Intentions

March 14th 20XX

7:04 AM

"...-ina?...what are you doing sleeping on the ground?" I could hear my mom's puncturing voice followed by a blurry, seemingly confused image of her face looking down on me, it's like being born for the first time.

I strenuously push my body with my hands and realize I was casually sleeping next to all the slippers and dirt that accumulated in front of the door, resting my head on a Mary Jane like it was nothing. I wasn't too shocked by it though, my body felt cranky and rusty, I was still tired and craving sleep, and it seems I even caught a cold, so sleeping among footwear was the least of my irks.

"*yawn* Hey Mom, good morning." I tiredly said.

"Look at you, you're a mess." She said, as she dusted off the back of my head and fixed my sweatshirt a bit "Why in God's name are you even sleeping here!?"

"It wa—"

"Go take a shower. Now." She interrupted "You're gonna be late for school!"

She stood back impatiently waiting for me to get up, I replied to her with an aimless stare at the ground as I tried to build up my focus.

"Come on Nina! Move!" She put her hands under my armpits and jolted me to my feet.

I let out a groan as I walked half-asleep to the bathroom, bumping into random furniture as I made my way. I exhaustingly pushed the door closed with my two hands like it was some type of unmovable boulder and looked at my beautiful reflection in the mirror.

"Yup...this is what I'd look like when I'm dead." I muttered.

My usual straight and tidy brown hair was as muffled as it can be, my "black" hairband was now grey with dust, and I had this Joker smile going on but instead of red make-up, it was dried drool. Gross.

.

I took off everything and stepped in the shower and was faced with the reality that I had to think about all the events that occurred yesterday.

"Mom!"

"What!" She shouted from the other side of the door.

"Is Anna still sleeping!?"

"Yeah! Want me to wake her up!?"

"Yeah! please do!"

.

I opened the faucet and let the overly-cold water run across my body. I guess now...there's no reason not to tell Anna about this whole fiasco, I'm almost certain she would believe me without a shadow of a doubt. Apart from being my best friend, she's quite an extroverted person who has a lot of experience in the muddier parts of relationships, so she's quite sharp in figuring out if someone's lying to her or not, especially me, so she'd be able to tell that I'm speaking genuinely, I'm not one to beat around the bush too much as well.

...But..is that my final choice then? Am I gonna throw an opportunity like that in the river and just pretend like she never called?...it's not like I need her help in something specifically, granted there's a disaster of a play coming up and we don't know if it'll flop..., maybe I could get some advice on what college would make me the happiest?...and...well...I don't know if she has any new info on my dad. I doubt it honestly.

And besides, these are all just normalities now, ones I'm either prepared for or already accepted a long time ago. If I'm gonna try to be as honest with myself as I can and consider everything and everyone in my life at this moment, right here, right now, in this shower. I think I'm okay. An okay person with an okay life. I don't want someone to dig their fingers into my life and change shit as they please.

But despite all, I'll hold her advice very close to my heart. The fact that someone cares so much about my future and well-being and commits to helping me at every step is a new degree of flattery. Even if she is my older self - which...enough fooling around, I completely believe now - she could've just told me some general advice and went on her merry way with a clear consciousness.

I admittedly haven't conversed with her enough to tell, but it seemed like underneath all the callus and impatient demeanor, she stored a lot of care for people around her and was most interested in their well-being.

...it's scary how much that describes me as well...

.

I got out of the shower while absent-mindedly drying myself and put on my comfy white robe. As I opened the door, I was met with a cranky, bed-haired, decently irritated Anna. We both gave each other a piercing stare, hers in judgment and mine in unease. Then I awkwardly scooted over so she can enter, but instead...she just glared at me.

"Y....goi....to....scho..l.?" Anna mumbled.

"Mmm?" I innocently jolted my head forward.

"You going to school, Nina?" She sluggishly repeated.

"Oh, yeah...yeah, I am." I quickly replied.

"Alright, wait for me then." She said, as she walked past me and closed the bathroom door.

.

Now here I am, sitting on the front steps of my house in my blue tracksuit since mom didn't have the time to wash our school uniforms. Although we're intending to spend most of the day preparing and advertising for the stage play so that won't be much of a problem, what would be a problem though is that it's 8:02 AM and Anna is - I would assume - still changing and tinkering with her hair, so we just need to accept whatever punishment or scolding we're gonna get since we won't make it in time no matter what.

