A Club Room for Three

Tsutsumi. . . Yasu turned around to see what I was looking at. "Huh? Kisaichi-san?"

"H. . . hello." She shyly waved at us with her tiny hand. She's been here the entire time hasn't she? She's heard everything we've said hasn't she? There's no way I can repair my "Lone Wolf" image with this girl anymore is there? She knows too much.

But just to make sure. . . "Have you. . . maybe. . . heard us talking?" Pretty sure that sounded just as nervous as I am. So much for repairing my image.

"I. . . I didn't mean to. . ." She looked like she might cry. Am I really that scary even when I'm like this? "I can. . . pretend I didn't."

I turn to. . . Yasu. . . nervously. "What do we do?"

She shakes her head. "I'm not sure. . . Tell her the truth?"

I'm not sure I like that idea. "I. . . It's okay, Wakabayashi-san. . ." She seemed to steel her resolve and spoke with a bit more confidence now. "If it's about Wakabayashi-san being a nice girl. . . I already knew." She finally came out from behind the bookcase and sat down across from us.

"You knew?!?" Ah. My precious image. First Yasu, now Kisaichi-san. . . Was it really that obvious after all?

"Y. . . Yes. I just didn't know. . ." She nervously looked towards Tsutsu. . . Yasu. I'm working on it, okay! "I just didn't know y. . . you were. . . well. . . t. . . together." She glanced back and forth between the two of us and blushed deeply.

I think it's fair to say that both Yasu and I were blindsided by this. "N. . . no! You're mistaken, we're just friends!" I managed to blurt out.

"Yes, friends!" Yasu confirmed.

"Really?" I'm not sure if Kisaichi-san is buying it. She did just see some really embarrassing things just now. Things that I, and I'm sure Yasu also, wanted to be completely private. It's not like we can call openly call each other Yasu and Chika in front of everyone.

"Yes, really! Just friends!"

"Chika is my precious friend!" That. That was the sound of my jaw dropping. Yasu-san? What happened to Chika being the side of me only you could see? You're already showing it to others?

"S. . . Saying something like that. . . Now of all times. . ." My heart can't take much more of this. . .

"Is it wrong?" She is blushing a little, but she's being really calm about this. How the hell does she manage to pull this off with apparent ease?

"Um. . . Well. . . Not really. . ." Kisaichi-san is watching us, so I'd rather not say anything that could cause her to misunderstand. At the same time, I don't want to deny it and possibly upset Yasu. Why are you putting me on the spot like this?!? "But saying it like this will give Kisaichi-san the wrong idea!"

"Will it?" Is it really so much fun to tease me like this?!?

"I thought we were trying to show Kisaichi-san that we weren't together!"

"Eeeeh? Were we?"

While we were verbally jousting Kisaichi-san laughed and smiled. It should be obvious, but that was the first time I've heard her laugh. "You two get along so well." Then, which we didn't see, her expression soured slightly as she hung her head and mumbled in a voice we couldn't hear. "I'm jealous. . ."

She quickly stood up and the chair scraped along the floor loud enough for us to hear. "Um. . . Don't worry. I won't tell anyone anything." She could tell we were skeptical. "I've known for a while about Wakabayashi-san. So. . . A. . . And I've never told anyone!" It looks like she got nervous again.

"You really won't tell anyone?"

"I promise. I'm sure you have your reasons. I won't say anything about you and Tsutsumi-san either."

"I feel bad about burdening you with this. . ."

"I. . . It's no burden! Really!" She waved her hands energetically, then she suddenly stopped and looked down at the table dejectedly. "I. . . have no one to tell anyway. . ."

Yasu and I glanced at each other. I'm not sure if I can actually believe Kisaichi-san. I have been pretty mean to her for quite some time now. I can tell that Yasu is equally unsure about this. I don't think I really have a choice, though.

I sigh and slide down in my chair exhausted. "Okay. . . Please keep the 'real me' a secret, Kisaichi-san."

"U. . . Um. . ." I look up at her. Does she want something in return? I didn't think she had it in her to be honest. "You can call me Izumi. You too, Tsutsumi-san." Oh. That was unexpected.

