[Himushi Redemption] Epilogue: The Death of a Dream

It was the day of the big holiday gathering, a feast to rival all feasts. Aika, Rei, Kagutsuchi, the Shoku Twins, Cyanide, Shinju, Taeko, and Amaterasu were all invited to Yoko's home to enjoy a legendary day of cooking, conversing, and celebration. This year was going to be the biggest gathering yet, for it was to honor the pregnancies of Yoko and Izanami.

Early that morning, however, Taeko and Amaterasu convened in the abandoned bowling alley to handle business. The sun's eastern radiance pierced the dilapidated ceiling of the bowling alley, stabbing sun rays through its holes.

Amaterasu took her place on the seats in front of the row of colored glass. Since her inconspicuous disguise worked so well the last time, the sun goddess and queen of Heaven wore a black beanie over her head of raven hair, as well as a navy blue jean jacket and white hoodie underneath. No one would ever be able to guess she was the most powerful woman in all of Japan.

Taeko, intending to head to Yoko's place after their meeting, came dressed in a burgundy, trumpet sleeve dress that reached down to her ankles, revealing her black, chevonne ugg boots that matched her unbound, raven hair. Taeko stood a short distance from Amaterasu, lining up the bowling pins down the alley.

"You haven't dyed your hair back to brown yet?" Amaterasu asked.

"The only two people who sought to expose my identity are dead. I don't think it's a big deal. Besides, it's my day off." Taeko said.

"Well, I trust your judgement." Amaterasu snickered. "So, care to explain why you couldn't take Himushi alive?"

"She knew what was going to happen and she prepared for it. Her way out, so to speak. Her 'bite-down' option. She killed herself with a purification coin. The explosion vaporized her body, too. There's nothing left of her."

"And she didn't give any information as to Inari's whereabouts before she did so?"

"A girl as obstinate as her wouldn't have it any other way." Taeko sighed, stepping back and picking up a green bowling ball.

Amaterasu watched as Taeko took a deep breath, stepped forth, and flung the bowling ball from her fingertips, scoring a strike on her first try.

"You seem to have grown very accustomed to modern life." Amaterasu said. "Considering how everything turned out, do you still miss the Senkumo clan?"

Taeko put her hands on her hip, turning her head to meet Amaterasu's gaze. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were angry and trying to pick a fight with me."

Amaterasu smiled as she crossed her legs. "Not at all. I believe you. I'm just asking a genuine question. I gave the Shoku Twins permission to save your life because I saw a lot of me in you. We're both strong, capable women. We both sought to forge our own nations. I truly believe that had it not been for Bishamon's wickedness and the folly of my own pantheon, you would've actually succeeded in creating your ideal nation. In the end, the Senkumo's dream died out, and my plan prevailed. I want to know your honest thoughts. Is this country at all how you imagined it?"

Taeko took a deep breath. "Before I came to the present, the twins and I went on a little tour. I wanted to know how it all turned out after Gekko's massacre. I wanted to see what became of my former comrades. What I saw broke my heart. Izanami used the shinigami to make sure the kids were safe after they escaped from the clan, but the adults that helped them leave...weren't so fortunate.

"Many of them were left to live in squalor. They didn't know how to pick themselves up after their careers as soldiers came to an end. Some were able to find work as mercenaries or retainers, becoming hired fodder forced to do the bidding of nobles and lords. They were thrust right back into the very system they hoped to escape by joining the Senkumo clan. I saw the women go mad with nightmares of their past battles, ignored by society as they mumbled to themselves in the streets and under bridges. If anyone found out they were from the Senkumo clan, they were usually tried and executed like criminals.

"It seemed those were the two fates the adult escapees faced. Execution by the state, or complete un-personing by society. But I always knew that the men who found themselves at their lord's mercy once more were sick to their stomachs watching their comrades' lives be weighed in coin. I knew that the women talking to themselves on the street weren't mad, they were sick and needed help. It perfectly encapsulated why so many soldiers came to the Senkumo clan, why so many people believed in our plan for an ideal, stratocratic nation.

