Beginning

I remember growing up, moving from place to place. It was only ever, at most, a few years in one town. Back and forth, a few months here, a couple more there. For awhile, I moved from place to place, week after week. That was the hardest, especially being so young. I never really understood why I couldn’t just go home. To my own home, with my own mom and dad. 

They always told me I was being taken care of by a different family. That I should be polite, and remember how nice it was of the people to take care of someone like me. So I was made to believe I was different. 

I never fit in, not really. I faked it, made nice with small groups, but I was always just the shadow. Tagging along, but never actually being acknowledged.

With so many different parents, and being shown so many different views on life, I never knew where I should fit in. Who was I supposed to be? Whatever it was, nobody ever seemed to care about me. I was left to decide everything myself. 

I couldn’t live on my own, but I was expected to care for my every need. I grew up that way, and it made me more independent. I know that, but it still hurts to know I’ll never fit in. 

High school is awful. I get by with decent grades, but I don’t have any friends. I watch as everyone else enjoys their time, carefree and full of life. I feel like their happiness is draining my own. Only when I’m out in nature, usually alone, do I ever feel normal. Happy.

It can’t be coincidence. Between the blue hair that flows to my waist. The fluffy tail that continues down to my ankles, matching in color. The extended ears that nearly come to the top of my head. I’m more monster than human. 

Every school I sat through, all of the places I was drug along to, I was always stared at. Kids would point, parents would shun. The guardian I was under at the time, my supposed “parent figure”, never stood up for me. Most times they would use the excuse, that I was too different to change. I would always be a freak, and so I should just be used to it. Some of them even tried to lock me in their house. Forbidding any extra activities beyond school.

Those are the places I ran from the fastest.

Nature, the wild animals, fresh scents, and minimal human interaction. That’s where I belong. I always find a way to escape back to it. Even if I have to hide within my own mind, nature is where I’m comfortable. Tall, looming trees were always more impressive, than any skyscraper building. 

How many hundreds of years had gone into a single trees growth, versus the resource wasting that went into creating man-made structures. Take the human component away, and the cities would crumble to dust, but the forests and wildlife would thrive.

“Sometimes I wish I could burn it all down. Light a match, and watch it go.” I grumbled, watching rain pound down against the window. 

Outside, it was dark, the tree line faded away to black smudges. The rain bleeding down the window, distorting everything. The reflection of a man walking up behind me wasn’t a surprise. They had been hovering there for a few minutes, knowing I wanted to go out there. 

Hopefully they also knew I wasn’t dumb enough to go out in such heavy rain. A light drizzle was comforting in its own way, a down pour like this however, would almost certainly bring down a sickness upon me.

“Curfew is in ten minutes, Fenrir.” The emotionless voice announced. He might as well set an alarm to go off, they always came to tell me when it was about time to go to my room. The man didn’t linger, just delivered the obligatory message, and left.

I sat there, watching the rain fall. I really wish I didn’t have to stay here, but every time I tried to run, a man from the government showed up to bring me home. Or to a new home. 

He explained over and over that I had to stay with a guardian until I came of age. And how, I wasn’t allowed to just run off, and absolutely could not just leave town. All of it added up to the worst life imaginable. 

I hated being stuck here, not knowing who my real parents are, not know where I’m really supposed to be. I always hoped I would find a place I truly belonged, fit in. 

Taking one last look up into the night sky, the lightning flashed brightly, letting me see the entire backyard clearly for a moment. The trees were being whipped in the wind, but their greens glowed in the light. 

Even in the dark, when a storm rages, the lightning showed me that the beauty of nature was still out there. If I could wait it out, the storm would pass, and I would be able to go back to it. 

In the morning, I think I’ll talk a walk through the woods.