". . . When no one is around."

"Yasuna is fine, Izumi-san."

"Right. So Yasuna-san and. . . I. . . Ichika-san?"

I do believe this is the first time in five years that anyone aside from my mother has actually called me Ichika. Why am I so happy about this? "Sure. Izumi-chan." I couldn't help but smile a little. Kisaichi-san. . . Izumi. . . covered her face with her tiny hands but there was no covering up those red cheeks and wide smile.

After that we exchanged our cell numbers and Izumi left. Yasu was about to leave as well, but I held onto her shirt sleeve under the table. There was something we had to talk about so I wanted her to stay behind.

I waited a minute until I felt Izumi was far enough away and then checked the corridor to make sure she was gone. The coast was clear. Returning to my seat, Yasu was sitting there waiting for an explanation. This isn't exactly a conversation I was looking forward too.

"Something is wrong."

"Wrong?"

"Kisaichi-san. . . Izumi-san was here the whole time. . . But I didn't hear her at all."

We stared at each other for a moment. She seemed genuinely shocked. Although I didn't show it, I can assure you no one was more shocked about the situation than I. I noticed it right away, but I couldn't bring it up with Izumi still here.

"Really?" She looked at me and I nodded. "What does this mean?"

"I have no idea."

"Well. . . Maybe you should go hug her and find out? Should I text her to come back or do you need a more private venue?" Ouch. Her voice was dripping with malicious sarcasm yet she maintained the visage of a stone statue. What kind of person does she really think I am?!?

"That's not funny."

"It wasn't meant to be. <3" Suddenly when I look at my precious friend what I see is a beautiful, yet poisonous, flower. That smile is positively terrifying.

I need to try and diffuse the situation. Fast. "Listen, it's not the same as with you." She waited for me to continue, her eyes like lasers drilling into my skull. "With you what I hear is like gentle white noise. I can still tell that you're there. I'm not hearing anything at all from her. It's like she's not even here."

"Maybe that would change if you gave her a hug?" Yasu can be really stubborn when she wants to be, huh? Well then. . . Lets see how you handle this. . .

"I said that's not funny. Besides. . ." I reached out and held her hands in mine. It looked like she was about to pull back, but she eased up and allowed me. "T. . . The only one who can h. . . hug me. . . is Yasu. B. . . Because you are my Y. . . Yasu (peace)." As I thought, there's no way I could same something that embarrassing with a straight face or without stumbling. At least I managed to not turn away from her when I said it. This is progress, right?

She was not expecting me to say something like this. At all. This is the kind of thing that she would say to me to get me flustered. I am happy to report that this sort of tactic is also super effective on her. She's overheating so bad I'm afraid she might faint. She can't look me in the eyes anymore and she pulled her hands from mine. It would seem that Yasu is a bit of a glass cannon in this regard. Absolutely adorable.

"R. . . Right. . . W. . . Well. . . I guess that's. . . f. . . fine. . ." I'm very much starting to understand why she likes doing this to me now. This is yet another side of Yasu I am seeing for the first time.

I'm not letting this opportunity go to waste. I gently hugged her from the side. This much should be allowed, right? This is payback. Payback. "Thank you for being my one and only precious friend, Yasu."

"Of. . . Of course!" She really is incredible. I am so happy I met you, my one and only precious friend.

_________________________

I already knew that Ichika-san was actually a nice girl. . . It happened shortly after the school year started. I had just left school after reading in my hiding space in the abandoned literature club room. . .

I really should have left earlier. . . It looks like it is about to rain and I forgot my umbrella. I decided to go through the park instead of my usual route by the river. It was a little out of the way, but if it rains there are plenty of places to seek shelter. It didn't take long.

I'm not sure if I'm lucky or unlucky. . . Almost as soon as I got inside the park it started to rain. I was close to a shelter on the edge of one of the forested portions of the park so I didn't get very wet. It wouldn't take me very long to dry off.

Suddenly I could hear a voice. It sounds like it's coming from behind the shelter. A soft and gentle voice.

