funny writing prompt
Hagitha awakes to the sounds of crashing water, shouting, and metal scraping against metal, sitting in her room she jumps out of bed and bursts through the door to see two men climbing aboard her small wooden ship brandishing cutlasses and blunderbusses. Thinking quickly she grabs her musket and fires a shot at one of the men and fiercely swings it around to knock the other man out with the stock. Both men fall off the boat and disappear into the dark water below. After finally being able to take a minute to collect herself and wake up Hagitha looks around, to her northeast a tiny sliver of land could be seen. “Finally,” she says to herself.
For the past three weeks, Hagitha has been traveling through space from planet Ethra-17 to Lidenia-6 to join in on the gold rush happening on Lidenia-6s supercontinent Vervine. Back home on Ethra-17 Hagitha made a living as a bartender while also bootlegging some of the more exotic beverages available on the planet. When she heard of the limitless wealth that could be made on Lidenia-6, she packed up and rented the most extravagant Transformaship she could find (which she couldn't afford) and set her interstellar destination towards her new adventure.
Looking towards the land in the distance Hagitha can't help but laugh, if she was really honest with herself the biggest reason she was so willing to pack up and leave her home planet was that she heard that someone reported her to the police. If they had caught her she would have been locked up for many years, not to mention even when she got out she would likely be targeted by debt collectors. So here she is, riding a spaceship disguised as a boat, looking for gold.
After finally reaching land, hagitha transforms the ship into a dingy little boat so no passersby would try and take it or discover that it's, in reality, a highly advanced spaceship. Lidenia-6 is known as a tier 4 planet meaning that its sapient inhabitants are ignorant to any form of advanced technology and thus still relied on wooden boats and a species they ride called a “horse.” Using advanced technology on planets such as these is forbidden and a cause for execution, but since Hagitha is already an outlaw that rule isn't going to stop her from using the tools at her disposal. Pulling up a geological scan of the planet Hagitha locates the nearest gold mine, then with a smile pulls out and crushes a low-range teleportation crystal in her hand which instantly teleports her to the entrance.
Hagitha smiles at the thought of how easy this has all been and is just about to run in when she sees a forcefield rapidly forming from above her which is quickly encasing her body. Thinking quickly Hagitha rolls out from under the field and pulls out her musket. Around her are three intergalactic police, all brandishing pulse blasters and hovering on hover pads. Before she can say anything the one of police bark “stop right there! You are under arrest for breaking the interstellar code!”
Smiling, Hagitha quickly jumps back into the small mine entrance and throws down a mini field generator in front of her which after an instant pulls up a flat field which blocks the entryway. The police after a moment shock begin to unload their pistols at the barrier which seemingly has no effect. Knowing this will only save her a few minutes Hagitha runs down into the mine and while doing so sets an explosive charge on the wall. About 30 seconds later she hears a loud explosion which she hopes caved in enough of the cave that the police would give up. After another few minutes, Hagitha sits down exhausted. “I'm not cut out for running this much,” she says to herself laughing. On the ground in the extremely dim cavern, Hagitha can see a small bug, pulling out her tablet she searches for its description on the planets guidebook. “Blatta orientalis aka a cockroach, interesting!” she says to her self. Trying not to laugh Hagitha lets the insect crawl on her hand and onto her shoulder. “Welp looks like I got a new friend,” she says laughing behind her hand.
After a few hours, Hagitha finally finds a vein of gold. Setting down her bag she places a small patchlike object on the gold which quickly begins to glow red and starts melting the gold. Placing a bucket underneath, Hagitha sits back and lets the technology do the work. A wave of sadness washes over her when she looks on her shoulder to see the cockroach was gone. “He must have crawled away without me noticing,” she says to herself.
Getting Bored Hagitha decides to go back to the entrance to see if the police had gone. Making the few hour long treck back she almost falls to the ground in shock when she sees the area that she had previously placed the explosive charge was completely clear, in fact, there is no apparent evidence that the explosion happened at all. Cautiously Hagitha pulls out her musket and peers through the open cave entrance. Nothing, not a thing, not even footprints. Spooked, hagitha decides to block up the cave again and head back to the ship for more supplies. After she places another charge, she makes sure this time to watch as the explosion went off and the cave collapsed.
Pulling out another teleportation crystal Hagitha prepares to get going when she notices her electronic map was nothing but static, this could only mean one thing. Before she could pull out her musket again and defend herself the illusion shield that had been secretly placed around the area dropped and the around 30 police on the outside began to converge on her. Just before the first laser pulse hit, Hagitha wakes up screaming. Looking around frantically she turns on a light to see shes still inside her ship. Listening, she can hear waves crashing against the ship, but also a faint sound of metal scraping against metal. With a sigh of relief, Hagitha grabs her musket and kicks open her door.