The 4th Step: Still Waters

The rest of the class went on as normal.

I sometimes wonder, what the end goal of all this boring routine is.
We go to school every weekday, do the same things to relieve us from the accumulated stress built up from school on weekends and after school.

It's a boring routine forced upon us the moment we are born.
Everthing comes with consequences and responsibilities.
Ugh, I can't stand either of these words.

Anyways. Next up is...English Literature.
But before that, lunch break.

I go to the cafeteria, despite not buying anything there.
I guess I just want to fit in, a weakness of mine - so to say.
By the looks of it, these six groups already grabbed their seats.

The two popular groups.
They can't stand each other from what I've seen, even though they seem so similar.

A nerdy group.
Like, sad nerdy, best way to describe it. They should touch some grass.

An all girls group.
They seem kind and thoughtful of others, but it would be a pain in the hole to get into conflict with them, not that I intended to do so in the first place, but girls can really be scary sometimes.
The things they do and say behind eacht others backs is gruesome - to say the least.

To round things up, there is also a mixed group of people who either didn't get to be or didn't want to be in either of the popular groups.
Everyone there seems to be open minded and supportive of others, they are what I would call closest to being actually friendly, as an assimilation of individuals.


And then...there's my group.
Or rather, the group of people I tend to hang out with during breaks and who probably know me best out of everyone in this school.

I do feel rather comfortable talking to them, but whether it's because of the group as a concept or because of the individuals making up that space, I always feel like there is some kind of barrier between every one of us.

A 'barrier', so thick it would only let the most superficial sounds bypass it.
A 'barrier' I could never break, no matter what.

It seemed unbreakable to me at that time and I learned to live behind those walls.
They gave me a sort of comfort.
Because the same way I could never break those walls, no one could shatter mine.
Everything remained the same...

"Yo, dude. What's up? Been good?
Heard you were late again, man, haha! You should really learn to get up properly.
I could tell you some tips 'n tricks."

Connie Troy -

"Yeah, as if he'd need some tips from a virgin like you, bro. BWAHAHA"

Richard Smith -

"Not cool man, not cool.", Connie threw an annoyed look at him.

"I'm sure Zack can work it out, if he felt like it. He's smart after all!"

Bell Caddel - A soft boy, he doesn't talk like the others, or much about anything we talk about in general. But there are certain things he confessed to me, the others might not know of.
But one thing we all know and tease him with.

"So how are your plants? Have your stuffies been guarding them?"
I remark two things only his close circle of friends know. His love for gardening - he could and would talk about that for hours on hours- and his behaviour with stuffed animals - he gives them names and treats them as his pets.
The most memorable are Joey and Diana. A married couple made up by a hippo and an elefant.
Boy, do I not want to know how they got their tiger kid, Andy, or their monkey infant, Johnny.
I would characterize him as extremely empathetic and sensitive, to say the least.

"Ha-ha. As if Joey and Diana would be so patient to watch over them.", Bell sarcastically remarks. 

"Pfuu-"
We all started laughing. Especially Bell. You could tell it was an honest one.
Despite knowing that we are very much different we could still enjoy our time being together.

"So, where is Ray?", Bell asks.

"Oh, I heard he's in detetion right now, right Zack?", Richard adds.

"Yeah, he stole my joke in front of the class. Roasted Mrs. Raw. You know.", I hope they understood. I really don't like explaining my jokes.
Or any in general.
Why does this joke keep surfacing up, it's not that good to begin with.

"Yeah, yeah, we get it. Whole class laughed to top it off, eh?, Connie always had sharp intuition. Too bad he can't express himself well enough for many to notice and acknowledge him.

"Yes. Well, we'll probably see him at 'Four Boys'."

"Oh, he's paying? Nice~"

"Just because I strive along doesn't always mean he pays. Well...it does, but you could also pay sometimes!"
I know I don't get to say it, because I never pay, but someone should say it.
Oops, now it slipped up.

"Hmm, we could. But then again, Ray is the spoiled rich kid in our group, might as well get him down to our level, I'm feeling hungry already!"

He's saying that while biting off his extra large sandwich.

"Dude, you're already pushing in those 7 inches on a regular and eating that sandwich. How could you be hungry after that?", I point at Richard while holding back my laugh.
Everyone laughs. I am pretty proud at that one.

"Nice one, Zack. Gets him everytime, hehe", Richard agrees.

"Yeah, thanks. His fault for literally pushing it into his throat before biting off.
Who does that?", I just had to say ask.

"Itsch do det moah hinto mah maoufu", Richard irrecognizably muffles.

"You really shouldn't talk with your mouth full.
Forget manners, it's just disgusting", Connie rightfully exclaims.

He swallowed before even chewing much.

"Oh man, that's mean. Haha!"

The sudden ring of the bell ended our little friendship moment.

"Hey, looks like our timid boy rang, right, Bell?", Richard jokes

"I still don't know why you guys thinks it's that fun of a wordplay."

I pat his shoulder.
"Me too, but not everyone can have great humor like me"
I put up my thumbs and smile, waiting for an acknowledment.

He forces a smile like I did to Mrs. Raw some a chapter ago.
"Haha. Right."

As our paths split up, I put off this mask I wore in front of them.
A mask to fit in, so they wouldn't see my real face.
A face I never showed anyone, but only know myself.
A face I intended to hide until I die and they would take off as they bury me into the great depths of dirt.
A face I never thought anyone could like.

These thoughts may seem extremely depressive and pessimistic to you, but they meant nothing to me.
It was just another dot of this circle I was trapped inside of.
A circle I called my life.
But who could have known that I would get out of this circle, to be shown a whole new world of new shapes and forms I never knew.
Or rather, that I would be freed from this cage, locking me up, to finally take off and fly on my own.

I didn't, but you can guess, who it was that brought me back to life.

Sandra, "Princess Anastasia".

Chapter 4: End