[Phantom Pain of Rousoku Himawari] The Moment the World Stopped Turning

"Trains!" Shinju sang.

Shinju and Osamu were out on an easy, breezy, lemon-squeezy errand in the hills of Arashyiama, the soil beneath their feet wet with melted frost and the air sweetened by budding cherry blossoms. It had only been a few months since the battle against Himushi and Magatori. It was late February, and spring was making its welcome return.

The errand was to exorcise an old, abandoned temple and secure the divine relics within. It was a lone, pyramid like structure, surrounded by green, grassy hills and coated in ancient moss. Birdsong reverberated in the air and harmonized with the croon of the gentle breeze, the wind combing through Osamu's raven mane of wavy hair.

Shinju stood at the top, smiling as she held Ebisu's Lucky Coin up to the sun. The coin had long since rusted and been debased by erosion, but it still had the power to produce one stroke of good luck for whoever sought to use it.

With Himushi and Magatori gone, easy errands like these took up most of Shinju's time. There weren't any other threats looming on the horizon, no supernatural catastrophes to prevent and no lives in peril. Needless to say, it felt good not having to worry about risking their lives.

"Trains?" Osamu repeated, perplexed.

Shinju nodded with a bright grin. "Mhmm!"

Shinju spun around in three consecutive twirls on the front of her foot, landing in an elegant pose worthy of a photo shoot. "Don't you remember? Earlier today, you asked me what an exorcist thinks the meaning of life is. Of course, I think any larger system can be compared to and explained by a smaller system. If not through direct similarities between the two systems, then perhaps by more metaphorical means. And so, my answer to your previous question is trains!"

Shinju twirled around again, striking more elegant poses like a seasoned dancer capable of navigating her way through the Chåteau d'Esclimont with her eyes closed.

"So you're saying...trains are the meaning of life?" Osamu asked.

Shinju stopped, putting her finger on her lip as she sunk into deep thought. "Actually, I should be more precise. Life isn't like trains themselves, rather, it's like the act of boarding, riding, and getting off of the train."

"So...boring then?"

Shinju gasped, covering her lips with her fingers. "Are you stupid? Are you actually, fundamentally stupid? As in, is your brain completely incapable of recognizing abstract concepts and manipulating the information in a way that makes sense?"

"You don't have to expound your insults so much!" Osamu urged. "I mean, I think I see your point. The train itself is life. Boarding the train is birth. Riding the train is the act of living, and getting off at your destination is death. It's just, the whole thing sounds so tediously organized and robotic that it makes life sound completely boring."

"One could say that life really is tedious and boring. If you ask the average person, they'd probably believe that the analogy is accurate!"

Shinju posed with her butt facing Osamu, blowing a kiss at him at the same time.

(Now would perhaps be a good time to remind our readers that Shinju typically only wears the following items of clothing: One poncho, one set of underwear, a pair of sandals or slippers, a peace sign necklace, and panda ear warmers. This obviously problematic choice of clothing is further exacerbated by the wind conditions of the season, as if mother nature itself wanted me to look at Shinju's fat bottom and underwear. I, Osamu Ashikaga, plead completely guilty to committing such an act and finding it mildly hot. Execute me.)

"Oi, Shinju. What's with the poses?"

"Hmm? Well...that's really just how my visual direction is, even in novel form. If this were a show, you'd constantly be bombarded with images of me in various cute or sexy poses, followed by a camera flash and backgrounds that don't agree with the continuity or space of the scene. I think I can brag that out of all the girls in this series, I, by far, have the most unique visual direction in mind! I'm sure I'm even best girl by now!"

"You're way too confident. Anyway, Shinju, back to the conversation at hand..."

Shinju snapped her fingers as she remembered the topic that she herself revived. "Oh yes! So, as I was saying, the analogy is quite accurate depending on who you ask. However, when we apply the concepts of life and death to the acts of boarding and leaving a train, don't you think the act of riding the train becomes rather...tragic?"

"How so?"

"Because, unfortunately, no matter how much time you spend with someone or how much you love them, you two are destined to get off the train at different times. For the one that remains, bittersweet memories linger until it is their time as well to get off."

Osamu ran his fingers through his puffy, wavy lion's mane as the wind picked up. "You know, you're actually right when you say it like that."

"I believe the important part of life is the journey, rather than the hour of separation. It was Confucius who once said that it doesn't matter slowly you go, it only matters that you do not stop. The journey must never be halted in the face of tragedy. I hope that answers your question."

