Chapter V - In which our hero joins the Brassican faith and guests most unexpected participate.

“Sir, I’m so glad that you have survived and are able to walk after that debacle.” said Anton when he observed Watanabe get up. “It would have a been a disaster, most likely the greatest disaster to hit this village in its entire existence in fact, if you had come here to join the true faith only to die a heathen.”

Oh right, there was this whole conversion ceremony thing I was supposed to attend, thought Watanabe as he silently groaned. He was used to attending ceremonies due to being obliged to, like company meetings and parties meant for “teambuilding” and “company spirit” organized by his boss, and this religious conversion was in essence like the aforementioned things for him.

Yet, unlike the awkward parties where Watanabe had to listen to his drunk boss ramble on about how he couldn’t raise wages this year because some of the stocks he invested in had lost value and he really needed all of the money he could get to buy his third son a luxury car, this conversion ceremony also had something he could look forward to. While I have avoided all the preachers trying to convert me, this time it’s completely different, he thought. In fantasy settings like this, piety means power. Paladins, clerks, healers… They all curry favor from some deity to reach great power. Now, who do these deities choose most commonly to confer their favor to? Of course, they always choose people who arrive from Earth. Now, who arrived from Earth to this land you may ask, Watanabe smiled as he got to the next part of this silent monologue in his mind, Of course, I am the one who arrived here from Earth! I shall be the chosen one of Whiskers Primus, or whatever his name was!

Whatever happens in this ceremony shall prove to the ignoramus of this village that I am the chosen one!

Watanabe suddenly woke up from these profane thoughts as the sound of drums beating were heard throughout the village. Curious as to the nature of these sounds, Anton and Watanabe hurried outside the temple.

The pair quickly managed to locate the source of all this ruckus.

“Halt! Halt I say!” said a man on a horse, who was clad with a cuirass and a fashionable cavalier hat. Behind him was a company of soldiers, who lacked a standard uniform and were mostly outfitted with whatever they could afford to buy.

Alright, I see pikes and metal armor. That’s good, this is standard fantasy stuff, observed Watanabe as he looked at the front row of soldiers, what are those men in the back holding? They hold odd wooden sticks and lack armor, are they magicians?

He had no time for thought as the officer dismounted from his horse and approached Anton (and Watanabe). “Brassicus Prima bless you Your Reverence,” said the men as he bowed and scraped, “I am Captain Hans of Pallenberg, a most pious captain from the honorable Royal Lahanezite Army of His Supreme Holiness. As a pious leader of men should, I have come here so that I and my men may be blessed before they are sent on campaign against the heathens.”

Anton was nonplussed for a moment, unsure how to act in front of such an honored guest. “O- Of- Of course Most Honorable Sir Captain Hans! This humble lay-preacher Anton shall do his best to serve you!”

After Anton’s greeting, Watanabe’s skills at sycophancy immediately kicked in as he bowed before Hans as if he was his boss and said, “My name is Watanabe, Sir Hans. Please treat me well.”

Hans’ attention was immediately drawn to Watanabe, who he hadn’t noticed up until now. “Sir… Watanabe, was it?” Hans carefully examined Watanabe before he continued speaking, “Seeing from your dress and your manners that are the signs of a well-bred man, I can’t hesitate to ask to why someone who from his appearance looks to be from the heathen lands so far away south would be in a remote village?”

“Most Honorable Sir Captain Hans, while this man may not look one bit like a good Brassican, I can assure you that our friend who comes from the lands far east…” said Anton before pausing abruptly. “Sir Watanabe, didn’t you tell me you came from the far east? But this gentleman says…” said Anton, not finishing the sentence as his eyes jumped between the two men trying to find who to believe in.

At the same moment Watanabe was confused too. What kind of horrible setting has the Far East in the Far South?!

He had been in this kind of situation many times before, where he had bluffed only for contradictory information to surface later, and many times before had he gotten his pay docked and almost fired when his boss found out.

Once again, Watanabe put his BS-making skills to overdrive, though this time he found out what he thought to be a suitable response quickly. “Well, Your Reverence and Sir Hans, the world is round, right?”

“Yes, the roundness of the world has been a fact known since even before Holy Theodore broke to break the age of ignorance that ruled before.” replied Anton.

“…Wait a second, the world- It is round?” said a perplexed Hans as he took a look around his surroundings, “When I observe it, all I see is a flat world.”

“Yes, Most Honorable Sir Captain Hans, the world is indeed round. There even is a book in the temple library which is a translation of an ancient book which delves into the proofs for this roundness.”

“B- But… On the maps the world is…” murmured Hans as he tried to understand the concept of a round world. “…Whatever you say Your Reverence.” conceded Hans who didn’t want to contradict a man of the cloth.

“Anyways, since the world is round, it would make sense when I say that I jumped on a ship, from a port of Nippon in the far south, and traveled around the world far west to reach these hallow shores.” said Watanabe as he continued, “Hence, it would be appropriate to say that I came from lands far east.”

Hans looked at Anton, who was content with the explanation, and he decided that what Watanabe said probably made sense if Anton wasn’t objecting to it. “I see, Sir Watanabe. I am sorry to have doubted an honest man like you, but I am still curious as to why you have come from the far east to visit this remote village.”

“You see, Most Honorable Sir Captain Hans…” said Anton as he related everything he knew about Watanabe, how he comes from a far-away land called Nihon and how a great Lord Nanashi Inai had sent him on a quest to find more about the true faith.

