Chapter 9:

Finding Finances for Fiancé’s

My Wife, The Devil


David hated suits. He already grew a distaste for the professional business casual attire he had to wear to work. He never liked wearing suits. However, for this trip, it was required.

The trip had its perks, however, such as getting to be driven in the best limousine he had ever seen. A fully stocked minibar, a minifridge full of demonic snacks, a TV, and WiFi that he was very much taking full advantage of. As he downloaded another 5 audiobooks and 3 music playlists at the same time, he looked over at Morgan. She was very much not amused, her face in a scowl as she looked out the window. “So, we have to go through the whole thing?”

Morgan nodded. “That was what my father said. I have to convince everyone to help, or it’s off.” She shook her head. “Bureaucratic asshole…”

David looked down at his phone as it charged. He wasn’t quite fond of the news himself, nor how it ruined an otherwise peaceful day.

~

As they were getting ready for a peaceful day at a local orchard to pick apples and strawberries, Sebastian dropped by. Morgan was ecstatic, picking him up and hugging him tightly. “Sebby! Welcome back! Did you come because you wanted to pick fruit with us as well?”

Sebastian’s look of distress, however, pointed otherwise. “I’m afraid… I am not here for such things, Mistress. I had just gotten word from your father in regards to Master Moreno’s status.”

Her smile dropped, her tone getting more serious. “And?”

He took a deep breath as she slipped himself from her arms. “He… Does not recognize him as your fiancé.”

Her eyes lit up in frustration as she began repeatedly stomping the wood floors. It looked as if she were trying to stomp out Sebastian. “Are! You! Kidding! Me!!!”

The last stomp nearly clipped Sebastian’s tail, but his nimbleness ensured that not a single blow made its mark. She was used to her fits when her father denied her something. This, however, was going to be a lot more difficult.

“H-He did state an ultimatum, however. Another means by which you can prove to him that he is worthy.”

“Of course he does, just like he has before, and so many other times!” She crossed her arms and rubbed her forehead with one hand. “Alright, Sebby. What is it that he has in mind?”

Sebastian cleared his throat and handed them an ornate black-and-purple envelope. “In order to acquire his approval, you must go to the seven layers and get assistance from the current Lords.”

“Don’t you mean, approval?”

He shook his head. “He gave specific orders to not fund or support the wedding in any way unless David proves himself to them.”

“Those TRAITORS!” She smashed her fist into a nearby cabinet. David quickly caught the falling DVD’s before they smashed onto the floor.

Sebastian chuckled. “Well Mistress, you did beat them in order to get your place as the Devil.”

“Of course, I beat them! I am a Morningstar! I am of the blood which birthed Hell itself, the progenitor of the original Devil, the-!”

Sebastian crossed his arms and spoke in a matter-of-fact manner. “The whole reason their parents are even in Hell, to begin with.”

She immediately shut up, her cheeks going pink. David looked through the envelope to see what he needed. It was one day to each circle, which would be 6 days total, and then a 66-day trip to the last trip. He looked at Morgan in confusion. “I’m a bit confused, why not just send me there with your magic, like you did my parents?”

She shook her head. “That was a Banishment spell. Using that on anyone sends them to the Malebolge. Despite what that hack says, the Malebolge, is actually where all the general torture and punishments are enacted before they’re immediately sent to their appropriate Hell. It’s like hazing.”

“Right… But isn’t there a spell that can take us there immediately?”

“Me, yes. But for you, it would rip your soul from your body as you’d come with me, and I don’t think your body would last before the rot set in.” She poked her husband-to-be’s thin, fit body. “No offense.”

He waved a hand. “None taken. So, how do we get access to it?”

Sebastian spoke up. “We’d need to get you a Hellsport prepared at the Registry of the Damned so that you can get back and forth. It must be an executive one as well since we want to avoid the lines.”

The human nodded. “Alright… Is that going to take long?”

“Oh, only about…” Sebastian checked his phone. “Two to three years, give or take.”

David’s eyes widened. He was fine with delaying, but waiting that long without working might drive him insane. The imp chuckled as he saw this, waving a hand away. “Relax, Master Moreno. I have friends within the Registry that have been speeding up the process. It should be no more than a few months. Once that is done, I shall take you both to San Muerte. It is the nearest place with a portal.”

David let out a sigh of relief. A few months were perfect for him. It wasn’t too long, and it wasn’t too short. Running his hands through his hair, he gave a nod. “Alright. Let’s work with that.” He looked over at Morgan and took her hand. “Is that okay with you?”

She was clearly pissed off. Having to wait for that long just for the opportunity to deal with her idiot cousins in hopes of getting the wedding to continue. Still, seeing the hope in David’s eyes filled herself with hope as well and with another breath, nodded. “Alright. Let’s do it.”

