[Phantom Pain of Rousoku Himawari] Homecoming

(Perhaps nothing in this world truly matters. No matter where we go, no matter how many joyful people we surround ourselves with, no matter the love we are given to heal our festering wounds, misery still lingers. It guides your shaking hands to its soft, tear-soaked cheeks. It kisses your palm and gently licks your fingers.

(It calls upon you, without words, to the deepest part of your soul. It begs for your company with its longing eyes, like a lover doing anything to bring you back. In the end, we all give in. We all give up. Tonight will not be a murder. I'm sure of it, because a part of me will die with Rousoku. It feels much more like a double suicide.)

Having split up from Shinju, Osamu was forced to bear the burden of his long walk and troubled thoughts alone. With every, nervous step he took, he saw phantoms of Rousoku from the past, all of them smiling and cheering, all overflowing with child-like happiness.

His heart couldn't bear to remember how Rousoku would shy her face away when she smiled while she nervously folded her hair behind her ears. He didn't want to reminisce of the adorable shock in her glittering eyes whenever she was given a surprise gift of flowers. Such thoughts were unbearable torment. Such happiness was far too sweet and far too distant to be anything but the heart torturing itself.

It was a lonely saunter down those dark, empty, Kyoto streets.

Sure enough, he found Rousoku sitting by the water, the ocean waves drawing forth to kiss her feet and ankles. The conflict between her remaining humanity and her encroaching nature as a Jikininki resulted in her sobbing as she frantically ate away at the rotten flesh of a corpse's arm. Her sharpened teeth crunched on the bones and fingernails as burning tears raced down her cheeks, accumulating on the edge of her chin.

Osamu witnessed the heartbreaking reality with his own eyes. His former lover was a Jikininki, cursed to satisfy her hunger for corpses. Watching her take her last breath and succumb to a terminal illness would've caused him less pain.

Watching her die in a horrific accident would've been less terrifying for him. Of all things that could've happened to her, it just had to be this, this awful fate. Every available emotion within him shattered into pieces. He could no longer comprehend his own sorrow or dread.

It was as if everything inside of him went numb as he began a slow, reluctant march towards Rousoku from the rear of the beach. That thin guise of courage he mustered up earlier no longer drove his steps. His ability to move and act were all surrendered to his eagerness to simply end it all, by blind conviction to see a conclusion to this sorrowful tale.

"Rousoku..." Osamu murmured.

Just the faint sound of Osamu's dejected voice froze her in place. She retracted the arm from her mouth, hanging her head in shame. She refused to meet eye to eye with him.

"Osamu. You saw me..." Rousoku cried.

"Yeah. I know. I know what you are and what you're going to do. You can't help it. You know it's shameful. You know it's the most disgusting act one can ever commit, but you can't stop. It's already becoming send nature to you."

Her tears blinding her vision, Rousoku smiled. "I never wanted to feel this again. Once was enough, but twice? I'm sorry, Osamu. We blamed each other for our own mistakes. I tainted you with my scorn and tempest. That wasn't right at all. That was no way for a woman to treat a man, much less for a human to treat...well, I'm not really human...anymore."

"...I know."

"I'm trying to say I'm sorry..."

"I know..."

"Please...forgive me..."

"I can only hope you forgive me too, Rousoku. Everything I did to you was beyond wrong. We hurt ourselves just as much as we hurt each other, didn't we?"

"Unfortunately. Still, I can say here and now...that I love you. I always will."

"I will too. I'll always love you. "

Rousoku's smile quickly vanished as her face tightened in pain. She held her hands over her chest with her eyes shut tight, as if her very heart was being torn asunder.

"Rousoku? What's wrong?!"

Suddenly, Shinju's voice blared from behind. "Get back, Osamu!"

Osamu's eyes quickly snapped to Shinju. Her hand was already locked in the shape of a gun, ready to kill the Jikininki before her.

"Wait, Shinju! She's still lucid! She's still a human in her heart!" Osamu pleaded.

