This Xianxia Shit Makes No F*ck*ng Sense
You've read it.
I'm surrounded by people I don't know.
In a body that I don't own, and don't know.
That girl's kinda cute, but once again I don't know who the fuck she is. SO WHY IS SHE GLARING AT ME?
Most importantly, I don't know where the fuck I am.
Where am I?
How did it come to this?
My name is Benson Pascual, 25 years old.
I'm living a fairly normal life... in the military because I'm broke as fuck. I've been a soldier for 7 years and I still have to pay my siblings' tuition fees. The same siblings that ruined every home date I had with all my former crushes. Annoying pieces of shit, each and every one of them I'm telling you. I still love them wholeheartedly, though.
There isn't anything fairly interesting in me so I've never had a romantic relationship. Remember that home date I said earlier? It wasn't really a home date it's just them passing by the house because it's in the one-way road to school. No, I'm not gay. Tested that already. Don't ask how.
If there's anything that makes me somewhat entertained or happy at all besides seeing my siblings study hard and watching porn, it's reading comics online. DC Comics, Marvel Comics, Webtoons, Manga, been there, done that. However, lately there's been a particular type of comic that I've discovered through an annoying ad-
I'm on a break from all that military shit and now I'm reading my usual comics when I discovered the ad.
The ad goes like this:
ONE OF MY FAVORITES RECOMMENDED:As a novice reader, I had little expectation after reading my first Manhua. It was too much for me. But I decided to give it a shot, and I read 300+ chapters in two days. ** SPOILER ALERT ** Unlike others, he is aware of future events and secrets that other people aren't aware of but he is. Read the official version for free: http://manhua4lifebitch.org/g/SUPREME MEGA VOID SAINT DIAMOND JADE HEAVENLY EMPEROR OF THE GOD OF GODS DOMAIN OF THE 1200000 REALMS OF CULTIVATION
And not gonna lie, that title is sick as fuck. Might be overdramatic but you can't deny that it's cool.
So I clicked it.
The description looked sick, but what caught my attention was the Genre:
Genre: Xianxia, Action, Drama, Harem, Ecchi, Regressor
Xianxia? I don't know what that is.
Googled it, found it.
It's basically a Chinese actionXfantasy genre. Personally, I love the Journey to the West movies. So, high expectations on this one.
Upon clicking the "Read first", my body suddenly felt sleepy. It looks like I'm reading this one tomorrow. Good night Everyone.
What is this?
My knees hurt.
My arms feel restrained.
There's loud murmuring all over the place. Who the fuck invited the entire neighborhood into my bedroom!
"EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I shouted while my eyes were closed. I'll beat those kids up later I swear.
However, the murmuring only got louder. When I had enough of all of it, I opened my eyes in hopes of inflicting "justice" into those little fucks but what surprised me was that I wasn't in my room at all. I'm in a large, spacious room surrounded by a lot of people with traditional clothing. What the fuck? Did I read too much Manhwa and dreamt something strange?
"Jiang Hao Yi! You insolent fool! Not only did you dare touch the Mistress, but you would also dare open your insolent mouth and fire filth my way?" shouted an old man who looked way more fashionable than the rest of these geezers. I clearly felt his spit go into my face, so this isn't a dream. Maybe some kind of elaborate skit? Perhaps they are filming a movie?
Either way, nobody spits on my face and gets away with it.
"Look here, Old man. First of all, nobody spits on my fucking face. Second of all, my name is not Chang Haohao, I'm not from ChuChuTV. Apologize right now or I'll sue your ass !" I'm letting him get away with this because he's an old man. If not, I would've beaten the fuck out of this dude.
Oh, he looks so baffled, as if the heavens crashed towards him. Look, even my vocabulary is getting affected by that retard.
It looks like the others didn't really like that I defended myself from an old man who spat at me for no reason. All of a sudden, a beautiful lady came up to me with a penetrating glare and just... slapped me?
"Jiang Hao Yi! You shameless prick! Not only did you grope me but you dare insult my family!" Grope you... Me?
BITCH? I DON'T EVEN KNOW YOU.
Was what I wanted to say and shout, but the slap was somehow so powerful that it made me unconscious. The next thing I knew was that I'm in a prison that smelled like manure. Ugh.
Out of absolutely nowhere, just like all the things that happened earlier, some high-tech shit appeared in front of me.
This is the Ultimate Transgressor System!
What is this?
Again, I was convinced that everything is a dream, so I slapped my cheeks repeatedly but to no avail. It didn't hurt to try, but that slap sure hurts.
First, I woke up in a room that I don't know.
I was called by a person that I don't know, In a name that I don't know.
Slapped by a woman that I don't know, woke up in some prison somewhere I don't know and some screen spouting bullshit appeared in front of me.
I was too tired for all of this so I decided to just sleep it out but the pain from my slap and the slap earlier didn't let me. I had no choice but to stay awake with some weird screen-like thingy in front of me.
I wish I could read some comics.
Would you like to read SUPREME MEGA VOID SAINT DIAMOND JADE HEAVENLY EMPEROR OF THE GOD OF GODS DOMAIN OF THE 1200000 REALMS OF CULTIVATION Chapter 1?
Requirements: 1 point
Yes / No
Well, I got nothing to do anyways, so I played along. Only after reading the comic, well, it was a novel, did everything make sense to me now.
The main character of this story is named Shen Long, which literally means "Divine Dragon". I don't know how I came to understand Chinese, but whatever sent me here in this place must be responsible for it.
Shen Long is your usual protagonist, nothing special. A little arrogant here and there, gets all the girls for absolutely no reason at all, gets confronted by villains with petty reasons.
Speaking of villains, seems like I'm one of those characters. The main villain of this story is named Xiao Bao. Lame ass name. But, he's pretty ripped. He has a long line of goons waiting for him. At the very end of this said line is Jiang Hao Yi, which is what that Elder called me. Basically, I'm in a novel where I'm the very first villain that the Protagonist will cuck.
The sad part is that the story hasn't even started yet. The story starts when Shen Long enter this weird academy for cultivation and Jiang Hao Yi has just came out of this prison because his parents are stacked so they bailed him out.
It didn't mention how much time Jiang Hao Yi, or rather I was stuck in the prison and why, but all I know is that the story hasn't started yet.
I'm in a world of Xianxia, a world where cultivation is the main source of gaining power.
Did you get anything that I said just now?
Cause this Xinxia shit makes no fucking sense.
How do you even- Oh my god. I don't even know where to start. I really don't know how they manage to "collect ki from your surroundings" or "imagine a tree then expand it". As far as I can tell, anyone who isn't strong in this world is fated to get cucked.
What should I do?