[Phantom Pain of Rousoku Himwari] Mercy

At long last, the truth had come out. Rousoku had no idea that Osamu had tucked himself away at the bottom left corner of the steps, just as Izanami instructed him to. He heard every word. Izanami's plan was to get Rousoku to talk to a neutral party, figuring it would be easier to get her to open up that way. The plan worked far too well.

Osamu sat there in the dirt, both of his hands pressed over his mouth to stop himself from crying aloud and vomiting.

(That whole time...she was pregnant with our child? She was actually pregnant? If I had known, I...Oh my god...I had a child...and it passed away along with Rousoku? This whole time, I thought she was being stubborn. I thought she wasn't thinking about what was best for me. But that's exactly what she was trying to do. She didn't know how to tell me she was pregnant.

(If she did, I would've stayed with her. I would've never come back to Kyoto, never saved Aika, never helped Tsukiakari win back her freedom. I would've never been there for Isabella when she was sick. Satori and Kagutsuchi, and even Amatsuki, none of it would've happened if she had told me. She did understand me. She did know where I was coming from. So she kept silent so I could go without worrying, even if it meant facing such a huge problem alone…)

(Rousoku...I would've stayed and helped you. I would've been there to raise our child. You wouldn't have had to worry about not having help from your parents or not having any friends to rely on. If I could just go back in time, I would've done anything to help you and our child...)

Rousoku brushed her tears off of her face with her sleeve, her downcast eyes staring into the back of her hands. "Finally. I've said everything I've wanted to."

Izanami was completely stunned. She wasn't sure how to even respond at first. "Rousoku, I'm so sorry..."

Rousoku closed her eyes, wearing a pained expression on her pale face. She hesitated from speaking any further. The words sitting on her tongue were painful and bitter, but she ultimately decided that they had to be said now that she had told her side of the story.

"Osamu and I were both at fault. No, it's more accurate to say that neither of us were. To this day, I don't know what the right choice would've been. My first thought is that I should've just told him I was pregnant. I know Osamu would've stayed if I had said that. I'm sure we would've been good parents, even if we were just barely scraping by.

“As long as it was with him, I would've happily taken everything day by day. We'd have very little, but we'd be a happy little family. When I remembered everything that happened to me and why I was here, that's how I felt. And when I met Tsukiakari, you, Shinju, and Lucrezia a few days ago, I...I wished that was what he did. I wished he wasn't married to you. I wished he never came back here, that I had told him the truth from the very start."

"Rousoku, why didn't you? What stopped you from telling him in that very moment?" Izanami asked.

"I didn't understand it myself. I remember my mind telling me to tell him the truth, but my heart begged me to let him go back to his hometown. Up until now, I've regretted that choice. It did lead to my death, after all."

"Up until now? What changed?"

Rousoku tearful eyes met with Izanami's before her gaze slithered down to the goddess's pregnant belly. She thought back to when she first met Tsukiakari and Amatsuki at their house, and to the altar dedicated to Isabella in the antechamber near the front door. Even as she sat there, staring at Izanami, she began to understand why she chose silence on that fateful night.

"Izanami, you walked all the way here to this dusty, abandoned bookstore and slept over multiple days straight, away from home, just to help Osamu." Rousoku said. "That's why. When Osamu came back to Kyoto, he did a lot more than just right his wrongs. He made all of you the happiest you've ever been, didn't he?"

Izanami nodded. "Yeah. He really did."

"You, Tsukiakari, Amatsuki, your friend Isabella, Shinju, Lucrezia, and I'm sure there are more. He made so many people happy. Now he's on his way to becoming a father, and you a mother. I've seen the outcome of my decision, Izanami. Now that I've seen it, I can't imagine taking it back and undoing all that he's built. He was right to come back to Kyoto. If he had stayed with me, he would've made my life a thousand times over.

“But at the same time, what would've happened to all of you? You're all working so hard for him in his time of need, and he does the same for you. You're good people. You're good to him, and you deserve the best for that. Besides, I would've never even met him if you hadn't saved his life.

"I guess Osamu saw the bigger picture long before I did. We weren't supposed to last forever. But if that's the case, what was my role in his life? If you gods willed all of this, or even if this is just fate, where did I fit in in the plan for his life? Maybe I was just a mistake after all."

"No!" Izanami said, startling Rousoku. "It's true, Osamu wouldn't even be here if we hadn't met the night he attempted suicide. You would've never met him if it weren't for us. But at the same time, he would've never been in the frame of mind to even consider coming back to Kyoto if he hadn't spent that time with you, Rousoku. I may have saved his life, but you're the one who helped save his soul. Osamu came back to us because he learned what love truly is.

"He learned what it means to bring happiness to someone's life, to heal their hurt, and to consider their feelings. He learned what it meant to be there for someone. You gave him the tools he needed to fix his life and his relationships with others. That was all you! You don't owe us anything, Rousoku. You don't have to repay us in any way. You're allowed to be honest with him. You have every right to love him and every right to forgive yourself. You weren't a mistake. None of this could've happened if it weren't for you."

Izanami took hold of Rousoku's hands and bowed her head with the utmost respect. Rousoku was left breathless by the gesture. She couldn't believe that a goddess was bowing to her, let alone Izanami herself. She expected to be looked down upon as a burden, a relic from the past holding up the present. Instead, Izanami listened to her story and showed her the same beautiful mercy she had shown Osamu.

