Chapter 5: Fireside Reflection

Jack jerked awake sometime during the night, covered in a cold sweat and breathing heavily. He’d been dreaming of another fight with goblins, the cackling little monsters beating him senseless and torturing him. As soon as he blacked out in the dream, he would awake at the start of it again, trying and failing to defend himself. Until finally, one cycle he wasn’t alone. He was forced to try and protect Eleanor, only to fail and watch as she suffered the same fate he did. That was what had finally driven him awake. Once he glanced over beside him and saw the sleeping form of Rose a few feet away, his pulse finally began to slow down. It was just a dream. You’re fine.

There was absolutely no chance he was going to be able to get back to sleep after that. At least, not any time real soon. He slid out of the bedroll, quietly pulled on his boots, and stepped out into the darkness. The night air was surprisingly chill, and sent the hair on the back of Jack’s arms standing on end. Glancing over at the fire pit, he could see that the embers were still active and glowing gently. He walked over to the pile of wood they’d gathered when setting up camp, and grabbed some pieces to stoke the fire. With a few minutes of coaxing, the fire was back to a nice crackle, and the chill was driven away enough for him to finally feel warm again.

As he sat at the fire, staring into the flames, reality finally started to set in. He wasn’t dreaming. No. He was actually here. He wasn’t just going to wake up in his dorm and find out this was all some kind of pizza-induced dream trip. He would never see his family again, would never eat cheeseburgers or play video games ever again, would never get to roleplay with his friends again. That was all gone, for good. Part of him had expected to not care. After all, no one in any of the books or shows or games he loved ever missed their old homes. They were too busy being heroes, being worshipped by the masses, and saving the world. But he did care. Far more than he thought possible. It was all gone, and it was never coming back. He hadn’t even gotten to tell his mother goodbye. And just like that, without any warning, he started to cry.

He didn’t notice the faint rustling of the tent flap, and nearly jumped when a voice spoke a few feet away from him.

“Can’t sleep?” Eleanor asked, sitting down beside him.

Jack grunted, wiping the moisture from his eyes.

“Yeah.” He said. “Sorry if the fire woke you.”

She shook her head.

“It didn’t. I don’t need a lot of sleep, so I usually get up about this time to reflect and meditate before the day starts. I find it helps me have a better day when I do.”

She looked at him for a moment, seeming to analyze the expression on his face.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” She asked.

“Talk about what?”

“You’ve been crying, and you’re trying very hard to hide it. I’m happy to listen, if you want to share.”

“I’m not… it’s fine. I’m fine.” Jack said, crossing his arms and clearing his throat.

Eleanor looked at him for a long moment.

“I can see why you were so honest earlier. You’re a terrible liar.” She said. She reached down in the magic bag, which she’d brought with her, and pulled out the jug of ale. She poured a cupful and handed it to him.

“You don’t have to tell me about it, if you don’t want to. But, we’re already awake, and I don’t imagine you have much else to do.” She said.

Jack looked at the cup in her hand, before finally resigning himself and taking it.

“Thanks, Ellie.”

He went to take a sip, but before he realized what he was doing, he’d downed the entire thing. He looked at the empty cup, then up at Eleanor, who was watching him intently.

“More?”

Jack nodded.

“Yes. Please.”

She refilled the cup, and he drained it again, before setting it on the ground beside him. He sat in silence for a long moment, before he finally leaned back into his chair and sighed heavily.

“Yesterday I woke up and had Pop Tarts for breakfast. I met some friends, and we set off on a trip to have fun together. Not a care in the world. Now here I am, with no idea where I am, in a world I don’t understand, and I’m stuck here. Forever. I’ll never go home to my mom again, never see anyone I know again, never…”

He trailed off as his throat caught, the corners of his eyes filling with moisture again. Realizing what was happening, he brushed the water from his eyes and straightened.

“Sorry.” He said.

“Why are you sorry? There’s nothing unreasonable about feeling sad about that.” Eleanor said.

“Because where I come from, heroes from another world don’t cry. They’re excited about their new life. They don’t have a care in the world, other than saving it.”

Eleanor raised an eyebrow.

“Are these real people, or are they characters from fairytales people in your world read for fun?” She asked.

