Chapter 5:

The Substitute Teacher

The Wizard's Virginity

I woke up to a message from Dan, letting me know that he needed to take a few days off school to deal with a family emergency.

“Might not be in touch for a while, but if anything serious comes up, let me know.”

I didn't know what could count as serious in my boring life, particularly compared to a family emergency in his. If anything, that comment made me feel guilty for going on so much about my girl issues when Dan clearly had his own stuff going on. Still, I appreciated him for thinking about me.

The traditional morning routine unfolded, with Hayley barging into my room to ‘wake me up’, despite knowing full well that I was already awake. While eating breakfast I idly wondered whether all 12 year old girls were this hyperactive. The ironic thing was that while she bounced around like an idiot all the time, she was actually incredibly clever. At least, I thought it was ironic; maybe the same thing in her brain that made her so hyper was actually the same thing that made her so smart. The reason we went to different schools is because she managed to earn a place at a prestigious all girls academy, after I had settled for attending the local comprehensive school. I was proud of her for working so hard, but for me, it didn’t make sense to do so. I had my own plans.

Reiko was at the bus stop when I got there, still adorned in her Japanese school uniform, the outfit that perverts’ dreams are made of. One such pervert was there standing beside her, and greeted me as I approached.

“Yo, it’s James. The man who hates women as much as I love them! How’s it going, my guy?”

“Morning Lawrence. Isn’t your stop a few before this one?”

“Yeah, but you know, I just fancied a bit of a change today.”

“A bit of a change, meaning, a 40 minute walk up the road to the bus stop that Reiko just happens to get on at?”

“Yeah, exactly.” He beamed at me. “‘Keikaku doori’, right, Reiko-chan?”

I had no idea what Lawrence was saying, but it prompted Reiko to give a polite, albeit slightly nervous, smile.

The school bus arrived with its usual cloud of smog. Holding my breath I boarded, and heard Lawrence behind me generously offering to keep Reiko company.

“I’ve got a bunch of anime on my phone. We can have one earphone each - but the wire is pretty short, so we’ll have to sit close to each other…”

“You are very kind, Lawrence-san,” Reiko replied. “But I would like to sit next to Jamesu-san. If… That is okay with you, Jamesu-san?”

My instinct was to decline, when I remembered Dan’s advice yesterday, and the resolution I had made the night before. I was going to be nice to Reiko.

“Erm… Sure,” I said. “But I won’t watch anime with you. I just want to listen to music and sleep.”

Reiko’s eyes widened and a warm smile lit up her face. “That is fine! I will sleep with you, Jamesu-san!”

The whole bus went silent for a second, and then erupted with laughter.

“Yoooooooooooo, bro!”

“Hahahahahahaha, that is mad.”

“James is up to his old tricks again, eh?”

“No!” Lawrence was shouting back at the rest of the bus. “This is just a classic anime misunderstanding! Reiko-chan didn’t mean it!”

I sighed, and took my usual seat. Reiko took her place next to me, and looked at me quizzically, her head tilted to one side. The mannerism was so innocent and charming, that even I had to admit that she looked especially cute.

“Why is everybody laughing, Jamesu-san? Did I do something wrong?”

“Nope, you did nothing wrong. They’re just immature.”


“It means they’re idiots. Don’t worry about it.”

“Okay!” Reiko smiled again. “I will not worry. Thank you, Jamesu-san!”

Her cuteness was so dazzling that I had to turn away. I already felt the familiar feeling of a tent forming in my trousers, and tried as subtly as I could to shift my blazer to obscure it from view. It didn’t help that as well as Reiko’s cute expressions and voice, the rich orange scent was back in full force, and was making me feel pleasant in ways that were not at all appropriate for a school bus. Perhaps this new ‘be nice’ strategy wasn’t so wise after all…

“I’m going to sleep now,” I said while facing the window, and put my earphones in. Of course, there was no way I could sleep in this situation. Instead, I put on a true crime podcast, hoping that re-tellings of gruesome murders would keep my horniness at bay until we reached school.


Form time was strange without Dan. On normal school days I never felt particularly lonely, despite being the least popular kid in school. But when Dan was absent, the sense of isolation was almost overwhelming.

Today was a bit different, though, as I still had Reiko next to me. It’s not like that helped the loneliness, as we weren’t talking at all. Instead, it just helped to distract me, as I was having to make a conscious effort not to look at her, or to smell her.