Izanami raised her head and leaned in closer to Rousoku, a radiant smile on her face. Izanami cried tears of joy as she wrapped her arms around Rousoku and held her tightly in her loving embrace.

"Rousoku..." Izanami wept. "Thank you for loving Osamu. Thank you for taking such good care of him. Thank you for sheltering him. Thank you for being born in this world, and for being here in this very moment. Thank you so much. Thank you."

Overwhelmed by Izanami's outpour of kindness, Rousoku melted in the goddess's arms and cried into her shoulder. Seven hard years of silence and anguish was finally broken by tears. It was just a terrible shame that everything had to happen the way they did.

Izanami wished with all her heart that someone had been there for Rousoku while she was still alive. If only Rousoku could've been like Isabella, whose friends were with her until the very end. Instead, she died alone. She died with a broken heart and a mind full of regrets.

Osamu quietly stood and walked away from the steps, his head still spinning from Rousoku's story. He marched back inside the bookstore like a zombie, stopping before Taeko, who sat at one of the tables in the center of the store. Seeing him completely dazed, Taeko stood up from her chair

"Osamu?" Taeko said with a worried tone.

"She was..."

"What's wrong?"

"She was...pregnant."

Osamu stumbled his way over to the table, hardly able to stand on his own. Taeko pulled a chair out a sat Osamu down, kneeling in front of him. She tried to get a glimpse of his eyes past his raven locks of hair, but the sunlight shining down upon him from the holes in the ceiling outlined his hair with a golden shimmer and cloaked his face in shadow.

"Rousoku? Are you saying Rousoku was pregnant?" Taeko asked.

"I didn't know! I swear I didn't know..." Osamu sobbed, holding his head.

"Osamu..."

Cyanide came rushing out of the back office with a scroll tightly clenched in his hand. "Lucrezia, we got the formula for the ritual all figured out."

"Give us a minute, Cyanide." Taeko replied.

Cyanide saw the pitiable state Osamu was in. He had no idea what happened, but he knew it must've been awful if it broke his spirit to such a degree. He bowed his head and turned back towards the office, leaving Taeko and Osamu their privacy.

"I'm sorry, Osamu." Taeko said, wrapping her hands around his. "That must've been tough to hear. As if this whole thing wasn't tragic enough, it turns out you lost a child as well. I'm truly sorry. I know what it's like to lose a child, Osamu. If there's anyone here that understands what that's like, it's me. Do you need me to get you anything? Some water, perhaps?"

Osamu nodded his head.

"Okay. I'll get you a bottle of water. Just stay here, okay? Try to calm down."

Taeko immediately rushed to the office. Expecting Cyanide and Shinju to ask what as going on, she closed the door behind her. One look at Cyanide told Taeko he was the most worried of all. He stood up straight with his arms crossed, as opposed to Shinju who sat at the desk. The both of them had dark circles around their eyes. They had foregone sleep to research the ritual they'd need to conduct on Rousoku.

"Everything okay with Osamu?" Cyanide asked.

Taeko sighed. "No. Izanami's plan worked a little too well. Apparently, Rousoku was pregnant around the time she committed suicide."

Shinju covered her mouth with her hands as she gasped aloud. Cyanide's eyes widened in horror. Just when they thought things couldn't get worse, they did, tenfold.

"Oh my god. Poor kid..." Cyanide said.

"How's Osamu taking it?" Shinju asked

"About as well as you'd expect. Who can blame him? Losing a child is the most painful thing in the world. I would know." Taeko said.

"Taeko...there's no way we can unfuck this in a few days." Cyanide warned. "It would take a miracle to pull it off. Standard procedure is to take out the spirit before it becomes a threat."

"But we can't do that to Osamu and Rousoku." Shinju interjected.

"At the end of the day, I'd rather have hurt feelings than a cataclysm on our hands." Cyanide said. "Boss, I know you care about the kid, but you can't let your personal feelings cloud your judgement here. If this thing gets down to the wire and they're still nowhere near close to making up, we've got to get rid of Rousoku. We can't get caught with our pants down, not now."

"We still have a few days until the eclipse, and Izanami's plan was a success." Taeko said. "I have faith Osamu can do this."

"But what if he doesn't?" Cyanide hissed.

"He will." Taeko said.

"But what if he doesn't?" Cyanide repeated. "You don't think it's unfair to rope us along so that we're all punished if you fuck up? When it was our personal feelings on the line, you didn't hesitate to trample all over them. At least show a little self-awareness, why don't you? At least promise us that if things go south, you'll give us the order to take Rousoku out."

Taeko couldn't deny that Cyanide had a point. It was a gamble now if Rousoku and Osamu would be able to see eye to eye now that the truth was revealed. With Osamu in worse condition than when they started, it was possible that Izanami's plan could backfire and blow up in their faces. No one had any way of anticipating such a horrific bombshell.

Taeko prayed that the worst case scenario wouldn't come to pass, but at the end of the day, she would have to do her duties as an exorcist.

"I still believe Osamu can handle this." Taeko said. "However, you have my word. If Osamu fails and something happens to Rousoku, we will not hesitate. We'll vanquish her. Consequences be damned."