs and met with Osamu and Izanami, who had already made breakfast.

"Morning, Aika! You’re up early!” Izanami greeted.

"Good morning!" Osamu joined.

"Hey. You guys are up early, as always. Where's Isabella?"

"Ah, she said she's not feeling too well, so she's sleeping in.” explained Osamu.

"Her too..." Aika drearily mumbled to herself, perplexing Osamu.

"Are you hungry, Aika? I could make you something." Izanami eagerly offered.

"No, that's fine. I don't have much of an appetite today."

"No way. Believe me, starting your day without breakfast is suicide!" Osamu advised from experience.

"I guess it doesn't sound too bad then. A little breakfast won’t kill me.” Aika seemingly joked with dry, convincing delivery. “I'm gonna go check on Isabella first.” 

Aika ran upstairs before Osamu could say anything.

(Something is off today...)

"Do you think she's on drugs?" Izanami stupidly asked.

"What kind of question is that?” Osamu recoiled.

"I heard that when humans act very strangely, it means that they're probably taking drugs!” Izanami explained, her index finger pointed towards the ceiling.

"Yeah? And where did you learn that?"

"T.V. of course!"

(Her naivety is adorable sometimes...)

The seeds of worry were planted in Aika's heart as she knocked on Isabella's door.
"C-come in!" Isabella permitted.

Aika entered and she saw Isabella's smile fade away. More than ever, she was noticing the little things about the people around her.

"You look like you've been crying..." observed Aika.

Isabella laughed the comment off. "Nah! I'm just tired, that's all! Why would I be crying?"

"I guess you're right. Sorry about that! Osamu told me you were sleeping in, so I just wanted to make sure you're okay."

"Aww shucks! I appreciate it, Aika!" Isabella cheered with a deceptive grin.

Aika closed the door, both of them reverting to their true emotions on their respective sides. Aika's guess was right. Isabella was sleeping in because her heart was weary. But still, why don't they just come up with some elaborate, violent scheme to teach Aika a lesson like they did before? Why did they lock themselves away and cry instead? 

The truth is, it didn't take Aika long to figure out the answer to those questions, and that's when her heart began to feel torn.Aika gathered up her strength and barged into Isabella's room again, confronting her troubled feelings head-on. Coming in so fast, she caught Isabella wiping her wet eyes, confirming her suspicion.

"Izzy, you are crying!"

"N-no! I—"

"Both you and Yoko! You're hurting, but neither of you will be honest with me! It's about me, isn't it? If we're all living together like this, shouldn't we be honest with each other?”

Yoko's voice suddenly entered the conversation. "Stop it, Aika."

She stood outside of her door just behind Aika, her arms crossed and her eyes sternly set on Aika.

"I'm sorry, but...you're not really the best person to be talking about being honest and open." Yoko admitted.

"So I'm a hypocrite, right? Is that what you're saying? I'll be honest with you the moment you want to be honest with me! What's bothering you two?”

"Aika, please stop!" Isabella pleaded.

Yoko lost her patience and raised her voice.”Isabella’s problems are her own unless she wishes to talk about them, and you know damn well what bothers me about you, Aika! It bothers you too, doesn't it? Don’t you ever get tired of waking up in the morning, sighing like it's your last day alive?”

"Don't you ever get tired of putting your nose where it doesn't belong?” Aika shot back. “You tell people not to pry, but you're just doing all the prying yourself! Saving me won't make up for the fact that you almost let Osamu kill himself four years ago!”

Yoko slapped Aika across the face, bloodying the inside of her mouth and knocking her on the floor. Aika fell silent, as if she were in a state of shock.

"I gave you a home, food to eat, a place to sleep, and love to bask in.” Yoko growled. “I gave you those things because I've had days where I didn't want to wake up either! I've been scorned, repudiated, and laughed at like some freak at a side show! I know I failed Osamu back then, but that has nothing to do with why I want to save you!” 

Osamu and Izanami ran up the stairs, alarmed by the commotion. Yoko ran back inside her room as Osamu ascended the steps. Isabella extended her hand and helped Aika get back on her feet.

"What the hell happened?" Osamu questioned.

"Aika, you're bleeding!" Izanami worriedly cried out.

Before Isabella could say anything, Aika smiled at them and lied yet again. "I fell. I'm pretty clumsy when I don't get enough sleep."

"Aika..." Osamu chanted, her name flowing out from his lips without much thought.

"Don't worry, I'll clean this out. I think...I think I'm gonna go out for a bit too, get some fresh air." Aika explained with an exhausted giggle.

"Are you sure? If you need anything, just let me know, okay?" asked Osamu.

"Don't make a big deal out of it! I'll be fine."

