CHAPTER 3: Toroma?

Alex and Nurse Joy were walking toward Toroma’s room. Alex followed closely behind Nurse Joy, he had no idea where Toroma’s room was so he was using her as a map in a way. He stayed quiet just in boredom, they had just left Daizen’s room and Alex had a lot on his mind. He was overthinking again, but in this case, it was to pass the time. Alex and Nurse Joy had only been walking around the hospital for about two minutes, but even in that period, he was getting filled with boredom. So, he began to think about Kuro and the powers that certain people had in this world. He believed what Kuro had said about other people having powers. He just couldn’t wrap around the idea that his father wouldn’t tell him about this. Suddenly the demonic voice chimed in, interacting with Alex’s thoughts.

“You think you are the only ones with glow and abilities? Foolish mortal.”

Alex responded to the demonic voice in his head out loud, quietly.

“Shut the fuck up. You don’t tell me anything so how do you expect me to get it?”

The demonic voice sighed as he then didn’t respond. Alex didn’t respond either as he continued to think about Kagayaku and his Abilities. He wondered about Kuro, the man who helped him last night. He wondered what his purpose was. To him, Kuro seemed mysterious, but at the same time trustworthy. Sure, he was a stranger, but he saved him and his friends and even healed him. If Kuro wanted to kill them he could have done it when they were unconscious. He continued to think as he followed behind Nurse Joy. He thought Kuro was a good person. He enlightened him about Kagayaku and the special powers that he has. He wished he would have asked him about the demonic voice and angelic voices in his head, but he was scared the demon was going to hurt him. He remembered when he tried to tell Toroma about the demon, he remembered the trembling fear he felt when he did that, he didn’t want to feel that again. He was going to start overthinking, but that’s when Nurse Joy interrupted him and spoke loudly ruining Alex’s thought process.

“Mr.Zuki, we are here in Toroma’s room.”

Alex hadn’t even noticed that they had come to a complete stop. He let out a sigh as he then thanked Nurse Joy for leading him here. He also thought that he was going to be saying goodbye to Nurse Joy since he didn’t need her anymore.

“Well thank you for bringing me this far. I appreciate it.”

Nurse Joy responded.

“No problem, but I’ll be waiting here for you, you still have to go back to your room to do a few things before you can leave the hospital.”

Alex let out another sigh in annoyance. He then decided he would deal with that topic later, he walked up to Toroma’s room door and began to take a deep breath. Before he went into the room he began to think. He thought about what he was going to talk to Toroma about, actually, he didn’t need to think. He knew what he wanted to talk to her about. It was her gender, he wanted to make sure he was not on the other side of the sexuality spectrum. He was attracted to Toroma, there was something about her smile that made him so interested. He let out one more sigh as he slowly reached for the door handle, but before he could open the door. An older woman stepped into the room. He made eye contact with the old woman. The old woman had white clear skin, grayish hair, slim legs, and a somewhat athletic upper body. Alex could tell that she was old, but still in a good shape. The old lady spoke as she nodded.

“Excuse me, sir.”

The older woman said loudly to Alex. Her voice was dominant and bossy, and Alex felt somewhat intimated. The old woman seemed to be in a hurry to leave. Alex quickly moved out of the way letting the older woman pass by. After she passed, he saw Toroma in her bed awake. She was upright in her bed, sitting in her hospital bed. Alex made eye contact with her and then looked down at her chest, his face instantly went red. There were two large figures on her chest. That confirmed it, Toroma was female. Alex let out a sigh as he began to think, he was thinking about two things. One, who was that old woman in Toroma’s room, and Two Toroma is a girl? Alex was still amazed by that, well he was amazed and somewhat relieved at least he knew that he wasn’t into dudes. He didn’t want this light novel to become a yaoi manga or something. Alex closed the door behind him, while he was turning around he spoke to Toroma.

“U-uh hey?”

Alex said nervously, he slowly began to sweat. He awaited Toroma’s response.

Toroma looked down nervously as she quickly responded, she spoke fast and her heart began to beat faster.

“U-uh, h-hey Alex.”

