We Cry Together

"I am cocky in prediction. I am confident in preparation. But I am always humble in victory or defeat."- Connor McGreggor.

"You want some?"

"I'm good, Jiyu. I don't do that."

"Hahaha yeah, my bad."

"It's fine."

"I always disliked the fact of never having self-control in my life. It gets to me at times."

"We can be so powerless at times in our lives."

"I want some help, and I don't mean that you or anyone else Liber has to be at my side constantly. Somebody to talk with, you know."

"Just Something to Talk About?"

"Yeah."

I question the friendship I have with my friends. They're never there when I need them, and when it comes to opening up, they're quick to change the subject.

It's just hitting me how much my mother has tried guiding me out of this depression Liber, and I've been so foolish not to notice it.

"The strongest ties we, as men can have, is with our mother."

"You and I are products of that, after all."

"You and I always hated our upbringing. When people doubt our capabilities, it was a trigger, and we felt the need to shut that narrative down."

"Definitely, and I'm grateful for our relationship as a mother and troubled son. There's so much I learned and have yet to learn from that woman. She's the reason I'm here with you still. Holding it down." Jiyu laughed as he began, lighting another cigar.

Even if I wanted to die, I can't go through it. It's not that I fear death, it's leaving you and her here suffering.

"That's thoughtful of you, Jiyu."

These friends of mine were so envious. Always talking behind my back, and they deep down hated me.

We're always keeping, the things we hate around us instead of getting away from them. Almost how you and I have kept these negative feelings around us for this long.

I no longer hold these emotions in me anymore, and I learned to suppress them.

I'll admit to you, that I relapse and sometimes go back to drugs, smoking, and alcohol. It's making progress but at a cost.

"Progress will always have a cost to it."

"Yeah, and you and I can fall back to our old habits when trying to change from being depressed. The two of us, need to stay strong and be there for each other even if we're hours apart, Liber."

"I'm aware you mind if I vent?"

"Not at all."

Growing up in the ghettos of Los Angeles was not an ideal environment to raise a child, but what can you do when you're working to pay the rent?

So much, violence in my hometown.

I'll forever have grudges for that program that exposed me to bad influences as a child. Those guys were nothing but bad news.

They were the ones that influenced me to begin stealing from others and betraying the trust that people had for me. It was the beginning of where I could lie and even make myself feel that was the truth.

I'm aware I'm not the best, and there'll always be somebody better than me. I stay humble and create my art telling a story.

Do you think this looks nice?

"You're asking me? I only know what you told me about when it comes to art."

The two laugh.

"That was idiotic."

I know better than most people.

The progress I made in the last two years of my life has been great.

It would start with forfeiting my name and adopting "Liberdade." A word that means freedom, and that's what I feel I am.

The embodiment of freedom.

The pandemic helped me find my real friends. I can't tell you how many contacts I lost with people I talked with frequently at school. Not even a single message.

I knew who wanted my companionship and who didn't.

It wouldn't be long until I met people during those hard times, and they got me on a better path with my health.

We talk, occasionally despite having a one-year age difference.

Playing games, I found myself meeting more people, and I'll say it's around sixteen people. I didn't think an online friendship was meaningful, but these guys are my brothers.

Any time I get during the day, I talk with them to see what they're up to. Human beings were able to grow together and enter adulthood together.

"Glad to know you got more people around you. Sixteen heads are better than one."

"Yeah, I know, but you and I will forever be brothers too."

Despite my improvements, I find myself at times relapsing, and not being able to commit. I acknowledge my part in it and move on by taking more measurements.

I can't be hard on myself.

I'll forever be against people not believing in themselves.

"Word."

If you don't get yourself, then who got you?

Using art to express me has allowed me to release any emotions I have.

"To think you managed to visualize your journey with your art. Each piece tells a story."

"It's so beautiful man, and I can give advice through it."

Be cautious of those you got around you. Years of knowing each other don't necessarily mean friendship.

Find the light.

Avoid that street life and be the first in your family tree to break the cycle.

Not a single dollar can make me feel happy.

All that money coming in, and admiration coming from my skill with the pen can't change that.

All that matters is how I cope with my issues.

"You think you'll ever be open with your inner demons?"

"I wish to be, and I'll rely on healthy paths to make change and advancement."

This is my canvas and I'll paint it how I want it.