Protagonist - Osore Amyūzumento
'12:20'. The clock was revealing to me. '10 minutes till lunch' I kept telling myself. The clock hands are seemingly in the same position in the last 30 minutes in my eyes. The Mr. Yashiro scolding the delinquents, the nerds studying in the background, the girls using their phones, and there was me fighting to stay awake. My eyelids felt like they carried the weight of the world, having to stay awake was more of a struggle than actually understanding education. The whispers of the other students entering my ears continuously, one after another not a single second on peace. The beam of the sunlight, almost angel-like shining right into my eyes. Both a clear disruption and methods of keeping me from entering that hell of a place. Mr. Yashiro pressing the chalk with all strength onto the overused chalkboard turning it almost grey-like, Whilst the chalk particles rapidly fall and shatter into thousands of pieces almost like my heart and brain, suffering from this trauma.
It's not that I don't like sleep, it's more like I'm afraid. It may seem like sleep is an abomination, but it's not that. Why can't I just be an average high school boy? No, it isn't consistent, but it's enough to make my skin boil and my jaw clench. call it. Knowing I can be in this position anytime anywhere really fucks with me. It scares me. The fear of being stuck in a dream. The fear of waking up and not being in reality. The fear of defying a Creator. The 'Limitless', I call it. Knowing I can be in this position anytime anywhere really fucks with me. I'm scared.
Having to stay awake was a struggle, but a part of me wanted my eyelids to force shut, and enter limitless. The thought of being stuck in a dream is frightening, but when that dream is more entertaining than life, what do you expect? The emotion that I can express my intelligence and inner thoughts are what makes me love limitless. Thinking of the Joy limitless will bring causes my heart to pound with excitement, and my fingers to twitch. 'Fuck, this is what limitless does to me'. The Amusement of solving life-threatening puzzles. The Amusement of being immortal. The Amusement of defying a Creator. The 'Limitless', I call it.
"The limitless' it seems so uncanny" I whispered. Something so weird only I suffers from. "ah don't get lost in your thought Osore". You see the state limitless puts me in. I'm only 16, I should be focusing on education, things like love and friends, right? Such hardships a young boy like me has to face, it's so unfair. Something I always ask myself. Life is never fair. It picks curtains to love and care for and certains to hate and abandon. I guess I just fall into the category of being unwanted by life. Why can't I have an entertaining life? where is my love? Why is everything so easy? 'Why was I made different? So many unanswered questions I have.'
Despite all this, Why do I love it. Suddenly a heated drop of liquid falls on my palm... "Why am I crying?" A meaningless life I was living until the limitless came in. The only piece of hope. Life is unfair, isn't it? But it's also unpredictable. Why give me such a boring life but then entertain me with a fake one? Not only that but one that fucks with my existence? A fake utopian dystopia to fulfill the needs of my needs and wants? 'Why was I made different? So many unanswered questions I have.'
I really don't know whether I'm afraid or amused. it's a roller coaster of mixed emotions. my head telling me to close my eyes but my heart says otherwise.