The Hives Chronicles
I asked my bodyguard if he knew a good doctor who could also be a little discreet.
My bodyguard is hard of hearing. Too much time spent at the club without earplugs when he used to be a bouncer. Or maybe it's just because he's 6'5" and the sound doesn't reach him.
'DO YOU KNOW A DOCTOR?'
'What's wrong with Doc Heroin, boss? You go to another doctor and if he don't keep mum, the po-po gonna be on you.'
'Doc Heroin isn't a real doctor.'
'DOC. HEROIN. ISN'T. A. REAL. DOCTOR.'
'What kinda illness is bothering you, boss?'
'I GOT HIVES.'
'We removed the beehive just yesterday.'
'Oh. So that's why you're scratching yourself all the time. I always thought it was all the crack and heroin you did.'
'THAT'S THE THING. I'M ADDICTED TO CRACK ALREADY BUT I DON'T WANT A HEROIN ADDICTION AS WELL AND THE DOC WILL GIVE IT TO ME IF I DON'T FIND A REAL DOCTOR.'
'I understand, boss. I got a cousin who's a dermatologist. I'll fix something up for ya.'
'Say, boss, you got any extra crack today?'
'Spare a couple grams? Feelin sleepy today.'
'SURE. COME ON IN. I'VE GOT A BIT OF A CRAVING AS WELL.'
'Cocaine is a hell of a drug.'
'IT SURE IS.'