Chapter 8:

Hungarian Dance No 5, G Minor - Celebrating a New Year (2019)

Chopin's Penny -- (The Alternative Diaries of a Classical Composer and a Freeloading Witch)

"Say Chop-Chop. How do you celebrate New Years in your country? With regular fireworks? Or, do you take a Dog Sled ride under the Northern Lights that's getting popular recently?"

"Before you say anything else to continue this conversation – wipe your body dry and put on some clothes. You're soaking the floor boards. Mold will grow in the cracks and I can't deal with that with regular soap and water."

Warsaw, Poland 1827. 

In the modest little nation that was well known for music, culture, and appreciation of fine arts, there was this certain little Family Parlour that housed a simple hard working family, doubling as a boarding house for boys going to school. 

The Chopin Family Parlour.

Now, normally the only girls allowed in this all-boys boarding house were a certain composer's three sisters. He did not have any more than three, neither did he have anything less than three. Just three... Well technically, two, as his older sister was studying overseas.

But the issue right now was, he took in a fourth girl

"...So bored. Chop-Chop, play with me!"

"After you put your towel back on AND your clothing! Your wet arms is getting Jolly all wet in the wrong places! I-I don't have the money to repair her body!"

"Then buy another wife. You have options available at the nearest piano store."

"Is there bath water in your ears? Did you not hear what I said only 3 seconds ago!?" 

No, he didn't lock up a poor girl in a cellar just to do all sorts of nasty things to her body with 50 colored shades (shrug). That wasn't his hobby. Also, his health couldn't cope with such wild excitement. 

Composing was his hobby... 
Music was his small and beautiful world...
The Piano was his wife... 

This fourth girl was a witch. No, it was not a figurative speech.

"Oh please Chop-Chop. You've seen me in my lovely birthday suit 100 times. The problem is you always ignore me like I was a child who hopped right out of bath before the mother could wash the foam off her arms and legs! You end up fooling around with your mistress!"

"...Jolly is not my mistress. She is my piano."

"See!? Seeeee!? Somehow in your eyes, even a piano has more sex appeal than a living and breathing Sexy Witch in her prime! I want to say shame on you but it would make no sense right now! F**k!"

"There is a reason why I can't react to you the same as the other boys in town. My heart isn't strong, if I get too excited or too stressed my body wears down to a critical point. I still have much music to explore, I can't let my one and only ticker go out like blowing out a candle."

"You know Chop-Chop. It honestly hurts my pride as a woman knowing a young man like yourself would stare at the ivory keys and touching your piano's body, instead of seeing anything at eye level... I have yet to say 'Oye, bucko, my eyes are up here, not on my breasts!'... Or something sassy along those likes like that - God-d*mn it!"


"Hoh!? Yes?? Yeeees?? *Blink Blink*"

"I ran out of ink. Could you get me another bottle in the cellar. And please don't take my father's rum while you're down there."

"............................ Chop-Chop. Sometimes I really love you. But 99% of the time, I resent you for not acting on your instinct as a man... Sigh."

Frederic Chopin let out a sigh, louder than the Witch's.

The young Composer lived a simple life. Even at the age of 17, no one would have thought he would ever become a prodigy at the ivory keys; nor fathomed he would go on to produce over 230 Waltz, Nocturnes, Polonaises, Etudes, Impromptus, Scherzos, Preludes, Sonata, and Folk Music that would change the musical history of the world and the future generations.

However, in this fiction, he never thought he would regret taking in a Witch who was fleeing from the Witch Trials back in the nation she had fled from. The only thing he remembered from that fateful encounter, was how much this same Freeloading Lazy Witch once begged for him to stay quiet as to where she was hiding from her pursuers.

Trembling inside of his family parlour's compost barrel.


"... Chop-Chop. Look at me, so I can say that sassy line!"


"... O-oh my god, Ch-Chop-Chop. Did you... just proposed to me in Polish!?"

"I said 'No' in Polish. So please, put some clothing back on before the boys come back from school."


The Witch made an audible scowl as she waved her arms around to look for something. As much as she knew what the infamous Apron Attack was, it wasn't what she had planned today. Rather, she genuinely had a bath and forgot to ready a tower for herself like usual. Hollering to her 'host' did nothing to move him from his piano, so she did what most of us brave female warriors did at a time like this.

Walk out of the shower/bath naked in search for a towel in another room, praying no one walks in and sees you in all your glory... if it were a 'like minded'  woman - you're f**ked.

At the very least, she was able to find her iconic Witch hat... but she suddenly got bored in looking for another person's towel to 'borrow' and ended up sneaking up on her 'host'.

Girls, don't try this at home. She is a professional Witch.

"By the way, Chop-Chop. I was thinking of what to wear for the New Year Festival you're having here in Warsaw. It's my first time spending the New Year outside of Britain, I was looking forward to see something nice in your hometown. Maybe, we can go on a date!"

"Nie. I have a recital to perform at the local schools, the town hall, and then make a visit to a prince in Berlin afterwards... Ah, what was his name again?"

"... Pfft. Nice bluff, Chop-Chop. You can't fool this Witch. Her Intelligence Score is over Nine-Thous--"

"Ah right. Prince Antoni Radziwill, who is running for governor of the Grand Duchy of Posen."

"Holy f**k."

"Bless you."


The Witch felt like she bit her tongue... rather, she did bit her tongue and cover her small mouth to make sure she didn't cough up blood. Wanting to change the subject, to save face, she quickly darted up to her bedroom in the secret attic, only to come back down with two distinct robes.

