Cute Boys and Mean Girls

If I’m going to talk to these boys, I need a safety measure put in place to protect myself from experiencing another event that caused my scars in the first place, I thought. That’s how I came up with an alias. I decided to only call myself “Rose” when talking to these boys through text. I won’t interact with them in person anyway, but if I do run into them, I’ll act like I don’t know what “Rose” even means.

With that, I decided to type out my first message to hottie number one, the cute first year, Kishi Horiuchi.

“Hello Horiuchi-san, my name is Rose and I wanted to text you and get to know you. I hope we can be friends.”

Friends… What an absurd thing. I haven’t had any friends since the incident. But I can’t call those people friends. What kind of friends abandon you when you need them the most? I want to forget about them already.

“Hello Rose-san… You want to be friends…?”

I was shocked out of my thoughts when I saw that I got a reply. The cutie… he replied to me? Really? This isn’t a dream? He replied so quickly too… A fluttering began to rise in my chest as I gripped my phone to continue texting him.

“Yes, I want to be friends. Is that alright?”

“Oh, yes, I want to be friends too. I’ve just never had friends before…”

He hasn’t had friends before? How is that possible? With how cute he is, I bet people have been flocking to him since he was little. Only someone cruel would leave him all by his lonesome. When I last saw him, wasn’t he surrounded by people anyway? Aren’t they his friends?

“Excuse me if this is rude to say, but I can’t believe you haven’t had any friends before. When I passed by you at school, you were surrounded by girls. Aren’t they your friends?”

“Well… It just happened that ever since I was young… not many wanted to be my friend. I didn’t do anything of course! I’m not a bully or anything…”

“I don’t think you’re a bully. You seem very sweet.”

“Sweet…? Thank you… The girls who are always around me at school say that too… Does that mean they’re my friends?”

“If they’re kind to you and want to be around you and you want to be around them, I’d say you’re friends. Did you not realize they were your friends?”

“I see… I just thought maybe… they were teasing me…”

“You should ask them if you’re friends if you’re still unsure. I bet they’d be happy to clear up the misunderstanding.”

“Really? Thanks… I’m glad you talked to me, Rose-san. I can really call you my friend, right?”

“Of course. Let’s be good friends, Horiuchi-san!”

Oh my gosh… Kishi is cuter than I thought… He didn’t realize those girls were his friends. What else would they be? But I wonder what he meant by that “since he was younger” no one wanted to be his friend… There’s obviously a story there. But I don’t want to pry. I wonder how close I can get to these boys before I decide I should quit talking to them. I’m sure a day will come where I should stop.

“Can I see you tomorrow at school, Rose-san?”

The sudden question almost makes my heart stop. My head fills with irrational thoughts. If he meets me, he might be disappointed by my outer appearance. Even if he isn’t at first, when he comes closer, he’ll see the scars I fail to hide with my glasses and hair. He’ll think I’m disgusting. He’ll never talk to me again. He might even tell everyone around him what a disgusting monster I look like under my mask.

“Rose-san? Have you gone to bed?”

I can only stare helplessly at his texts. I put my phone aside and curl up into a ball. It was a bad idea to try and text the boys. Of course they’ll ask to meet. But I can never meet them in person. Maybe I should give up on this now before it’s too late…

The next morning, I had to force myself to get out of bed. I didn’t want to go to school, but it was too early in the year to miss already. I gathered the courage to step outside the house and head to the bus stop.

During homeroom, we drew slots to see the next pair of students who would be on cleaning duty after school. My name came up and seemed to make my day worse. The student who was picked to be my partner didn’t look too happy either. I could already envision what the end of the day would be like…

And just as I expected, my partner asked if I could clean up the classroom alone since she claimed that she had an appointment. I only nodded and watched her leave the room, giggling with her friends as they left. I let out a quiet sigh knowing I’d have to clean up by myself this whole week. That’s not any different from the norm anyway.

Yet just as the last students left, I saw something yellow enter the room. Our eyes seemed to meet through my bangs and I quickly looked away.

“You’re Shiotani-san, right? Are you cleaning by yourself?”

Did he have to ask…? I couldn’t look at him or even speak so I just nodded. I hope he goes away so I can clean in peace…

“Need some help? I forgot something in my desk but I have time to help out too.”

“That’s…” I wanted to say ‘that’s alright’ but I noticed him already pushing up his sleeves and beginning to clean the blackboard.

“You know, I’m actually quite good at cleaning! It’s kinda fun too! You’ll let me help, won’t you?” He turned around to beam at me. It was so bright I almost had to shield my eyes.

I had no choice but to accept Yorikane’s help. I began to put chairs on desks, him helping me with half of it. Then I grabbed a broom and swept the floor. With both of us cleaning up, we managed to finish much faster than I’ve ever been able to in the past.

“Phew, looks like it’s all clean! Are you going home now?” he asked.

“Yes… Thank you…” I bowed and kept my eyes on the floor.

“You know, my classmates have always been very well-mannered, so I’m sure your partner for cleaning duty had a reason for leaving. But if you ever need help again or someone’s bothering you, you can talk to me, alright? We should all get along and help each other out.”

