Chapter 1:


Gixhea Rayu's Fluorescent Scar

"Faiye... would you.. um, perhaps... wanna hang out with me later?" Rayu shyly invited his clubmate while fidgeting with his fingers.

Rayu gathered all his courage to ask but his clubmate, Faiye, on the other hand, rejected Rayu without any hesitation.

Of course, that made him sad, but he couldn't do anything. As a cross-dresser, everyone hates him here. He just kept on designing a tutu and avoided thinking about the hates and just endured the pain he feels.

'This feeling of wanting to be loved by another, how can it be real?' he thought to himself.

The world they live in is completely different from humans. They neither live amongst humans nor with the Gods in heaven. Adoeilla, a world in between, where they create their own fate that leads to only two endings; be thrown away to the low-life humans, or live a wealthy life with the Gods.

You're so beautiful,

I fell in love with you instantly~

Rayu is sitting and staring in front of a mirror in his room while listening to a love song but rather than feeling flattered, he feels sick.

'Ughh, what an ugly face. Everything here are not even meant for me, not even a love song. I'm just full of ugliness. Now that I think of it, why am I the only ugly person in this world?' he thought while touching his scar that looks like a scab of spangles and being confused about his ugliness.

His thoughts all set aside when Rayu suddenly remembered his nearing birthday. So he immediately messaged his clubmates to invite them and come along with their friends.

He's that desperate for people's love that he became a fool of himself and invited strangers.

Surprisingly, his clubmates accepted it and said that their friends will come along.

Rayu thought it is for people to know and become friends with him, but what his clubmates really think is;

'What a drag, coming into this ugly crossdresser's birthday will be boring. But it is a free party, so might as well tag my friends along.'

Thinking that strangers will come to his birthday party, Rayu organized and prepared the venue alone. No one helped him, not even his friends—well, he doesn't have one.


Finally, the night of his birthday came.

The mansion is designed with colorful lightings and sparkling hanged ornaments. It's impressively designed well for an individual to do.

Later, visitors came with their long and glittering gowns worn by women and beautifully fitted tuxedos worn by men.

He welcomed them by the front door with his forced smile.

He should be happy by their presence. He is, not until he saw their clothes.

He's wearing a long black and semi purple striped turtle-neck dress, topped with a blouse that's fitted on the waist and kind of loose sleeve that's about elbow-length. The turtle-neck dress is black and skin striped from his neck to shoulders.

He felt inferior and anxious about his outfit, comparing it to the visitors' glamorous gowns. But he endured and just kept it to himself.

"Uh... hello.. good evening. Welcome to my, uhm.. party.." He tried his best to speak on the stage but no one seems to pay attention to him, the birthday boy. Even so, only few of them did watch him but with pitiful eyes. It's like they're saying 'what a pitiful boy, he gets ignored in his own party. How painful is that, I don't want to experience it myself.'

Couldn't take it anymore, he dropped the mic and ran outside, thinking;

'Is it the world at fault or is it me? Co-existing was impossible from the start. I've really gone insane by inviting people who don't like me.' Finally, he realized it.

Loneliness and anxiety became his gasoline to run continuously while crying because of his own foolishness.

'this unsightly scars on my body is enough to make me unlovable.'

Once he calmed down, he ended up resting at a park. He saw a man sitting on the bench looking at him with his legs crossed so he sat at a separated bench beside him with his eyes closed.

"You finally came." The man suddenly spoke, but he ignored it.

"Do you want to see an interesting yet sad story?" the man asked him.

"No, but I would deeply appreciate it if you would shut up." he answered while still remaining in his sitting position.

"Do you know that all of you, who live in this world, are just like a doll made by the founder Gods of this world?" the stranger said.

"Then, just how happy would I be if God made me using his left hand." Rayu replied with sadness in his voice.

"And you, you are made by the man I adored the most. We thought things are going smoothly, not until a nightmare came." He added and stood up.

