[Inari Standoff]: Alone in Darkness With You

As soon as Inari was done feasting upon Heavy Metal's heart, she rushed back to the bakery to give Osamu his arm back. Just to be sure, she stopped to sniff the air, confirming that no other exorcists were on their way for the night. She continued up the escalators and found Osamu sitting at a booth in the bakery, clutching his destroyed arm.

"You're back." Osamu said. "Are there any more of them?"

Inari shook her head. "Nope. Looks like they're done for tonight. We live to die another day."

Osamu snickered. "Thank god. I don't think I can take another fight right now. Anyway, can we fix my arm?"

"Of course."

Inari knelt by Osamu's side, taking his stub and dragging her tongue across his skin. Her slow, gentle licks made his stub steam as his flesh, bone, and sinew slowly regenerated back to normal. In just a few minutes, Osamu had his arm and hand back, as if he hadn't even lost them in the first place.

"I....thank you, Inari."

Inari sighed, slumping down to the floor. "Yeah, no problem, mortal."

Osamu joined her on the floor, sitting with their backs against the display desk with all of the muffins, cakes, and cookies. Now that their battle was over, they had time again to be by themselves. The rain and lightning outside stopped. Even the wind was quiet. It was just Osamu and Inari there, sitting in quiet, peaceful darkness, with only the faint glow of the runway lights shining through the bakery windows.

"Mortal."

"What is it?"

"You promised me you'd tell me. About Gekko and Izanami."

"Yeah, I did, didn't I?"

"I don't remember the last time I've sat down and heard a human's story. All of their victories, tragedies, and experiences that make them...them. So, go ahead and tell me."

Osamu smiled and closed his eyes. "Where do I start, I wonder..."

"Anywhere is fine. Even if it's out of order."

"Right. I suppose, I should start with Izanami. Well, believe it or not, I actually met her while I was attempting suicide."

"That's a hell of way to start the story!"

Osamu laughed. "I know. It was a while ago now. My parents were getting divorced and my best friend, Kenjo, died in a car accident right as we were about to graduate from high school. Not to mention I would constantly get my ass handed to me by this one guy and his group of friends.

“I was an easy target back then, a coward. I didn't mind any of that, up until Kenjo passed away. He was amazing. He would leap into danger like it was nothing. One time, we saw a little girl get hit by a car as she was crossing the street. Kenjo was the first person to run after her and urged everyone to call the police."

"He sounds like he was quite brave."

"There's no word for what he was. He was just Kenjo. I always felt safe around the guy, so when he passed, it was like I was completely exposed to...everything. How cruel the world is, how dark and depressing daily life is. I wanted to be where he was. So, one night, I left my house and walked over to my local shrine. I decided I was going to commit suicide.

“I left a note and took some rope with me. Just when I made my noose, I heard the sound of water. So, I walked over and I found a body floating in the shrine's pond. Some poor girl had drowned herself. She was all alone with no one to mourn her or comfort her. So, instead of hanging, I thought that I could at least do that girl a favor and die alongside her. I didn't want her to be alone."

"Let me guess. It wasn't really a corpse, was it?" Inari asked.

"Bingo." Osamu said. "Little did I know, it was Izanami herself. She saved me from drowning and talked me out of committing suicide. That's how we met. I kept visiting her for a while and we'd stay up all night just talking about...everything. Life, death, love, what I was up to. She listened to everything I had to say. She knew how to comfort me when I thought I had lost everything I loved. Who knew the goddess of death could be so sweet?"

"I see. I'm glad to hear that. When I knew Izanami, she was much different. Everyone called her Izanami the Cruel. She really, really struggled with who she wanted to be. She was so consumed by hatred back then, but over time, I was able to help her change. We went through a lot together, Izanami and I. So, I'm glad to hear that she's still dedicated to being the best version of herself she can be."

"Yeah, I've heard about some of what you guys went through in the Warring States era. They both mentioned how big of a help you were."

"Speaking of which, how are Izanami and Gekko now?"

"Oh, I'm actually married to them both. In fact, Izanami's about nine months pregnant. Our baby's due any day now."

Inari's tails shot up and stiffened in surprise. "She's having a baby?!"

"Yeah, a baby boy."

"I...I see..." Inari said, tears welling in her eyes. "I'm so happy for her. She had always wanted to experience motherhood again. She's finally going to be able to do it."

"Yeah..."

"So, how about Gekko? Just the fact that you refer to her as Gekko is proof you guys are close. I noticed that when you were talking about her earlier."

"Well, I actually met Gekko in kindergarten. Apparently, Izanami was trying to get her accustomed to school and modern day life, so she reversed her age and had her go through kindergarten. That's where she met me. Of course, I had no idea she was a goddess at the time."

"Interesting. Izanami made her go to school? I can't imagine Gekko was very thrilled."