I redirect my gaze from my phone's clock to the scenery in front of the house, where a lightly busy pedestrian road exists, surrounded by a bunch of houses similar to mine. I can see some people hurrying to their jobs, some kids playing in the driveways and gardens of said houses, and even some students are inspiringly running to school hoping they'd make it. The abundant clouds make everyone showered in the same even light with no annoying sunbeams; it's one of the best weathers we've had in a while.

I hear a clicking sound behind me and see Anna coming out of the house dressed in the same blue tracksuit, still readably upset but more contained this time. I quickly jump and dust myself off and give a crooked...

"H-Hi."

She responds with a fed-up glare and quickly walks past me...

...I hurriedly join her with an equal pace.

.

We walk past the food stall that we usually get breakfast from when we are late, we walk past the convenience store my mom gets groceries from, we walk past a lot of places and are almost a third of our way to school yet Anna is still dead silent; walking in front of me and looking straight ahead. I frankly have no idea why she wanted us to walk together if she's not going to say anything.

This silence is getting more repulsive by the second. Me and Anna were never ones to stand awkwardly waiting for someone to point at the elephant in the room, and I'm assuming she's expecting me to be the one to open up the topic, I am admittedly at fault here after all.

"Hey, we're gonna stay silent like this for the rest of the walk?" I bluntly asked.

"Well, what do you wanna talk about?" Anna quickly and formally replied.

"What? What do you think I wanna talk about?"

I'm really not used to Anna beating around the bush like that, her avoidance just confuses and annoys me.

"About what happened yesterday of course. I could see that it's still upsetting you."

"Then kudos for your unmatched observations Nina."

I stay silent for a few seconds, somewhat perplexed at the passive-aggressive remark.

"Listen, I'm sorry for all the fuss and stress I caused back then, I didn't mean to worry you or make you cry like that. I just...needed some time alone y'know?"

I could see how little my words were impacting or even reaching her, let's just grab the problem from the root. I only want her to talk and turn this into an actual conversation, even if I'm the one who'll be rebuked.

"I know that all of this seems really mysterious and confusing; a random call that just makes me panically lock myself in the bathroom and you end up knowing none of it," Anna stops in her tracks and sharply scowls at me, I'm a bit startled but I try to continue my point "I...I get how frustrated that made you Anna, but it's just...it's just something that I can't really tell you...right now at least."

That might've been more evasive or blunt than I intended, I raise my arms and put my palms forward, elaborating further.

"Don't get me wrong, I take full blame for this whole debacle, I just want you to understand that something private has popped up and I want to deal with it—"

"What are you...what are you talking about Nina?" She asked in a fed-up and confused tone.

"A private matter?" She added "What type of private matter could pop up and mess you up like that!?"

"And you have the audacity to throw whatever this shit is on your dad!? Lying and saying it's about him!?.. Seriously I just..." Anna lets out a stupefied and confused chuckle, she seems lost for words.

.

A few seconds of silence pass by, I look at the ground and wait for her to continue. I did this to myself so it's only fair I take the harsh scolding. Say it all Anna, it'll only be a few hours until I call her again and give you your closure, we wouldn't have to think about this again.

"And you're talking like I'm supposed to break the silence and say that I'm upset!? Look at you! You received a random call which apparently! was so secretive and important that you locked yourself in the bathroom and nonchalantly lied to me like it was nothing, and then you want me to be so understanding and just pretend like it was nothing!? Can't you see how much bullshit this is!?"

Her voice was getting higher and higher and we were attracting more on-lookers. I could feel my face getting hotter and the ground getting blurry, but I remain sheltered looking at the ground; Anna's face would make me want to cry even more and the peoples' glares would make me want to run and hide.

I squeeze the hem of my track jacket and try my best not to cry and force her to feel apologetic like I've done a few times in the past. I'm doing an awful job taking her reprimanding despite me knowing I'm the one to blame, but I just didn't think it'd escalate this much and that she'd be so furious at me or think I'm lying to her with such ease and content.

But after a few more seconds of this hazy barrage that I tried to block out...

"Whatever Nina! It's not like you can hear me anyway!" Anna exclaimed, then turned around and continued walking, an unsatisfied thud in each of her steps.

