[Phantom Pain of Rousoku Himwari] Carry On Her Phantom Pain

The sliding door to the inner sanctum of the Shinto shrine was opened. Amaterasu sat at a small, round table in the center of the room, crossing her legs as she sipped tea by candle light. Manami was escorted into the sanctum by the men who arrested her. They sat her down at the table and bowed before Amaterasu.

"We've brought her, as you asked, Lady Amaterasu." one of the said.

"Thank you. You're dismissed." Amaterasu said, smiling.

The men turned and left the room, closing the sliding door behind them.

"You're nine days late, Manami." Amaterasu said. "Did you forget your mission?"

If it the guards hadn't addressed her as such, Manami would've never guessed that the black-haired woman dressed in a jean jacket and ugg boots was Amaterasu. She was so used to seeing her in her white and gold-trimmed kimono. Amaterasu's casual getup nearly had Manami thinking the woman before her was an imposter.

"Am I not allowed to spend time with my daughter?" Manami asked. "I think it's the least you owe me."

"Let's cut to the chase. What did you learn about Inari?"

"Not gonna offer me any tea?"

"Focus, Manami."

Manami sighed. "She's here in Kyoto. I saw her myself. She killed a three more of our men in Arashiyama."

"You saw her do this?"

"Yeah."

"And her ability? You can confirm she still has it?"

"Yeah. She's still got it. Just like the previous sightings, she used their numbers against them. I told those idiots not to rush in like that, but they were young and dumb, just like the rest. Glory hounds, all of them."

"Interesting." Amaterasu said, sipping her tea. "So, Manami, how is it that you're still alive?"

Manami paused. Amaterasu's curious, rhetorical tone struck a nerve with her. "Why don't you just come on out and say it?"

"...Oh? Say what, exactly?"

"You think I'm a traitor."

"Are you, Manami? Are you a traitor?"

Manami's sapphire-blues eyes clashed with Amaterasu's fierce, golden glare. Manami balled her hands, her fingernails digging into her palms.

"...I followed your orders. I played along with Taeko's scheme to disguise herself as my student, my Lucrezia, all so she could save the world. I let her take Lucrezia's remains into her custody. Every order, every mission you've ever given, I've fulfilled. So you tell me, Amaterasu. Am I a traitor?"

Amaterasu smiled as she set her teacup down. "Very well, then. I'll take your word for it. How long do we have, then?"

"Before she resurfaces? Any day now."

"If she's back in Kyoto, she must've run out places to hide. I'm sure she figured that the best place to lie low would be the place we'd least expect it, right under our noses. A bold strategy, if I daresay. But I'm far too used to dealing with traitors both near and afar. This is it, Manami. The next time we see her, it won't be another costly skirmish. We'll make it a decisive battle. It's time to put an end to Inari."

The sliding door was suddenly flung open. A panicked shrine maiden rushed into the sanctum, bowing before Amaterasu. "Lady Amaterasu! I'm so sorry to interrupt, but there's been an incident!"

"What happened?" Amaterasu asked.

"The Shoku Twins were attacked by Inari Okami! The twins are okay, but they said she forced them to initiate a lunar eclipse! There's a blood moon in the sky right now!"

Amaterasu immediately stood onto her feet. "She attacked the twins? Where is she?"

"We don't know! She slipped away into the night! We've scrambled search parties, but we haven't had any luck yet."

Amaterasu bit her lip in rage. "That was well played, Inari. She's bold, which means she's probably desperate, too. But...why a blood moon?"

"And where are the twins?" Manami asked calmly.

"They're under watch at Izanami's shrine." the shrine maiden answered.

Manami sighed. "Good luck catching her in this darkness. She deliberately struck at night, when there's less patrols posted around the city."

For a few seconds, there was dead silence in the room. Then, Amaterasu snickered, quickly breaking out into full on laughter. Manami and the shrine maiden gazed at her in utter bewilderment. Her worst enemy with a fearsome power had just attacked two of the most important deities in her pantheon, and she laughed.