Our first two periods were History, which brought a welcome relief from my close proximity to Reiko, as our history teacher insisted that everyone sat in alphabetical order. He always gave some spiel about it creating a sense of structure that led to better learning conditions, but we all knew that he just couldn’t be bothered to memorise any of our names, and having us in alphabetical order meant he could just check the register when he wanted to call on someone.

My surname is Light, which is uncomfortably close to Kitahara, Reiko's surname. Luckily I was saved on a technicality, as Reiko's name was in Japanese order on the register, presumably due to the cultural illiteracy of the admin staff, and so she was sat a safe distance away from me with the ‘R’s. I noticed the girl she sat next to whispering to her and pointing at me, no doubt describing my rumoured sordid past. Reiko didn’t seem to respond to it though. She just looked back at me, and smiled.

History ended, and next was Biology. Mr Cuttilan was at the front of the lab, still maniacally cleaning his glasses. This time he was doing it whilst speaking to a tall blonde lady in a white suit.

The first thing I, and probably every other male in the class, noticed was how beautiful she was. She wore black tights on long, slender legs, rising up into a short white business skirt. Above this was a grey blouse covered by a small white suit jacket, and although her outfit could have made her look like some kind of TV evangelist, or possibly a member of the Yakuza, her inherent sexiness still shone through. Her skin was pale, she had round red lips, and big blue eyes. Her blonde hair fell about her shoulders, bouncing as she laughed - although what she could have to laugh about when talking to someone as boring as our Head of Science was a mystery.

Most notable of all, however, were her breasts. The boobs of this unknown lady were huge, each one easily as large as my head, and it appeared as though they were on the verge of bursting out of her blouse. I had never seen such a bosom in real life before, and my God, it was breath-taking.

I probably would have continued to stand at the entrance to the classroom just staring, if it hadn't been for Reiko taking my hand and pulling me to my seat. Usually I would have pulled my hand away, but right then, I couldn't focus on anything other than the beauty in front of me. Reiko was a cute girl, for sure. But this… This was a woman.

At my seat, Reiko tried to get my attention, tugging on my shirt and waving a hand in front of my face, but I struggled to respond with anything more than grunts. I could see that the other boys entering the class were similarly distracted, and their open-mouthed procession into the Biology lab resembled the shuffling of zombies.

Eventually Mr Cuttilan became aware that the classroom had populated, and turned to address us.

"Well, class, we have had a remarkable stroke of good fortune. The whereabouts of Mrs Wright are, unfortunately, still unknown. However, we have managed to secure the services of a substitute teacher who happens to specialise in A-Level Biology. Mrs Byrne?"

The blonde lady smiled, and spoke in a sultry Irish accent. "Just Miss Byrne. There's no ring on this finger, and no man in my bed." She winked at Mr Cuttilan. "Yet."

One of the lenses from Mr Cuttilan's glasses popped out and landed on the floor with a small clatter. "Well, quite," he replied. "I will leave the class in your doubtlessly capable hands, Miss Byrne." He made a hasty retreat from the classroom, apparently unconcerned with his missing lens. I noted that he carried his bag in front of his crotch, a technique with which I was very familiar, and I felt a sense of camaraderie with Mr Cuttilan as a fellow member of the male species.

After the door closed, Miss Byrne just stared at the class for a few moments, her eyes moving around the room as though assessing each of us in turn. It seemed that she spent an extra few milliseconds looking at me, although that could have just been the intensity of having a beautiful woman's eyes on me affecting my perception of time.

Miss Byrne finished her survey of the class, and everyone remained silent, waiting to see what this unfamiliar woman would do next. She came around to the front of the teacher's lab bench, hoisted herself on top of it, and crossed her legs. I found myself very fixated on the point where her legs overlapped at the edge of her skirt.

"Right then, class. Let's get to know each other. My name is Aoife Byrne. As you can probably tell from my accent, I'm from Ireland. I like drinking, partying, and... Er…” She paused for a moment. “...Educating children. Has anyone got any questions?"

The previously silent class erupted into noise, as most of the students shouted out questions simultaneously. These ranged from the entirely valid to the highly questionable.

"Whereabouts in Ireland are you from, Miss?"

"How old are you, Miss?"

"Have you ever considered setting up an OnlyFans, Miss?"