“You say that this fine gentleman here will be joining the true faith today, Your Reverence?” said Hans who now saw Watanabe in a different light, “I have met with people of the far south, and believe me they are damned as a people for they are ignorant, stubborn and unwilling to accept the truth, but I guess this gentleman and his lord are one of the rare good ones from the accursed heathen lands.”

“Indeed, it is a miracle of Brassicus Prima that He is able to bring the light of truth and word of civilization even to those far away heathen nations which you may call most ignorant.” added Anton.

Says the man who doesn’t even know what a banknote is, added Watanabe silently. He was hiding his anger at the casually racist remarks coming his way lest he be outed as the so-called heathen he was.

“Then, Your Reverence, I humbly implore you to continue on with the conversion of this heathen before proceeding with the blessings of my troops, for as an officer loyal to Grand Preacher and Brassicus Prima, I am getting uncomfortable seeing a heathen in this realm and would be most glad to see a heathen exterminated in front of my eyes.”

Exterminate, huh… I’m afraid of what this man would do if I hadn’t announced my willingness to convert, thought Watanabe shivering at the thought that he might have died here with zero harem members to his name.

“Then, Most Honorable Sir Captain Hans and Sir Watanabe, we shall at once go forward with this hallowed ceremony so that we may cleanse this land from one heathen!” said Anton who was infected by Hans’ overt display of zeal.

As Watanabe and Anton got back inside the temple, Hans again got on his horse and rode towards his men, quickly informing them about Watanabe’s ceremony. The men, who were hungry for some sort of revelry and were tired of standing around by now, began flooding the temple. The seats were quickly filled, and Watanabe and Anton were on the stage in the middle. Anton had gotten ready for the ceremony while Watanabe had been unconscious so that they could begin as soon as possible. There was an altar, in which sat dried cabbage leaves in a bowl, a cup full of water and a small fire lit in a tiny brazier.

“Ahem! Please, be quiet honored sirs of this congregation. Brassicus Prima doesn’t like those who disrupt temple ceremony nor does He like those who talk idly.” The rowdy men were quickly quieted by the threat of divine redemption by Anton.

After having ensured the rule of peace in the temple. Anton overthrew it as he began his speech “Today, all the good gentleman in our congregation shall see how the truth of Brassicus Prima as delivered by Holy Theodore, blessed be His name, has permeated throughout the wide world, and how his light and forgiveness may reach even the grandest of sinners or the most ignorant of heathens.” Anton then pointed at Watanabe as he continued to speak, “This honorable man, Sir Watanabe of Nihon, has traveled a great distance from lands far of the east - or south - by the orders of his Lord Nanashi Inai, to observe the sacraments of these hallowed Brassican lands.”

The men were deeply touched by the story of the deeply pious Watanabe, and a few of the most zealous among the crowd even began shedding tears.

“There are no reasons to shed tears of pity, dear congregation, for what ye shalt observe today will instead move ye to shed tears of joy. Indeed, this man shall be reborn in front of thine eyes, welcomed into the bosom of our mother, the Brassican Temple. As stated in the Cruciferous Codex, which never deviates even a letter from the truth, Brassicus Prima shall forgive the even the gravest of sins of a heathen who shall accept Him into their heart. So, what can one do, except shed tears of joy seeing a man reach the state in which he will be sure to sit with Holy Theodore, blessed be His name, on his throne along with all his virtuous followers in paradise?”

Watanabe had almost begun sleeping again when Anton concluded his speech. “So, dear congregation, it is time for ye to bear witness to the rebirth of a heathen, which I hope will be a lesson to all of us sinners to reconsider our path in life and correct ourselves like this esteemed gentleman.” Anton then took the dried cabbage leaves, lighting them on fire. After having collected the ashes of the burnt leaves, and mixed them with the water, creating very diluted lye water.

Holding the cup filled with the lye water, Anton turned towards Watanabe. “Like this cabbage, which sprung up with the blessings of Brassicus Prima, thou hath come from Brassicus Prima. Like the cabbage when it was burned and turned to ash, thou too in the end shall become ash.” Anton then handed the cup over to Watanabe. “Now, as thou art not cabbage but man, who hath been given the power of choice by Brassicus Prima to whether or not to end up in the underworld or in paradise, I ask of thine choice, Sir Watanabe. Do thou, with all thine due conscience, accept the truth as prophesized by Holy Theodore, blessed be His name, that thou come from Brassicus Prime and will return to Him in death?”

“Yes, I do, Your Reverence.” answered Watanabe who was the only person in the temple who had any experience in dying.

“Dost thou accept the Cruciferous Codex to be your only guide, to not hold a letter of wrong in its page and that thou shall attempt thine best as a flawed man to follow it?”

“Yes, I do, Your Reverence.” answered Watanabe who was starting to get bored of answering.

“Then, be forgiven of all thine past sins and strive not to commit more as thou cleanse yourself and earn a seat in paradise.” said Anton as he handed over the cup to Watanabe.

Watanabe stared at the cup with the murky, ash-laden water. “Uhm… Am I supposed to drink this?” he asked.

“Yes, Sir Watanabe, thou must drink it to cleanse thyself.” answered Anton matter-of-factly.

This is going to suck, thought Watanabe as he closed his eyes, and gulped down the lye water. He felt a horrible bitter taste as his throat burned.

Damn ye all who are holier-than-thyself, thought Watanabe again as he tried not to regurgitate what he had just drunk. While the rest of the temple felt honestly touched in their hearts, Watanabe just felt touched in his stomach as he dreaded to think what ingesting lye would do to his digestive system.

“Thus, a heathen is reborn. Long live Brassica!” shouted Anton as the crowd joined him in chants of “Long live Brassica!”.