I'm really shy. I'm not good with people. I should probably just leave before whoever it is notices me. But the rain isn't letting up is it? What do I do? I don't think they're a bad person. I should be okay even if I am discovered.

But I only hear one voice. Phone call? Who are they talking to? Is it a phone call to a secret lover?!? Oh gosh that would be embarrassing. It's making me blush just thinking about it. I'm getting really curious now, but eavesdropping is bad. . . If I get caught they might get angry. . . Maybe if I read my book I can just ignore them?

I hear a noise. Is someone else there after all? No. . . I don't think that's a person. . .

"Nyaa."

Wha? It's a cat?!? . . . It should be okay to go see, right? I can just say I heard a cat and went to go see. . . I love cats. . . I wanna see the kitty. . .

I slowly get up and sneak around the shelter. It is okay for me to do this, right? Maybe I should wait for the person to leave? I'm really not good with people. . .

"Poor girl. . . Who would abandon such a cute little thing in a place like that. . ."

I cautiously peak around the corner. It's a girl. Her back is to me. I can't see who it is but that's definitely our uniform. Blue trim. She's a first year, just like me. She looks familiar. Is she maybe in my class?

It looks like she's looking for something in her schoolbag. The cat is standing up inside of a wet cardboard box with a white blanket inside of it. Her paws are perched on top of one of the box flaps and she's watching the girl, meowing.

"Hold on a second. . . I have a couple wieners left over from lunch." She takes out a bento box and lifts the cover off of it. "I hope two is enough. . . I'll try and bring you something better tomorrow, okay?"

She laid the bento down inside the box and the cat sniffed at the wieners before trying to pick one up with her teeth. It took her a couple tries before she got it out of the box and onto the blanket between her little paws. She looked so cute gnawing on the end of the wiener.

The girl gently stroked the cat's head while it ate. I still can't really see her very well. "I'm sorry I can't take you home. . . We're not allowed to have pets. . ." The girl sounded really sad when she said this. I guess she really likes cats just like me.

"The box is really soaked now, isn't it? It looks like I didn't get you here fast enough. I can't even pick it up anymore." She picked the cat up and cradled it in her arms. It looked skinny, but it was purring loudly.

I can see the girl's face a little better now. She looks just as gentle as she sounds. She's smiling, but her smile looks kind of sad. . . Wait. . . Isn't that. . .

"At least you're out of the rain now, but no one can see you here. . . I hope the box dries by tomorrow. Then I'll move you out front. Maybe someone will see and take you home." Isn't that "Lone Wolf" Wakabayashi?!?

The school year is barely a week old, but Wakabayashi-san has already built up a reputation of being a mean spirited delinquent. Everyone learned quick to avoid her. Being bad with people I never even tried to approach her in the first place. This girl in front of me is like a completely different person. What is going on?

I took a step back in shock and accidentally bumped into one of the pillars supporting the shelter. It wasn't loud, but it was loud enough for her to hear. "Who's there?!?" When I heard her shout I ran. I don't think she noticed me. It would be bad if she did.

The rain had already stopped by now but I didn't notice until after I got home. Nothing mattered except getting away as fast as possible. This was the Wakabayashi-san that I've heard so much about. Those eyes, sharp as knives, her voice loud and menacing, her posture, aggressive and ready to pounce. Where did that kind girl from earlier disappear to? Who is the real Wakabayashi-san?

The next day went by without incident. We sit next to each other so it would be easy for her to say or even do something to me if she wanted to. I was a nervous wreck all day wondering if and when she would approach me. However, I've been completely ignored. Either she didn't notice me yesterday or she just couldn't be bothered with me. Either way I guess I'm safe. That's a relief. . .

Also, no trace of the kind girl that I saw yesterday in the park remained. She was back to being the "Lone Wolf" again. It's seriously making me question if what I saw was even real. Which Wakabayashi-san is the real one? Are they both real? The menacing presence I've been feeling all day long sure seems real.