I glanced up at his smile. Since my first year, I’d heard rumors about the so-called “golden retriever boy” of class 1-3. Now that he’s in class 2-1, I’m able to understand why everyone likes him so much. He’s very kind, bright, and charming. His presence almost makes you feel safe…

“I…I’ll keep that in mind…” I managed to reply.

“I’ve got to head home now myself. I’ll see you tomorrow, Shiotani-san!” After grabbing what he left in his desk, he waved goodbye as he hurried out the door.

As I walked home that day, I couldn’t stop thinking about Yorikane. Of course he’s nice to everyone, and he probably only helped me because he felt bad for someone like me, but if I could talk with and be friends with someone like that… That would be so great… Would he want to be friends with me though…?

“Rose-san, I apologize if I offended you! I didn’t mean to! I won’t say whatever I said that offended you again… I promise…”

Seeing Kishi’s desperate text when I got home made me realize that I had forgotten about him. How could I forget about this cutie? I feel bad that I didn’t reply last night. Maybe if he understands that I don’t want to meet in person, we can still talk and it’d be alright…

“That’s alright, Horiuchi-san. You didn’t offend me. Although I want to continue talking to you like this, I don’t think I’m ready to meet you in person. That might seem strange, but I hope you understand and can be sympathetic toward my feelings.”

“Of course, I can understand! I want to stay friends with you, Rose-san. I won’t say or do anything that will ruin that.”

“Thank you for understanding. If you want to know anything about me, please ask. I can tell you some things as long as you don’t try to find me in person.”

“Alright, I won’t try to find you. But may I ask what year and class you’re in?”

“I’m a second year. I’d rather not specify which class.”

“A second year! So you’re older than me! That’s enough for me to know. Thank you for answering. I assume you wouldn’t want to tell me what you look like? I just want to try forming an image of who I’m talking to!”

“I can at least tell you that I have black hair.”

“Many students have black hair…”

“Haha! It’ll be hard to find me then.”

“You’re kind of mean, Rose-san…”

“My bad. But you’ll respect my boundaries, won’t you?”

“Yes! I want to be a good friend to you!”

“Thank you. I have to go eat dinner now. We can talk later.”

“Have a good meal!”

My conversation with Kishi left a fluttering feeling in my chest. Will this happen every time I talk to him? It’s not a bad feeling though…

When I went to eat dinner with father, he pointed out the smile on my face. I began to feel embarrassed at the fact that I was smiling without realizing it. This is bad…

The next day, my partner for cleaning duty approached me once everyone else had left.

“Did you say something to Miya-kun? He told me I shouldn’t abandon my partner. I didn’t abandon you, I had an appointment, remember?” She folded her arms with an annoyed expression as she looked down on me.

“I didn’t…” I managed to say. My palms began to get sweaty.

“You didn’t say anything, huh? Then why’d he talk to me about it?”

Her tone made my body go rigid. I could only stare down at the ground and try to cease the trembling in my hands.

“Just ignore her, Miya-kun would be disappointed if he saw you ditch again,” one of her friends spoke. “Let’s all clean up together so we can finish already.”

“I wouldn’t want him to be disappointed in me… Fine, I guess I’ll clean. Just stay out of my way, you’re an eyesore.” After spitting foul words at me, my partner turned around to clean on the other side of the classroom with her friends.

I couldn’t move for a second as I had to calm my nerves. Then I quickly turned around and began to clean. I’ve got to hurry and get out of here.

Luckily, her and her friends did ignore me and left just as I was finishing up. When they were gone, I could finally breathe properly. I can’t believe Yorikane said something… That only caused a dangerous misunderstanding… At least she didn’t do anything to me…

I managed to bump into Yorikane again as I was leaving the classroom.

“Oh, hey! How’d cleaning duty go today?” He smiled like he was proud of what he did. I would have preferred if he didn’t meddle though…

“It was… alright…” I looked away from his charming smile.

“I’m glad! By the way, I just keep forgetting things so I needed to drop in again.”

“I see… I’ll get go-going now…” I bowed and stuttered. Then I ran off down the hall. I’m so embarrassed…

Once I’m home, I drag my feet as I head to my room. I toss my bag aside and fall onto my bed. It feels good to be home. But the fear I felt when that girl confronted me is still lingering in my body. I look at my hand and it’s still shaking. I try to take a few deep breaths to calm down.

I used to be naïve. I used to think that people, especially those my age, couldn’t be cruel. But I experienced firsthand how awful people can be. And that reality has shaken me to my core. Will my new classmates decide that I’m such an eyesore that they need to cut me up as well? Will that make them feel better? While I scream with tears running down my stinging face…?

I push myself up with my arms, shaking my head. I try to shake those traumatic memories away. Then I reach for my phone, looking for some kind of distraction. I see on the lock screen that I received an image from Kishi.

I tap the message and the image comes up. It’s a brown and white cat outside on the ground with its fluffy tummy showing. Kishi’s caption says,

“Rose-san, look what I found on my way home from school!”

Kishi with a cat… I might die from cuteness… I position my thumbs over the keyboard to reply.

“That’s a cute cat.”

“I fed it some treats and it let me pet it! Its fur is so soft!”

“It certainly looks soft. Feed it a treat for me too.”

“I will!”

Before I knew it, the image of Kishi petting a cute cat helped me take my mind off things for a moment. The fear that lingered has dissipated. It’d be nice if I could pet the cat with him… But that dream is impossible.