Chapter IV - Of the most gritty and realistic incident in which Watanabe answered the call of duty.

It was late at night, and Watanabe experienced a grave problem that not many protagonists of any type of story apparently experience.

The call of nature, it’s overwhelming me…

I apologize to some of my dear readers, who I have already most likely displeased with the insane progression in the last chapter, for having to make them read the vulgar scenes of a man urgently needing to micturate.

Unfortunately, as an author, one has to balance the needs of many different readers looking for many different things. While I have preemptively listened to the pleas of the LitRPG loving readers and added a status panel for our hero, I have ignored the readers who want realism and grit in their stories.

As the customer is always right, I have to act like a politician and cater to every one of my readers. So, this next scene shall be dedicated for the lovers of realistic and gritty stories, for what could be more realistic than a bloke needing to go to the loo late at night?

Now that the author has stated their intentions clearly and put many of you readers at ease, we can continue onwards with our most realistic and gritty scene ever that you’ll see in this story and perhaps your entire life.

Watanabe, feeling the call to duty and unable to resist it, got up and reflexively looked for a light switch in the room. After a minute of struggle and frustration, it finally popped in his sleep-addled brain that he was in a pre-industrial fantasy setting and that lightbulbs were a long way away.

Watanabe, left lightless, bravely adventured forth under the cover of the dark and made his way to the temple’s hall, where Anton had let there be light with a rushlight on a fixture lighting the room.

The old man isn’t asleep yet, thankfully. He may be able to guide a lost soul like me to redemption and help me find a suitable place to find relief, thought Watanabe.

Anton, the erudite and cultured man he was, had decided to forgo sleep to finish a book of chivalric romance that he had been reading. He noticed his guest entering the room and asked him why he was up at such a late time.

“Your Reverence, I require help to find a path to redemption and hope that you can help this lost soul.” replied Watanabe.

“Sir, it is not rare for men to have visions and other troubling matters happen to them at night.” said Anton who was more sleep-addled than Watanabe, “For example in this book, which gives a truthful account, there is a knight who is separate from her dear lady, whose homesickness leads him to constantly be haunted by visions of her.”

Anton, at such a late hour, had somehow forgotten that he was supposed to be a man of Brassicus, and had forgotten the normal responses he’d give to a Brassican in trouble. “If there is a lady you miss, or a maleficent wizard gives you trouble even in sleep, then let me know and I’ll console thee. As the ancients so wisely said, ‘what solution one mind cannot find can be find with two minds in collaboration.’”

“No, Your Reverence, I have yet to meet any wizards and I am still utterly maidenless.” replied Watanabe to the droll speech of Anton. “I am asking your help in a matter of immediate urgency.”

“What is it then, sir? Say it so that we may act.” said Anton, anticipating something much more severe than what Watanabe was about to ask of him.

“Is there a bathroom where one can answer the call of nature?” answered Watanabe.

Anton stared blankly for a second and replied, “Sir… Do your people relieve themselves in the same building where they have a bath?”

“I… I think that’s the norm, yeah.” I mean, isn’t that how it was all around the Earth?

“Then sir, I implore you to do as civilized people do, for the call of nature must be answered in nature and not in the bath.” said Anton, going back to reading his book after giving an answer.

That’s the most poetic way I’ve ever seen someone say “go do it outside”, thought Watanabe. Unable to ascertain the location of a porcelain goddess to deliver his offering to, he went outside to instead deliver an offering to Mother Nature.

The outdoors was dark like Watanabe had never seen it before as the villagers didn’t have any lighting outside. Used to the metropolis where light was guaranteed twenty-four seven, Watanabe felt slightly creeped out by the eerie dark and quiet.

Watanabe needed some time for his eyes to adjust until he could locate a suitable bush, right next to the temple’s field of cabbages, wherein a suitable offering was made to Mother Nature.

Having done the deed, Watanabe had turned around to return to the temple when he saw something that’d have made him soil his pants if he hadn’t just soiled the earth.

In the dark he saw the figure of a woman, with skin and hair so pale that she looked like she was glowing in the moonlight, who looked like some sort of ghostly apparition to Watanabe. While Watanabe had already been paralyzed by the mysterious figure, he turned tail and ran when the woman turned around to look at him, revealing a pair of red eyes that seemed to glow in the dark.

I get I was complaining about being left maidenless, but who is this cruel joker who sends me a woman’s ghost to haunt me at night, thought Watanabe while crouching down in a fetal position behind a house and shaking so hard that he might have scored a 9 on the Richter scale.

He continued to be in this state for Brassicus-knows how long until slowly building up determination and courage.

Alright, you are Watanabe. You are a strong man, one who has been sent to this world destined for greatness. No puny ghost can defeat you; no challenge is too great for you to overcome. You are great, now go teach that glorified bedsheet a lesson, said Watanabe and made up his mind to get up and face the damned thing.

Watanabe now courageously stood up. Afterwards, he turned his back to face the temple again only to notice that the woman was now right behind him.