Aika cleaned herself up in the bathroom, leaving Osamu and Izanami to just return to what they were doing before. Isabella was the last one remaining in the hallway, until she too closed her door and her heart along with it. As Aika prepared to dress herself for her walk, she was very careful about what she would wear.

Picking from among her gifts, her outfit consisted of nothing but black. Black leather jacket, a black long-sleeved shirt underneath, black jeans, and a necklace with an onyx pendant. She noticed her birthday tiara, which was decorated with roses to look like a crown of flowers. She decided to wear it as she walked out of her room, through the kitchen downstairs, and out through the front door. Izanami and Osamu didn’t dare to bother her.

"I think something happened..." Izanami said, holding her hand over her concerned heart.

"Yeah. It's probably best not to poke too much at it though. Aika is a really sensitive girl.” Osamu said.

"I guess you're right. She can handle herself, right?” Izanami asked with a bit more optimism in her voice.

"No matter what, she always pulls through. That's just the kind of woman she is."

(Foolish...)

Aika, dressed in black and adorned with flowers, began a slow and thoughtful walk to the cemetery. She took the same path Osamu, Izanami, and Isabella took when they visited. It seemed some of the leaves were already changing color. The golden-orange cloak of autumn was almost draped over all of the trees in the area. 

The rain had let up and was reduced to a very faint drizzle, leaving puddles on the ground that reflected the cloudy sky and the trees around them. Of course, Aika ended up right in front of her mother's gravestone, the gravestone of Kiyomi Mihara.

"Hello, Mom. Are you cold? Autumn is finally returning, and the trees are changing color again. Save for this season and Winter, the rest of the year always seemed bright and hot. I never really understand just how much time has passed until it gets cold like this again."

Aika's eyes always traced over the name engraved on the stone, as well as the short distance between the years separated by a hyphen.

"A hyphen..." she whispered. "A silly, small hyphen. That's all we can do to represent the time you spent here, between your birth and your death. That small, insignificant line is supposed to hold the breadth of the years you lived. Your childhood, your life at school, your marriage to Dad, even my birth. All of it...somehow, is supposed to fit in the small hyphen."

Her eyes then traced over the low relief carving of the cross sitting above the etched name.

"Here I am, trying to find a meaning to fix to that small line, so that it's anything but a small line. But I can't. You can't turn lead into gold, nor the meaningless into the meaningful. Even now, no matter how much I think about, no matter how much I pray and believe...I can't find any meaning to my life. I can't find the meaning for the loss of yours. And that...that crushes me. All of that faith, all of those prayers…all for nothing.”

Aika sat there for hours talking to her mother. She told her mother all about how people who were once her enemies became her friends, how she was able to have fun being part of their antics and adventures, and how they even threw a surprise birthday party for her. With that long talk between the living and the dead, Aika was already at peace. When she got up, she bowed to her mother.

"In the end, I can at least say that I enjoyed my final months. Thanks for listening to me talk for this long. I think it's actually the most I've spoken in a while! Well...I'm off. Love you. Take care."

The clouds parted in the late afternoon, allowing spears of sunlight to pierce through their blanket of grey.The puddles brightly reflected its light with an orange glare that blinded Aika as she walked out of the cemetery, and to the bowling alley.

It was a quiet place that hardly anyone ever visited. It was calm, and the light given off by the colored columns of stained glass made being in the place during the daytime peaceful. Dilapidated, yet beautiful.

Aika sat down in one of the bleacher seats, the sun beaming through the stained glass behind her. She just sat there and looked around, admiring the warm and soft light coming into the building. All of a sudden, she heard the meow of a cat beneath her feet. It seemed a homeless, black cat had also been using the bowling alley as its home.

"Aww! Are you alone, little guy?"

The cat took a liking to Aika, allowing her to pick it up without receiving scratches to the face. It's fur was warm and fuzzy, and its meows were faint.

"You are so adorable! I guess you were taking shelter from the rain earlier, huh? Cats tend to really dislike water. I guess I'm taking shelter too, but not from the rain."

Aika wanted to say more, but a yawn and heavy eyes made her reconsider.

"Oh man. I'm exhausted. I think I'm gonna take a nap, little guy. The rain has stopped, so you can go if you want."

Aika used her leather jacket as a pillow and laid across the bleacher seats. Her eyes were so heavy that going to sleep was completely effortless for her. Dressed in black and flowers, and with the multi-colored light of the stained glass shining on her and her surroundings, Aika drifted off into her slumber.

Hours had passed by, and the sun was just about to set. Izanami prepared to cook dinner, but noted a very important person was still missing. Osamu and Isabella sat at the counter, clearly tired and bored.

"Aw man, these cold days turn me into a bear. I'm tired all the time!" Isabella groaned in lethargic agony.

"I can empathize." Osamu said.