~

The months flew by, and as soon as he got the documents forged onto the paper from the Forests of Self-Slaughter, laminated with agonized souls, and a purple leather cover made of human skin, they prepared their trip.

However, David was still bugged. He insisted that he knew this desert, and there was never a city, let alone one called San Muerte. Sebastian simply insisted that he sit and trust him. He wasn’t entirely sure, but given everything else, he supposed he could place his faith in the imp.

At first, David seemed to be correct. For miles, there was nothing but dry, blazing desert. There weren’t even any roads. It seemed as if Sebastian was driving them into nothing. Then, the dust picked up and rose higher and higher. It consumed the visibility from the windows until nothing but the dust remained. When the dust finally settled, what he saw was beyond his amazement.

What he saw was a dead, crumbling city that still breathed great life in it. Towers of decaying rock, homes of crumbling adobe, and people, no longer bags of flesh, but glowing skeletons in tattered clothes who roamed about old dirt roads. They were calacas, just like Mamón was, only with no chains upon their bodies. They stared at the limousine as it drove past them all until finally, they reached a large glass building with an obsidian spire sticking from the middle.

David expected condemnation. After all, what good person, alive or dead, would support the Devil? As soon as the car came to a halt, Sebastian stepped out and opened the door for them. David braced for the ridicule but was instead greeted with cheers and celebration. They held signs in English and Spanish supporting their marriage which only made David more confused. I guess when you live so close to the Devil and they do not harm you, things would be more amicable.

The three walked past the line of skeletons who waited to return to Hell. Each had a similar passport to David’s, only theirs were a deep, charred black. He wondered what it was that forced them to return. Was it willing? He’d ask on the way there.

After showing their Hellsports at the front of their nonexistent line, they were guided to what appeared to be a locomotive steam engine on fire. Well, at least it’s not a highway to Hell… David thought as he stepped on the first train car in a way to avoid burns on his suit.

The interior was a dazzling, ornate display of purple silks and dark woods, stone tables, and beds for resting. There was a perfumed scent in the air, not overbearing, but definitely present. It smelled of magnolia and fruit. He wasn’t sure what it was, but it made him feel… Nostalgic. Like a deep, long-dead part of him knew it.

Morgan was already seated at a table and motioning David to one of the chairs. He complied, sitting across from her. The seat was exactly as comfortable as it needed to be for him like the seat lived to serve him. Relaxing in the seat, he watched as their train took off.

The car’s speaker came to life as a smooth, soft male voice spoke. “Hello passengers, today we will be taking a direct route to the Greed Ring. Please make sure all luggage is secured, as the Locomotive of the Damned will be departing momentarily. I must also give congratulations to our VIP, Morgan Morningstar on her engagement, as her fiancé have decided to join us.”

David swore he heard cheering as the locomotive slowly began to exit the station. As he watched the landscape passing by, he spotted a line of cars. They just stood there, as if waiting for some sort of movement. He pointed them out. “Morgan, what is that?”

Morgan looked up from a book she had produced from nowhere. “Hmmm? Oh, that’s the Hellway. It’s the Hell for road ragers, people who cut others off on the road, and anyone who owns a pickup truck or Jeep.”

David raised an eyebrow. He was suddenly happy to not only have the train but rely on public transportation. Had he made a serious mistake on the road, he definitely would hate to be in that endless traffic line.

The journey was uneventful, with David receiving meals along the way and the two sleeping in bed together. When the announcer spoke of their arrival very soon, David looked out the window, curious about the first circle. He was met with a massive massive complex city of gold right below the tracks. Everything was gold, from the buildings to the cars to the demons residing. It was quite obnoxious to look at, in all honesty. However, David did notice something. The city, for as gaudy as it was, resembled one big vault door.

As the train dove down and into the station, David stood up and looked down at his suit. Perfectly clean and not smelling. Perfect. He exited with Morgan, who looked around in concentration. Eventually, she pointed forward.

“There she is.”

When David looked in that direction, he found who she meant. Among the golden demons and dead, there was one that stood out. 6 feet tall easily with golden skin and silver hair, a yellow suit and heels, and four arms, each one performing some kind of task.

The two would approach her, but before they could speak, she held up one of many fingers to have them hold. “Yes, I understand. No, I don’t think that investment of Sin is worth it. Listen, I have to go, just move it into the investor’s pool. Okay, goodbye, Mr. Ford.” As she hung up, she looked at the two. “You’re late. Come on, I don’t have all day. Time is money.”