Due to them both being somewhat socially awkward it was hard to make a conversation. It was also awkward since it was just officially confirmed that Toroma was indeed a girl. Due to Alex not knowing what to say he attempted to walk closer to Toroma, but as he did he walked incorrectly and nervously. This made him trip and fall over his leg and trip. He quickly began to fall onto Toroma, his face conveniently landing in her chest on some classic anime harem-type stuff. Toroma blushed, immediately realizing what Alex did. Surprisingly she didn’t get mad, but simply pushed him off of her.

“S-sorry! I swear it wasn’t on purpose!”

Alex said shyly as he was now back on his feet again.

Toroma looked away and then spoke in a nonchalant tone.

“I-it's ok... But what did you want to talk about?”

Alex thought about it for a quick second, but then he realized that he didn’t have to ask anymore if Toroma was a girl. Because obviously, she was. Alex would then express the ridiculousness of his previous question.

“Well, I was going to ask if you were a girl…but you are.”

Toroma looked down, her face getting red once more. She then spoke lightly.

“Y-yeah.”

Alex wanted to change the subject, he could tell that Toroma was getting a bit uncomfortable.

“Anyways, Who was that old lady that was in your room?”

Toroma hesitated for a second as she quickly then looked up at Alex.

“It’s my grandma, she was checking up on me. The hospital called her somehow, I think Daizen might have told him our names.”

Alex then replied nonchalantly.

“I mean that’s not a bad thing,”

Toroma continued to speak.

“I guess so yeah.”

Alex then brought up something he noticed about Toroma’s grandmother.

“Your grandmother looks like she’s really in shape! She looks like she could kick my ass.”

Alex said as he sat down in a chair next to Toroma’s bed.

Toroma giggled slightly as she spoke.

‘Well yeah, she does kendo too. She’s the one who taught me.”

“Oh really? Do you think you could beat her now?

Toroma shook her head from left to right rapidly as she unconfidently replied.

“No… I doubt it, she taught me everything I know. I remember this one time I tried and she kicked my ass.”

Toroma thought back to about four years ago, this was when she started getting somewhat decent at swordsmanship. She remembered one day she was mad and tried to attack her grandmother, she yelled grandmother’s name.

“Makoto!”

Toroma said in her memory, she charged up her Kagayaku, her aura growing. As she ran at her grandmother with her wooden sword, she then attempted to hit her grandmother by swinging with her right hand. Her grandma smirked and quickly grabbed the sword with ease, she then kicked Toroma in the stomach causing Toroma to fall to the ground. Toroma then stopped remembering and spoke to Alex.

“Yeah, I doubt I could beat her at all.”

Alex then retorted against her.

“You got to have more confidence, you kicked my ass you know and you’re a girl, that’s impressive.”

Toroma blushed at the compliment, she still wasn’t used to being called a girl, but she kind of liked it.

“T-thanks maybe you are right.”

Alex nodded his head and then blushed as he looked to the left trying to avert his gaze from Toroma. He eventually broke and looked at Toroma’s facial features. She was so cute to him, he couldn’t help but admire her beauty. He then realized he shouldn’t stare, maybe he was just amazed at the fact that Toroma is a girl. He was just confused about why Toroma hid her gender in the first place. He wanted to ask, but he was somewhat scared to. But, after a few seconds, he grew the balls to ask. He knew it might be risky and she might not ever talk to him again, but he had to know. So, he asked.

“U-um Toroma?”

Toroma made eye contact with Alex as she replied.

“Yes?”

Alex hesitated like the shy boy he was.

“I have a question to ask you. I meant to ask you last night when it was just us two, but we got interrupted by Hijiri. But it’s kind of a stupid question now.”

Toroma had a questionable face as she responded.

“What do you mean? How was the question stupid?”

Alex hesitated but eventually spoke.

“Well I was going to ask if you are a girl, but you obviously are.”

Alex said quickly looking at her chest and back into her eyes.

Toroma blushed and quickly looked down at the bed, she then spoke.

“Y-yeah I guess, it is stupid to ask now.”

Alex then continued to speak.

“Well, now I have another question. Why did you lie about your gender? I just don’t get it. You are a cute girl, why not embrace it?”