As soon as class ended Wakabayashi-san packed up and left in a hurry. Maybe it's because I never paid much attention to her before, but I don't recall seeing her in a rush like this before. I don't think I'm alone in this either. I noticed a few girls staring at her silently as she rushed out the door. Normally no one would even look her way.

That's right. . . She said she was going to see the cat again today. Okay. I'm following her. This is super scary, but I just have to know. Who is the real Ichika Wakabayashi?

I followed her all the way to the park. Why did I decide that this was a good idea again?!? I can't even talk to people without having a mini anxiety attack and here I am intentionally tailing the school's most infamous outcast and delinquent. I'm so nervous I could die. If she catches me I just might die! Why am I doing this?!? Have I gone crazy?

After she went around behind the shelter I hurried over and snuck around the side to peek at her. I really shouldn't be doing this. . . If feels like my heart is going to burst out of my chest it's beating so loudly.

Suddenly she stopped dead in her tracks and her backpack fell to the ground with a loud thud. What's going on? She dropped to her knees, shaking, and reached down into the cardboard box. Her face was white as a ghost. No. . . Don't tell me. . . My heart froze. Then she lifted up the unmoving body of the cat from yesterday and cradled it in her arms.

"Why?" She could barely speak for fighting the tears. "It was just one day." My legs were shaking. I want to try and comfort her but she doesn't even know I exist, let alone that I'm here with her. What do I do? "Why. . ." She had an incredibly pained expression on her face. "Why does everyone always leave me behind?!?"

With that she completely broke down. And like the coward that I am, I ran. I cried all the way home. For the rest of my life I will never forget the look on her face at that moment as the tears flowed from her eyes without restraint. It was at this moment that I realized. I don't know if I'll ever understand why there are two Ichika Wakabayashi, but I was convinced. This was the real one.

"Why does everyone always leave me behind?!?"

Her words kept repeating over and over again in my mind. As I stared out my bedroom window at the starry sky I decided. I will conquer my fear of people. For her. I absolutely will not leave this girl behind.

_________________________

I saw.

I was on my way home from my club. The park is on the way to my house. That was when I noticed a certain small twintailed girl in the distance peeking around the corner of one of the park shelters.

It's Kisaichi-san. Just what is she doing? She looks really suspicious. Is she a voyeur or something? Can't be. That would just be too strange. It looks like something startled her. Did she get caught? Wait. . . Did I just decide on my own that she's really a voyeur?

Ah! She ran. . . And someone is coming from behind the shelter. Wait. . . That's Wakabayashi-san?!?

I quickly hid behind a vending machine and peeked out at her. She doesn't seem upset. More confused than anything. She's leaving. She's going the opposite way as Kisaichi-san. I guess she didn't notice her. That was scary. . . Why would she be spying on the "Lone Wolf" anyway? Forget it. I don't really want to get involved. Even if I think do think she looks lonely, Wakabayashi-san is still scary. . .

The next day Wakabayashi-san left in a hurry. She kind of looked. . . excited? She's usually so sullen and dark. It caught me off guard. Kisaichi-san too by the look of it. Wait. . . Kisaichi-san? Is. . . Is she chasing her?!?

. . .

It's really none of my business. . . I shouldn't get involved. . .

I ended up following them anyway. . . The park again. Why? I hid behind the same vending machine as yesterday and watched. Wakabayashi-san went behind the shelter and Kisaichi-san once again watched her from around the corner. I don't get it.

Kisaichi-san is shaking. . . Just what could Waka. . . Ah! She ran again. . . Wait. . . She's crying! I shouldn't get involved. . . But whatever Wakabayashi-san did, she made Kisaichi-san cry. Wait. . . What was that noise?

I slowly approach the shelter. I'm just passing through, just passing through. Now I'm the one who looks suspicious. . . But I didn't get far before I froze. That's. . . Wakabayashi-san? S. . . She's crying?!?

"I'm. . . I'm so sorry. If only I noticed yesterday. . ."

What happened between yesterday and now?!?

"Then maybe. . ." Maybe what? "Then. . . Then maybe you'd still be alive. . . and I wouldn't be alone. . ."

Alive?!? Is it. . . an animal? She was taking care of an animal in the park? And it passed away overnight. . .

