Look at Me and No One Else

Eris arrived back up to Sayuri's room.

What she found shocked her to her core.

Not a single person was left inside the room. The door was slung open, there were no signs of anyone being nearby, it was like it had been completely abandoned. She looked around, but there were no clues of what had occurred.

What on earth happened here?

*

Thirty-five minutes prior.

"What are you planning!"

I guess they were about as impatient as I assumed. The two of them stood completely blocking the door. I was still sitting cross-legged on the ground. It wasn't even like I had anything planned.

Almost twenty minutes passed.

"Ok, this is getting stupid."

One of them walked towards me. His body tensed up,

"I'm just going to beat him up."

He threw a punch, I turned my head a little and he hit me right on the side of the head.

"What the hell? What is wrong with you, fight back or something!"

I continued sitting, still on the floor.

He grabbed my shirt. I could hear the slight sound of the fibres on my shirt ripping. His grip was hard, like someone who was serious.

"Fight back! Sayuri said all these things about you, and yet you just sit on the ground like a wimp!"

He wanted me to fight back?

"Why should I fight back."

"Because that's what a normal person would do!"

"A normal person."

A normal person.

Eventually, he let go of me. His breathing eventually slowed down but he was still discontent with the situation.

"I'm going to get something to drink, you stay here and make sure he doesn't leave this room."

The other boy responded. His voice was much more playful.

"I'll have a lemonade."

"Fine, make sure you watch him, we don't want him getting any ideas now that I'm going somewhere."

"Got it!"

He trudged out of the room. His loud footsteps gradually became fainter until they could no longer be heard.

I looked up at the boy left who was guarding the doorway. He seemed to be a lot calmer and more composed than the other boy.

I decided to speak to him.

"Why are you stopping me from leaving."

"Huh? Um... because Sayuri said so."

"I see."

"Wait, hold on why am I even answering your questions."

"You don't have to if you don't want to."

We looked at each other in silence for a little while. A few moments passed, I looked around at the inside of Sayuri's room. It seemed unusually feminine despite my impression of her. There were stuffed toys and dolls scattered around on the shelves.

He decided to speak up.

"Are you really as special as Sayuri says you are?"

"I'm not special."

His gaze seemed to get more agitated after hearing what I said.

"You definitely are special! There's no way Sayuri would talk about a normal person the way she talks about you!"

"Maybe she has the wrong person."

"Don't joke around with me! We both know that you're special, stop pretending like you know nothing about it!"

"I don't understand... I'm not special."

"Huh! You think speaking like this makes you cool or something?"

"Cool...?"

"Just look at yourself!"

The boy walked closer to me.

He seemed to be more serious than before. He looked down at me from an angle. He was close enough that I could hear his faint breaths. His eyes didn't seem as distant as they were before. It was almost like he could eerily understand me.

"What is Sayuri to you?"

I wonder. What was Sayuri to me?

Well, I already knew the answer.

"Someone I met when I was younger, I guess."

He seemed to be getting even more worked up. His eyebrows were clenched, it seemed he didn't want to make eye contact with me.

"Someone you met when you were younger... Sayuri Tachibana, is that really all she is to you?"

"Yeah."

"Don't give me that crap!"

"Am I saying something wrong?"

He took some deep breaths.

I asked him a question.

"Why do you seem to care about Sayuri so much?"

"...She means everything to me."

He looked down at the ground.

"Do you think you understand her better than I do?"

My question seemed to have made him stop to think.

"I would like to think I do, but the more time I spend with her, the less I feel I understand her."

"Well, if you think you understand her, do you know what would she would want in this situation?"

"Ah."

He walked back, covering his head with his hands. I could see the subtle sweats droplets on his forehead. He looked in frustration.

"I do."

He sighed.

After a little hesitation, he moved to the side, leaving the door wide open. He leaned up against the wall, looking as if he was in a lot of pain.

"Please... make her happy."

"I'll try."

I had finally begun to see.

People have things that they value. Sometimes they are willing to sacrifice everything else they had in order to protect those things they value, those things they love.

Whilst I had not personally felt something like this, I could see that others care about things even more than they care for themselves.

Maybe I'll find someone or something to value.

I felt an urge, a feeling greater than myself. I wanted to respect others, others who cared.

I never had feelings like this before. Maybe I'm finally beginning to care, finally beginning to see the light, that is the will of humans.

My entire life, I couldn't feel anything. I didn't have a sense of taste, I also didn't have a sense of pain. I wasn't sure if those senses were just incredibly dull, or if they were completely devoid from my person but it wasn't just that. Not only did I lack those senses, I lacked a sense which was much more important.

The sense that makes humans human.

It wasn't even like I didn't try.

I lacked empathy.

Was empathy a skill that is learnt? Or is it a skill that you either have or don't have from birth? It wasn't like I didn't know what empathy looked like. I could probably fool most people into thinking I really could feel how others felt.

But in the end, it would all just be a lie.

Whenever someone else was in pain, I couldn't feel anything.

Oh well, I guess I'll go find Sayuri.