"That won't last much longer, Osamu! She's already completing her transition!" Shinju barked.

Suddenly, Rousoku's body violently tossed and twisted in the sand, her limbs shaking with uncontrollable spasms. Osamu's feet scurried him backwards before he could even think. All he could do was gaze at her in heartbroken awe, forced to listen to the dissonant cacophony of his ex-lover's screams.

(This...there has to be some way we can save her! It can't just end like this! There's still a person in there! Rousoku is still in there!)

"Osamu! I know exactly what you're thinking." Shinju said.

While Osamu cursed himself for shaking like a coward, Shinju remained relatively calm, her stance strong and steady as a statue's.

"I know how painful this must be for you, but your ex-lover is no longer there. What you see before you is a monster. It's too late to save her now." Shinju explained.

So many thoughts ricocheted around in Osamu's pulsating head. Every scenario he could think of where he tried to save Rousoku only ended the same way. Failure. Constant, repeated failure. Fate was merely cruel enough to allow Osamu to watch the last of Rousoku's humanity die in front of him.

"Osamu, watch out!" Shinju screamed.

Shinju's shrieking voice pulled him out of his mental trance all too late. Rousoku dashed at him like a bullet, tackling him and rolling through the sand. Unable to even understand what just happened, Osamu's eyes were greeted with the blurred sight of Rousoku's jaws closing in on his wrist. Not an ounce of humanity or morality could be found in her now crimson, flesh craving eyes.

"Rousoku, stop!" Osamu sobbed, unable to raise a hand against her.

Just as quickly as she attacked, Rousoku was blown away by a powerful, concussive force of air. She violently tumbled across the sand as Shinju rushed in, standing in front of Osamu to shield him.

"Now do you see, Osamu? There's nothing human left of her. The Rousoku you knew and loved is dead!"

(It really is undeniable. Rousoku is gone...)

A different kind of sorrow embraced Osamu then. More so than the death of a person, Osamu remembered what the death of love felt like. The utter, helpless feeling of being a worthless human being numbed his entire body. The heartbreaking vexation of knowing he could've done better washed over him like an obsessive ghost, all while Shinju continued her assault on Rousoku.

(I...failed...)

Osamu's own thoughts muted the sounds around him, even Rousoku's monstrous roar as she charged towards Shinju on all fours. Shinju fired at Rousoku once more, blowing off her left arm entirely. Her arm exploded into a crimson mist of blood and bone confetti, painting the sands beneath their feet in red misery. Still, Rousoku did not stop.

Losing grotesque amounts of blood, she continued to entrap Shinju's neck in her vice grip, slamming her into the ground repeatedly before tossing her all the way across the beach. With some distance between them, Rousoku's arm was able to heal instantly, with the bones and muscular system repairing themselves before Osamu's very eyes. The skin of her arm did not return, and drops of blood still fell from her fingertips and elbows, staining the sand.

(There's nothing I can do...but watch her die...)

The impetuous resilience Shinju was known for shined like fire in her ocean-blue eyes. She was determined to bring an end to Rousoku's tragic existence. Shinju withdrew a small blade wrapped in white cloth from her poncho. Unveiling it, calligraphic kanji engravings decorated the dagger from hilt to tip.

"Come on, Rousoku! Let's send you home!" Shinju roared.

With a final roar from Rousoku, the two charged each other, their fight beginning anew. Osamu watched with teary eyes as Shinju constantly dodged Rousoku's brute force attacks, stabbing and slicing her deformed body in every area she could. The blade didn't even have to touch Rousoku's flesh in order to cut or burn her. Merely being in the presence of an unholy being made it effective. From afar, their fight seemed to be a dance of blood, sand, and agony.

Their fight inched closer to the sea as Shinju narrowly evaded Rousoku's ground-cracking punch and sliced open her stomach, spraying the Jikininki's blood and unraveled intestines into the ocean.