". . . and I wouldn't be alone. . ." I was right about her. . . This is so sad. . . Wakabayashi-san. . . You. . .

I feel terrible. . . I shouldn't have followed them. . . This was none of my business and I've just heard something I don't think I was supposed to. . .

I couldn't stay any longer. I was too ashamed of myself. I didn't sleep well that night.

". . . and I wouldn't be alone. . ."

Did Kisaichi-san know that Wakabayashi-san was lonely? Is that why she followed her to the park?

The next day I went back to the park. I didn't see or hear either Wakabayashi-san or Kisaichi-san. I nervously peeked around the corner of the shelter. Thankfully no one was there. What was there was a small mound of dirt. It was a grave. There were two daisies placed on top. One from each of them, huh?

I looked around and saw a patch of daisies a few meters away. I guess that's where they got them from. I went over and picked one, then returned to the grave. Then I hesitated. I don't even know what kind of animal it was. . . Cat? Dog? Squirrel? Fox? I have no connection with this animal. What am I doing?

I tossed the daisy on the ground and began to walk away when I stopped abruptly. I looked back at the grave, then again at the daisy.

". . . and I wouldn't be alone. . ."

I really don't know anything about Wakabayashi-san at all, do I? It's all just rumors. But. . . I think I want to. . . You've gotten a head start, Kisaichi-san.

. . .

I picked the daisy back up and placed it on the grave with the other two and went home. Tomorrow is a new day.

_________________________

Despite Yasu's assurances I couldn't help but be skeptical. The fact that Izumi-san has now also become involved is only making my anxiety even worse. Am I really going to be able to maintain my image like this?

The plan is simple enough. I keep acting like I always do. That way no one will approach me to ask about what happened yesterday. If anyone does, death glare them away. Then, naturally, they'll all go to Yasu and ask her about what happened. She'll tell them that I was having one of my episodes and that when it passed I was back to my "normal" self again. My "Lone Wolf" image will be restored.

"Wakabayashi-san had another fit yesterday."
"Maybe I should try and talk to her? She still looks scary, though."
"I hope she's feeling better. . ."
"She looks so different from yesterday. . ."
"Was she trying to not make us worry by being nice? Is she actually a nice girl?"

Please stop. . . Just talk to Yasu already and stop thinking about me.

. . .

Is everything really going to go as smoothly as Yasu said? I can only hope.

**bzzt**

It's Izumi-chan. I'm not sure how to deal with her right now. I was afraid that after yesterday she would try and talk to me even more than before. It doesn't feel right for me to treat her like I always have anymore, but at the same time if I don't then the other girls will notice for sure.

I quickly glance at her. She's not even looking at me. Looks like she's reading. Her phone is on her lap. I guess for right now I don't have to worry about what to do about Izumi-chan. We'll have to talk about it soon though. Before anyone suspects that something changed and starts asking questions.

I bury my head in my arm and check my messages with my phone on my lap. This is becoming a habit.

Can we have lunch together in the literature club room today? I asked Yasuna-san too.

I look over to Yasu now and see that she is reading her messages too. She looked over at me and gave me a thumbs up with her usual smile. I guess that's a yes, then.

Sure. I'd like to talk to you anyways.

Great. ₍ᐢ｡ ˬ ｡ᐢ₎

Is that a rabbit? I'm not used to text speak. It's what happens when you go five years without a friend. It really does suit her though. I guess she does realize just how much like a rabbit she is. Would she get upset if I start calling her Usagi-chan instead of Izumi-chan?

You'll have to go ahead of me, though. It would be bad if I was seen with others.

I understand.

I put my phone away and lay down on my desk. A lot of people are still talking about me. I'm not sure how many talked to Yasu. I saw two aside from Akita-san, but with so many voices overlapping I have no way of knowing if they asked about me or not. For all I know they could have asked for a recipe for biscuits.

I guess I'll use the remaining time before class to daydream. Any place that's not here is preferable right now. As long as it doesn't try to kill me. . .