"Is everything okay, Amaterasu?" Manami asked.

"My apologies." Amaterasu chuckled. "I just couldn't help but think..."

"...Think what?" Manami questioned.

"No, it's nothing." Amaterasu said. "Disband the search parties. They'll do us no good. Remember, she can use our numbers against us."

"But then...how do we find her, ma'am?" the shrine maiden asked.

"We'll wait until she appears again. She's clearly desperate, but we won't get very far looking for her in the dead of night." Amaterasu admitted. "She got us this time. She won't get lucky again."

Rousoku's blood had violently splattered on the tall hotel buildings beyond the beach, staining the windows and white facade in furious, chaotic strokes. Her blood flooded the roads and dripped from the street lights as crows took to the air to avoid the stench, their dreadful cacophony of caws haunting the air.

The ocean, still gently kissing the crimson and soaked sands of the beach, was dyed red for as far as the eye could see. The pier in the distance was entirely soaked in blood, rendering many of the signs for the shops illegible.

The moon, untouched by the scarlet shower below, shined with an unforgiving, pale blue radiance as the sound of the swishing waves of the ocean enticed Osamu's ears. Soaked in blood, he opened his eyes for the first time in what felt like hours. The very sight of the moonlight hurt his eyes. His mind was almost completely blank, devoid of any thought that could be interpreted by words.

The night sky, saturated by droplets of Rousoku's vital fluids, was decorated by an obtuse, scarlet rainbow of blood standing tall over the tainted water. The intestines, limbs, and fractured bones from her former, bloated body floated upon the sea like little islands of flesh and organs, with the bones protruding from the depths of the water like washed away skyscrapers.

Osamu finally gathered the strength to sit up, realizing Rousoku's body had washed up next to him, returned to normal and devoid of life. He looked to his right and saw Shinju as well, already awake and blankly staring into the distance, captivated by the twinkling stars and monochrome rainbow. All three of them drenched in blood.

"It's done. Rousoku has passed on." Shinju said.

One of the eyes from Rousoku's bloated body could be noticed further down the shore, washed up like a wrecked ship. It seemed to stare relentlessly at Osamu and Shinju in bloodshot focus. Even a heart, a full, in-tact heart stood tall above the gentle waves in the distance, trying to keep itself alive with faint pumps. Forlornly, her heart continued to wash itself in a sea of salt, iron, blood, and misery, with each pump audible to Osamu and Shinju.

It was deep and deafening, as if their ears were exhaling air. Half of her skull laid across the sea beneath the scarlet rainbow, aligned with the moonlit horizon. It was so frighteningly large and inhuman it could've been an island of its own, an island of skull in a sea of blood and organs.

Osamu took one more sorrowful look upon Rousoku's body, his mouth awash with the taste of salt and iron. Form and flesh had been riven into a sea of blood and a haunting, scarlet rainbow. Love and forgiveness had been ripped asunder, returning to the void nothingness that all love originates from, its ancestral form. His heart and soul, wounded and betorn, remained haunted by the phantom of Rousoku that now lingered within him.

Unsure of what to feel or think anymore, Osamu could only ball up and cry, sobbing into his lap. His wordless agony manifested itself as heartbroken howls.

"My god...what a world we live in..." Shinju cried.

(In the end, we were assured the other exorcists would clean up the unbelievable mess left in the wake of the battle. Shinju was allowed custody of Rousoku's remains. As a favor to me, she agreed to have her body cremated, and the ashes handed over to me. It was over. The tale of Rousoku had come to an unfortunate and blood soaked end, and I was left...undone.)

Osamu, Shinju, and Taeko found themselves reconvened in the abandoned library, shafts of deep-orange sunlight streaking through the holes in the ceiling, washing the main hall in an orange shade of indirect light. They were joined by Yoko, who held her husband's hand in silence.