Toroma looked down, she then looked up at Alex. She was struggling to say something, her face looked sad. She mumbled, but it was incomprehensible. Alex heard her say something, but he didn’t know what she said. He could also tell that there was something wrong with her. He read Toroma’s body language and could tell there was something immediately. Alex didn’t like to make others feel awkward especially if it was one of his friends. He knew how it felt to be open about things, so he didn’t want to force Toroma to say anything she didn’t want to.

“It’s ok if you don’t want to tell me. I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable.”

Toroma spoke up.

“N-no no, it’s not that. I just feel like it's hard to explain and you won't understand me.”

She said while looking down innocently.

Alex then rebutted.

“Come on, try me! I bet I can understand, I promise I won’t judge you or anything!”

Toroma let out a sigh, as she spoke.

“Ok… I’ll tell you, but don’t be surprised if you don’t like me after this.”

Alex reassured her.

“There’s nothing you can do that can make me stop liking you, Toroma.”

Toroma then nodded.

“Well, it all started when I was little.”

Toroma’s backstory began to start as he spoke. Toroma was in her home, she seemed to be a little girl. Innocent and underdeveloped. Her whole family was sitting at the table, her grandmother, her father, and her three older brothers. They were eating their daily breakfast, there seemed to be an empty seat that no one was sitting in, it was ominous. As they ate her father Ketto spoke up, his chonmage hairs swinging slowly.

“So kids it’s about that time, you are all getting older and you are going to have to decide what you are going to do for the rest of your life. I know it might be early for you guys, but I’m still going to ask you all. First, you Kōsoku, what do you want to do when you grow up?”

Kōsoku, a kid with white hair and a plus-like scar on his right cheek, spoke up. His spikey white hair swayed as he moved his head rapidly replying to his father Ketto. He spoke excitedly and enthusiastically, his child-like expressions and face radiated innocence. He stood up out of his chair as he spoke, with his high and childlike voice.

“I want to be a great swordsman like you dad and protect my family!”

His twin brother Shinsoku, also spoke with a plus-like scar on his cheek. His short hair was longer than his brother Kōsoku and it covered his eyes. His voice was low and shy, he stumbled over a few words as he spoke.

“Me too… I want to protect you and grandma from any bad guys that try to hurt us.”

Ketto smiled innocently at his two sons, he gave them a big hug and held them both in his arms.

“Great! My two sons are just like I expected from you! I’m sure with enough training you can become just as strong as me. Maybe even stronger!”

As Toroma listened, she looked at the floor in jealousy. Her father had never shown her that much love before.

Kōsoku and Shinsoku smiled brightly and hugged their father tightly.

Ketto then looked toward Toroma, he then brightly smiled as he now asked her the question.

“So what are you going to do Toroma? Help serve the family I presume?”

Toroma hesitated, she then shook her head from left to right, clearing her mind. She then stood up and spoke just like her older two brothers.

“I want to be a great swordsman as well and fight the dark clan!”

There was silence in the room after Toroma said that. Makoto gave Toroma a worried expression as well as Kōsoku and Shinsoku. But, there was an expression that stood out among all of them. It was Ketto, his eyes had a pure rage in them, nothing but anger. His facial expression was enraged, he pushed Kōsoku and Shinsoku off of him, as he walked toward Toroma, raised his hand, and slapped Toroma on her left cheek.

This caused Toroma to fall back, and hold her face’s left side.

Ketto then yelled at Toroma.

“YOU IDIOT! Do you wanna end up like your mother?! You know a woman can’t be a swordsman! Your mother is a prime example of that!”

Ketto said as he pointed and looked at the single empty chair at the dinner table, where Toroma’s mother “Dara” used to sit. Toroma’s mother had died a year prior due to fighting a warrior in battle. Toroma’s mother was a swordsman. Ketto was mad, he couldn’t believe that Toroma would even propose an idea like this to him. Ketto knew that she knew that women couldn’t be warriors, it was instilled in their clan rules.

Toroma then spoke up with tears in her eyes, she spoke and yelled with emotions.