"I doubt it, but we did have a good time together. I hadn't seen her in years, and then she suddenly popped up in Kyoto again. We brought her back to our house so she could live with us. She told me all about the Senkumo clan and her past as a war goddess. It was chilling to hear what she went through."

"Yeah. I was there for a lot of it. Those were some dark times."

"Bishamon discovered she was still alive, so he came down and paid me a visit. Basically, I had to give up Gekko by the end of the year or me and the rest of the girls would get killed for harboring her. We didn't know what to do. Bishamon was a high-ranking general in Heaven, so we couldn't just fight him.

“It turned out that Gekko knew that Bishamon visited me. I just never told her that myself. So, when the time came, Gekko went ahead and massacred my neighbors. The idea was to provoke Izanami and possibly the exorcists into killing her, so that Bishamon wouldn't have the pleasure of doing it himself."

"It sounds just like that bastard to use such an underhanded method. Bishamon, I mean."

"In the end, I decided I'd kill her myself. I realized something when I found out that Gekko knew what was going to happen. She must've known she was going to die, and she chose to spend her last days with us, with me. That was how much Gekko loved us. So, it had to be me. I decided I would kill her, and I'd let her kill me. That's exactly what happened. Technically, we both died that night."

"What?! You're kidding, right?"

Osamu laughed. "No, not at all! We ended up in the House of Souls and everything! But Izanami and the Shoku Twins hatched a plan to save us. Even Tsukuyomi was in on it. Gekko and I used our deaths to launch a surprise attack against Heaven."

"So that's what Heavy Metal and White Saint were talking about. I see."

"Yeah. They had one final duel and Gekko won. We finished him off together. Ever since then, Gekko's changed, too. She's just as happy and carefree as Izanami these days. Gekko's not pregnant, she always said she wanted a baby after Izanami has hers."

"So you're married to two goddesses, huh? I'm surprised they agreed to such an arrangement."

"Well, at first, it was me, them, and some of my ex-girlfriends all in the same house. Circumstance forced us to live under the same roof."

"Holy shit. Must've been a bloodbath in there."

Osamu laughed, remembering all of the bickering, physical fights, and threats of violence the girls would casually spew at one another. "Yeah, bloodbath is an understatement. But, along the way, we all got really accustomed to each other. Honestly, the bonds those girls formed with each other is way more special than what they have with me.

“They treat each other like family. They look out for one another. It's...humbling. So, we all just kinda decided we should stick together and be a family. There was no need to just pick one. As much as the girls love me, they all love each other way more."

"I see. That sounds rather wholesome. So, you and these girls all form a big family. What happened then?"

"Gosh, what didn't happen? It was one adventure after another."

"Tell me! I want to hear it all!"

"Really? You sure?"

Inari nodded, her tails fluttering in excitement. "Positive!"

"Okay. You're not gonna believe half of this stuff, but here it goes..."

(We sat there for hours as she heard my story, listening to every word with attentive curiosity. I told her about how I managed to save Aika's life at the expense of her memories of me, about how hard I tried to save Isabella from her condition, only to fail in that regard too. She listened to the story of my interaction with Satori Sentani and how much of a mark he left on me, even after all this time. And finally, the most troublesome failure that still loomed over my head...the story of how I killed Rousoku Himawari.)

"And so, I had to vanquish her. I still have dreams about it. I stand on that pier with her urn in my hand, and every time, I can't let her go. I just can't. Even now...it still feels like I'm on that pier, staring into the ocean."

"Did you love her, mortal? Do you still love her?"

"That used to seem like such a simple question. It gets harder to answer the more I think of her. That makes me quite the scumbag, doesn't it? I'm only realizing how much I really still loved her after she's gone."

Inari rested her tails and closed her eyes. "You really have been through a lot. Is protecting me your way of atoning for all of it? For Rousoku?"

"Saving you or dying at the end of it...Either way, it would be justified. I kept thinking, up until I met you, that if I were to die, I'd probably go to hell. Or, if I reincarnated, I'd come back as something disgraceful. I don't think you can call that 'suicidal' in just a straight shot but...you can say that I've lost the will to live. So, in you, I wanted to find a reason to die."

Inari gazed at Osamu with her glowing, red eyes, making the scene quite awkward for Osamu, who recoiled and averted his eyes from her. "Osamu. You don't have to tell a lie like that."

"Sorry, I went on a little venting spree there..."

"No...it's actually refreshing to hear all of it. It makes me feel like I haven't been alone in feeling this kind of pain. Someone, somewhere, has been losing what he loved too. Hurts, doesn't it? And when it seems like it's your fault, that guilt hangs over your head like a storm cloud. I feel everything you felt for Isabella, Satori, and Rousoku for my children, and for Tenji.

“I wonder what I could've done differently. I wish I could've been much more cruel back then, so I could've protected them. I failed too, Osamu. It still hurts me everyday, and I'm sure I'll die with those failures in my heart. Do your wives ever listen to you about this kind of stuff?"