After remaining in the same position like a statue, waiting for everything to calm down, I could hear the people around me continue walking and the tears in my eyes drying up. So I quickly entered a narrow alleyway between two stores and just sat there, hugging my legs and staring forward...I stay there for a few minutes, keeping my breathing and thoughts in check; trying to relax.

This wasn't the first time me and Anna had a quarrel like that, not even the first time we had one that heated. We've been friends for about a decade now so it's only natural. But arguments that genuinely feel like they have the potential to put any type of dent in our relationship almost always get me, I stop wanting to hear it and either start crying or explode in an unintelligible mess of hollow excuses, and any attempt at resisting leads to me blocking anything Anna says, or Ray says, or Hugo says. Just the thought of standing on shaky ground with someone so dear makes me lose it every time. I don't want to hide something from Anna, I don't want to see Anna cry, I don't want to see Anna cry because of me.

But I wonder...

...is it too late now for me to actually come out with this shit? Just tell her I've been contacted by my future self? I'm certain she would've believed me prior to what just happened, but now I'm not sure how she'd take it, perhaps she'd think I'm trying to cover more of the lie, and basically constructing the most pathetic ruse ever.

Should I call someone else and tell them about this? Should I...should I just go to school and wait for the woman to call again? Should I call her?

I sink my head into my hands and let out a sigh. I decide to just go to school now and see if anything changes, if Anna approaches me or if the woman calls again. But just as I was about to stand up, I felt my phone ring.

I pull it out and oh...

It's her.

*click*

"Hello."

"Good morning Nina," The same croaky and tired voice replied, it even seems she just woke up this time "It appears to me that you're taking your sweet time in making up your mind"

"I told you that I'm not accepting this deal of yours yesterday, you're just way too deluded by this deal to even hear me. But anyway, I wanted to call you and end this on a more civil note, you've already caused me problems by your mere offer so this will thankfully be the last time we talk to each other, is that clear?"

A few seconds of silence pass followed by a long yawn from her. Alright.

"Yeah, it seems you haven't thought about it as thoroughly as I would've expected from you, but it's fine, I'm talking to myself after all, hah."

"But regardless, can you explain why you don't want my help? Maybe I could walk you through it a bit." She added.

"Because I don't need it, I can handle my problems on my own and don't feel comfortable for someone to dig their fingers in my actions and thoughts, I don't think you'd be okay with something like that as well if your future self called you."

"But I already do that." She quickly noted.

"What?"

"My fingers are already deep in all of your thoughts, I think it's obvious enough that I know every little thing about you, so no need to feel uncomfortable by me being around, I'm like a reflection on a mirror, albeit a bit more mature and armed with hindsight. So if I already dictated every action you've done so far, I don't understand why you feel strange letting me help in the rest."

"Because I don't need it. I don't need it, Nina. I'll handle whatever problems come my way myself. You've already caused me problems with one of my friends by merely offering this deal of yours, and I don't think things will improve if I actually accept your help and let you go wild with this plan of yours...just...forget about this whole thing, you're not gonna convince me whatever way you put it. You don't need to feel regretful or guilty for not helping me, this is my choice and any consequences that happen will be my responsibility alone, you've already done your part offering this deal, so let's just end it on a good note...Do you understand me Nina?"

.

A few seconds pass of what I'd assume is contemplation.

"Anna?" She asked.

"Anna?...What about her?"

"That friend you just mentioned...the problem with them and stuff, are you talking about Anna?"

"Yes...does it matter to you?" I asked, vexed.

"It's just a bit...weird, heh," She replied.

She sounds lost in thought and reminiscing over something, smiling as well.

"But anyway back to what you were saying," She continued "It's not just about me feeling regretful or anything of that sort; I want to help you and make sure someone out there doesn't go through the same shit I went through, because I know what's waiting for you in the coming days, and not just that, I specifically know how you're gonna deal with it and what parts you'll neglect being careful of. And lastly how they're gonna come to bite you. I get that in your mind, you think you have things under control or that you'll be able to deal with whatever's coming, I truly get that Nina, but I just want you to know that...well, you don't know. Outside the bubble of friendship and adolescence you're living in, the world and its irony can be quite cruel and callus, but that's the reason I'm here, to thwart that."

"Listen, " She added " I could tell from your shaky voice that you didn't have a very enjoyable morning, I'd imagine either Anna found out about me calling you or hiding it from her didn't go successfully, and I don't want to leave you with problems like that, even if you can handle them on your own; life isn't about solving unnecessary problems that you can avoid with just a phone call. I want YOU to realize this Nina. That I'm not here to snoop or "dig my fingers" as you put it, but instead...just...to help."