"It's because you people don't understand us. You don't even want to. The horrors we faced, the pain we were subjected to, the life we took, the buddies we lost, the phantom pain in our missing limbs, the sleepless nights, the strangeness of what used to be normal life, the thoughts of just ending it all, the blood, the misery, the nightmares, the hatred, the self-pity, the search for atonement, the sheer horror of war and all of its machinations.

“You don't want to understand any of it. You don't want to see how it twists and contorts the very fabric of our humanity, because you all know that some of the blood is on your hands. In the end, it's not just the thunder of war that truly kills a soldier. It's the deafening quiet of home, the silence of his loved ones, and the death of responsibility in his own society.

"We soldiers, we eat all of that misery for you. We stand between you and the haunting brutality out there. So, when we come home, you shove us away under bridges, you write us off as mad. You honor the war stories that seem to end like tear-jerking fairy tales, while the everyday stories of senseless loss and brutality are expected to stay with us, shared only with our bottles of alcohol, or our shrink, or our bewildered families.

“Those men and women saved the lives of the clan's most innocent, and they were executed or repudiated for it. Some even committed suicide, just as my father did. He died under much the same circumstances. His hand was forced by the state and its desire to save face, to reassert itself to its subjects.

"I've been to several countries in this time period, and it pains me to say that the same misery that swallowed the Senkumo's veterans still haunts the soldiers of the modern era. It's funny how hundreds of years can pass and yet some things just don't change. We founded the Senkumo so there would finally be a country that acknowledged and respected the soldier's condition. We felt that every soldier was a flesh and blood human being, not an instrument of the state, not a statistic, and certainly not an excuse to praise some vague, political ideology once he was dead.

"Our clan made mistakes, yes, but we never abandoned our soldiers. We urged dedication to the mission in battle, but once we all came home, everyone was given the best care we could give them. Not just for their physical wounds, but for their nightmares, their depression, and their need to just let it all out. Gekko and I often hugged and kissed our soldiers on their cheeks and foreheads. It was symbolic for us. It was to show them that we loved them as though they were our own children or siblings.

"You may have created an era of peace, Amaterasu, and I do applaud you for it, but it would be foolish to ignore the cost of that peace. If your ideal nation was superior to mine, people like Himushi would've never felt so hopeless that they resorted to treachery. Exorcists would go by their real names instead of their assigned monikers. Yet again, the state strangles the soldier's condition until there's nothing left but the perfect instrument, the perfect fool."

Amaterasu smiled. "From what I heard, you were always quite the passionate speaker. Now I see why you had such a reputation. I respect your honesty, Taeko. Your opinions means a lot to me."

"...All of that said, even if I were to try and reform the Senkumo in this era, we'd only be branded an unrecognized nation and struck down as terrorists. The world has effectively ensure that no nation resembling the Senkumo clan can ever exist again. Anything I say now is just crying at the victor. This world may not be what I envisioned, but if Gekko, Izanami, and everyone else can live here in peace, then I'm all right with it."

"My war was never with you, Taeko. It was with Bishamon and his co-conspirators. That's another reason why I brought you back. I couldn't let Bishamon's evil take the life of such a once-in-a-lifetime human being. You're nothing short of a genius. You proved it in the Warring States era, and you continue to prove it now."

Amaterasu stood up, stretching her arms and arching her back. "Well, we're back at square one when it comes to Inari, but that's okay. Himushi and Magatori are gone, so we're not under any threat at the moment. That means we can end all this talk of business and world affairs. Today is a day off, and a special one at that!"

Taeko sighed, releasing the weight of the earlier conversation from her shoulders. "You're right. Osamu told me you intend to cook today."

"That's right!" Amaterasu squealed. "I'm so excited I get to cook alongside Gekko and Izanami! And Kagu will be there, too! I think my first course will be spicy pork curry! Oh, and Yoko is going to introduce me to seven new beers! Though, she can't drink any of it herself, obviously."