"Quit talking about yourselves!" Izanami shouted, startling the two. "Aika has been gone all day! Shouldn't one of you guys go and find her? She's gonna miss dinner!"

"I want to believe she's fine, but you're probably right. We're not even sure if she's eaten anything all day." Osamu said with accumulating worry.

Isabella twiddled her thumbs around as she spoke, her heart betorn by Aika's prolonged absense. "Y-you should go find her, Osamu. She's part of this household, so none of us should ever miss a meal together." 

"Hey...Izzy...what were you upset about earlier? I mean, if you don't mind me asking." said Osamu.

Isabella's lips opened as if she were ready to say something, only to close in hesitation again.
"Please tell us, Izzy. We're here for you." pleaded Izanami.

"Well...it's just that I got a call from my parents this morning. My brother Huxley is being deployed soon."

"Your brother's in the military, Izzy?" Izanami asked.

"Yeah, he's in the USMC. It's not like it's his first tour, but I just can't help but worry. I don't know what I'd do if I lost my brother."

"So that's why you were upset?" Osamu asked.

"But Aika thought I was upset about her or something like that. At first, I was a little confused, but...I see why she might think that."

Izanami's heavy, fretful sigh told Osamu everything he needed to know. Or rather, everything he already knew but never wanted to face.

"We haven't confronted it, have we? There's a massive elephant in the room, and it all revolves around you, Osamu." Izanami said. "Leaving Kyoto and everyone who cared for you behind...that was an awful thing to do. But even more hurtful than that, I think that everyone is aware of what you tried to do before you decided to leave, but...none of us have worked up the courage to talk about it. There's a myriad of unexpressed feelings here."

(Ah...I see. So even Aika knew about that. If Yoko and Izzy knew, I guess it's no surprise. It would explain why they both seemed to already know Izanami on the night of my return. None of them have scolded me about it, nor have they cried or yelled at me. None of us really wanted to face it, but it continues to loom over us all. As if leaving Kyoto wasn't bad enough on its own, I have to own up to the fact that...I attempted suicide before deciding to leave. I can only imagine if everyone partly blames themselves, blames me, or each other.)

"Personally..." Isabella began. "I didn't feel like we necessarily had to talk about it. I mean, it's a difficult matter for you as well, I'm sure. But I can't deny that what you did had a powerful impact on me. It was selfish and incredibly cruel, Osamu, both on yourself and all of us."

Izanami remained silent on the matter as Osamu's guilty conscience festered in those bitter memories of troubled times.

"I think we all need some closure, Osamu. Or at the very least, some clarity as to what happened then, and where exactly we are now.” Isabella said. "In order to do that, we're going to need Aika here."

(As always, Izzy is right. Everyone wants to live together. For a group of violent ex-girlfriends, everyone gets along well enough, surprisingly. But I can't afford to forget what I did, can I? No matter how much I really want to...)

"All right. I'm gonna go look for Aika now. When I get back, we can all eat dinner together!" Osamu cheered.

"Good luck! Stay warm out there! Don't you dare come back here with a cold!" Izanami warned.

"Yeah, yeah, I know.” Osamu groaned.

"See ya!" sang Isabella as he went on through the front door.

Osamu immediately noticed the position of the sun as he stepped outside in the chilly air.
(It's gonna be dark soon. I should probably look at the bowling alley first.)

Osamu's head wouldn't stop throbbing and thinking as he ran towards the bowling alley, splashing in puddles as he went along.

(I didn't want to bug her about today, but maybe I should've been more careful and expressed deeper concern. Not only did Aika disappear from the house, but Yoko hasn't left her room all day and refuses to eat anything. If I can just, somehow, figure out how to bridge the gap between us all...maybe we can all get along better than this. No one has to feel guilty or blame each other for my own actions.)

Osamu finally arrived at the bowling alley. He ran inside and caught his breath for a moment before Aika's voice called out to him.

"Osamu?"

Osamu looked up and saw Aika sitting with a black cat purring on her lap. It was indeed an odd sight.

"Hey! Uhh...where did you get that cat?” Osamu asked.

"He has a name! His name is Cocoa!” Aika declared.

(Seriously? You named a stray cat?)

"Look, that's beside the point. Where have you been all day? Did you eat anything? Were you able to stay out of the rain?” Osamu asked in rapid-fire succession.

"You worry far too much, Osamu. I've been okay."

Osamu let out a sigh of relief and sat down next to Aika on the bleacher seats.

(All black and flowers? It's like she's going to a funeral or something. Then again, this is Aika we're talking about here.)

"Hey, Osamu?"

"What's up?"

"I want to apologize for asking you that question yesterday. I don't know what I was thinking, putting you on the spot like that. It only makes sense that you weren't able to answer properly."