I close my eyes and soon find myself sitting down on a picnic blanket underneath a row of large, blooming sakura trees. Now this is paradise. I'm surrounded by food. The breeze is nice and cool. The falling petals are beautiful. And, or course, that person is here again too. I still can't see her but she puts my mind at ease. It's so quiet. Peaceful. Yasu is the only one who can make me feel this way.

It wasn't long before class started and the noise began to die down. I noticed less people were talking about me during recess. Maybe it's working after all. I spent the entire break staring out the window like always. One person mustered the courage to try and talk to me. It didn't go well for her. Poor girl.

The promised time arrived without much trouble. I don't seem to be getting any attention anymore, so one way or another it seems they've gotten over yesterday's show. I wait a few minutes to let the classroom mass exodus settle down, Yasu and Izumi-chan among them, and then I pick up my backpack and head out myself. I often find myself in a rush to get to the roof so this is a nice change of pace.

I double-check to make sure no one is paying attention and quietly slip into the abandoned literature club room. I am immediately greeted with two girls staring at me and giggling. Izumi-chan is blushing quite a bit.

"Um. . . Am I interrupting something?" For some reason this atmosphere is making me a tad anxious.

"Nope. <3" A rather mischevious smile.

"W. . . We were just. . . talking. . ." A smile tinted red with embarrassment.

"Oh. . ." I nervously take a seat next to Yasu. "About what?"

"You. <3 Of course. <3" This girl. . . is in complete tease mode right now. Meanwhile, this other girl. . . is just smiling and blushing. Do I even want to know?

"I'm glad to see you two are. . . getting along."

"Well we have common interests after all. <3" I'll just pretend I never heard that.

"Um. . . Ichika-san?" I'm glad to see Izumi-chan has regained some of her composure. "I was just saying how h. . . happy I am that we can all be together like this." She really is a sweet girl isn't she?

I glance over at Yasu. She sighs and her smile softens. This is more like the Yasu I've come to adore. Is it just me, though, or does this smile still look a little bit forced? "Izumi-chan is a good girl. You can trust her." She gives me a thumbs up.

"The Tsutsumi-san seal of approval, huh?"

That made Yasu blush. "Jeez, what am I, your mother?"

"Ah! Then that would make Izumi-chan my potential girlfriend, right?"

"Eh?" She looked at Yasu first, then me. Her whole face is red. "G. . . g. . . girlfriend?!? M. . . Me?!?" She's flailing her arms wildly from the embarrassment. I've never seen someone do that before.

"Hey, hey now." I laughed, then Yasu chuckled and laughed as well. "You're not going to last long if you can't even handle this level of teasing."

"S. . . Sorry. . ." She looked away sheepishly, still blushing. "I. . . I'm not used to talking with people."

"What a coincidence. Neither am I." I reassure her with a beaming smile.

"Nor I." And now Yasu is looking like she usually does. That gentle smile is back in full force.

"What? Even Yasuna-san?!?" I guess Izumi-chan didn't know that Yasu usually only talks to me or Akita-san. I admit, I was pretty surprised too when she told me. What is this, the no friends club or something?

"Mhm. If Hikaru was here I'd have all my friends in the same club sized basket." I thought I was the one who could hear other people's thoughts. . .

"Wouldn't we need a fifth person to make this a club?"

"Oh? You want people to know we're here and encourage more to join us?" I walked right into that one, didn't I?

I slump down onto the table. "Forget I said anything."

"D. . . don't you only need three people to officially occupy a room?" Et tu, Izumi-chan?

I groaned loadly. "Please forget I said anything. . ."

Yasu laughed, then Izumi-chan started to laugh. "See Chika? She's learning."

I looked at Yasu surprised. "Chi. . . Chika? But, we're not. . . I mean Izumi-chan is still. . ." I thought that was just between us!

"We talked about it." She patted my head. "I mean, she already knew anyway." True. She saw that incredibly embarrassing scene. "And she said she didn't mind."

"Won't it be embarrassing, Izumi-chan?"

"Not as much as it will be for you. . ." She turned away blushing again. She hit the nail on the head. . .

