What is a relationship?

"I think I'll get ready now."

It's already 9 AM, but man that was one hell of a nice sleep. Sure, it was only 6.5 hours, which isn't the global standard for teenagers (we should be getting around 8 to 10 hours of sleep a day), but nevertheless I feel energized for the day. It's kind of hard to believe that you can create such great connections within such a small span of time, agreeing to meet up and hangout so quickly and easily.

As I've stated before, I was never included in many activities when it came to those around me— I skipped out on birthday parties, celebrations, happy hours and all sorts of other bullshit. For once, I actually felt slightly relieved that the person I'm meeting today is such a nice girl. I honestly feel horrible for doubting her and automatically jumping to the conclusion that she had many friends.

But yet I have to ask, what and where are the boundaries when it comes to relationships? What classifies as a friend, a familiar, a stranger, and a lover? Perhaps it's my lack of experience with feeling, but to this day, no one has ever given me a satisfactory answer for what relationships stand for. Is it merely a word used to describe the links and connections between people?

In any case, I guess I'll experience it first-hand myself. Promising to go bowling with Mayu today, I told her to wait at the school entrance this morning at 10 AM. My house is a hunk of bullshit compared to everyone else and so being the gentleman I am, I decided to meet up with her there.

"Oh shit! It's 9:45 already. I probably better get dressed and head out right away."

I spent too much time thinking deeply again. It's a poor habit of mine. Ever since middle school, there were times where I spaced out like that, muttered some personal thoughts and was bullied because of it. It was weird, after all. I wouldn't blame them for feeling weirded out by me. At this point in time, I'm already used to toxicity, so there's really no point in fretting over it too much.

I'm wearing my favorite navy blue hoodie and some light clothing today. People say lighter clothing absorb less heat, but honestly I don't really believe it. The heat absorbed isn't that big of a difference compared to dark-colored clothing, so usually I'd wear both.

"Yoshimitsu! You're here!"

Yelling in the distance was none other than Mayu. She's as loud and happy as ever, being the bright early bird that she is. It's quite ironic, considering how such a popular person amongst our grade is now friends with a nobody like me.

"I see you're as bright as ever, Mayu."

"Why wouldn't I be? I've actually never gone bowling, so I'm quite excited!" Mayu replied cheerfully.

"I'll show you the ropes then," I said. "Bowling isn't that hard of a sport, and its concept is relatively simple, so I think a top-class student who excels at many things should probably also be good at bowling."

"Okay! I'll leave it to you then!"

Moments later, we arrived at Yokohama. It wasn't that far from our school, being only 2 stations away.

"Right next to the station is where the bowling center is."

Guiding Mayu through the crowd, we arrive at the bowling center.

It was nice being back here.

It has been too long.

"Hello? Yoshimitsu? Are you there? You're spacing out on me, you dummy."

With a quick line from Mayu, I was called back from my reminiscing of the old days.

"Sorry, Mayu. I just get nostalgic whenever I come here."

"Do you have some sort of connection to this place?"

"I did... A long time ago. Do you want to hear about it? I can tell you after we're done bowling."

"Sure! I'm kind of curious myself..." Mayu said, showing interest in my story.

I wonder how things turned out like this. We met literally 2 days ago; yet here we are, having fun together. Stuff like this doesn't usually happen. Well, I guess it's all thanks to Mayu here, being all bright and happy about it.

After trolling her with 4 gutters and then 5 strikes in a row, Mayu was utterly defeated by me in bowling. Even though the game was so one-sided, we both had fun— because we were both doing something we enjoy, we ate lunch together, and learned so much about each other during the meetup. It was great. It made me feel happy, something that I've not really felt for a long time now.

"So... Yoshimitsu, are you going to tell me about the reason behind your interest in bowling?" Mayu asked curiously.

"You see, I—"

"Also, please explain how you're so good at this sport... I feel humiliated, losing on such a big scale!" Mayu interrupted, before I could finish my sentence.