"Don't worry about it. You do tend to ask bold questions sometimes. I've known you long enough to be used to it." Osamu said, laughing off the subject.

Aika ran her hand through Osamu's hair, gently feeling out all of the strands. "Geez, Osa, when are you going to cut your hair? This is way too long."

“W-what? No it's not! Geez, it's like your my mother all of a sudden."

The cat meowed, almost as if it was agreeing with Aika.

(Remind me to dunk the little bastard in a bath tub!)

"Oh, I see. You and your little feline friend have conspired against me, have you?" Osamu jokingly scorned.

"And so what if we did, nyaa?" teased Aika.

"Don't overstep your boundaries, Cocoa. I might have to call some of my dog pals on you."
Aika hugged Cocoa tightly, protecting him from Osamu's threats. "You wouldn't dare do that to my Cocoa! Besides, Cocoa is a pacifist. Violence isn't his game."

"Oh I'm sure you know all about him despite just meeting him."

Aika stuck out her tongue at Osamu, and at the same time, Cocoa licked his nose.

(So there really is a conspiracy!)

The orange light of the sun slowly faded away until the sky turned deep black. Osamu used his cell phone flash light to illuminate the darkened bowling alley.

"Man, I knew it would get dark soon. Izanami is probably already done cooking.” Osamu sighed. “Hey, Aika. Did something happen between you and Yoko today? She hasn't even come out of her room today.”

Aika dropped her head, speaking in a deflated tone. "She's still in there, huh?"

(So something did happen.)

"Osamu? Can I ask you one more time? Be honest. I don't care what your answer is."

(Is she going to...)

"Are you absolutely certain...you don't want to leave this world with me?” Aika questioned.
The silence between them was so steep Osamu could hear his own heartbeat. "Aika? Were you...serious about committing double suicide? Do you really want us to kill ourselves together?"

"I know what you did before you left Kyoto, Osamu. Yoko told me a long time ago."
Osamu clasped his hands together. “Aika, that...that was a mistake. It was a mistake that, thankfully, Izanami stopped me from making. I no longer have any intention to die. Stop making these weird jokes, all right? You really worry me when you say things like that. I don't want to hear scary things from the lips of a girl I love."

With those words finally admitted, love returned to Aika's eyes, almost bringing her to tears. "Thank you, Osamu. Thank you for everything. Honestly...I'm glad you've found happiness. I thought I would be happy if you accepted my request, but for some reason, I feel so proud that you've declined it. "

(No...something's not right here...)

Osamu noticed something on the cat's neck now that he was using his cell phone's flashlight. It was a black collar and a small silver pendant.

"Aika, that cat! It has a collar!"

“What? Seriously? Aw! You're just lost! And you already have a name! Don't worry, little guy, I'll take you home.”

"Uh, wait, Aika. You sure you don't want me to do it? Izanami is worried sick about you.” 

"I'll be fine. His owner isn't that far away. I'm the one who found him, so I should be the one who returns him. Who knows? I may even get some money out of it! Unless you're trying to steal my thunder.” Aika jested.

"No! It's not like that at all, I was just…”

"You were just what?” Aika teased.

(She got me…)

“All right, fine. You win. But come back home immediately, all right?” Osamu nagged.

Aika smiled. "I will! Don't worry about me! I'll be back before you know it!"

"All right. Get going, Love Song."

Aika gave Osamu a thumbs up and ran out of the bowling alley. She had to go in the direction of the beach in order to return the cat, while Osamu had to go in the opposite direction to return home.

(That night...I painfully regretted that night. The next time anyone saw her, she wasn't eating her overdue meal in the warmth and safety in the home we all lived in together....)

As everyone prepared for bed after eating, Izanami felt a sharp chill in her neck. It was a sign she was very familiar with as the goddess of creation and death.

"Someone...just died?" she whispered.

Izanami immediately opened a vortex to the source of this feeling in her spine. She ended up on the shores of the beach that she and the others had all gone to weeks earlier.

"Someone died here this late at night?” Izanami asked herself.

She looked the moonlit beach, the salt-scented ocean kissing the shore. The waves washed up a motionless body, a woman dressed in all black, her floral tiara washing up besides her. It was Aika. She was the source of the signal of one's passing.

(The next person to see her was Izanami. Her body was washed up on the shore at low tide, her skin cold and pale, and her body motionless. Dressed in black and flowers...)

Izanami ran to Aika's body, cradling the lifeless girl in her arms. A single piece of notebook paper was clenched lightly in Aika’s hand. The ocean washed away the writing, making the paper illegible. 

The whole time, Aika had been writing her bucket list, the last things she wanted to do before she killed herself, ideally, with Osamu. However, fate had deemed that she would die alone instead of taking Osamu with her.

(That day...Aika dressed for her own funeral. She dress in all black.)



End of Day 19