“I don’t care about the clan’s rules! I want to become a swordsman just like her! I want to honor her legacy!”

Ketto’s rage grew further, as he spoke he began to ball up his right fist.

“Her legacy? If she had just stayed in a woman's place she would have never died. All she had to do was wait for me to come to save her!”

Toroma also began to get mad as she spoke.

“Shut up! She had no choice, but to fight! You failed her! You were too late!”

“You insolent brat!”

Ketto’s rage boiled more and more, he then raised his fist and was about to hit Toroma. Toroma flinched and put her arms up to guard. But, Ketto couldn’t bring himself to hit Toroma with his fist. He hesitated, Toroma saw this and took advantage. She ran away deeper into the house. Kōsoku and Shinsoku looked at their father in fear, as they hid behind their grandmother Makoto. Ketto let out a sigh as his rage calmed. He then spoke to himself as he looked at the floor in guilt, he honestly wished that his wife Dara was still there. He knew it didn’t matter how he felt, the tradition comes first, and family tradition states that “Women can not wield a sword or defend themselves, they can only serve the family through traditional ways.”. Tradition was everything to Ketto, it was the only thing that kept him in line. Ketto knew you couldn’t break the tradition cause if you did the gods would come and punish you. Ketto stood there quietly and blankly not knowing what to say.

Toroma had run to the kendo dojo part of the house, with tears in her eyes she sat in one of the corners of the dojo room. The dojo room door opened, Toroma didn’t notice as she continued to sob as she thought about how much she hated her father. As she continued to cry, a hand was placed on her head. As she looked up she saw the hand of her grandmother. She looked up at her as Makoto wiped her tears. Makoto then spoke as she continued to wipe her tears.

“It’s ok, child. Don’t cry, it makes me want to cry also.”

Toroma spoke as more tears streamed down her face, she sniffled as she spoke in between.

“B-but, he said all those things about mom!”

Makoto attempted to calm her down.

“You know your father doesn’t mean that. He’s just a very traditional man, I can tell you this from the bottom of my soul, your father loved your mother with all his heart.”

Toroma cried as she spoke, arguing with her as she did.

“Then why does he say all those things?! He puts his tradition over everything! It doesn’t matter what! No matter what he puts his tradition over it! He leaves me out of everything with fighting just because I’m a girl! I just wish I wasn’t a girl sometimes. I just wish I could be strong.”

Toroma said as she put her head on her lap and she sobbed.

Makoto heard her words and smiled for a split second. The part that most interested her was “I wish I weren’t a girl.”, it reminded her of herself at this age. She was in the same position that Toroma was in at her age, wanting to be strong, but due to her gender, you were treated as if you were less. Makoto continued to stroke her hair as she coldly spoke toward the crying Toroma.

“You want to be strong? I’ll tell you something, nothing comes without sacrifice. What are you willing to give up to become stronger?”

Toroma looked confused, she looked up at Makoto in worry, not knowing what to sacrifice. She then spoke loudly, bluntly, and ignorantly in response to Makoto’s question,

“I don’t know, but I’d give up anything to be stronger and make my mother proud! I want to prove to my father that I can be strong and for that, I’d give up anything!”

Makoto then emotionlessly responded toward Toroma. Makoto’s eyes seemed emotionless, she stood still and continued to speak coldly.

“Even your femininity? The thing that makes you a girl?”

Toroma quickly replied in emotion.

“Yes! Even so, I say I’d do anything!”

Makoto continued her overall cold attitude, she then looked Toroma in the eyes. Complete seriousness, just pure seriousness, overall cold and to the point.

“Then from now on, you are a boy. And you will discard all hints of your femininity, you will act like a boy. And you will fight me as such. If you can agree then I will train you myself.”

Toroma thought about it for a second. Was she ready to throw this all away? She questioned herself multiple times, she almost said no, but as soon as she thought of saying no she thought of all the mistreatment she had endured. All of this mistreatment was because she was a girl. She then released all of her bottled-up emotions over the years and replied.

“Fine! Grandma! If that’s what it takes then I’ll discard my femininity.”

