Classtime and Past Times

            Classes progressed smoothly enough after that, if a little more slowly than I would have personally preferred. Keep in mind that “smoothly” is a relative term. There was a new sort of energy to the daily doldrums that I couldn’t quite shake off. In a good way, I mean. It was exciting to have Evi here. It was exciting to have a friend here. Exciting and nerve-racking. Although basically everything is in some way nerve-racking for me, so the excitement was enough of a counterbalance to make the situation an overall net positive. I think. Yeah.

High school hadn’t been as “fresh” of a fresh start as I’d originally wanted it to be. Sure, there were a lot of new faces compared to elementary and middle school, but there weren’t only new faces. A few of my old classmates were still here. And yes, they weren’t as overtly mean as they used to be. But they were still them. And I was still me. My face was still my face and my hair was still my hair and my lack of personality was still my lack of personality.

I suppose I was lucky that I didn’t have any of the worst ones with me, but it wasn’t like that fixed everything either. Of all my old classmates, the ones here now were often friendlier, but we still weren’t friends. I merely hovered on the outskirts of their social circles, occasionally tangent to them.

It didn’t help that the new faces seemed to take cues from the old ones. I’m not sure who told them about the Ghost Girl nickname, but it’s back. Honestly it might be wrong to say the name is “back” when it’s more like it never left. I got like, a solid three days without it. I’m surprised it stuck this long. It’s not even very creative. Well, I guess that’s not really how those types of things are judged…

Actually, given its unoriginality, it’s possible no one said anything. The name might have been reborn here independently. A case of convergent evolution in the illustrious branch of study known as “making fun of me.” Ugh.

But now Evi was here. Finally I could have in-school interactions that were neither negative nor neutral! New things! Good things! Yes. Yes? Yes.

Although…

The entire time I could feel her presence behind me. And while it was somewhat comforting, it was also taking a bit to adjust to. If she’d been able to sit next to me rather than behind me then that might have made things easier, but there were only a couple of unoccupied desks in the room. She’d chosen the one closest to me, which was nice, and definitely flattering. But now… now I couldn’t help but wonder if she was looking at me. And if so, what was she thinking?

I know she’s nice, and I know that it’s not like every single person spends every single second thinking about - and judging- me specifically… but. Well, I’ve had to deal with a lot of judgment in the past, all right? It’s always either lots of negative attention or no attention at all. Positive is new. And new can require some level of recalibration.

Hopefully we could talk more. Hopefully this whole thing could work.

I tried my best to act natural. Whether or not I succeeded is up for debate. I would argue probably not. It was real difficult to focus on anything our teachers were saying. What’s more, I noticed the class was still looking at Evi and me. At us. Stealing glances, peaking over their books, whispering amongst themselves whenever a teacher’s back was turned. Not all at once, obviously. But there was a startling sense of continuity to their efforts. Almost as though they’d established an unofficial shift system.

As the minutes turned to hours and each new teacher switched in to cover their subject, we progressed steadily towards our lunch break. Inching forward to the point where Evi and I could actually talk to each other. I was on pins and needles in anticipation. Distractedly jotting down notes in my notebook until we finally heard the bell.

I tried to play it cool.

Swinging around in my seat to face her, I hung an arm casually on the back of the seat. Then moved my arm back down when I realized that was trying too hard.

“Hey Evi?”

“Yeah?” Nonchalant as ever.

“So, uh—“

I realized that I could hear my voice more clearly than I probably should have. Ah. No one else was talking. Just listening, discretely. A few had turned their heads to the side to be less suspicious. Eyes averted.

“Do you want to eat lunch outside with me?” My voice cracked as I said it. But I did say it. So that was good.

“Yeah,” she replied.

“Okay good I’ll show you a nice spot let’s go.” I rushed out my response as quickly as I could then stood up grabbed my backpack and bolted for the door. Unfortunately, I had to wait just slightly outside the doorframe so I could stay visible for her to follow. I nodded towards her.

She stood up agonizingly slowly, and then moved to the side of her desk to grab her bag. As she did, she glared at the crowd of onlookers. Well, perhaps glared isn’t the right word but I’m not sure what else to call it. I only caught a glimpse from the side, but even then it felt unsettling. An unblinking stare that, though not angry, seemed almost like a dare. No. Not a dare. It was a formal declaration that she was not a person to be challenged.

“Are you all just going to keep staring at us, or do you actually have something to say?” Even-toned. Measured. Somehow chilling.

I gripped the straps of my bag more tightly, turning my gaze to the floor. This was not how I wanted things to go. My trembling nerves would only allow an occasional upward glance to check on the status of the situation. I heard her walk the few steps it took to reach me before her legs break into my periphery at the door. She stopped. Then sighed.

“I’d rather you talk to me than talk about me.” Softer. Definitely softer. “If you start guessing you’ll probably just get it wrong.”

She nudged my shoulder. I looked up.

“Come on Rin. I’d like to see that spot you wanted to show me.” A smile. Slightly tired, but real nonetheless.

“S-sure thing!” I smiled back.

As we turned to leave, I noticed small groups beginning to clump together around Takahara-san and Fujiwara-san, two of my former classmates from middle and elementary school. It seemed that with me gone, they’d be the ones stuck fielding questions about these new developments.

Well, they could probably handle it better than me anyway. And their questions would probably be nicer.

Side by side, Evi and I began our walk out.

Without looking back, she made a final statement to the classroom behind us.

“And yes, the horns are real.”