"No"

I feel trapped in a cage.

I can't get out.

It's suffocating.

Always have a smile on your face.

Never cry or look sad.

Always be in a good mood.

Always do things properly.

Never make noise.

If you do that you will survive.

I'm just a convenient doll.

I don't feel angry or sad.

I don't feel happy either.

I simply feel nothing and think of nothing.

Every single day.

It's bad to make noise.

It's bad to have a red face.

It's bad to have red eyes.

It's bad to have a voice.

It's bad to misbehave.

It's your survival, so you must follow the rules.

If I do that will I be a good kid?

No.

"Just because you did a good thing, you think you are a good person?"

"A disgusting thing will always be disgusting no matter how much you beautify it over."

Mom was right, after all.

I̶f̷ ̶s̷o̴,̵ ̸t̸h̷e̶n̷ ̵I̸ ̸m̸u̵s̷t̸ ̵t̴r̷u̷l̴y̶ ̶b̵e̵ ̴a̵ ̷b̷a̶d̷ ̶k̷i̵d̶.̸

̴I̷ ̵¿̸*̶#̷$̴´̶{̵ ̴o̴v̷e̷r̴ ̶a̵n̸d̸ ̷o̷v̸e̴r̵ ̷b̵u̵t̸ ̸I̵ ̶c̷o̶u̵l̸d̶n̸’̶t̸ ̴f̵e̷e̷l̴ ̶a̶n̸y̶ ̶p̵a̸i̶n̷.̷

̷I̷t̸ ̵d̷i̸d̷n̶t̵ ̴m̴a̷k̴e̷ ̵s̴e̴n̸s̸e̵.̷

̷I̷ ̷w̷a̵s̷ ̶e̵x̶h̴a̵u̸s̷t̷e̷d̸ ̴b̷u̶t̴ ̴I̸ ̴k̶e̴p̵t̴ ̶a̷t̴ ̸i̶t̸ ̵j̶u̸s̷t̵ ̷t̵o̷ ̸f̶e̵e̶l̸ ̷s̴o̷m̸e̴t̷h̶i̶n̵g̴.̶

̵I̷ ̷f̶e̶l̸t̴ ̴n̴u̵m̸b̵ ̶s̸o̶ ̷i̸ ̶n̶e̵e̸d̶e̴d̴ ̸i̴t̶.̴

̸A̷n̴y̵ ̶s̴o̷r̸t̵ ̷o̴f̵ ̵e̶m̸o̸t̶i̵o̶n̷ ̶w̸o̴u̸l̶d̸ ̶d̷o̴.̵

̴A̴n̴y̸t̶h̵i̵n̷g̷ ̴s̶o̵ ̷t̸h̶a̷t̷ ̵“̸I̶”̷ ̸w̸i̸l̷l̵ ̴w̷a̶k̶e̷ ̸u̷p̸.̵

̴W̴h̵a̵t̵ ̵i̴s̷ ̴w̵h̸a̴t̸ ̷i̶ ̸w̷a̵n̵t̷?̵

̶A̶t̷t̵e̴n̵t̷i̷o̸n̶?̴

̸P̴i̸t̸y̴?̷

̸S̴u̵p̶p̸o̸r̸t̵?̴

̴I̴ ̵d̸o̵n̸'̶t̷ ̶k̵n̵o̸w̵.̸

̸A̷l̴l̷ ̷I̸ ̵f̷e̸e̴l̸ ̵i̴s̵ ̵v̸o̶i̶d̶.̶

̴I̷ ̸w̴a̴s̷ ̵a̶b̶a̵n̶d̴o̸n̴e̷d̵ ̶o̸n̸c̸e̵ ̸a̸g̵a̵i̶n̵…̶

̷A̶g̸a̸i̴n̴ ̶a̵n̴d̴ ̴a̶g̴a̷i̶n̴

̸E̶v̴e̷n̶ ̴i̴f̶ ̵I̶ ̷w̵o̷r̵k̷ ̸h̶a̴r̷d̶ ̸a̵n̵d̷ ̷t̵r̸y̷ ̴a̶g̴a̶i̸n̵,̷ ̷i̵t̷ ̷w̴o̶u̸l̶d̷ ̸b̵e̸ ̷t̶h̷e̴ ̵s̷a̵m̷e̷.̵

