Vol.1 Ch.8 - The rules of lying

After a couple more minutes of walking, I had noticed that it was gettingquite dark. Guess dusk is coming in earlier than usual these days, which isanother sign that summer has ended, and that fall is already nearing. Thatmeans that heavier rain will also probably make its comeback, and after thatwho knows, we might even see some snow!I don’t actually remember what it’s like to feel snow anymore, it’s been yearssince I last saw it. Simply put, Secundis is sort of near the middle of the mapif you only focus on the horizontal height of it. I learned this from Schnell’sHandbook, but apparently the closer we are to what he calls the “Equator”,the warmer it is. Now to me that just spells “If you wanna experience snowagain, then you’ll just have to either go south or north!”Well, that’s a pretty long way’s away still. Right now I gotta go find outwhere the people of this town took Ed. Coming back to the scene of thecrime, I noticed that the large crowd that was previously present had now allbut dissipated. Looks like the people here had long since left after I gavethem the slip. The only ones left were a few people that seemed to knowabout the event through hearsay.“So, any news on that kid?” One civilian asked his friend.“The one that pushed that other kid off the viewpoint?” The other civilianreplied with a rhetorical question, “That poor kid, I can’t imagine what it’slike to be hurt by some heartless tyke. They were probably at odds oversomething.”At odds? Come on, I know what I did could easily be taken out of context tomake me out to be the bad guy, but at least give credit where credit is due! Isaved Ed from starving to death!“Heh, at odds?” The first civilian chuckled, “Kids their age can only turn to ascuffle over a girl or something!”“Aw come on, man. I’m seriously worried about that kid!”Really? A girl is the best scenario you could come up with? I know these oldguys are dumb and everything, but that has got to be the stupidest explanationI have ever heard. Even still, if both of us were aiming for the same girl, Ihighly doubt I’d win out in the end. Ed’s way more of a looker than me.“Worried about what exactly?” The other guy replied, “The kid’s underHarper’s care. That girl can cure just about anyone, so I’m sure a couple ofscratches are a cakewalk for her. Trust me, that kid will be skipping aroundtown by tomorrow morning!”“You put way too much faith in her medical prowess. The girl’s certainlytalented, but she’s nothing more than an off-brand Dola. Plus, the kid wasn’tjust hurt physically, because from what I heard, he had almost starved todeath when she took a look at him.”Harper? From the way they’re phrasing it, it seems this mysterious girl isStringwood’s local doctor. That, or she’s a miracle worker, because I highlydoubt she can really cure just about any disease. But hey, that’s good! Now Idon’t have to worry about Edward anymore! Alright, I’m going back togramps’ place for seconds-!“Unf!” I walked into someone, “Oh, sorry about that.”“No worries, just be careful.” An officer turns to face me, “Hey, you kindalook like the suspect that pushed that kid off the viewpoint and punched abunch of people in the nuts.”“A bunch? Don’t you mean like two?”“What?” He asked me to repeat myself.“What?” And I refused.Crap, it’s just my luck to run into a member of the local authorities of allpeople… Guess I’ll have to wait a bit before eating some more of Arthur’sdishes.“Alright kiddo, come with me.” The officer tried grabbing me by the hand.“I don’t wanna! Where are you taking me?”“Don’t worry about it, it’s just protocol.” He replied, “I’m just gonna ask youa couple of questions over at the station real quick, since you seem to knowso much about the situation. That sound good?”Hell no it doesn’t sound good! I’m gonna get found out at this rate, and by anofficer of all people! Goddammit Ed, none of this would’ve happened if youhad just been a tad bit stronger! Ugh, no use in worrying about that nowthough. The past is the past, and there’s no fixing it. Best I can do is to try andget out of this situation and go back to Arthur’s to ask him about where thatHarper girl is keeping Ed.“Fine.” I muttered, “But make it quick, will you? I have some errands to run.”“Errands?” He chuckled, “A kid like you has errands to run? Ooh, I can onlyimagine how world-ending it’d be if you were a bit late in that oh soimportant errand of yours!”“Sir, I don’t mean to sound rude or anything?” I looked him in the eyes as hedragged me all the way across town to the police station, “But aren’t youbeing kind of an ass?”“Whoa!” He got close to me, “What was that just now? Potty-mouthed kidsget sent to prison, you know that?”“Ahm!” I quickly shut myself up after realizing I stepped out of line with thatcomment, “I’m sorry! I’m just saying you’re being kind of a prick-err, a bitunpleasant!”“Unpleasant isn’t the right word either.” He squinted his eyes at me, “Alwaysremember this lesson, kid – as long as you’re a child, you bend to the willsof the adults. That’s just how the world works, and if you ever wanna changethat, then I suggest you grow up yourself.”This guy’s being way too scary to a thirteen year old! Is he out of his mind orwhat?! Threatening a child half your age with jail time, not to mentionbasically telling me to just blindly and naively listen to you, I kind of feellike the officer here is only taking up such a position to abuse his authority! Ishould probably look into reporting him to his superiors when I get out ofhere, but now I know just how serious the situation is.“Right sir, sorry sir.” I tried playing along for now, “I’ll do just that.”