Chapter 1:

~ Utter Despair ~

Maybe I Was Better Off Alone

I loved you more than anyone.

I know I was never in love with you, but the feelings I had were so strong that I often couldn't tell the difference.

For as long as it lasted, I never wanted you to leave me. I just wanted you to always be my friend.

But time was my greatest adversary.

We grew up, changed schools, and fell out of touch.

You disappeared off the face of the earth like you wanted nothing to do with me.

But if time was my enemy, then fate was my friend.

Fate was on my side that day when we found our way back. You and I.

We were an inseparable pair.

If I had the chance, I would have given you a candy ring as a token of our friendship.

It was fun while it lasted, but it had to come to an end.

There was nothing I could do about time.

The clock moved forward, impossible to rewind.

It was too much of a chore to keep up and soon I simply forgot. I decided I would leave it all behind.

By now, you had simply become a memory of the past. But here you were standing in the present.

Here you were, face to face with your old childhood friend.

But three's a crowd.

You were my best friend, and yet you looked at me like you couldn't even remember who I was. You didn't forget, but I had to do some nudging before you could say my name.

At that time, I was happy you were doing well. But I have a new life now. It's time you move on.

How can I do that when you always ignore me?

Why didn't you look at me when I said hi to you?

Why didn't you tell me about that one thing?

Why do you always spend your time with someone else?

Why do you always shut me out?

You don't even treat me like a person anymore.

Why are you doing this to me? Don't you know I have feelings?

So do I.

You were the wedge between the two of us.

What made you so upset with me?

Why did you have to tell those lies?

Why did you have to pin the blame on me?

Why did you have to tarnish my good name?

After everything I did, we stood on the rooftop looking back at each other. All I could do was smile at you, but you used every muscle in your face to frown upon me. I could see it in your eyes. You wanted nothing else to do with me. You felt nothing but scorn.


I knew it wasn't right, but it's what I deserved.

But what's the matter? You look sad.

Do you feel regret?

Do you finally understand the pain you've caused?

Do you get it now?

Do you want to try and fix this?

But what can you do? It's the same as it was all those years ago. Maybe you didn't mean any harm when we were kids, but now it's serious. If only you would've accepted me then.

It didn't have to come to this. Can't we just put this all behind us? Let's turn everything back the way it was.

All I ever wanted was to be your friend.

But it's never going to work.

I just want to see you suffer.

I want you to feel pain, just as I have.

I want to see you heartbroken.

I want you to know what it's like to be all alone.

Maybe, it was better off this way. If I had never met you, I wouldn't have to feel this way. I would be blissfully unaware of how much I could care for another. I would just go about living my life in solitude, just as I've always had.

I wouldn't have a reason to cry over you.

I wouldn't have these shallow memories.

There'd be no reason to think of you in the first place.

I'm sorry.

Ya know, I'm just a little disappointed is all.

You never got around to giving me that ring you promised. Sure, after all these years, the candy would've been long gone, but at least we would've been married in friendship.