This is Not an Epic Romance!

After telling Chika my address, we start heading to my apartment.

This feels like a massive step, not even Koi knows where I live, and we’ve been friends for years.

Admittedly, there was a massive time gap somewhere in there but still.

“You’re putting a lot of thought into this gesture, aren’t you?”

Chika’s ability to read my mind is uncanny, even after bearing witness to it for an entire day.

“N-no, it’s just a first, is all.”

That feels like a pretty sad thing to admit.

It’s not like I’m saying this is the first time I’ve been taken back to my place with a girl, it’s that this is the first time I’ve taken anyone to my house – even if it is just outside.

“If it makes you feel any better, it is a first for me too.”

There is a dull inflection in Chika’s voice, despite being situated right next to me in the limousine.

It’s almost as if her response came from far away

She carries the same air of calm as usual, but there is a sadness; it seems this fact almost seems as surprising to her as it is to me.

She’s beautiful, smart, rich and most importantly, a hell of a lot of fun to be around – she seems to understand people on a level that many don’t.

“Don’t seem too surprised, you might hurt my feelings as to what kind of girl you think I am.”

Even Chika’s speech pattern is different than usual, up until now there has been a giddy atmosphere to her logic, but now it seems almost cold.

Looking out of the window of the limousine, flashes of light amidst the darkness crowd my vision – a blur of activity, a sign of life.

“The kind of girl I think you are is pretty great though.”

I couldn’t even look at her as I said that; it may have been the corniest line I’ve thought of in my life.

Staring at the luminescence rushing past the window is the only thing that can keep my body from quivering.

“Pretty and great you say? You are quite the flatterer after all.”

Turning around to look at Chika, I see the cheeky smile on her face – it’s playful and uplifting.

“For someone switched on enough to read minds, you seem to mishear a lot of my sentences.”

“Maybe it is because I can read minds that I heard it that way.”

That was really smooth!

Suddenly every thought I’m having right now becomes extremely apparent, my mind attempts to filter out the insights that might be misconstrued – as if her ability is real.

Chika’s cunning is on the same level as Koi and even Sakura.

“We’re here, Lady Kotobuki.”

Tetsuo calls out to us from the front of the limousine in a firm but professional manner, truly befitting of the one they call large Tetsuo.

Tetsuo, the Chauffeur King.

Why does it sound like he’s the protagonist of a new shounen manga?

“Well, this is where we part ways, Akira. I had a lot of fun today, I’d like to do it again sometime.”

Sometimes due to Chika’s obsessive calmness, it was hard to gauge whether or not she was having a fun time herself at times.

Hearing those words come from her mouth warmed my heart, because well…

“I had a really fun time too! Did you want to exchange phone numbers?”

It seems that the impostor maid has already had the same thought, as she hands me her phone with the contacts screen already pulled up.

Taking her phone from her, I quickly start typing in my details.

Ahem.

Chika imitates a coughing noise and looks at me with wide eyes and an adorable smile.

“Oh, I figured you’d just send me a message from your phone so I got your number that way.”

Did Chika really not know you could do that?

There’s no way!

The maid pouts as she continues her gesture for my phone.

“That’s no fun! I’d like to put it in anyway.”

Begrudgingly, I hand over my phone. For some reason, doing this makes me feel like I’m dealing with an older person who isn’t very tech-savvy.

“You don’t have a lot of contacts, do you?”

I just realized that I only unlocked my phone and gave it to Chika; I didn’t pull up the contacts screen like she did for me. In getting there herself, she must have had to go through my entire contacts list.

Which was like five people max.

“A lot is a relative term, so I wouldn’t know.”

“A relative term is probably most accurate because it would seem that most of these people are relatives.”

That’s not the same use of that word!

Chika and I both type away on the devices in our hands and then both pass them over in synchronization.

A very well-choreographed and extremely modern move – if dare I say so myself.

“So, who’s Sakura?”

My eye twitches as Chika sounds off the name of Koi’s rather difficult, younger, hot-blooded sister.

The gal who never grew up.

“You really did a lot of snooping there.”

“I can’t deny what I saw, and what I saw was interesting. If that means I’m a snoop, then so be it.”

That is the exact definition of a snoop!

Turning around slightly, I put my hand on the door, ready to make my escape from the car at any given moment.

As I look up, I see the terrifying gaze of Tetsuo as he stares down at me from outside the car window. Towering over the vehicle like a giant out of a fairy tale, his menacing smile creeps into my very soul.

I forgot, he likes to be the one who does all the door opening and closing.

“She’s Koi’s sister and overall not a very pleasant human to interact with.”

At that, Chika lifts up her head in triumph, within a moment her whimsical curiosity returns. She flips the switch like a proper double agent, a true impostor.

The curious Chika never left, not really!

“Well then, if I were you, I think that’d be a good place to start if you wanted to understand Koiyomi better.”

Please god, please don’t say she’s asking me to talk to Sakura!

“That’s uh, easier said than done I think.”

The loveable genius grabs my hand and holds it firmly.

“To be honest, if talking to this hot-headed girl is easier than going to a random maid cafe in search of your childhood best friend who doesn’t work there, then I don’t know what to tell you.

My heart stings at the totally accurate jab that Chika prods me with.

As I said before, I didn’t go there for that!

No one believes me around here…

Almost in tandem with the end of Chika’s sentence, Tetsuo opens the door and gestures to help me out of the limousine.

Chika lets go of my hand and waves from the car as I get out.

“Keep in touch, I’d like to know more about this epic romance as it unfolds.”

I wave back in reply as I start to walk past Tetsuo, giving him a nod as I do.

“I think if those are your expectations then you’re going to be out of luck!”

As I get further away from the limousine, I start to shout a little, inching further and further towards my home, my safety.

Today was wild, I met a maid, I met a double agent maid to be precise, and I met a terrifying yet loveable chauffeur. The only thing about it is that this much social interaction for a shut-in like me is a little draining on my soul.

It doesn’t matter if the person is as easy to talk to as Chika, or as difficult to navigate as Koi.

I get so tired!

Also, can I just note that for some reason, even if it is in the most innocent way, it feels as if Chika is using this whole situation for her own entertainment.

This is not an epic romance!

Even if it was, who would want to live vicariously through me and my romantic life?