She wasn't wearing either of them, and her legs still dripped on the carpet.

"...S-so as I was saying. Cough. Which should I wear on our date? My usual summer sky pattern kimono that makes people think I'm the Diamond Switzerland reincarnated... But, my eyes keep wandering to this robe that screams Kingdom of Roses and Lilac... You choose!"


"Then for our New Year's date, I'll go in the nude. Just for you♥."


Frederic Chopin threw a finger behind him and aimed for one of the dresses. He didn't dare look and fall for her trap. That, or he worried his heart couldn't take the... excitement.

"Kyaaah! N-not there darling!"

"Goguhg!? I-I'm sorry Jolly! Y-you saw something too obscene for your eyes! I--"

"Joke. You poked Diamond Switzerland. Tee-hee☆."

 "... Penny. Your rations this week will be negative five. Please return the food you've been sneaking from the pantry for the last three weeks."

"H-heh!? Wh-when did you learn th-the ancient magic spell Arcane Eye!? I-I used multiple Stealth Charms to reduce my ambient noises to zero at the night, so not even a German Shepard could hear me creep by! H-how did you know!? A-and please, n-not negative five! Th-that's my entire life savings worth of snacks! I'll definitely wither away!"

"Please hand them over. All of it."

"N-no! Not my babies! Anything but my baby fried potato slices!"


The Witch eventually realized the error of her way in pushing her 'host' around. Due to those reasons, she threw up the white flag in unconditional surrender. After some negotiations of how much she was to pay for the mental damages, she ended up losing 2/3 of her food reserve.

Feel free to laugh.

"...Sniff...Sniff... I-I was saving those fried potato slices for my B-Birthday...Sniff... Th-they're my favorite kind with all salad dressing flavor! Why were they first on the list of war debts... Sniff."

"...Penny, about the Festival... You can go and have fun there anytime. You're free to enjoy like in Warsaw as you wish. But please, no Birthday Suits."

"O-of course I don't plan on meandering around in the Emperor's New Clothing that used to be a rage back in London! I-it's too embarrassing to have over 100 pairs of eyes molesting my stark and milk-white body in their minds. Besides, there's no point in trying out the experience if you're not there to enjoy my sacrifice! Only my future husband has the right to fantasize with my body in his mind before anyone else! Hmph!"

"Please don't look at me when you say that last sentence."


"Also, please properly dry yourself before you walk out of the bath. You'll catch a cold."

"Uwa-uwa. Chop-Chop is doting on me."

"Please stop. My chest hurts and I forgot to take my hourly medications... So troublesome."

Frederic Chopin wanted to groan, but he didn't have the time. The hour of the clock was close to noon, he had a lot of appointments to attend to in order to prepare for the Festival's performances. He still hasn't sorted out the music he decided on playing.

"Penny. Be a good girl for once. Put on a dress you like and go sit in a corner playing with a ball or something. I need to complete these Nocturnes for the New Year Festival. My performance may be listed in the middle of the musician roster, but the hostess is terrible with organization. She would pretty much select performers by a draw of the hat at random."

"... Uuuh. Why do I feel like my housewife alert system is activating."

"She's my teacher. We don't have any relationship."

"Phew. And you never go to school at all. I'm glad that potential problem was sorted out."

"Again. I'm not playing hooky. My doctor says I should keep out of class at least four times a week. He suggest bed rest but... I'll be leaving Jolly all alone... by herself... with no one...."

"Frederic Chopin. Do you know how many people would kill to just have four days off from a week of school. So why the mopey look?"

"... It's not like I'm faking my ill health on purpose. I coughed up blood just the day before."


"Oh right, you walked in on my room when it happened. Sorry for scaring you."

"N-no... it wasn't your fault...Aaaah."

The naked Witch looked away with her two dresses, her body trembling from an image that would be classified as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. As much as the frail Composer wanted to comfort her, without touching her bare shoulders, he couldn't. 

"No good, I'll be late in meeting with the festival hostess. I have to head out now."

"Wait! I-it's bright and sunny outside right now, Chop-Chop! The last time you walked under the blazing rays, you came back home like a messed up fried potato! At least take this umbrella! I've specially made it with some slight magical enchantment that could reflect 100% UV rays from your body! I call it, 'Sexy-Witch's-Anti-Sun-Art-2000!'... Go on, recite the name!"

"... Penny. I appreciate your gesture... but walking around town with a pink parasol full of shady looking stickers will not improve my health."

"Hmph. Stingy boys like you should appreciate a girl's token of affection! Don't you think it's sweet that pure maidens give their handkerchief to the knights they love as a keepsake?"

"Please put some clothes on already. Now."

"Oh? Could it be, Chop-Chop? That my persistent nagging in the Emperor's New Clothing Mode has finally broken the iron walls surrounding your boyish heart? Will you finally pounce on this cute little Witch's body and take me as your wedlock bride!? Oh, How I wonder... Hu-hu-hu.... Guh! I-I'm drooling!"

"No. I could already see the 16 other boys who live in this boarding house coming home. They're already unlocking the front door to the living room!"


"Today is New Years Eve. All schools are half day for the students to attend the Festival."


And that day, about 16 boarding boys and one Composer had an early viewing of a series of blinding Fire Work Magic; followed by the sound of bare legs bolting up the stairs to the attic

The sparks resembled more like military countermeasure seen from C-130 Gunships than regular pyrotechnics used at a music concert. Food for thought.

... Happy New Year 2019.