"Yeah, you've answered it well. So, are we done here?"

"Yep." Shinju sighed as she dusted her hands off. "The paper charms are all set up and we've got Ebisu's Lucky Coin. We can leave now."

(Essentially, this was to make sure these areas couldn't act as places where spirits could dwell, and that no one could accidentally discover any ancient tools or weapons. After my fight with Amatsuki and Shinju's fight with Magatori and Himushi, we both appreciated how easy things got for us. Besides, I realized something. The children I'll have with Izanami and Tsukiakari will most likely grow to be exorcists as well, since they will be descendants of two powerful gods. I can't say I don't worry, but I'm at least glad Shinju, Lucrezia, and Cyanide will be there to guide them.)

Akatsuki and Omagatoki waited for them at the base of the pyramid. Shinju had given them both chokers, each with half of the Yin and Yang on them as pendants. Akatsuki wore the brighter Yin half, and Omagatoki wore the darker Yang half.

"We're done now, you two. Go ahead and take us home." Osamu said.

"Okie dokie! Let's hold hands, Sis!" Omagatoki sang.

"Shinju's place is the first stop?" Akatsuki asked.

"That'll do!" Shinju responded.

The Shoku Twins took each others hands, teleporting everyone right in front of Shinju's place. The streets were lined with streams of water from the melting snow and crushed salt rocks from the last time the roads were salted.

"Good work, you three. That's it for today. I'll call you up if I need you again. Thank you for your hard work." Shinju said.

Still holding hands, Akatsuki spoke first. "Always-"
"-glad to help!" Omagatoki finished.

"Right. See you, Shinju!" Osamu said, waving goodbye.

After that, Osamu began his walk home. He pulled the sleeve of his brown, leather jack and checked the time on his leather watch. He was surprised to find it was only one in the afternoon and still had the whole day ahead of him.

He suddenly stopped in his tracks, his senses picking out something was wrong. "Hmm?"

(Suddenly, out of nowhere, out of the blue, without warning, without time to react, I was struck in the face with two drumsticks taped together at lightning fast speed. I immediately knew who it was. After all, I only know one drummer in this world.)

Osamu was knocked onto the ground and Rei jumped on top of him before he could even sit up to see what happened. She wore black jeans, a brown winter jacket with white fur on the collar, and a silver ring on her index finger. Her hands and breath were cold, like the body of a Yuki-onna. Her hair was shoulder length, with a little bit of wave near the bottom. Most of all, her eyes were filled with insatiable lust. It was the Rei Osamu knew and loved right down to the core.

"Damn it! My nose!" Osamu cried, his voice mumbled behind his hand as he pinched his throbbing nose.

"Hey! I'm back in town, Osa!" Rei cheered. "Aika and I had another successful tour and we made tons of money! I'm kind of in a rush to get home now, but we should hang out sometime!"

"Oh, really? That's great, but I don't understand why you had to throw drumsticks at me!"

"Awww, you're so cute when you're mad, Osa!”

"Seriously, what do you want, Rei?"

"Hmm? Isn't it obvious? Let's do it in the road! No one will be watching us!"

(She's so heavy...)

"Rei."

"Yes?"

"I'm going to scream for help now. Please prepare yourself."

Osamu screamed like a damsel in distress in the highest, girliest pitch possible, but was quickly silenced by Rei's hands.

"Idiot!" Rei hissed.

"I thought you said no one would be watching us! Why worry if I scream?"

"You sound really angry now!"

"I am! Here I was recovering, and then you come and attack me! Now my body hurts! I swear, you're the only girl I'd ever hit!"

"Oh yeah, big boy? You wanna hit me? Hit me!"

Osamu followed his instincts and slapped Rei across the face so hard it produced an audible pop. She fell silent, and Osamu began to wonder if he had put too much force into the slap.

"Uh...Rei? I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hit you that hard..."

Rei was blushing. She punched Osamu in the stomach and he reacted by getting up and pushing her against the wall by her neck. It was just the two of them in a dark alleyway between two vacant houses.

"Seriously, what is your deal?" Osamu asked.

(It was in that moment I noticed the amorous expression on Rei's face. It seems I had completely forgotten an important characteristic about Rei. She loves abuse and hate-sex. My slaps and aggression were actually having the opposite effect I thought they were having, and were making her concupiscent.)