"Yes, I...I get that...*sigh*"

I pinch the bridge of my nose and take a second before forming a reply. I get what she means, or at least I think I do, things are just flowing way too quickly for me to think about them, I don't want to keep ruminating over this for the next few days wondering what I should do, but I don't want to be unjust to her...nor entertain her wishes.

"You were talking about how shit things are gonna go for me in the coming days, right? What do you mean by that?"

"Well...I can't really say, at least now."

"Why's that?" I asked, surprised "Even if I choose to just deal with it on my own and refuse all of this, you'd probably want to tell me, even if it's just the cliff notes version, isn't that right?"

"No, not exactly. Telling you anything without its proper context can lead to you being paranoid or misunderstanding the entire situation."

"Well, alright then, that's...whatever." I unsatisfyingly replied.

"So are you finally convinced?"

"N-no...not really." I hesitantly replied.

I couldn't agree to something like this, even if I can't put it to words, I KNOW this wouldn't lead to anything good...but why can't I just hang up?

I could hear her put the phone down for a bit while letting out a sigh. A few seconds pass with only glass clinks and drinking sounds interrupting them.

"These goddamn children." she mumbled.

"..."

"You might want to check up on Anna."

*click*

9:23 AM

"Hello? Erika, can you hear me?"

"Yes! Yes! Where are you!? We already started rehearsi—" Erika shouted, I could barely make out what she was saying from all the commotion around her.

"Yes! I know Erika!... Listen, is Anna with you?"

"What!?"

"Anna! Is Anna with you!?"

"No! She's not here yet! I thought she was with you!"

"Uh...okay listen! Can you do me a favor!? Go to class and see if Anna's there, like if she arrived or not!"

"What's happening Nina? Why do you sound so worried?" She concernedly asked, it seems she got away from the commotion as well.

"It's nothing... I'll tell you later. Just...go to class and ask if Anna's there please."

"*sigh* fine, but you'll tell me what's worrying you so much afterwards, okay?"

"Yeah yeah, sure." I quickly replied.

I could hear her brisk footsteps, followed by her putting me on hold. I lower the phone and continue walking through the path we've always taken to school; looking around for her.

Something's awry, very very awry. I don't know what has come over me or why this ominous ending of the call managed to plant this sudden paranoia in my thoughts, but I just feel that something is wrong, like I just sinned and is about to face punishment. I tried calling Anna, but she isn't responding, the small details of knowing that she'd reject the call instead of letting it ring, knowing that she had enough time to reach the school after we parted, and just...the ironic timing that something might've happened to her right after our fight, like someone is playing a joke on me. Even just an exceptionally cold breeze feels like it's fueling this worry even more, that something is just not right. For the love of God Erika! Where the hell did you go!?

I contemplate calling the lady again and asking her what she meant, but it's pretty obvious she won't give me any information if I don't appease her in some way. The racing and opposite thoughts of paranoia and comfort rush in, maybe she wanted time alone after our fight and didn't go to school, maybe she went home, maybe she went home Nina, and there's no need to worry that much. But she didn't head home after storming off, she would've gone in the opposite direction if she intended to go home, maybe she just realized she needed time for herself afterwards, thinking she'd be able to go to school, but then changing her destination. Anna doesn't do that, Anna doesn't take time for herself and go sink in her blues until she becomes fine, she would've swallowed it and gone to school anyway, or at least...I think she would've done that?

The school is in view now, I'm about five minutes away and I haven't caught a glimpse of her, nor some type of ruckus or crowd if something bad might've happened, maybe it's just— "Hello?"

What?

"Nina, you're still there?"

"Uh yeah, Erika! I'm here."

"She hasn't arrived yet, teacher seems pretty stern today so it doesn't look like you and Anna are gonna have a bright time, but anyway, what happened? What's worrying you so much?"

"I...I have a feeling that something is not okay...with Anna." I hesitantly replied, I wasn't thinking about what I'm saying that much.

"Not okay? Did something happen?"

"I don't know, it's just...it's just that we had a fight, and she didn't show up to class, and...I just know that something is wrong," My tone was getting tenser. I can tell how looney I sound to Erika "I don't know how to say it or...or what made me feel like that, but I just know—"

"I get it, I get it, take a second to breathe Nina." Erika said in her reassuring way.