Makoto looked down at Toroma, her look felt tense. She stared Toroma in her eyes intensely for a few seconds, her gaze was dominant and scary. There was a pain in Makoto’s eyes, Toroma didn’t know what it was but she could feel the pain and torture in her grandmother's eyes as they made eye contact. After a few seconds of emotionless staring, Makoto smiled and patted Toroma’s head.

“Good. You didn’t disappoint and you are willing to give up anything. From now on I will train you every day in swordsmanship.”

Toroma then looked at her grandmother in confusion.

“Won’t my father get angry?”

Makoto replied with a snarky grin very apparent on her face.

“He couldn’t stop me from training you, even if he tried.”

Toroma, still worried, brought up another issue.

“But grandma didn’t you retire from swordsmanship?”

Makoto’s snarky grin remained as she replied.

“Retired? You should know this Toroma, swordsmen don’t retire until their death.”

Toroma then spoke to Alex in the present, as she continued reminiscing.

“She then trained me every day and here we are.”

Alex looked down in shock, he didn’t know Toroma’s life was this shocking. He thought he was going through a lot, but once he heard Toroma’s story, he felt foolish. He believed Toroma, there was no other reason why she would be hiding her gender. Though he did have a question, it was about something she told him before. He questioned her with a worried face.

“So, yesterday, when you told me about you fighting your samurai dad, what was that about?”

Toroma looked down at the hospital bed in shyness and hesitantly. After a few seconds of Alex’s staring, she finally explained.

“Well, there's more to it than that.”

Alex then replied.

“What do you mean?”

Toroma let out a sigh as she explained.

“Well, I didn’t lie. My father and I did fight, but it wasn’t because of what you think it was for.”

Toroma said as she went back into a flashback. She continued to talk as she told Alex.

“My father wasn’t fighting me for no reason. After a few days of my training, my father eventually found out I was being trained by my grandmother.”

In Toroma’s flashback, she would be swinging her sword in the same position repeatedly. Suddenly, Ketto would angrily open the door. His face was filled with cuts and blood, Ketto looked at Toroma with pure rage and wrath in his eyes. His pink eyes were filled with anger, while his brown chonmage hair was messy and unorganized, something that was a rare sight for Toroma. Ketto was also holding a white sword that seemed to be slightly glowing, Ketto then spoke loudly and hatefully toward Toroma.

“You foolish child! Do you want to train?! I told you time and time again that you are a girl! A female! Your fate was decided as soon as you were born! Of course, Makoto would approve of this, you and her both are fools trying to fight against fate!”

Toroma stayed quiet as she shook in fear, she had turned toward Ketto when he opened the door. She held her sword in her right hand, her black and white sword almost fell out of her hand. Her father then continued to speak, this time more unhinged and insane than before, he laughed as he continued to speak.

“So you want to be a swordsman? You stupid fool, you almost got me killed by Makoto. Look what she did to my face! You want to be a swordsman and not a woman? So I’ll treat you like a swordsman!”

Ketto then rushed at Toroma, faster than she could blink. There was full bloodlust in his eyes, Toroma had seen the rage in her father before, but not to this extent. Toroma in the present would then go quiet, as she’d start shaking. She’d stop explaining the story as she continued to shake, there was fear in her eyes. She gritted her teeth in fear, as she slowly went into a fetal position, she attempted to continue telling her story but she failed and only stuttered.

“Then he-, h-he.”

She stayed in the fetal position, there was pure terror in her eyes. It seemed that Toroma looking back on her past had caused her to mentally break down. Alex looked at Toroma in fear also, he recognized this fear. It was similar to his own. Alex then attempted to comfort Toroma, he stepped closer and slowly reached his hand to pat her head. Alex was awkward with it though, he wasn’t used to talking to people while they were stressed but even so, he knew Toroma needed his help. But when Alex extended his arm and was about to make physical contact, Toroma slapped Alex’s hand away, leaving a bruise, and screamed.

“S-stop! Don’t touch me! Ketto!”

Alex held his bruised hand with his other hand and looked at Toroma in shock.

Toroma looked at Alex’s shocked face and regained her composure, she realized she was freaking out and began to breathe calmly. She then apologized.