"God, I love our relationship. Osamu?"

"Y-yeah?"

"We're going to have sex now. Please be very, very rough with me."

(Let's just go ahead and redact the details of that moment right out of the chapter. All you need to know is that she's going to be having just as much trouble walking for the rest of the day as I am.)

Osamu, exhausted from the day, finally got home and took off his shoes at the door.

"I'm home..." he groaned.

"It's about time you got home! What took you so long?" Amatsuki chided from the kitchen, a ladle in her hands and a pink apron over her black shirt and pink gym shorts. It seemed she was in charge of cooking lunch today.

"Ah, sorry. The errand took a little longer than expected. What's on the menu today?"

"Chicken soup with sweet potatoes, dumplings, meat, pinto beans, and seasoned with herbs and black peppercorn." Amatsuki declared, her smile betraying her pride in having made such a fine dish.

"Ah, Yoko's recipe, huh? You're really shaping up to be a good girl."

Amatsuki suddenly took Osamu's shoes, feeling around inside of them for god knows what. She then patted Osamu down like a terror suspect at an airport.

"What are you doing?" Osamu recoiled.

"Just making sure you're not wearing a wire like the filthy snitch I think you are. If I ever find out you're cooperating with the police to have me arrested, I swear to every god ever invented by man, I will cut off your fingers one by one!"

(That suspicion and distrust of authorities is still there.)

"Yeah, yeah, I got it. There's no one even in this town, Amatsuki. Gekko killed all of the residents a long time ago."

"Don't you think its weird that you're married to a mass murderer and you've taken an ex-criminal into your home? With pregnant women, no less? You're a terrible man, husband, and I'm sure you'll be a lowly father as well."

"Come on, Gekko is a nice girl!"

Amatsuki's scowl brightened into an amused smile. "I'm just busting your balls, man. Sit down, you look tired. The soup will be done in just a bit."

Osamu scratched the back of his head as he sat at the island, watching Amatsuki finish up the pot of soup. "I'm guessing Yoko and Izanami are upstairs?"

"Yeah, I think Gekko is helping them bathe. Their bellies have gotten pretty big in just a few months, haven't they? What is this, their second trimester? It won't be long until the babies are here."

"Yeah, it's kind crazy to think about. I find myself getting a bit more scared as the days tick down, you know? I don't feel like I'm really prepared for all of this."

Amatsuki shrugged her shoulders as she sipped a few drops of soup from her ladle, taste testing her aromatic, flavorful creation. "No one is ever prepared to become a parent, Osa. You're just going to have to learn along the way. Besides, Izanami's had plenty of kids, right? And you're buddy-buddy with Amaterasu too. I'm sure they both know a thing or two about raising kids."

"Uhhh..." Osamu groaned, a thousand scenes of violent, medieval Japanese history, brutal massacres, and showdowns between embittered gods flashing in his mind like a film roll spinning out of control. "I think they might be a little rusty on that kind of stuff, if we're being honest."

Amatsuki crossed her arms and scoffed. "All of that shit happened ages ago. At least no one's trying to kill each other anymore. Speaking of which, things have been pretty quiet lately, no?"

"Yeah, not much has happened since the whole Himushi thing. Lucrezia, er, Taeko, said all there is to worry about now is finding Inari."

"Oh yeah? How's that going? That's Gekko's friend, right?"

Osamu nodded. "Izanami and Gekko knew her back in the day. Taeko did mention that she thinks Inari will turn up at some point. She seemed confident about Inari still being alive, at least."

"Well, that's good. In the meantime, let's just try to stay our asses out of trouble."

"...Says you." Osamu mumbled.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Amatsuki hissed.

"Soup please! With breadsticks!"

"We only have sweet rolls."

"Damn it...I wish Taeko would bring some goodies over."

Funnily enough, Taeko wasn't far from Yoko's house. She sauntered through the sleepy streets of the neighborhood after a day of trivial missions no more adventurous than Shinju and Osamu's sleep-inducing errands. Carrying a plastic convenience store bag full of a myriad of pudding flavors, her reward for her day's work, Taeko was on her way home to relax and stuff her face while watching a true crime documentary, or perhaps a sappy romcom.