"Yes yes, I just—"

"Nope, nope! Stop talking. Calm down, get your thoughts together, BREATHE! and then we'll see all about Anna. I'm the one who freaks out, not Nina Hamasaki." Erika said, playfully yet sternly as well.

I detach from my surroundings for a bit and focus on my breathing, trying to dismantle these perturbed thoughts.

Inhale.

Anna is going to be alright.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Things are going to be alright.

Exhale.

"It's going to be alright Nina." Erika said, in a tone that I very much needed.

"Now, tell me where you are. You're outdoors right?" She added.

"Yes, Uh...I'm next to the creepy park and the canal, in front of the school basically."

"Oh, Uh...okay, perfect." Erika exclaimed like she had a eureka moment.

"Now tell me, did you call Anna after the fight you had?" She added.

"Yes, didn't respond." I quickly replied.

"Alright, well...maybe she's annoyed and doesn't want to respond to you, you guys had a fight after all."

"Anna wouldn't do that, she would go to class no problem and bottle it in, for...better or for worse," I realized how nonchalantly I said something that sad, but whatever "But yeah, you know Anna isn't one to do that, Erika." I felt myself leaning more and more on the desperation side of things, like I really wanted Erika to believe me.

"Look, look, whatever the case is, I'm gonna call her now and we'll see, maybe she'll respond, who knows."

"Okay?" I muttered, without much hope in me.

"Alright, just...give me a second," I can hear Erika fast walking somewhere " gonna borrow someone's phone real quick."

"You can just...hang up and call me afterwards, Erika." I plainly said.

"You think I'm gonna leave you alone like that?" She also plainly said, not really expecting a reply.

I'm not sure these few seconds of loneliness would matter that much, but I'm glad I can still hear her on the other line and don't have to return to thinking on my own.

"Alright alright, I'm calling her." Erika almost excitedly exclaimed. "You don't have to say anything by the way, I'll just check up on her and see if she's okay, leave it to me basically." She added.

I was about to reply, but I heard some...noise? Some...faint muffled noise I could hear in the middle of the quiet road. I look right at the few shops lined beside me to see if it's coming from there, but...that wasn't it. It's barely audible, I can't even make out if it's someone talking, or a song, or just...my imagination. But despite that, it sounds terribly familiar.

I walk around the street trying to get closer to the source, looking around to see if anyone is playing something. I raise the phone to my ear to see if it's just some ambient sounds coming from Erika's side, but Erika immediately began talking and shrouded that bloody noise.

"Welp, it's still ringing. Anna must be quiet mad to not—"

I mute the phone call and attempt to pinpoint that familiar noise again, and I finally figure it out.

This is Anna's ringtone.

I can't hear any words, but I can hear the occasional pauses and fluctuating volume, it's certainly a song, and it's certainly...yeah, this Anna's ringtone, coming from...somewhere.

I turn my head right again and look at the shops; trying to know where the ringtone is coming from. Is Anna just staying in one of these shops and refusing to answer our calls? The thought quickly flashes my mind, but gets overshadowed by me finally realizing where this strange ringtone was playing now of all times and places. It was coming from the canal.

Oh...God.

I sprint to my left stopping at the wire fence separating the end of the road and the edge of the canal, looking for any sign of...anything. Now I was sure the noise was coming from here, from the other side of the fence, from within this dried-out canal.

It wasn't that far away from the fence so I could clearly see the canal's bottom, I examine all the junk and rocks scattered in the canal, and there, on top of a pile of garbage there was a phone with a lit screen, the ringtone is coming from there. This is...Anna's phone. Lying on a heap of trash at the bottom of a dried-out canal.

The worst-case scenarios race into my head and I instinctively start putting my hands and feet on the flimsy wire fence, trying to quickly climb it, my eyes more focused on the constantly ringing phone than on where I'm putting my hands. But just when I was about a meter above the ground, suddenly I feel a hand on my shoulder...

I instinctively turn my head, startled. Like all the uneasiness and paranoia throughout the day finally culminate in a tangible threat that's standing behind me. But my eyes fall on this old man with a disapproving face, I recognize him as the owner of one of the shops on the other side of the road.

"Oh, won't you kids just cut it out!? we don't want anyone else getting injured here!" He scolded me.