̶A̵g̸a̸i̸n̶ ̸a̸n̶d̶ ̶a̶g̷a̵i̷n̷.̸

̵I̷t̵'̸s̸ ̴a̶l̶l̵ ̷p̸o̸i̸n̶t̶l̵e̵s̸s̴.̴

̴E̵v̷e̵n̷ ̶i̷f̴ ̶y̸o̵u̷ ̷c̸r̴y̸ ̵a̷n̵d̴ ̷b̸e̶g̴ ̷n̴o̵b̸o̸d̶y̴ ̴w̸i̸l̴l̸ ̸c̸o̸m̷e̴.̸

̴T̷h̵a̵t̸'̷s̷ ̶w̶h̶y̷ ̵I̴ ̴d̵o̵n̶'̴t̴ ̸b̵o̵t̷h̶e̵r̵.̴

̴I̴s̵ ̷t̴h̷e̷r̶e̶ ̵a̶n̷y̵ ̷p̴o̴i̸n̴t̵ ̵t̵o̵ ̵k̷e̶e̷p̵ ̶g̴o̸i̴n̴g̵?̷

̵T̷h̷e̶ ̴a̶n̶s̷w̸e̴r̷ ̶i̸s̵ ̵"̶N̵o̷"̸.̷

̴I̸'̸m̶ ̷j̴e̷a̷l̶o̴u̴s̸ ̴o̶f̴ ̸p̶e̸o̸p̶l̴e̷.̶

̵O̵f̸ ̸t̷h̶e̷ ̶p̴e̵o̸p̵l̸e̶ ̶w̶h̸o̶ ̸c̴a̷n̶ ̷b̶e̷ ̶n̶o̵r̶m̶a̷l̵.̴

̸T̷h̶e̶y̴ ̷a̵l̶l̴ ̶c̷o̵m̶p̶l̵a̷i̴n̶ ̷s̶o̴ ̸m̴u̵c̴h̵ ̸a̶b̶o̶u̵t̵ ̸t̷h̷e̵i̶r̷ ̶p̸o̶i̵n̸t̶l̶e̷s̸s̴ ̸w̵o̷r̶r̴i̶e̵s̴.̵

̶Y̵o̶u̶ ̵h̷a̶v̶e̶ ̵e̷v̷e̵r̸y̸t̸h̸i̸n̷g̷.̵

̸W̸h̷y̶ ̸a̶r̸e̵ ̶y̴o̵u̶ ̷c̵o̸m̷p̴l̵a̶i̵n̴i̵n̴g̸ ̸f̶o̶r̶?̴

̴M̸y̵ ̶s̷i̶s̶t̷e̶r̸ ̶h̷a̴d̵ ̶e̸v̴e̸r̷y̷t̵h̸i̷n̷g̴.̸ ̴

̵I̵ ̸h̴a̷d̸ ̴n̵o̵t̴h̷i̸n̴g̵.̶

̶B̴u̵t̴ ̷s̶h̸e̸ ̸a̷l̴w̵a̵y̶s̴ ̴c̴o̶m̵p̸l̸a̷i̸n̴e̶d̴ ̶a̵n̴d̴ ̷b̷u̷l̵l̷i̵e̵d̸ ̵m̴e̴.̷

̵T̷o̵ ̸m̶e̷,̴ ̶t̷h̷e̴ ̷d̷i̶s̴g̷u̶s̶t̵i̶n̴g̵ ̵c̵h̶i̵l̶d̷.̴

̴B̵u̵t̸,̴ ̵o̵n̸e̵ ̷d̵a̴y̶ ̶m̸y̴ ̵s̶i̴s̴t̷e̸r̷ ̴w̴a̴s̴ ̴g̶o̷n̷e̸,̶ ̵j̵u̶s̵t̴ ̶l̴i̸k̴e̴ ̷t̸h̴a̶t̶.̶

̶A̷l̸l̸ ̴s̸h̵e̶ ̴l̸e̵f̶t̷ ̵b̵e̴h̸i̷n̸d̵,̴ ̷w̸a̴s̸ ̴a̴ ̶r̵o̶o̷m̸ ̸s̷t̶i̴n̸k̷i̷n̴g̸ ̵o̶f̴ ̷b̴l̷e̶a̸c̴h̶.̵