Both Osamu and Shinju found themselves in bandages again. Osamu's temple, right arm, and abdomen were wrapped in white gauze, while Shinju wore her bandages around her chest beneath her poncho. The fight had made a mess of them both, physically and emotionally.

Oamu's fingers gently caressed the edges of his peace sign necklac, dangling in the center of his black, jean jacket and tie dye shirt underneath. Taeko sat on top of two stacked book shelved laying on top of each other. One foot dangled off the edge as the other rested on top of the shelf. With a deep, heavy sigh, she combed through her raven hair with her fingers. Sitting beside her was Rousoku, or rather, her ashes, contained within a golden urn.

"Regardless of the sloppiness of our little operation, the fact remains that the issue has been resolved." Taeko said. "Rousoku, the wandering spirit turned Jikininki, has been vanquished. Black Maria and White Saint led the clean up operation to get rid of all the blood and remains that was left in the wake of the battle, so we don't have to worry about any more evil spirits emerging from that beach."

"So that's it? It just ends like this?" Yoko asked.

"I'm sorry there's no happy ending this time." Taeko lamented. "Once I discovered that she had committed suicide, I knew there was no way this was going to end in anything but misery. Osamu, perhaps you knew that too. No, in fact, I know that you knew it."

As Osamu hung his head in guilt and uncertainty, Yoko's grip around his tender hand tightened with vexation.

"I ran from everything back then." Osamu said. "I ran because I was too young to know how to deal with any of it. Aika nearly lost her life because I ran from her. Rousoku died because I ran from her. I've only just recently learned how to stand and confront my problems. The phantoms of the past come back to me and they prey on my mistakes. Those mistakes have catastrophic effects on us all. It's funny, considering Cyanide was the one who warned me to stay out of the supernatural world. I have to wonder if I would've been better off taking his advice and breaking things off with Izanami and Gekko. Maybe I'd still be living in blissful ignorance of everything around me."

"What are you saying, Osa? I know things haven't always been good! That doesn't mean you should separate from those you love!" Yoko protested. "You and Shinju make such a great team! You should stick together if you enjoy her company that much! Tsukiakari and Izanami are your wives, they would never agree to separate from you! No one who knows and loves you now would ever wish to leave you for any reason, and especially not to serve some idea of 'common good' or justice! For better or for worse, we are all in love with you! That's just how it is, Osamu. We live and die by your side, and at your command."

Taeko softly chuckled to herself. "Gotta admire that undying commitment. Sometimes they seem more like eager martyrs than wives. Perhaps we're all just too tangled in our web of sins to undo any of it now. All we can do is march forward and see what the future holds."

Taeko hopped down from the bookshelves with the urn in her hands, walking over to Osamu and handing it over to him. "No one can give you a happy ending, but we can give you this. Rousoku's ashes. It's all there. Do as you please with it."

All that Rousoku ever was, all of her boons and shortcomings, all of her imperfections, were all made equal by fire. Ashes, in some odd way, resembled a sort of return to original form to Osamu. Nothingness, when the sum of our souls all return to zero, when the beauty of what we were before returns to ashes. He reluctantly took the urn, unsure if he should keep the ashes or spread them somewhere.

"If there's any silver lining to any of this, it's that transitioning into a Jikininki gave her a physical body, allowing us to cremate her and have something to remember her by." Taeko said.

"Taeko...what happens now? What will you do?" Osamu asked.

"For now, everyone can get some much needed rest. That includes you, Yoko. As for Shinju and I, I'm afraid our work is just getting started." Taeko said.

"You have a good family, Osamu. Maybe you should take some time to just stay home. Don't think about the ashes too much just yet. We'll figure out what to do with them." Shinju reasoned.

(Rest...as if anyone could rest after that...)