While Rousoku howled in agony, Shinju slid beneath her legs and stabbed the blade in the middle of her back, attempting to immobilize her. Emboldened by her primal rage, Rousoku turned and reached out with her long, powerful arms, taking a tight hold of Shinju's neck once more with both hands. Not even the broken Osamu could simply watch her strangle Shinju to death.

He foolishly ran towards her, tackling the Jikininki to the ground and freeing Shinju.

"Stop it, Rousoku! You have to stop!" Osamu urged.

Osamu pulled on her loosened intestines with all of his might, sending Rousoku in a daze of pain. Shinju was able to catch her breath, feeling around her neck to make sure she wasn't too hurt. The marks from Rousoku's fingers and thumbs remained impressed on her neck with a bright red glow.

The sudden, infuriated roar of the Jikininki shattered Osamu's morale, freezing him in place as she dug her razor sharp nails into his tender abdomen. It was thanks to the sharpness of the nails that Osamu didn't feel much at first, but he quickly found himself taken hold of and slammed into the ground as the water gently kissed the shore.

He saw, from an upside down perspective, Rousoku's foot held over his head, prepared to crush his skull in a mighty stomp, only to be sent flying several dozen feet across the water by another powerful gust of pressured air. The Jikininki's blood drizzled over Osamu's face and clothes as he crawled back towards drier ground, holding his bleeding stab wounds.

With her vibrant head of orange hair in a frizzed, sand-covered mess, Shinju looked on towards the ocean with impetuous eyes. Both Osamu and Shinju waited for any sign of life in those moon-dazzled waters, but there was no sign of Rousoku. Shinju knew all too well that assuming the death of a Jikininki without seeing the body would be a fatal mistake.

Just as her suspicions formed in her head, the entire beach was violently rocked as if caught in a powerful earthquake, and a monstrosity different from what they saw before towered out of the ocean's embrace. The Jikininki had morphed into a morbidly obese titan, with her very size allowing an all-consuming shadow to be cast upon the awestruck Shinju and Osamu.

As pale as moonlight itself, Rousoku's bloated, colossal body was mostly made out of the corpses she had previously eaten, their upper bodies protruding from her fattened stomach, breasts, and face. It was as if those corpses had been melded onto her, fused with her very flesh.

The Jikininki sent its glass-breaking shrieks towards the moon as her eyes kept swelling until the fluids leaked out from underneath, eventually leading to her eyes popping like balloons. The nightmarish titan before them could no longer be thought of as Rousoku even in the slightest.

(What happened to her?!)

"I see. She must've devoured the blade I left in her back. Whether it was on purpose or an accident...we'll never know." Shinju said.

"What?! Shinju, what are you talking about?!" Osamu recoiled.

Shinju clasped her hands, preparing to perform the kuji-in sequence that would bring an end to this tale of misery. "Osamu...take cover."

Shinju's hands quickly ran through the required hand signs as the Jikininki turned her blind, bloody gaze towards the shore. Her hands remained locked in the final sign, the Rin sign.

"Shinju! Please, don't!" Osamu screamed.

More of the Jikininki's awful screams echoed through the night sky as a bright, blue light shined from within her eye sockets and fattened belly, as well as the eyes and mouths of all the corpses that were now part of her body. She continued to swell in size as the light within her grew even more furious, her arms too small to even reach her breasts.

And in nightmarish, hellish flash, her entire body exploded into a crimson, tidal wave of blood, organs, and splintered bone. So massive was the explosion that it seemed that the entire coast would be drowned in her blood, flooding the streets and ground level buildings. Both Shinju and Osamu were completely overpowered by the force of the blast, and all was washed away in red, baptized by Rousoku's blood.

Without memory of the battle that transpired just moments ago, Rousoku awoke in her hometown in Kyushu, standing by a familiar street sign. There wasn't a cloud in the bright, sunny sky above. Just reading the name printed on the street sign sent chills to her homesick heart, beating wildly beneath her white, summer dress.

"I know this place...I..."