"Touché. . ." And now it's my turn to look away blushing. . . I guess Yasu wasn't joking after all when she said they were talking about me. That's embarrassing. . .

"Besides. . ." She continued. "I think it's really cute."

I let out a solitary, dry, sarcastic laugh. "I don't hold a candle to either of you in the cuteness department."

They briefly stared at me in silence with their eyes and mouths wide open, and then they both slammed their hands down on the table. I was up in an instant, startled by the sudden noise. "That's not true!" They said in unison, then stared at each other in surprise. I guess they startled each other with that as well, huh?

I just sat there and stared at them, unsure what to say. "O. . . Okay. . ." They both seriously think I'm cute? What? How?

"A. . . Anyway. . ." It was actually Izumi-chan who broke the awkward silence. "Y. . . You said you wanted t. . . to talk to me about something, Ichika-san?"

"Oh. Right. . . I almost forgot." I had totally forgotten. "It's about you trying to talk to me during breaks and after class." She hung her head. Don't look so sad. . . That just makes this harder for me. . .

"I just want to apologize for being so mean to you all this time. . ." Now I hung my head as well, I'm sure the expression on my face was also pained.

"It's okay. . ." She said meekly.

"It's not okay. . . It's not, because. . . I think it should continue. . ." She looked at me in absolute horror. I am the worst. . . "If you stop trying to talk to me suddenly the girls will start asking questions. You don't look like a person who's good at lying. . ."

"I'm not. . ."

"And if I stop being mean to you. . ."

"They'll find out you're not a bad person. . ." She looks like she wants to cry. . .

"I'm sorry. . ." I bow my head onto the table. "I promise I'll make it up to you somehow."

"I. . . guess it's my fault. . . because I'm always trying to talk to you. . ."

"There is no way any of this is your fault. . ." I'm still bowing for forgiveness. I'm the one at fault here. It hurts me to hear her say that she's the one at fault. "It's me. It's all my fault."

"C. . . Can I ask you a question?"

"Please."

"Why?" I look up at her. She still looks like she wants to cry. I feel horrible. . . "You're such a nice person. . . Why do you have to go so far to hide it?" She's really tearing up now. . . "Why do you want people to hate you?" I honestly don't understand how she could ever think that I'm a nice person with how I've treated her up until now. . . I really, really am the worst. . .

"I. . . I can't tell you. . ." She started to cry a little. I feel awful. I really don't deserve your kindness. . . "At least. . . not right now."

"Someday?" Her voice is really shaky.

"I promise."

"Okay. . ." She's starting to calm down a little bit, but anyone can tell she's really hurt over this. I really wouldn't blame her for hating me. I feel sick. . . "D. . . Does Yasuna-san. . . know. . . t. . . the reason?"

"T. . . That. . ." That was probably the other thing I absolutely didn't want her to ask. I don't want to lie, but I know that answering truthfully will only hurt her more. I'm frozen with anxiety and fear.

"I do. . ." It was Yasu who answered for me. I could see that she was feeling uncomfortable as well. But she forced herself to answer for me. "But. . . it was an accident. . . She didn't tell me because she wanted to. . . I kind of found out. . ."

"I see. . ." We three sat there in awkward silence eating our lunches for what seemed like forever. And then we had to go back to class. It was already decided beforehand that I would leave last so that no one would see me with them. We all silently packed up our half eaten lunches and then they headed for the door.

I watch them go with a heavy heart, but before they got to the door, Izumi-chan turns around. "Deluxe choco-banana sundae." Her smile looks forced. I can tell she's trying to help us put this behind us and move forwards. "T. . . Tomorrow after school. Y. . . You can start making it up to me with that."

I chuckle and responded with a forced smile of my own. "Done." Her smile looked a bit more natural now and she turned and left. Yasu watched her leave and then looked back at me somewhat concerned, but she didn't say anything and followed Izumi-chan.

The door closed and I was alone in the abandoned literature club room. The silence was deafening. I kept picturing Izumi-chan crying. In seven days I made two friends and then I made both of them cry. I believe this was the moment when I first thought that I couldn't go on this way anymore.