"Sort of, I suppose. But, they're the kind of wives to seal your lips with a kiss instead of letting you stay down about it."

"I see. Sometimes, I think it's necessary we stay down."

Inari's words grabbed Osamu's attention. "Although they may be doing their best to support you, as I'm sure they are, doing that so blindly may be irresponsible. They might think that you're a man who has done great things before, and can still do that now, that you'll take the brunt of any problem you face as a family. 

"However, I know that men, like women, are sensitive creatures at heart. They still have vulnerable hearts, just like us. A man can only take so many beatings before he just breaks down and cries. That's why I think it's important that we sometimes stay down and cry. We can just take a moment to let it all out, brush ourselves off, and get back in the fight."

"You're a lot wiser than you let on." Osamu said.

"Of course. I am a goddess, after all. I know you're not invincible, neither physically, nor emotionally. While I think it's true your heart is strong, I also believe your heart has had enough. Both of ours have. I was also prepared to die here for that reason. I also thought that maybe if I died, I could be reborn as someone who can actually protect her loved ones. Maybe I could be a mother worth her salt, and a wife capable of shielding her family."

"Yeah..." Osamu sighed. “Death seems more like another chance when you're tired of failing in life."

Inari wrapped her arm around Osamu. "What did you say your name was again, mortal?"

Osamu chuckled softly. "You forgot again?"

"Sorry, my mind has been preoccupied by the battles this whole time. Please, tell me again."

"Osamu. Osamu Ashikaga."

"I see. Osamu Ashikaga. That's a wonderful name. A brave name indeed. I will no longer call you 'mortal'. I'll call you Osamu, or 'friend'."

"Do you...really mean that?"

"I wouldn't lie to you about that. I mean it. How do you write Osamu Ashikaga?"

Osamu smiled. "Osamu is written as 'Discipline', like in Shugendo. Ashikaga is written just how you would write the Ashikaga shogunate."

"A beautiful name indeed. Your story was heartbreaking, Osamu. However, I can tell you that you aren't a failure. You're just human, that's all. When we meet amazing people, we make the mistake of putting the world on their shoulders and wearing them out, just as I've been doing to you."

"Nah, come on. You're not a burden or anything."

"No, I am, and I must apologize. Heavy Metal had a point earlier. It could've very well been my blood magic that compelled you to save me. I don't know if it was really your free will, or me forcing you to join me when I was desperate."

"...You didn't want to die in that moment. But you're ready to die now?"

Inari smiled and rested her head on Osamu's lap, covering her eyes with her wrist. Inari didn't answer that question. She didn't need to, because Osamu already knew the answer. She lived long enough to meet him for the same reason he lived long enough to meet her. Neither of them wanted to die alone, without purpose, without someone to be there for them in their final moments. They both had all of the guilt and pain in the world, but not a proper reason or place to die.

This standoff was it. This would be their reason. Inari's silent confession all but confirmed to Osamu that she felt the same thing for him that he felt for her. They had become each other's reason to die, and that was a kind of love no one else could possibly understand. It was a love born in darkness and watered by blood, a love built on a foundation of mutual pain and agony. It required the perfect pair to meet in the most imperfect of circumstances, and that pair was Inari and Osamu.

"Getting tired, huh?" Osamu asked, stroking Inari's head.
"Yeah, but I can never manage to actually sleep." Inari answered.

"Why not?"

"I'm too sad."

"I see. I've had plenty of sleepless nights too, up until now."

"Osamu...when Yoko and Izanami give birth to your children, treat them well."

"Of course I will."

"When they're acting defiantly, be sure to be strict with them, but remind them you love them."

"I will, Inari."

Tears streamed down the side of Inari's face as she hid her eyes. Her lips trembled with great sadness. "Tell them you love them every day. Don't ever let them forget how precious they are to you."

"I will..."

Osamu's tears fell onto his bare chest, Inari's pleas shattering his heart into pieces. Inari's soft crying turned into heartbroken sobs as she thought of her own children, the memories of them dying right in front of her still as fresh as yesterday's nightmare.

"Protect them with everything you've got, Osamu! You're not worthless! They need you, and only you can be their father! Suicide won't make any of the pain go away, you hear me?! You have to stay alive! You have to! You just have to!"

(In Inari, I found a reason to die...but she also reminded me what my reason to live was...)

Osamu lowered his forehead onto Inari's. The two heartbroken and overburdened beings cried together, holding onto each other for dear life.

(The same scars, the same tears, the same hurt and guilt...I truly do believe I've found the most vulnerable and hurt part of myself within Inari, and perhaps she did the same with me. The two of us could finally stay down, mourn together, and let out some of the grief that gripped our hearts. The two of us, alone, hurt, wounded, and shrouded in darkness. I could stay with her forever here, until we’re both ready to climb out into the light again.)