“Sorry, I’m freaking out. I didn’t mean to hit you, I just can’t handle this stress right now. I’m sorry, but give me some space until we leave. Then we can talk more about the whole Hijiri situation. I’ll come to your room when I’m ready.”

Alex let out a sigh as he replied.

“Ok. I understand I’ll stop intruding, I’ll give you some space.”

Alex understood why this situation ended up the way it did. In actuality, it wasn’t his fault. Toroma had a traumatizing past and that wasn’t his fault but he couldn’t help but ask and try to make things better. Maybe it was because of his feelings for Toroma, it was foolish to try and make things better just by talking. He thought about this as he turned around and left the room. He felt guilty, he felt as if he was forcing her to tell him information. He hated making people he liked feel bad, he almost shed a tear but held it in for his pride. As he stepped out into the hallway he saw Nurse Joy standing there lifelessly. In previous moments, he’d be shocked by her just standing there doing nothing but now he was used to it. Alex had a depressed face and felt emotionless. Nurse Joy then happily smiled as she saw Alex.

“So are you all done with your conversation?”

Nurse Joy saw his depressed face and then immediately commented on it.

“What’s wrong? Your face seems sad. Did something happen in there? It wasn’t me was it?”

Alex let out a sigh as he kept his depressed look, he then replied with an edgy answer. As she spoke he lifted the hoodie over his head.

“What I’m done with is this hospital, I wanna go home. Where can I and my family check out?”

Nurse Joy let out a sigh as she shook her head slowly from left to right.

“No No, Mr.Zuki. Sorry, but you cannot.”

Nurse Joy said as she pulled out her clipboard and began to scan through her notes.

“It’s a part of our rules here at Tokyo Isshiki Hospital, you are still injured and you haven’t been here for more than twenty-four hours.”

Alex replied, looking at her in confusion.

“W-what? Why is that a rule?”

Nurse Joy continued to explain.

“It’s always been a rule here since this place was founded. We want to make sure that you are fully recovered before you leave. We don’t want to be liable or responsible for future injuries.”

Alex felt the urge to argue with Nurse Joy but he was already bummed out from hearing Toroma’s story and situation. He then just reluctantly agreed and went silent.

“Fine, just take me to my room.”

Nurse Joy nodded as she began to walk to his room. He followed Nurse Joy and eventually made it to his room. Alex then went to open his room door, when he opened it he was shocked to see that his mother and sister were not there. Being confused and lost, he asked Nurse Joy where they went.

“Where did my mom and sis go?”

Nurse Joy logically replied.

“They are in the waiting room. There is a visitor's time restraint.”

Alex wanted to yell, taking out his anger on Nurse Joy but he knew that wouldn’t solve anything. He knew she’d just act nice in return, so instead of getting mad, he turned around and nodded as he laid back down on his hospital bed. Nurse Joy then closed the door, leaving Alex alone.

There was silence in the room for a second, Alex lay on his back. His head was facing upward looking at the ceiling, he began to look at the ceiling emotionlessly. He began to wonder about all the things and self-reflect on the position he was in. All this shit about superpowers was fucking with his head, it had only been a few days. He couldn’t process all the things that were going around him, this also affected his critical thinking. He had some things he had and wanted to do but this stress he was feeling was stopping him from doing anything. Alex was a weak man, he let fear and lust hold him back from what he was supposed to do. He couldn’t separate his fear from the right action that he knew he had to take. The difference between Alex and other lost individuals was he knew of these problems but did he fix them? No. He didn’t. All he did was self-pity as he stared at the ceiling. The rain from outside hit the window, causing him to get a little sleepy.

He wanted to tell his friends everything about this situation, but he couldn’t. They wouldn’t understand. The only one who could understand was Toroma, and she was going through something. He wished this was all just a dream. His power to stop time, Kuro, the voices in his head, his glowing body, the powers, and the bounty on his head. As he fell asleep, he shed a tear. He slowly lost consciousness and as he did the words of Kuro lingered in his mind, “I saw a good trait in you.” As he drifted off, he wondered, were there any good traits in him?