"I'll be drinking tonight, so we can try them out together." Taeko said.

Amaterasu snatched Taeko's hands into her own. "You mean that? No backsies outsies!"

"I mean it!" Taeko laughed. "Just try not to get too wasted tonight, okay?"

"What?!" Amaterasu recoiled. "It's a day off on earth and you don't want me to get wasted? I deserve to get drunk! You do too! We both worked way too hard! It's just one day!"

"Why do I feel like we're both going to regret this?"

"Oh, before we go to Yoko's place, we should stop by the store real quick. I meant to get a pumpkin pie earlier but I got caught up in work."

"Do you even carry cash, Amaterasu?"

"What are you talking about? I've got credit cards and everything."

Taeko's face twisted and contorted in a whirlwind of shock and confusion. "You what?! How?"

Amaterasu snickered. "Being the queen of Heaven has its perks, Taeko. Everything is paid for by the Exorcist Program, so don't worry. Let's get going!"

Amaterasu and Taeko left the bowling alley together, striding through the snow-coated streets towards the local convenience store. The rising sun created a crystalline sparkle in the snow and colored the eastern horizon a rosy pink, while the rest of the sky remained a deep, sapphire blue.

To their surprise, they saw Osamu as he was grabbing a shopping basket just outside the store entrance.

"Oh, fancy seeing you here!" Amaterasu quipped. "How's it going, Osa?"

"Whoa, hey guys!" Osamu sang, a smile on his face. "What are you doing here?"

"Amaterasu said she wanted to pick up a pumpkin pie before we went over to your place." Taeko explained. "What about you?"

"I'm picking up some milk for Yoko. You're heading over to our place right after, so why don't we do our shopping together?" Osamu proposed.

"We'd love to!" Amaterasu exclaimed.

Osamu and Taeko entered the store alongside the queen of the Shinto pantheon, and not a single person batted an eye. Amaterasu's disguise, which really just amounted to wearing normal clothes, worked wonders. No one but Osamu and Taeko knew that there was a god shopping for pumpkin pie in the store.

The three waded through the produce section and wound up in the dairy aisle. Osamu grabbed two gallons of milk and plopped them down in his basket as Amaterasu curiously gazed at the wide selection of flavored yogurts.

"Man, you guys have way cooler food down here." Amaterasu said.

"Want me to get you some yogurt, Amaterasu?" Osamu asked.

Amaterasu shook her head. "Actually, everyone's groceries are on me today. I have money of my own, you know."

"Seriously?" Osamu recoiled.

"I reacted the same way." Taeko snickered. "I wonder what kind of APR a goddess gets on her credit cards."

"I don't know about any of that. I usually leave that to Uzume." Amaterasu said.

Taeko imagined Uzume having to sort out Amaterasu's skyrocketing debts all by herself. The image was hilarious to think about, but she quickly felt for Amaterasu's assistant. "Poor Uzume..."

After grabbing the milk, they walked over to the frozen food section and picked out a pumpkin pie, as well as some fruits and whipped cream to top it. With everything in their baskets, they marched on over to self-checkout, paid for their items with Amaterasu's card, and walked out of the store with everything in plastic bags. Quick, easy, and simple. Osamu almost forgot he was out on the town alongside the most important goddess in Japan and a woman born in the 15th century. Almost.

"I'm getting pretty hungry now. Please tell me Yoko's cooking up a storm." Taeko said, her stomach growling.

Osamu laughed. "You'd best believe it. Come on, let's get some food in our bellies!”

Taeko smiled. For all she had been through up until that moment, she began to think to herself that if the reward was to gain friends like Osamu, Yoko, and everyone else, perhaps all her suffering was worth it. All of the death, the misery, the grief, and the rage that so defined her life during the Warring States era seemed so insignificant in the face of such supportive friends. They reminded her of the comrades she had in the Senkumo clan, of the many thousands of men, women, and children who were willing to lay down their lives for both her and Tsukiakari.

That day was the day Taeko realized she still had a heart, for Osamu and his family had all become a part of it.