Chapter 0:

Dias Lament

BRIDE x BEAST: To save Monster kind, Marry Me!!


Society is a myriad of proposed fantasies.
I know this better then most people, because most days I try to indulge myself in any shortcut to happiness I can find these days.Bookmark here

Perfect grades?  I think I've only talked about my grades to my 11th grade teacher after I ran into him after graduation at my 2nd customer service gig. It was a good flex at the time, but I can't say it's a great conversation point for something that matters, like a first date. Besides, grades don't really matter if you just skipped college entirely.Bookmark here

College Life? A secure future! Drowning in boys! The world is your oyster! Unless you have the attention span of a blind goldfish and you decided to become a "self-started ceo" ! I learned what a pyramid scheme was the hard way.
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A wealthy husband? It turns out most wealthy men are not geniunely interested in minimum wage workers in their mid twenties. No matter what romance novels tell you.Bookmark here

Winning the lottery? Isn't there a higher chance of me being snapped like a twig by a flying shark who happened to sprout wings? I'd like to meet that shark.Bookmark here

Yeah. It's rough out here.Bookmark here

I was supposed to be an entrepreneur! A trendsetter! A beacon of the future!Bookmark here

And now...this trendsetter was a couple of missteps away from being sent back to live with her parents.Bookmark here

Yesterday, I had woken up to the cruelest twist of fate. Calling it a twist was an understatement. It was more so like a punch directly to the ribs. A wake-up slap seven times to the cheeks.Bookmark here

I was doing everything right, dammit! I had moved into my own apartment, got a humble supermarket managerial position and didn't even bother with a car because I was already testing somethings patience with how expensive LIVING was becoming. So, I stuck with public transportation to get to where I had to be.Bookmark here

And when I returned from a surprise 10 hour shift, I'd see a big yellow EVICTION NOTICE on my door.Bookmark here

You see...I haven't really been making enough money to pay my bills. My landlord was pretty relaxed about it everytime I groveled at their feet for more time, but I guess she was finally tired of it. Incredibly two-faced, but who was I to complain?Bookmark here

This is what I get for thinking that I could make a killing drop shipping doilies. Soft and comfortable? Yes! A sizable market? Nope.Bookmark here

The stress of it left me wanting to call out of work, crawl into my bed, and die. Although such a death would be an excellent metaphor for the crushing weight of living in a society that bleeds green-  missing out on work wouldn't help my issue at all, wouldn't it?Bookmark here

I told my mom and dad that they wouldn't have to worry. That I'd come home having made a difference in this world. Turns out the only difference you can make while living and working off minimum wage is if a customer leaves the market frowning or smiling. And how sober you are when midnight hits.Bookmark here

And even if I could pay it off in the future, this wouldn't be the 1st or last time I was in the red financially. Financial Stability seemed to ever evade me.Bookmark here

How bleak.Bookmark here

Going home would be so easy, but so humiliating. I hated this so much. I felt powerless. Embarrassed.And like I earned my 3rd shot of whiskey. I looked to my cellphone with teary eyes, once again contemplating if I should just give up and cry to my parents.Bookmark here

But, I still had my pride! I had already long decided that I was staying put until they dragged me out. I can find someway to pay up I just need to start looking for a better job...and beg again.Bookmark here

So, here I decided to look up job ads instead. It was the usual customer service, things that required you to have an actual degree from college and jobs that seemed so demanding and frightening I just delete them from my feed.Bookmark here

And that's when I saw a curious ad pop up from the corner of my eye:

[MONSTER PRESERVATION PROGRAM] Volunteer today to save the monster race!Bookmark here

The ad was stylized to have some multiple eyed cryptid shedding a cartoonishly large tear, with word art that was intimidatingly large. There was a URL sneaked in towards the bottom of the page, clearly using whatever space it had left to get as much information out as possible.
It was a pretty terrible looking ad.

Was it appropriate to just rope them all together as Monsters? I guess if I saw HUMAN PRESERVATION PROGRAM I wouldn't bat an eye to it. It was pretty easy to forget that Monsters existed in this world of ours. I rarely saw them in the part of the world I lived in and after the war, I was pretty sure they just integrated into society somewhere else. I won't deny that I'm a little ignorant about things like this, the ad read like a joke to me over something to take seriously. But this seemed like something total freaks would be into.

Nonetheless, seeing shady job ads was a great way to take my find off the nightmare that was currently my life and  it got quite the giggle out of me. So, I decided to give it a click and see what exactly they were looking for.Bookmark here

It only got more surreal.
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---Bookmark here

[MONSTER BRIDE]
Posted by MPP Co.

Description:Volunteer today to save the monster race! The world of monsters is in turmoil and our organization is dedicated to preserving the longevity of monster kind that face extinction by integrating them into our society! You will be asked to offer your home and experiences to a monster citizen along with building a life with them!

Ideal Candidates:Bookmark here

-Single Females between the ages of 25 to 45.
-Have suitable DNA.
-Empathic and Prepared to take on a roommate.
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Monster BRIDE?  They want you to MARRY a stranger? This was incredible. It was way too formally written and blunt. What woman would actually sign up for something like this? It's like they weren't even trying to veil how shady this sounded. I scrolled down to see what those benefits looked like.
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Job Highlights:Bookmark here

Health InsuranceBookmark here

Lifetime BenefitsBookmark here

Generous Wage based on your needs ($3000~ /MO)Bookmark here


Based on my NEEDS?  Cha-Ching !
Well, that was one way to keep my attention. And I had plenty of whisky in me to boost my confidence. I went ahead and decided to check out the application straight away.
Name? Dia Lynn. 25 years old, standing at an endearing 5'2." My skin's pretty dark. My hair went down to my mid back and was black. I don't think I'm pretty bad looking- just ridiculously average. The cherry on top being my large circle frame glasses that I couldn't live without. Any sane individual would be sending all this information out to a random job ad and think "aren't you asking for trouble?" But on my 4th shot of whiskey I think my judgement skills were incredibly screwed. My genius idea was, although I'll be pretty honest about my looks- I'd fib about my status! I lived in a well paid for apartment that was NOT on the verge of evicting me, I did NOT have an issue with impulse buying and tripping into scams and I couldn't fake a degree, so I just sent my job resume. 


Bookmark here

This was an awful application, it shouldn't have even worked.

But, there was one last thing the application was looking for. DNA?Bookmark here

They wanted this part mailed to them. In two separate parts? Well sure. Okay.Bookmark here

So, I just yanked out one of my lil' hairs and pushed it delicately into a pure white envelope, dropped it into my beautifully organized "drop off at the post office" mail pile that I would mindlessly drop off when I was sober in the morning.Bookmark here

I hit send. And that was it. Bookmark here

Honestly, I was hoping for something more whimsical to happen after all that work. But I laughed it off with glee and passed out before I could think to drink anymore.Bookmark here

This absolute dumbassery would somehow be the jumping point to the rest of my life and...how I met my husband.Bookmark here

Taylor Victoria
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