"How unfortunate. Such a young girl with her whole life ahead of her, coming to such a heartbreaking end." Taeko sighed. "It makes you wonder what it was all for. What was the reason, the purpose? What morals remain after this storm of blood and carnage?"

Taeko's questions echoed through Osamu's empty self. Not a single answer emerged from his sea of thoughts. No good reason, no moral, no purpose. Rousoku was dead because of his own cowardice. As tormenting as it was, it was the only way Osamu could make sense of the tragedy of Rousoku Himawari. Perhaps, for that moment, it was the most convenient explanation, a simple black and white game of blame and burden.

(The following week, we all found ourselves at the beach once more, standing before the gentle sea imbued with sunlight. Rousoku would've loved it. There wasn't a cloud in the sky. Amatsuki, Gekko, Yoko, Shinju, and Izanami were all in attendance. The entire area had been cleaned up, as if what happened to Rousoku...simply never happened at all. She was erased from the sea's memory.)

All of them stood in a column, their eyes blankly gazing away at the sparkling ocean. Though their clothes were mostly casual, they all made sure to wear black to match the darkness of the occasion, in clear contrast with the bright and sunny day. Osamu stepped forward, holding Rousoku's urn close to his chest in impenetrable silence. Osamu kept on walking down the furthest path on the pier, his shoes squeaking against the rickety wood. Everyone watched him from a distance as he removed the lid to Rousoku's urn.

"Shouldn't...we stay close to him?" Tsukiakari asked.

"It's okay, dear. Osamu needs his space." Yoko said.

The more Osamu stared at Rousoku's ashes, the more he wanted to keep them all to himself.

"Forgive me, Rousoku." Osamu mumbled.

He tilted the urn towards the sea, momentarily losing himself in its sparkling beauty and blue eternity. His mind urged his hands to tilt further, to let go of Rousoku, to let her be free. What better end than to become one with the wind and ocean? But Osamu's hands withdrew from the mouth of the sea, bringing the opened urn back to his chest.

"...Your story didn't deserve to end. Not like this."

Osamu dug his hand into the urn, lifting up a palm full of ashes, only to watch it all fall back in again like sand in an hourglass.

"What right do I have to scatter your pain into these forgetful waters? Will the waves whisper your name to me? Will the wind sing your lullaby and pray for your soul?"

Once more, Osamu took a handful of Rousoku's ashes, holding up to his tired, weary face. "Of course. I have no right. But you can punish me still, even in death. Your omnipresent phantom. Your vengeful specter. You can take your revenge on me. Cut me with all of your hatred and agony. I promise, I'll atone for it all. I won't let your story end in ashes. You and I will be together. Always."

And so, in his own form of mournful self-torture, Osamu devoured the ashes in his hand, eating the remains of his lover just as she ate the remains of the dead. He quickly devoured handful after handful of sorrowful ash, even as he felt the ash choke him and overwhelm his throat. This way, she would truly be with him. Always.

"Osamu?" Tsukiakari called out, quickly realizing what he was doing. "Osamu!"

"Oh my god! Osamu, stop!" Yoko screamed.

Gekko and Shinju raced down the pier as the others watched in shocked confusion. Ash coated Osamu's mouth and face, with some even remaining in his hair like powdered chalk. The might of Rousoku's ashes brought Osamu down to his knees, allowing the girls to quickly take away the urn. Gekko embraced the coughing and wheezing Osamu, who broke down into angry tears. He could taste all of Rousoku's neglected beauty, all of her insecurities and gentle flaws. Most of all, he would forever know the desperate thirst her ashes inflicted upon his throat.

That thirst belonged to Rousoku's heart, deprived of love and care.

(I have no happy ending to share with you. No moral, purpose, or reason. If any of that ever existed, it died and returned to ash along with Rousoku. Never forget that for as long as you live. All reason, purpose, and morals die with those you love, and it will keep happening and happening....until nothing is left. Letting go of her? It was impossible from the moment I saw her again. It will remain that way until I too join her in death.)