She suddenly stopped on the sidewalk. Some strange, raven-haired girl emerged from the alleyway ahead of her, as lost and out of her element as a snake in the North pole or a penguin in the desert. The girl turned her head in every direction, quite visibly lost. She suddenly jumped in fright when she saw Taeko standing there, giving her a blank gaze of utter bewilderment.

Taeko almost thought the young woman was homeless, but as she noticed her clean face and stylish, teal bomber jacket, she realized she was nothing more than a lost girl. The woman's face lit up with tearful joy as she quickly skipped over to Taeko. It was though she had found an oasis in the desert.

"E-Excuse me..." the girl timidly called out, her hands hidden beneath her purple, cotton gloves. "I'm looking for someone, but I don't know where to go or where I am..."

"Who are you looking for?" Taeko asked.

"...Osamu Ashikaga."

As Osamu and Amatsuki chatted up a storm downstairs, Yoko, Izanami, and Tsukiakari got out of the bath and into a fresh set of warm clothes fresh out of the dryer. In the middle of their second trimester, Yoko and Izanami's bellies had swollen just enough to outgrow the term 'baby bump'. Their stomachs were expanding outwards and rounding out as their babies developed inside of them.

Yoko stepped on the scale in the bathroom as she loosely tied her pink, sheer negligee shut. Her eyes were glued to the number that popped up on the screen just above her toes.

"Dear god, it just keeps getting worse..." Yoko lamented, weighing in at one-hundred and sixty two pounds.

"Hey, don't get yourself down about it. It's normal to gain weight during pregnancy." Tsukiakari said. "The first trimester, you only gain a couple of pounds, but then after that, you average out at about a pound a week."

"I know, it's just..." Yoko sighed. "I feel gross and bloated. Most of that weight used to be in my thighs and butt, but now I'm getting a ton of tummy fat. I can't imagine the cellulite and stretch marks after the baby comes out. I hope I can get back into shape after all of this."

"Hah! Good luck." Izanami teased.

"Izanami, how is it that you gave birth to an entire freakin' pantheon and you're still so petite?" Yoko asked.

"Uhh...god genes?" Izanami said, clearly not even sure herself.

"I can only hope I'll be so lucky." Tsukiakari interjected.

Yoko closed the bathroom door and plopped down on the bed alongside Izanami. "Damn right. After we give birth, it'll be your turn to pop out a kid or two, Gekko. You'll get to experience all the sick mornings, the headaches, and the cravings all for yourself."

"Isn't it exciting, though?" Izanami sang. "I can't wait for you to be a mommy, Gekko!"

Tsukiakari smiled as she tied her raven hair into a messy ponytail. "Yeah, I'm looking forward to it too. I never thought I'd ever be a mother, but I guess a lot can change when you have a guy like Osamu in your life."

The house phone on the nightstand suddenly rang. Osamu and the girls only ever used the house phone as an intercom or as a non-personal number to give to doctors, businesses, or anyone else they didn't want to contact through their cell phones. So, the girls thought it was odd they'd receive a call on a Sunday, of all days. Yoko walked over and answered the phone and Gekko and Izanami continued to converse in the background.

"You've reached Yoko Akiyama's residence, who is this?"

A woman's voice answered on the other end. "Yoko Akiyama? Is that really you?"

"Uh, yes? Who is this?"

"Oh god...Yoko...do you remember my voice at all?"

"No? I don't think so."

"Yoko...It's me. It's your mother."

Yoko stood in shock and silence. She could not figure out what to feel, or how to react. Her father had passed away years ago, and her mother, until that very moment, had gone her separate way.

At the same time, the doorbell rang and startled everyone in the house. They weren't expecting visitors, and their friends usually call and forewarn of any visits.

"I'll get it!" Tsukiakari shouted.

Tsukiakari raced downstairs barefooted and opened the front door, expecting a mail man or something mundane. She was shocked to find a young woman standing before her, dressed in a teal bomber jacket, dark blue jeans, and a teal, cotton hand with a fuzzy ball at the end of it. Her emerald green eyes sparkled with tears of relief and her cheeks reddened with embarrassment. The wind tugged at her long, black hair as she spoke softly, straightening her back and holding her head up.

"Can I help you?" Tsukiakari asked.

"Uhm! M-my name is Rousoku Himawari! My apologies! Does a guy named Osamu Ashikaga live here?

"Yeah, he does, he's here right now. Are you an associate of his?"

Rousoku blushed and closed her bright, green eyes. "I'm his ex-girlfriend and I really need his help.”