The four-armed demon walked off, Morgan sighing. “Nice to see you again too…” She took her fiancé’s hand and followed closely behind, stepping into another limousine, also gold. As they drove off, the Greed demon spoke.

“Okay. Now that we got that out of the way,” she motioned to herself with one of her free hands. “My name is Bonnie, daughter of Mammon. I am the Lord of the Greed Ring.”

“Wait, Mammon…” David spoke. “That was one of the original demons, right? Why did he quit?”

Bonnie sighed. “Long story short, our fathers had decided that since Lucifer would retire, they would as well. Even immortal, they agreed that they needed to retire.”

“Ah…” David nodded, seeing the sense in it.

“Indeed, which means that we are in charge of your trials. Morgain, you aren’t allowed to help with any of them.”

Morgan huffed. “My name is Morgan now…”

“Whatever,” Bonnie shrugged before looking at David once more. “Anyways, your trial is simple. The tools are just at my office. Complete it and you’ll receive an unlimited budget to plan the wedding.”

Driving down a road of golden bricks, the limousine made its way to the center of the ring, where a circular tower awaited them. It entered the building, the golden imp driving presenting a coin to the toll booth operator. The operator would proceed to let them in, and in a moment, they were parked in a very luxurious parking space with plenty of room.

The offices themselves were something to behold. Gold demons roamed the hallways and rooms like stock brokers as they called out various commands. David bumped into a woman, a number of large coins hitting the ground. Before the others could rush in and steal them, David claimed them for himself and inspected them. They had a demon spell circle, very similar to Morgan’s. “What’s with these things?”

“Sins,” Bonnie spoke as she continued to walk. “Every soul that comes to Hell is drained of their life’s sins and processed here. The greater the sin, the more refined it can be. They fall under Sin, Great Sin, and Capital Sin. You have 5 greats.” She motioned to the large coins in David’s hand.

Wanting to save them in case of an emergency, he kept them in his inner pocket as they soon arrived at an elevator. It took them to the top floor, where a receptionist with a fruit basket awaited. The receptionist, a female gold demon, looked as if they were going to hand Morgan the basket, but a sharp glare from Bonnie stopped that quickly. As they entered what looked to be the office of a head of an investment firm, Bonnie took out a pair of scales followed by a golden weight. She set the weight down on one side, causing it to tilt.

“A pound of flesh.”

David looked up at her. “What?”

“That’s all you need from me. A pound of flesh.” She smirked and handed over a gold knife. “Use this. It cuts through anything.”

Morgan was appalled. “Are you serious Bonnie?!? You’d have my fiancé cut off his body just to satisfy my father’s wishes?”

“No,” Bonnie leaned back in her chair, fingers crossed over her mouth. “I’m doing it because of you taking my place as Devil. I wanted that, and you took it.”

“Because I deserved it! You failed the trials, so I got to be the Devil!”

As the two bickered, David looked at the knife. He wondered if the angels could give him a new hand. Then again, it might indicate that he was working with them. He racked his brain trying to figure out what to do.

Then, he found a loophole. The receptionist…

The arguing Lords paused as they saw David brandish the knife offensively and walk out the room. Morgan saw a look of coldness in his eyes as he passed by. And exited the room. Soon, she was purview to his plan. Wait… He’s not actually planning on doing that! He wouldn’t, would he?? Memories of what Casey had said filled her head. He might actually be that cold.

Then she heard the squelching sound of something being stabbed.

She rushed to the door, prepared to confront him. As she did, she found him at the door. He clutched something lightly in one hand and the gold knife in the other, the knife dripping juices. As he approached the scales, Morgan took on a look of horror. Bonnie was simply smirking. “Wow, Morgan. Didn’t know your husband had that in him! Quite a greedy little thing he would, to do that to my receptionist.” She paused as she looked at him, hovering a hand over the empty scale.

And that was when he dropped a chunk of golden fruit onto it.

The scales wobbled for a moment but soon came to a halt. Morgan was shocked. Bonnie was horrified. David was quiet. Then, Bonnie shouted. “N-No! No no no! That’s not fair!” She stomped her heels. “You’re supposed to use flesh from a living being!”

David just shrugged. “You never said what kind of flesh. Next time, be more clear.” He held out a hand. “Now give me the money.”

With an eye twitch and a scowl, Bonnie reached into her suit pocket and slammed down a gold card. David took it and gave Bonnie a head bow of respect before walking out with an ecstatic Morgan.

“Honey, that was brilliant! You really showed her!”

“Yeah… But I doubt the rest will be that easy. If we’re going to do this right, I need to keep thinking outside the box.”

Especially considering that Bonnie might tell the others how I outsmarted her. I doubt I’ll be able to be that cheeky again.

Doctor Sleepy
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