Do I feel bad for trolling her? To be honest, not quite, but I don't feel all that good about it either. I guess I still have some remorse for my actions, though this 'remorse' seems to be a bit dried out. To repay her, I shall tell her my secret behind why I bowl.

"Listen closely Mayu! There are 3 reasons as to why I come here: ONE! The prices are cheap! TWO! Bowling is an easy sport that doesn't require much effort! THREE! They serve soup here. It's simply masterful."

"Soup...?" Mayu asked, in a confused manner.

"Yes, soup! I don't get why people don't understand the beauty that is soup honestly; it's a food and a drink. Think about it! It's soluble and it contains chunks of food varying on the type of soup you order; corn soup, tomato soup, mushroom soup, carrot soup, pumpkin soup... All being heaps of marvelous shit! Fuck others for saying it's 'just a food', and fuck others for saying that it's 'just a drink'! It's both, and I shall stand by this viewpoint, even if I get cancelled on twitter, or if I get killed; I will take this opinion of mine, and bring it with me to the grave!"

"Hahahaha! Oh my god, Yoshimitsu, you're actually pretty quirky sometimes, you know?" Mayu said happily.

'Quirky', she says.

I honestly think I went a bit too far this time. 

It's a terrible habit of mine; I get really defensive when it comes to my beliefs and values. I guess it's one of the many reasons why I fail to advocate for others; because I fail to empathize, and hence, it results in my downfall. Right now, it may be funny to Mayu, and I'm glad I was able to make her laugh, but this is also one of the reasons why I avoid making friends. It just doesn't sit right with me.

It's really conflicting, wanting to respect and demonstrate your advocacy for others, while also not wanting anything to do with other people.

I sometimes really hate myself.

"Apologies for my outburst there. Anyways, shall we head back now?" I asked Mayu, who was still ripe with energy.

"Aw, but I wanted a rematch!"

"You won't beat me at this rate— we can come back and try again some other time."

"Alright, fine." Mayu replied while pouting.

We then headed back to our homes after a short walk. It was a nice and relaxing walk. It didn't feel tense, and I felt less cautious than usual. It was nice. Is this what they call 'being in a relationship?' Or is that something more love-based? I have no idea. Guess I'll continue to question what it means.

That's when it occurred to me.

Do I like Mayu? No, do I love her?

Here's my response to my own question for today:

Yes. Yes I do. She's cute, she's vibrant with positive energy, and she can do lots of things. She's so amazing, that she'd be what the people call 'the perfect girlfriend'.

Even though I've only met her two days ago, I've never felt more at ease than ever being with her. Her happiness calms me down, and my stress fades away whenever this happens. I get why everyone in class simps for her now. After all, they say experience first-hand is the best way to attain knowledge.

Despite this, I still can't tell her.

Because to me, I'm still unworthy of someone with such fiber.

I'm glad though. Through her, I've learnt how to express more of my emotions. My thoughts, in a more passionate way. This bowling trip was a great learning experience for me, and a great chance for me to let loose. I understand why people go out for meetups and hangouts now.

But,

I think I'll have some time alone now.

It's been a long day; Mayu and I went bowling, strolled around the bowling center and ate lunch together. We also talked a lot during this meetup. It's expended quite an amount off of my social energy and motivation. My head aches, and my mind wavers. 

I want a break now.

But of course, I don't get one.

Heading towards home after getting off the train, I saw a mysterious figure in the distance; he wore our school uniform, and stood his ground while looking towards my direction, menacingly. Paying no attention to him, I continued to walk home, only to realize that he was trailing me.

Like what any logical person would do, I started backing further away from him. I sped up my walking speed, and headed home, ensuring that no one was following me.

What was that?

He really did seem like trouble, but since I got away from him, I didn't pay it too much mind. I don't usually spend my time thinking about things like these— they don't physically harm me or put me in danger, after all.

But I did get that one unsettling feeling from him.

"Getting trailed is really stressful, huh?"

It really was, since it's not every day where you get trailed by a high-schooler your age.

"I don't want to do much with whatever that was anymore, so I'm gonna just snooze now."

What I didn't know though, was how this kid was going to affect my life at school— and my mentality.