She immediately took off running down the residential street, recognizing all of the homes of her former friends and neighbors, the small frozen yogurt shop down the road, and the sweet chirps of the yellow-breasted chats flying from tree branch to tree branch. She almost didn't want to believe it.

She could only comprehend her surroundings as a mere dream, a cruel trick being played on her by a mirage of some sort. But the warmth of the sun on her lively skin felt real. The breeze carrying the birds and whistling through the trees couldn't have felt more real. The slight crunch of the paved road beneath her sandals couldn't be from a dream.

And then, Rousoku stopped in front of one of the larger houses in the neighborhood, marked with a bright red front door. Just seeing that house summoned forth tears from her eyes as her feet seemed to move on their own, slowly taking her closer and closer to the entrance. The sweet smell of freshly blooming flowers in the front yard, welcomed her back.

She stood in front of the door with her hand held over her excited heart, trying as best as she could to catch her breath, calm her nerves, and conquer her anxiety. Her finger trembled as it slowly pressed the doorbell, sending a rather familiar chime through the interior of the home. Though she nervously waited for a response, no one came to answer her. She tried again, and after a few more minutes of waiting, there was still no answer.

Her chest feeling icy cold and her face fiery hot, Rousoku wrapped her hand around the doorknob, surprised to find the front door unlocked. She allowed herself inside, greeted only by silence. The sun shined through east windows of the house, casting their glowing squares and stripes across the childhood pictures of her and her family on the bookshelf, the dark color of the wood bouncing back onto the brighter hardwood floor.

"Pardon me..."

She gently whispered as if she was trespassing. Walking in without permission, it certainly felt like it. She couldn't help but stop and examine her childhood photos, staring at the rosy cheeked, smiling little girl in them as if she were a stranger. But then a comforting thought brought a sense of calm to her wild heart. That little girl was her. That happiness was hers.

There was just one more thing she had to see before investigating the other rooms. As she always did when she was younger, she took off her sandals and left them by the door before ascending the curved staircase. She remembered her room was down the hall to the right, the front door adorned with a crudely written ‘Please Knock’ sign.

She approached the door and did exactly what the sign asked, knocking gently before even daring to enter.

"Wait a minute, what am I doing? This is my room! Stupid...so stupid..."

Her needless sense of alarm discarded, Rousoku entered her sunlit room with startled surprise. She distinctly remembered leaving it in a complete mess the day she was disowned by her family, but the bed was made perfectly, with every fold made with perfection. Not a wrinkle could be found on the sheets.

All of her books were neatly organized on their shelves, and all of her clothes were put back where they belonged. The papers on desk were put in handy little folders rather than jumbled up in an incoherent mess she thought was 'organization'.

The true surprise in that room were the seemingly endless vases of sunflowers placed around her room, and the giant teddy bear left as a gift on her bed, a familiar peace sign necklace dangling from its neck. The teddy bear held a balloon that read two simple words, words that made all of her suffering, all of her regret, and all of her pain worth it.

'Welcome Home.'

Her eyes were flushed with tears of immense sadness and even greater happiness. She had to cover her mouth with her hand to quiet the sound of her sobs and sharp breaths. Then, a gentle voice rung out from behind her.

"You're home now, Rousoku. You can rest."

She instantly recognized the voice, even if it didn't present itself in its usual projected, extroverted tone.

"Shinju?"

She turned around, swearing she caught a glimpse of Shinju's bright, orange hair, but she was nowhere to be found. Instead, yet another surprise gazed at her from the doorway. A woman that looked like an older version of herself. Her face was just lightly wrinkled, and her curly hair flowed freely, gently pushed by the breeze coming from the open window. The two were completely lost in the other's gaze, their hearts quickened by the mere sight of each other.

It was Rousoku's mother.

"Rousoku! You're...you're..." the mother weeped.

Tears ran down the woman's cheeks, her burning throat tightened by her cries so she couldn't speak. Rousoku could only smile with a heart as pure as sunshine. This was the moment she had always dreamed of.

"I'm finally home...Mom..."