̴“̵E̷v̴e̴n̵ ̸i̴f̸ ̸y̴o̸u̴ ̷i̶s̷o̵l̴a̶t̶e̴ ̴y̵o̵u̴r̷s̸e̷l̸f̴,̴ ̷n̶o̶t̷h̴i̷n̴g̵ ̴w̸i̵l̸l̷ ̶c̶h̸a̴n̷g̴e̵”̴

̴I̵ ̵k̴n̴o̷w̴.̸

̷B̴u̴t̶ ̷t̸h̷e̴n̷ ̸a̴g̷a̶i̶n̶,̴ ̵I̷ ̷d̷o̵n̶t̶ ̶w̴a̸n̴t̶ ̵t̴o̵ ̸b̵e̴ ̴n̷e̸a̶r̸ ̶p̶e̶o̴p̵l̸e̶.̶

̷I̸ ̷j̶u̵s̴t̴ ̸s̷l̴e̶e̵p̴ ̶t̵o̶ ̷k̴i̷l̴l̵ ̵t̵i̷m̷e̴.̷

̶E̸v̵e̵r̸y̵d̷a̸y̶ ̴i̵s̶ ̸b̷o̸r̴i̷n̴g̸.̸

̶E̴v̸e̵r̷y̶d̸a̸y̵ ̴I̷'̵m̴ ̴r̵o̴t̸t̷i̵n̷g̷ ̶a̷w̵a̷y̵.̷

̵B̶e̷c̵a̸u̴s̴e̷ ̸I̷ ̶d̴o̴n̵'̶t̶ ̴e̶x̵i̴s̵t̴.̶

̴I̷n̸ ̶t̵h̶e̴ ̴e̴n̴d̷,̸ ̷I̵'̵m̷ ̷a̸l̵l̷ ̸a̸l̵o̸n̶e̸.̴

̸I̵t̴'̵s̸ ̸b̷e̸c̵a̵u̴s̵e̸ ̶I̶'̵m̵ ̸t̵o̴x̶i̵c̴ ̸i̴s̶n̶'̴t̶ ̷i̷t̴?̷

̵W̵i̷t̴h̷o̶u̴t̴ ̴r̴e̶a̷l̸i̸z̸i̷n̴g̴ ̵I̶ ̶b̶e̸c̵a̴m̷e̶ ̷w̵h̸a̸t̷ ̷I̵ ̸h̴a̷t̵e̴ ̷t̵h̸e̶ ̷m̸o̷s̷t̵.̸

̵D̶i̴s̶h̵o̸n̸e̷s̴t̸,̷ ̴h̶a̴t̶e̵f̸u̷l̴,̴ ̸t̵o̷x̷i̴c̵.̴

̴I̴ ̴f̷e̵l̸t̵ ̴t̷a̴i̶n̶t̷e̶d̸.̵

̷I̶t̵'̵s̷ ̷n̸o̶t̶ ̵l̵i̶k̴e̷ ̵m̸e̵.̷

̸B̸u̴t̶ ̷i̸n̸ ̴t̸h̶e̶ ̴e̶n̴d̶,̸ ̴m̴a̴y̶b̸e̴ ̸I̸ ̶s̴i̷m̸p̵l̶y̴ ̴w̴a̶s̵ ̶l̷i̸k̴e̸ ̷t̵h̸a̴t̴,̸ ̶a̶l̵l̶ ̶t̵h̷i̶s̴ ̴t̸i̸m̶e̷.̸

̴M̵a̴y̸b̸e̷ ̶I̵ ̴d̴i̶d̴n̷'̷t̸ ̷e̸v̷e̸n̵ ̶r̵e̷a̴l̸i̵z̴e̷.̸

̵G̴o̷o̵d̴b̴y̶e̴ ̴m̸y̸ ̷g̶o̶o̸d̷ ̶s̷e̵l̶f̸.̷

̷A̴l̷l̴ ̶t̷h̶a̴t̴s̸ ̶l̴e̷f̴t̵ ̵n̵o̸w̶ ̷i̸s̷ ̵m̷e̸.̵

̷A̸ ̷h̸a̴t̸e̶f̵u̶l̴ ̷p̶e̷r̷s̷o̶n̴.̴

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END.