Miss Byrne had seemed quite unflappable until that point. A sexy adult woman, wise in the ways of the world, confident that she had a handle on everything. Faced with a room full of shouting teenagers, she appeared to be reconsidering.


Miss Byrne's bellow reverberated throughout the room, cutting through all the other voices like a knife. I had heard teachers shout before; in fact, it was more unusual to go a day without hearing a teacher shout. This was something else. I felt a ringing in my head, and a few students instinctively clamped their hands to their ears. Reiko next to me was completely still, but I saw that her eyes narrowed slightly as she glared intensely at our new teacher.

"Now then," continued Miss Byrne, clearly trying to regain her composure. "I appreciate your enthusiasm, but let's just calm it down a bit, okay? I'll take one question, from… You."

Of course, her slender, manicured finger was pointed at me. The people in my row turned to look at me expectantly, and I felt the stares of twenty other students bore into my back.

"What's your name?" she asked.

"James Light."

"Excellent!" She smiled widely, exposing a set of perfect teeth. "What's your question, James?"

"Um, no questions from me, Miss."

"Come on!" She hopped down from her desk, her 'features' jiggling pleasantly as she did so, and stood directly in front of my lab bench. "Don't be shy. Ask me anything." She leaned closer, her face inches from mine. It took all my willpower to keep my eyes level with hers, when they felt magnetically attracted to her chest. "Anything at all."

"Well then…" I cleared my throat, and tried to ignore the familiar throbbing in my pants. "Which topics do you think are most likely to come up in next month's exam?"

Miss Byrne's forehead crinkled slightly and she pursed her lips, apparently confused. Then she stepped back and let out a loud laugh.

"Oh, you are diligent! There I was, thinking that all teenage boys would be preoccupied with their hormonal urges. I'm glad to see that at least one of you actually wants to learn."

I heard the class behind me groan. It was clear that my question hadn't increased my popularity at all.

"Anyway," Miss Byrne continued. "Rather than just answer your question about exam topics, I believe it's important for you to think about it yourself. Independent study, and all that jazz. Students taking control of their own learning. You, please, come up to the front."

Thankfully, this time her finger wasn't pointed at me, and was instead directed at someone a couple of rows back. It was always a nightmare scenario to be called up to the front when I had a boner, and at this moment, with Reiko next to me and Miss Byrne directly in front of me, the available space in my pants was at an all-time low. I was almost touching the chewing gum on the underside of the lab bench, and not with my hands. It was difficult to hide something like that at the front of a classroom, without a convenient school bag to act as a shield.

The girl who had been pointed at, Sara, cheerily bounded up to the front, apparently pleased to have been called on. Miss Byrne couldn't have picked a more eager volunteer if she had tried. In fact, I wondered if Sara actually had been pointed at, or if she was just situated close enough to the unlucky student that she decided to take it on herself to go up.

Miss Byrne picked up a whiteboard marker from her desk, and handed it to Sara.

"Now, please ask the class to call out the topics that might come up in exams. List them on the board, and then assign each student a topic to revise. Then each of you will write a five page summary of your topic, and share it with the rest of the class. For example…" She picked up another pen, and wrote 'Female Anatomy' on the whiteboard. "We have our first topic here. An extremely important one. And we need to pick someone to study it for us. How about… James?"

Before I could object, Miss Byrne’s hand whizzed across the board, and my name was written next to 'Female Anatomy'.

"Miss, I'm not sure that's going to be on the exam," said Sara.

"Well, it's an important topic regardless, so let's keep it on here for now. Any other comments?"

One guy raised his hand. "Miss, shouldn't you be teaching us this stuff? Rather than getting us to teach ourselves?"

"It would be easy for me to teach you. So easy. I know all this science stuff like the back of my hand." She picked up a textbook from her desk and flipped through its pages to illustrate her point. On the front it clearly said ‘Fundamentals of Economics’. "But would you really learn any of it?"

The boy who had started this quite reasonable line of questioning was about to speak again, when Miss Byrne made a soft "shh"ing sound. His mouth remained open for a few seconds, and then closed without saying anything.

"Exactly." She smiled, and motioned to Sara to continue.

As Sara addressed the class, Miss Byrne sat by the window, and took out her phone. She would look up occasionally and give a few words of encouragement to Sara, who seemed to be in her element. The rest of the time she spent engrossed in various social media apps, scrolling endlessly and sometimes giggling.

I realised that I would not be doing very well in Biology this year.