Prohibido

It's been a marathon to reach this point where I can come to terms with how I feel. From my first few therapy sessions, new habits, returning home, personal losses, growth during hard times, finding others, what is truly valuable to me, and ridding bad energy around me.

Prohibido is a Spanish word that translates to Forbidden. It represents something that shouldn't be done.

This word represents my depressed state and viewing of explicit things and it also gives me hope for a better future.

I would still find myself struggling to live without it, and at times it would find its way to taking control.

"I'm in control."

That's a phrase addicts tend to say to comfort themselves. We will always find ourselves controlled by it. If you were in control, you would have never been doing such actions.

These thoughts on my mind are on what to blame for my state back then. Always thinking of the act was something I find myself disgusted with now.

The results were a weak-minded man who was a nervous and socially awkward wreck.

My journey has got me out of this and has brought me the comfort of someone I am close with. She and I are close and have stayed in touch for the past ten years. She's always been there when I was at my worse.

Showing her concern for me when I would have episodes gave me the ability to vent. She made me see through the bad of my actions and told me how I couldn't do this with her or anybody.

Women have such ways of being guides for men, and there isn't one single woman I'm not thankful for.

I could've found this support earlier if I had looked for her instead of trying to isolate myself from her, family, and everything.

Being able to share the pain with somebody I was so close to was what I needed.I apologized to her for, what I've done and to be more considerate of her feelings.

She was the only one that bothered asking, and nobody else did. They didn't care about me.

At long last, I found myself growing from my mental restraints and avoided following in my footsteps. Practicing what I preach.

Each day is something to look forward to, and thinking of when my time comes to end, is not my concern now. I will appreciate everything have right now.

I wish to help others by attending group therapies and speaking out. I love expressing my feelings through art.

Spread your wings and never stop flying.

I reject being confined, in this dark abyss, and I need them to extend their hands. I wish to be around their lives and perfect my craft.

Whatever comes my way, I will encounter it because if I don't, it'll consume me.

I can't be here, and I want to come out! The World Needs ME!

The way I distanced myself from my mother was wrong, and I can't do that anymore. It must be the result of the inheritance from my father. Tough love.

"Thank you, brother."

I can live my life now, and live it up like it's my blast. Not because of early death but because I value the art of life and want to accomplish as much as I can before my time comes. Hopeful to help others with what they're going through.

I find myself committed to my goals and thinking that I am capable of doing good for the world like Martin Luther King Jr.

I slew them all without a fight.

This view is quite precious. The top of this skyscraper makes me forget everything. The sunset is quite beautiful. It's coming to an end, is it not?

Reflect and improve.

Those urges were once my downfall, and now I find myself using that same energy and time to achieve better things, and I won't stop until I am satisfied with the results.