“Great! Then let’s go already, the Sun’s already setting.”I wonder if that means it’s too late for dinner…***Hello everybody! It’s me, your friendly neighborhood felon, Lune! I’m hereat the Stringwood police station located just a couple of blocks away fromwhere I was just now. Entering the place, I felt an immediate chill in thehallways that surely wasn’t present while I was outside. It’s a pretty scaryplace, I feel like no matter what wall I leaned on, or seat I took, I wouldalways feel uncomfortable. As if the facility wasn’t meant to be a place kindto its visitors or something…Well, that’s probably what it’s like in a prison, just way worse I assume. Iwonder though, would being in jail be as cool as it actually sounds? Like, Iknow it’s not a good idea to ever be found in one, but a jail cell basicallyprovides you with all of your basic needs. Sounds like a pretty good deal ifyou take into account the fact that the only people with the privileges to gothere are actual criminals.“Oi! You listening?” The officer that took me to the station asked, “I’mtalking to you here, don’t zone out!”Ah crap. I thought he was just giving me a stern talking to and a slap to thewrist before letting me go, but apparently this guy’s actually seriouslydoubting my innocence. Looks like I’m gonna have to whip out my othersecret technique – Lying 101!You see, my parents were always strict with me while I was growing up, so Iquickly learned how to lie reliably in order to get out of their clutches. Ed’snot really like that though, but that’s because his parents are way more lax incomparison to mine. In any case, there are four points I’d like to make abouthow to lie believably:Manage your liesDon’t tell one person one lie, and then the next person a conflicting secondlie.Create a coherent narrativeIf you just lie about a single thing, it might be smart to add a bit of dots toconnect. For example, “Jeff was there, he can vouch for me!” or “I was atplace A at that time”, etc… and leave it at that.Don’t try too much to sound innocentThe worst thing to do is to say things like “What? No, I wasn’t there! Whatdo you mean? I was somewhere else, so 100% I couldn’t have been there.”Laughing it off is also a grave mistake in lying, as it comes off as suspicious,same goes for being too self-conscious. Really, anything you say can and willbe used against you, so just make sure to only say what you absolutely must,and nothing more.That being said, the best thing to do is to just remain calm, and do as youalways do. Don’t change your behavior and keep on telling half-truths thateven you would believe. And finally…As the old saying goes: “If I tell someone my aunt died, I want that news toreach her.”No matter what, the more weight a lie holds, the longer you have to keep itafloat. This ties into the first point, you don’t wanna get complacent andforget about your first lie when you tell someone a conflicting second one.And that’s it for Lune’s class in professional lying! Now it’s time for me touse what I’ve taught you practically against this officer and see how it allpans out. Shall we start from the top?“You said you don’t know who Edward Saint is, but you had just correctedme when I had approached you about the situation. Mind explaining to mewhy that is?” The officer spoke.“I heard from my gramps.” I thought about Arthur as I replied, “Apparentlyhe heard from a neighbor that some kid punched two guys in the groin and,much like you, suspected I was the one behind it. Sheesh, just because weboth have brown hair doesn’t mean I did it!”“Hmm, alright…” The officer wrote something down on his clipboard.Alright! That’s Rule 1, now let’s try and use two and three! Three is kind of areliant rule, as it doesn’t really work on its own. I mean, you can beconfident as much as you want, but without stringing together a good lie, thenyou’re just gonna give yourself away in an instant. I should choose my nextwords carefully.“That’s also why he sent me out to go buy him groceries. And to think, if Ijust had a different color of hair, I wouldn’t have gotten stopped by you. Ugh,I’d already be home by now, gramps is probably worried sick…”The guard felt a bit bad about my predicament, so he showed some empathyand remorse as he apologized for suspecting me. Wow, he’s so meek all of asudden, guess using Arthur as a responsible adult in my lie really guilttripped him into believing me.“O-Oh, sorry kid.” He scratched his head before sighing, “Honestly, I don’teven know why I’m getting so worked up over this. I mean, Edward Saintsaid himself that he forgives that tyke for doing that to him, so I couldn’t evendo anything to him even if I were to find him.”A-ha! Those are the words I was waiting for! The classic You won’t get introuble if you confess trick! Wow, pupil, you’re lucky! You got to witnessthis semi-rare phrase and learn practically what to do in such a situation. Asfor what Rule this occupies, that’d be none other than Rule 4 – Commit.“Uh huh.” I sounded disinterested, “Yeah, real shame there, bud. Can you letme go now?”“Yeah, of course.” The officer once again apologized, “You’re home free.”Woohoo! I did it, I managed to make use of every Rule to claw my way out ofthis pesky situation! Now I just need to find out where Harper’s Clinic is andI can go pick up Ed-!“Oh, but it’s getting quite late.” The officer noticed, “The Sun’s already set.It’s quite dark out, so how about I escort you back home and explain to yourgrandpa the situation in detail with you? That way he won’t get mad at youfor failing to get the groceries, and I could make it up to you at the same time.Two birds with one stone, get me?”A-ha-ha… As I said, Rule 4 – Commit…