"H...Huh? What do you mean 'anyone else'?"

I dropped on my feet and took a step in his direction, my interrogative gaze fixated on his irritated, slightly confused eyes. I don't know whether I was wasting time asking this old man or not, and if I should ignore him and go check the ringing phone instead, but my paranoia would be the one to decide here...

"Was there someone here? Someone got injured here?" I fiercely ask with all my anticipation.

The man mumbled under his breath, and then tried to divert my question somewhere else; "Yes. There was." He heightened his voice, and shortened the gap between "And you would've been no different if no one noticed you playing around! You're old enough to know not to—"

"My god! Just answer the question and stop blabbering!" I grabbed his shoulders, essentially screaming in his face "What do you mean someone got injured here!? Did you see something!? Did you see Anna!?"

The man's face transformed into a petrified shock, he didn't try to shake off my relatively loose grip from his shoulders, but instead opted to stare at me like I just pulled a pocket knife on him, it seems like this encounter was the most violent and barbaric thing he's experienced for decades. I lowered my voice significantly; in a split second my obnoxious impatience turned into desperation.

"Listen...listen, I'm looking for Anna, a...a girl named Anna. Look. her phone just right there, it is....do you know where she is, just...tell me, did something happen to her?" Stumbling over my words like I've never done before, I alternate between telling him who Anna is, explaining that her phone was in the canal, and asking him about the injury he just mentioned. Failing at the three and changing my demeanor from a rebellious delinquent to what feels like a hopeless beggar for information, I stare at him expectantly, my grip shaking, my eyes unblinking. He's now looking at me in a bewildered, pitying stare.

.

A few, very long seconds pass by of this strange silence, until they're cut by a very familiar voice, running to me from behind.

"What the hell is happening here!? Nina are you okay?" Ray had appeared to my side. And after looking at the old man's face, grabbed my shoulders and pulled me away.

The man proceeded to look at us with the same stare, and slowly walked across the street and back to his shop. Now Ray is looking at me worriedly probably expecting an explanation for this ruckus, I honestly can't afford explaining the entire thing to someone, I quickly glance behind me at the phone and it's still there, my contemplation on whether I should go and get it or not though gets interrupted by Ray snapping his fingers in front of me to get my attention.

"Hey hey, Nina. Look here." He sternly yet civilly said.

Once he made sure he had my full attention, he asked me what's the problem, his hands remaining on my shoulders, and his face still looking extremely uneasy.

I both felt bad seeing him so worried and confused for my sake, but also knew that I wouldn't be able to just weasel my way out of this without giving a proper elaboration on what just commenced. So feeling like I'm wasting time, I waste some more and give him a cliff notes version of what happened. He thankfully doesn't inquire but on a specific point.

"Anyone else? You sure that's what the old man said?" Ray asked with a frowning and hyper-focused face.

I helplessly nodded.

"Alright..." He said to himself, and proceeded to turn around and run towards one of the stores. I reluctantly ran after him, sparing a glance towards the phone.

Ray quickly pushed the door to one of the many convenience stores in front of the school and started talking to the cashier which I knew he was familiar with. But as I reached the store I could only hear a sentence or two about...a clinic? And Ray saying thank you and quickly closing the door.

He turned around and - after being startled that I was behind him - murmured something else to himself, and glanced at Summerbee for something, it was clear his energy and tension have gone down now.

"She's at the clinic." He said.

"The what? Clinic!? What clinic!?" I said, my impatience and worry loud and clear.

"Just calm down for a second, okay? She's alright." He clasped my upper arm and lowered his voice a few decibels.

I felt somewhat reassured by him, like he knew what he was talking about, but I still didn't understand anything.

"I don't get it, what clinic are you talking about Ray? Why is she even in a cli—"

"She got injured, alright? She got injured near the fence and they took her to a clinic," He quickly said, switching plans from reassurance to just blurting out all the information, "And I guess the old man saw what was happening, that's all." He added.

I take a bit of time to let it sink in; I still don't get it, what injured her? Is Ray even sure that this is it?

I desperately try to form a comprehendible question and express my lack of closure, but Ray starts walking back to Summerbee when he sees that I'm unsuccessful, and just in a state of disbelief. I take a few more seconds looking at the ground and unclench my hands, and then when the wave of desire to see Anna hit, I quickly catch up to Ray...