Seeing those menacing red eyes so close, Watanabe’s weak heart finally gave in as he bravely blacked out on the spot out of fear.

On one hot summer day, like many others, it was 8 AM in the morning, which was the time for Watanabe to get going to work. He had gotten dressed, in a business suit as always, and was going to head out when he finished his morning tea.

I should have about ten minutes spare, which should be time enough to sip my tea in a leisurely pace, thought Watanabe, raising his cup for a sip before his dreams were shattered by a knock on the door. Thinking it might be the landlord he quickly put his cup down and stood up to open the door.

Watanabe found two young foreigner men who were dressed most snazzily instead of the landlord.

The young men – attempted – to speak Japanese with a very heavy Western American accent. “Ko-knee-chewah mister, have you heard of the good word of-”

“Yes, I have, now have a nice day.” said Watanabe, quickly shutting the door before the boys could reply.

Damn these preachers and their ilk, thought Watanabe, I shouldn’t have chosen this please just because of the cheap rent.

His apartment was right next to the mission of some sort, who tended to bring over their younger followers from overseas for missionary work during summer holiday.

Worst thing for Watanabe was that he had welcomed the first group that came to preach to him, having a pleasant conversation and listening to them out of politeness. The organization had read this as Watanabe being receptive to conversion though, and had multiple times every summer sent a few young’uns to finally convince him to join them.

The worst part is, they just don’t know when to give up, thought Watanabe as he saw a small book slip from under the door into his room, which was the standard procedure for these folk. He had already collected thirty volumes of the same damned book for free.

“The Book of…” Whatever you are, you’ll go into the pile along with the others, thought Watanabe as he turned back to sip on his tea only to find that he had spilled the tea all over the floor when he had wantonly put down his cup of tea.

I think I should go to the nearest wayside shrine today and pray for whichever deity is there to protect me from these preachers, thought Watanabe as he began cleaning the tea-ridden floor. By the time he was done it was apparent that he’d be a few minutes late to work, which greatly distressed him.

You know what, whenever I get to go on holiday, I’ll spend the entire day visiting nearby shrines and ask as many deities as I can for protection against preachers, added Watanabe as he hurried to work as quickly as possible. I should even set aside some money to make some offerings just to make sure.

That day, due to the curse of the preachers, he lost a week’s pay due to coming to work five minutes late.

“Argh! Damn ye all who preach!” shouted Watanabe, waking up and sweating bullets due to the nightmare he just had.

“H- Huh? Damn who?” said Anton, who was seated near to Watanabe and was just woken up by him screaming.

“Damn the heathens, Your Reverence!” said Watanabe as his employee reflexes took over and he crafted a suitable response.

I never got to go on that shrine visiting spree and I am still visited by preachers even in another world, thought Watanabe as he stared at the now-awake Anton.

“Well, heathens be damned Sir Watanabe, but you seemed pretty damned yourself last night.” replied Anton, “Your face was so pale that I first took you for dead when I saw you. These old bones had to carry you all the way back to the guest room. What happened to you that night, sir?”

“Sorry for troubling you, Your Reverence,” said Watanabe, “But believe me, that night I saw a ghost or some maleficent spirit of some sort.”

“By Brassicus! What did they look like and what did they do, sir?” asked Anton.

Watanabe then related to Anton what happened last night, telling him how he saw a woman’s figure, and how he ended up fainting.

“Hmm… Sir, but if you claim there is a maleficent spirit or a ghost involved, then she should have caused you harm when you fainted and were left vulnerable, yet you are as fine as when I first saw you.”

She did cause great damage to my self-image, and I don’t feel as fine as I first came here, silently replied Watanabe. “Maybe she was content with leaving me mortified?”

“I guess so, sir. Maleficence doesn’t necessarily imply murderous intent. I also have heard and read that some apparitions are content with just scaring or toying with people.” replied Anton.

Actually, whatever or whoever this woman is, if she doesn’t hold murderous intent, then she could be a member of my harem, thought Watanabe who was left so maidenless that he had begun to make plans to court the undead. If she’s haunting me or stalking me, then I should have ample opportunity to meet her and woo her by… I don’t know, I guess a ghost would be wooed by being treated kindly?

Watanabe had never been great at courtship, up until his death and re-birth Watanabe had never felt the touch of a woman. I mean, none of the other protagonists were ever great with women, they constantly blushed and lost all common sense whenever one was within sixty feet of them, yet they were able to court more than one maiden at once, thought Watanabe, if those socially awkward losers can do it then I, who can actually speak to women like a normal human being, can most certainly gather a harem which the likes of it the world has never seen before!

Lifting his lofty dreams even higher and shooting for something beyond the stars, Watanabe now felt that he was back on track. It might have been close to the end of Chapter 4 by now, sure, but surely by Chapter 5 or 6 he’d get the first member of his harem.

A new harem member every 5 chapters is a good pace. What kind of idiot would want a new love interest every other chapter? It would get confusing really quickly, thought Watanabe as he got ready to rise and shine to welcome the new day with the new opportunities it would surely bring him.