"Hey, before I continue, you surely look pretty in that dress but your charms will definitely come out if you try this." The man handed him a set of new outfit but he just stared at it.

"What are you waiting for? Go and change into it." he didn't say anything and just went to the room near the park to change.

He's now wearing the turtle-neck, still black and skin striped(meaning that it shows the skin) but it's now a sleeveless blouse, also topped with a normal length oversized sleeve blouse with a cape-like three-layered laced top designed like a translucent butterfly, while wearing a skin-toned long pants that compliments his tall height.

The man also braided the front of his hair that totally made him look different.

"We'll go somewhere to enlighten you about something." That's the only thing he said before they walked towards the forest without saying a thing.

"Now, close your eyes.... Are you ready?"

Once Rayu opened his eyes, he saw a bunch of statues in both sides of a covered aisle.

"They're the founders of this world. However, they are not immortal and before they died, they thought of making dolls each to be their ancestors in the future." He explained while walking straight on the aisle of statues.

Once they reached the end, Rayu didn't see a statue but a transparent case with a man covered in white cloth. Once the cloth was removed, it was like he looked into bright fireworks that it stings his eyes, and a sudden flashback happened.

[A number of wires connected to the man was revealed along with his glass body and his left eye looks crashed similar to Rayu's scar on his left eye.

"I want to finish you so although it hurts, I'll endure it." The man said while moving like a puppet while holding a figure very gently.]

"Every doll was made with unique features to resemble the God who made them. That's why you have that scar on your face."

"But the moment Quixa started making you, the other Gods betrayed him that resulted to his near death."

'How cliche.'

"He couldn't move anymore so he asked me to turn him into a puppet. In the end, he managed to make you and I preserved him as a puppet and brought him here."

"In addition, you just didn't resemble what he looks like, but also his personality of being patient and enduring your feelings that led you both on your downfall. However, unlike Quixa, you still have a chance to change your fate and let everyone see who you really are."

Rayu saw a huge, beautifully designed shining axe and grabbed it.

"And here's a little secret from me, the Gods doesn't want someone who doesn't appreciate oneself and a person full of negativity. And, once the selection comes, a doll not just live with the Gods but also become a God itself that represents its unique being and features." the man said and winked at him.

'Well, as good as it sounds like, fuck all that standards and expectations. Is that how they really think someone will be motivated? Because of that shits? Isn't it no better than changing yourself for others to love you and forcing yourself for a character development just for that? How can dolls be even sure they'll go to heaven? Kind of glad it is only a secret. Ugh, I'm already tired of it all' Rayu angrily thought to himself.

'But just like this man, I want those people who don't appreciate themselves, teach them how to. Because I deeply know, it is painful and it'll kill them if they do it all by themselves.' a sudden thought also came to his mind.

However, Rayu pushed it all aside and started smashing Quixa's glass cage and puppet into pieces. Like it was really meant to smash it.

"I love you..." the stranger said while holding the lip part of Quixa's glass puppet with a smile on his face and kissed it. That was also the last thing Rayu heard before walking out of the covered aisle.

'This feeling of wanting to be loved by another. That's what makes me suffer. I hate it.'

He then danced gracefully outside like a ballerina, not caring on his surroundings.

'After all, no one can stay just the way they are. How funny. What a wonderful, bizarre world to live in.' A thought suddenly came to his mind.

And with that, Rayu shined and swallowed the dark of the night along with his fluorescent scar.



Fun fact; if we take out one syllable each from Gixhea Rayu's name, it'll be 'gi-ra/gira gira' which means 'glitter' in google translate but usually depends on the sentence which can mean 'shine', 'dazzle', 'sparkle' or any synonyms of the said words. And this is greatly inspired by the song 'Gira Gira' sang by Ado and lyrics are written by Teniwoha様. Just note that this is not the entire interpretation(music to novel) type, I wrote how I interpreted the song by its lyrics and illustrations on the MV and put twists in it.

Here's the link to the song, you'll be in love by Ado's voice and especially the music;