Chapter 0:

Mandatory Introduction Sequence

An Experimental Anthology of The Absurd


Hello there, this is the author speaking. Yes, yes—me the author. Now, you may be sitting there holding your finger ready to skip to the next chapter—however! This is important to the lore of this entire anthology. Bookmark here

Why did I not include that in the author’s notes or something? Well, that would ruin the surprise. Bookmark here

It’s also plot convenience.Bookmark here

That aside, to all you Fate fans—do not skip this. To all you JRPG fans, do not skip this. To all you visual novel fans, I don’t need to tell you; if there were a TOS to this novel you would read it and take every dialogue option. And just a warning before you think about taking this approach, you will not unlock a new game+ and you will not be treated to a new ending. However, on a completely unrelated note—Bookmark here

THE EVENTS AND CHARACTERS DEPICTED IN THIS WEBNOVEL ARE FICTITIOUS. ANY SIMILARITIES TO ACTUAL PERSONS, LIVING OR DEAD, IS PURELY COINCIDENTAL.Bookmark here

SIDE EFFECTS INCLUDE: SHOCK, FEAR, ANGER, CONFUSION, DÉJÀ VU, SUFFOCATION FROM ANYTHING OTHER THAN LAUGHTER, NAUSEA, HEADACHES, BOREDOM, TERROR, DÉJÀ VU; AS WELL AS, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, A MINOR CASE OF DEATH. Bookmark here

HYDRATION IS NOT AUTOMATIC; THE READER WILL REQUIRE TO MANUALLY HYDRATE THROUGHOUT THE DAY USING METHODS SUCH AS: WATER.Bookmark here

THEY WILL ALSO REQUIRE FOOD. THIS RESOURCE IS ESSENTIAL TO ALL LIVING ORGANISMS. WITHOUT IT, SEE SIDE EFFECTS ON PAGE 1204 OF THIS TEXT.Bookmark here

IF YOU FIND THAT YOU SEEK RELIGION, DO NOT LOOK HERE. THIS WILL NOT HELP YOU WITH THAT.Bookmark here

FOR ANY FURTHER INFORMATION OR QUERIES, PLEASE SEE THE LIST OF QUOTES AT THE END OF THIS TEXT.Bookmark here

Now that we have that out of the way, I would like to start to say the following:
This webnovel is a collection of short stories. Many of these will be either bad, terrible, painfully average or borderline offensive. In other examples, all four of these factors could be present; although, I wouldn’t exactly know how true this is because I haven’t even written them yet. However! Disregarding that, prepare for the weird, the strange and the undeniably absurd. Especially the latter. Latter three I mean; they’re all synonyms of each other, what else do you expect? Bookmark here

Anyways, the lore to this collection of stories is simple: think Fate but multiply it by calculus. Simple right? Of course not. Since when is multiplication simple? Never. Not once. 1+1? Irrelevant: that’s addition. 1X2? What is this an exam? Then again, there are a lot of questions in this paragraph aren’t there?Bookmark here

Oh, right. Lore.Bookmark here

So, it all began at a time when stupidity was normalised—which was never. This story is fictitious, remember? You did read the disclaimers, right? If not, good luck. You’ll need it.Bookmark here

QUOTESBookmark here

“Nobody asked.” — not flameball918Bookmark here

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Bookmarked
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