“They’re not fairytales… They’re… well, different. Fantasy stories.” He said.

“But they’re not real people.” Ellie pressed.

“No.” Jack admitted. “They’re not.”

She looked him, her face soft.

“Stories are stories. They help us make sense of the world, and help us escape. They show us things that we wish were real, but aren’t. They show people as better than it is possible for them to be. It’s good to want to be strong, and to not let yourself get beaten down by sadness, but there’s a reason those stories aren’t real. People struggle, and feel pain, and hurt, and sadness. And that’s okay.” She said.

She leaned back in her chair, and stared up into the night sky.

“You’re lucky you got to know your family. I didn’t get to know my parents. They were dead before I was old enough to know what a parent was. In a sense, I’m jealous of you. You at least got to have that joy. You get to keep all of those memories of you mother and everyone you’ve known in your head, and all you have to do is look inside and they’re right there waiting for you.”

Eleanor smiled wistfully, and looked over at Jack again.

“Be sad. Miss them. Miss the life you used to have. Think of it as your way of showing just how much you love them. And, when you’re ready, there’s a whole new life that will be waiting for you to accept it. When you do, you will be happy again. And any time you want to experience your old life, all you have to do is close your eyes, and you’ll find it.”

Jack looked down at the fire, the flickering light blurring behind a fresh new curtain of tears. Eleanor was right. He didn’t want to feel the hollowing aching in his chest, or the clenching in his throat, or burning of the salt in his eyes. But they were all he had left of what he used to have. If he refused to let them be present, refused to connect with them, then he’d be abandoning the last things he had left from his old life. He would let them come when they wanted to. It was the least he could do.

He looked up at Eleanor and smiled half-heartedly, wiping at his cheeks.

“Thanks, Ellie.”

The tiefling smiled.

“Happy to help.”

She looked down at the cup on the ground by his feet.

“More ale?”

Jack nodded.

“Yeah, I think I need it.”

The two of them sat in relative silence for a while, Jack drinking and staring into the fire, Eleanor leaned back into her chair and breathing rhythmically, her eyes closed and hands folded in her lap.

“So how did you, Rose, and Madeleine end up together? You act like sisters, but you’re not related. At least, Tieflings, Ifrits, and Sprites aren’t that I know of.” Jack said, looking over at her.

“Maddy and I are both orphans. Rose’s father took us in and raised us like his own daughters. So, we’re not related, but we are family.” She said between breaths.

“Must be nice to have siblings, even if they are adopted ones.” Jack said.

Eleanor opened an eye and looked at him.

“You don’t have any?”

Jack shook his head.

“Nah. My mother decided one kid was more than enough after my father left. So for a long time it was just me and her.” He said.

“I imagine that got pretty lonely.”

“It did, although I got over it. Books and video games did a good job of keeping me busy while she was at work.” He said.

Eleanor cocked her head.

“Video games?”

“Yeah. Another thing science, er, magic gave us. Think of it like a book or a play, except you get to control the main character, what they do, what they’re good at, and the choices they make.” Jack said.

“Oh, we have something like that here too. Well, sort of. Coltriss Academy uses them in some of their classes.” Eleanor said, opening her other eye. “Though, I’m sure they’re very different from what you’re describing.”

Jack’s expression brightened.

“Really?”

Eleanor nodded.

“Yes, although I don’t think anyone but last-year students can have access to them. They’re pretty high level magic, and the artifacts that produce them are pretty well-guarded since no one knows how to make them anymore.” She said.

Jack’s face fell a bit.

“Oh.”

“If you want, sometime I can take you there and see if one of my professors will let you try one out. Would that make you happy?” She asked.

“Really? Yeah!”

Ellie smiled and put a finger to her lips to tell him to be quiet.

“Okay.”

The two of them talked for a little while longer, mostly about Jack’s old life. He found as he told Eleanor about his mother, his friends, his college classes as an artist, and the games and books he used to love that he was already starting to feel a little better. She was a very attentive listener, and asked many questions. Soon he found himself feeling drowsy again, perhaps from the ale, perhaps from the feeling of emotional catharsis he felt from talking about what he was going through. After another cup of ale and a bit more small talk, he bid her goodnight, and crept back into the tent. This time, sleep came quickly, and he did not wake again.